Flummoxing Routine.

Yes it has been a few days. I've been seriously overworked at work - a ton to do - not enough time to do it. When I get home around 7 ish... I am positively wiped out. Of course, the SU is around but we're not a team so I don't have a supper waiting for me. My girls apparently don't eat or SU doesn't try to make meals for them, so I grab a bite of whatever is around, talk to Rebel Junior if she's locked onto the computer and try and get a few words out of her.

Rebel went and got herself a second dog. Or the BF did. He snuck it into the house. It's a teeny tiny 6 week old puppy- half dachshund half jack russell. The older dog- all 7 pounds of flufffy insecurity on a good day is flummoxed. (If a dog can be flummoxed) He's totally afraid of this puppy, has no interest in playing with said puppy - has nipped at him more than once and usually runs away and tries to get away from said puppy. It hasn't been pretty.

I tore a strip off the BF and then did something somewhat gentler with the Rebel. I mean seriously - we have this one skittish dog who was insecure for most of his life and they thought a friend would help him. The 7 pound wonder doesn't know how to be an alpha and now puppy is making him very unhappy.

A friend is in from out of town for a day long seminar tomorrow. We found out we were both going to same seminar. So it looks like I may join her at Camp Westin for a PJ party downtown tonight, and we can get to the seminar together in the morning. That should prove to be a lot of fun. Said friend is Rebel's godmother and we've been friends for over 20 years now. Nothing like Camp Westin to break up the routine!

Valentine's Smoochie

Happy Tree Friends - Valentine's Smoochie

Our sweet Valentine's Day Smoochie featuring Giggles!

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Infamous Words.

My weekends really need to be more productive. I don't do a whole lot. I don't seem to have much energy to get anything done. My bedroom is the catch all where I keep everything these days and it's starting to wear me down but not enough to do something about it. I keep the main floor of the house tidied up - but just can't seem to make the effort to do something about the rest of the house. That is the part that no one sees.

Not sure if it's just the winter blahs, the separation, both or something else. I know I would be much happier if I got that space uncluttered but I am not there yet. sigh.

I also note that Rebel is getting back into feistiness that pre dates her illness. She was using some strong vulgar language in my presence which I tagged her for. We got into it about how she wanted to speak her way and she didn't need to impress anyone. I told her that it was about respect for me and my unwillingness to put up with vulgar trashy language in my own home. I don't know if she really didn't get what I was saying or if she doesn't care.

Rebel Junior is picking up right after the eldest and neither of them would see my point of view. I finally cut off the conversation with the infamous words of parents everywhere - totally lacking in creativity: "my house - my rules - I deserve respect and your nasty vocabulary is disrespectful. Feel free to go elsewhere and let others put up with your trashy language. I won't have it. " Of course SU stayed out of the mix - as he always does.

Oddly enough Rebel had earlier in the day told me how the BF's 7 yr old son was giving her a hard time with his language and she wasn't having any of it. She insisted that dad take care of it - because he had to learn respect. Of course I mentioned this and was told - completely different situation. When she is finally a parent - it's gonna be great to observe. God willing I live that long to see it. That's the ultimate payback I believe.

I may be sending Rebel into the arms of the BF and the two of them co-habiting (roll eyes) and perhaps sending Rebel Junior off to live with dad with my insistence on a certain level of behavior but so be it. I do NOT need to settle for anything other than young women who know how to respect their mother. These things have been so much much tougher to teach and instill when their father is silent on the important stuff.

Dealing.

I've been dealing with the mortgage broker and no surprise to me my credit rating is down somewhat because of one credit card that is a tad over spent and under paid. yeah yeah Yeah... I know. I am quite near to getting that looked after and luckily the mortgage broker has known me since we first bought our house. This guy is great. I do have a meeting with the current bank that holds my mortgage but I am not at all loyal. No point. I've yet to meet a bank that has shown me any loyalty so I will go where ever I get the best deal for the mortgage for my house.

I am running crazy at work these days too since I am short staffed and doing two jobs. It's keeping me busy. What do I do first? The front line staff, the staffing or the budget - time to talk to the guy who sets the priorities. Let him tell me since he gets paid the big bucks.

I've had a number of people ask me what my plan is for post separation. AS IF I've had to consider a plan. I believe the real question is... "so you gonna start dating?"
Along with that are the people sending me the "so now that you're separated/divorced/alone/starting a new life" type of books and articles. Well meaning I am sure. Perhaps I'll highlight a few of those as we go along.

SU has been most polite and helpful lately. Not sure why and I've decided NOT to speculate or wonder. A day at a time and just keep moving forward. As it is the mediator has informed us that she is out of the country as of Feb 16 and won't prepare the final draft of the agreement until after she returns Feb 23rd. WhatEv. I have to snicker a little - SU isn't out of the house, but it sure give him plenty of time to find what he needs. And that much closer to the end of snow shoveling season too.

Brilliant idea that didn't work!

I had a plan. But frankly, I need the Blonde because no matter what I tried to do.... it didn't work.

Since I didn't do a Wordless this week and I couldn't think of a 13 I was going to combine the two and get them up together as a Wordless 13. 13 images telling a story using this piece of jewelry I have that would have been kind of cool. So I have the images but I can't get blogger to cooperate.

So no story, no images no 13.
I will be just as happy as the Blonde when her move is done and she can get back to work! (-:

SU being as jackass-ified as usual, but more so.
He has his lawyer talking to my barracuda about mediation. WhatEV!
He's pretty much done in my opinion. I have my own plans for him that my barracuda is checking on for me.

I have to get packed and run a million errands before I leave for my first business trip since before Rebel got sick. And a good one it is too. I am off to Europe and the UK again. No time for any fun stuff really, but I imagine I can squeeze in a few things.
perhaps next week while I am away and Blondie is up and running again, you might see my Wordless 13. Don't count on me to figure out the secret world of blogger.

She rolls eyes, gets her Sleepy Time tea, powers down the computer, turns the lights off, and goes to bed with her Linda Barnes novel.

For Better or For Worse... with Grace and Flair!

August 30, 2008 by Lynn Johnston.







click it to big it


And so it ended. One more day of Lynn's famous strip and it was done on the weekend. I couldn't believe I had tears in my eyes as I read it. Well... actually I could. I cry over baby powder ads on tv so this wasn't a surprise.

Lynn Johnston told some great stories in her comic strip. Millions followed the story of the Patterson family and laughed and cried along with them.
For me, what makes this particular strip so poignant is the fact that Lynn herself went through a divorce not too long ago after a long marriage. Rather than re create those trials in her fiction family she let it all end so beautifully.

I mean, seriously.... given the issues she dealt in her stories, having John go through a serious mid life crisis, drink til he got drunk every night and hide in the garage with his trains could have been an option for her to really vent.
But she didn't.

Who knows what went on in her private life. How awful or well managed her separation and divorce really went. Did she break dishes? probably pens. Did she go out and get smashed with the girls? maybe more than once? Did she go to the Divorce Busting website or Royce's Relationship Rescue and use a tag name and go on and on and on for weeks? probably not.

What she did do was finish her fiction stories with grace and flair. That's something to be very proud of.

She still believes. Or lets the rest of us believe that in spite of it all... for better of for worse can still mean something. Grace and Flair. ...... I might be on to something... two good names for the doggies I'll have to get to replace one done with SU!

A Lot of General Information.

Here are a couple of good sites. These are American. I'll do my Canadianization soon enough. I like these sites because they have a lot of general information that is critical and good for starting out if you're thinking about, or going through the separation or divorce process.

Womans Divorce - a thorough smattering of most EVERYTHING you might need to know about separation, divorce, trying to get back together, your emotions, finances, THE WORKS. Great place to start - whether you're in the US or Canada.
Womans Divorce

Divorce the Jerk. Pretty self explanatory - it's a commercial for a book but for those who are dealing with jerks the owner of the site and author of the companion book has done a ton of work to help those women who are dealing with jerks, chicken shits and RAMBS! Chrstine Rowe has done a great job. Not sure I'd want to spend the $50 or so for her book. I'm investigating whether or not libraries have it and whether you can get it in hard rather than soft copy. If you read it. Let me know.
Divorce the Jerk

The Modern Woman's Divorce Guide Similar to the first one. LOTS and LOTS of great information and helpful if you're overwhelmed and don't know where to start.
Modern Womans Divorce Guide

The Sassy Pink Peppers. For those women who are on the road to recovery from divorce and separation. This is a "club" that does require a $25 annual fee. I like this group though because they make it VERY clear - it's NOT about man bashing, or husband hating - it's about women moving on and forward and learning how to be happy and comfortable with who they are and having some support getting there. I haven't paid the fee, but I am considering it because I like the idea of traveling with a bunch of girls and having a great time. Just one of their many offerings. More about this bunch when I finally get around to shelling out the money to join.
Sassy Pink Peppers

Know a great site? Let me know and I'll get it up here.
yeah... I'm talkin as if there really are people out there who might actually read this blog! LOL Hey! maybe all those runners know people who might be interested.

A few random thoughts today.

Took the day off work Friday to get into long weekend mode early. Monday is a holiday - though it is getting away from us. The holiday used to mean EVERYTHING was closed up tight. Now the poor folks in retail have to work. It's just wrong in the summer. We can live without groceries and stores being open for a day. Let every one who can enjoy a long weekend in the short summer time! Seriously!

Took Rebel's dog to the vet to get him checked out. The vet thinks he's between 5-10 years old. And Rudy - you called it. His teeth are a horrible mess. That could be the killer for us to have these cleaned, pulled and taken care of. BIG BUCKS! He also needs to be neutered but at his age, it will cost us. And how ironic - the Rebel's dog has a heart murmur! The vet started to explain about enlarged hearts and Rebel started to laugh - and said "ya know Doc- I got this one " and told him her story. The vet said his temperament is good but he has most definitely been neglected, and beaten by the way he initially behaved when we arrived. We took the little guy to PetSmart and he has a grooming appointment next week, a new leash and I am now $175.00 poorer and in over draft at the bank after that little mission.

RJ has gone into hurricane mode and my kitchen has the look of a Type 4 weather system going through. I have a green garbage bag at hand and once done breakfast - at the dining room table because there is no space at the kitchen table - am cutting a swath through here and pitching everything! I HAVE HAD IT with her lack of participation. Rebel walked in here yesterday and read her the riot act on her inability to do her share of at least not dumping where she walks. And the SU is no prize either. If it's not her mess - it's his. It's all gonna be pitched! I have no mercy! grrrrrrr

Went with a friend to see The Dark Knight last night. One of my favourite movies is A Knight's Tale - also starring Heath Ledger. The Dark Knight has similar themes. Such a talent was Heath Ledger. May he rest in peace- the poor guy. Fabulous movie. Long movie! What a story.

The friend I was with is also battling marital woes. I told her counselling is important. Both marital and individual. She's not sure it will matter at the point. My take is - you never know - you've been with this man over 25 years - they were together 7 years before marrying - they have four children from age of 15 to 8 - they owe it to their kids to work at it a bit. I explained the difference between "marriage" counsellors and "divorce" marriage counsellors. You really must work with a true marriage counsellor. And in the end you will either make it or break it. But you can tell your kids that you tried everything. The whole I just want to be "happy" bothers me. I challenged her and ask if she could be "happy" in her marriage and really - was she going to be guaranteed "happiness" if she divorced? It's not something any of her friends had asked her. (somewhere on the blog is the huge rant I did on "happiness.")

But here's the thing - People assume you have to leave. We had a lengthy discussion over margarita and corona cocktails- which I highly recommend. I expect this is another marriage that is done - but her spouse is at least willing to try counselling as she is as well. But I always say - do the work first. Children are owed this. And a good counsellor who forces you to really work at it - will tell you how you will fare.

In the meantime, I've sent my paperwork for the actuarial assessment of my pension, and having the analysis review with my financial divorce expert, and girding myself up for the battle.

Neither Betwixt nor Between

I read a great line a book yesterday and I can relate.
"I'm in marital purgatory through no fault of my own." I am neither betwixt nor between, but stuck in this place. I am married, with out ANY of the benefits of a real marriage. I am separated - according to the SU - without any of those benefit.s Purgatory. Not much I can do about it at the moment, but eventually, I'll be out of this particular place. I'm not feeling sorry for myself at all, it's just that I have a tough time deciding what my status is. Not great fun. But this too.... shall pass.

The fund raiser went well. It was planned by young people for young people. There was a nice crowd including friends, parents of friends, and others. They raised $1000 for the Heart Institute which was presented live on television during the broadcast on Sunday. Not bad for a bunch of kids who are either in school, and/or working. Makes me want to throw my own fund raiser now, with people I know who are musically talented - it would be great fun. I had any number of local celebrities chat with me and ask me to keep them in the loop about Rebel's transplant. It was pretty cool. I am still working on my Spice Girls angle, but man... this is a tough one. Now that I have some media people I can talk to, I shall see what I can ask for.



Perhaps next year once Rebel has hopefully been through her transplant. Rebel continues to gain strength, but really wants to be done. She is doing well most days, but has moments where she just wants to be at home.

I went back to work today. Feels good. They missed me. I am not quite indispensable, but clearly I am needed. This is a good thing.

Tuesday Trouble!

Why is it that I always see the email from my lawyer's office when I am about to go do something fun, and instead I stress about the NEXT thing the SU wants out of my life. This was a dandy. Apparently, I have refused to meet with the mediator. The SU's lawyer has suggested a love fest of his lawyer, my barracuda, the mediator the SU and me - all in a room together! WTF?!?! Yeah... let's pay THREE lawyers for their time on this separation.

AS IF!

I sent back the Barracuda a note and told her, no,I have not refused any meetings. There have been no meetings to refuse. I have not been asked to attend any mediation sessions and really, is the week before Christmas the time to be doing this? I told her to tell the SU's lawyer that they are BOTH delusional and their fantasy meetings really are not going to get very far. If they want me at meetings, they have to plan them and invite me to attend.

This is SU's idea. His separation, his divorce. He wants meetings with lawyers and mediators, he can plan them. if it suits me, I'll be there. If it doesn't he can keep asking me til I find a time that works. I am no longer 'the wife." I don't have to organize him, plan him, or make his phone alls. It's all up to him now.

We can see how well it's working for him already.

THREE Lawyers, count 'em!

THREE in a room.

I roll my eyes and wonder where in God's name this man left his intelligence!

Leave me the hell alone you fucking fucktard. ( I LOVE that word and have shared it with many. Thank the girl, Blondie!)

A week before Christmas and he is wondering why there are no mediation sessions scheduled.

I gotta go make shortbread.

In Abeyance.

We had a pretty quiet weekend. Not a lot went on at the hospital given it was the weekend. I expect things will gear up this week. The defibrillator residents came in to see Rebel again. She does NOT like these two guys who seem to come together joined at the hip. Her own cardiologist told Rebel to tell the arrhythmia the head doc - that she didn't like his residents. When the residents asked her why she changed her mind about having the defib inserted she told them point blank that her own doctor did a much better job of explaining what it was and why she needed it and frankly she was choosing to talk ONLY to the guy who knew what he was talking about please and thank you! When she was telling me she said there was a nurse in the room who had to keep from laughing out loud. Apparently, these guys are not used to patients telling them that their manner is less than stellar with patients, particularly young patients who do not have patience themselves in processing all this information she's being given.

Her cardiologist, the head of transplants and heart failure for the Institute happened to be in to see Rebel as a nurse was trying to take blood. She was having a hard time, so Rebel challenged her doc to do it. It was pretty funny because, the guy might do heart transplants, he might hold beating hearts in his hands, but taking blood.... he was nervous! He gamely decided to go for it when Rebel told him he should do it! Rebel has tricky thin veins and after a stay at the hospital, her arms always look like she has heroin tracks. So Doctor Director - Respected-Cardiologist snapped on the gloves, got the butterfly needle and as Rebel was watching him, he kind of snapped "don't look at me while I do this please!" Nervous guy! However, he managed to keep his dignity intact and got the needle into the vein on his first try. This little story had the nurses in stitches for the rest of the evening and most of the weekend! He walked out of her room with a cute little smile on his face.

On the spousal ennuie front. I received a letter from the She-Barracuda telling me my file was "in abeyance" until mediation was settled. I had to roll my eyes. We send emails back and forth when we need to talk and all my files are electronic which is good. Then she hit me with this formal pdf file. Abeyance is defined as "temporarily suspended action.".. so why not just say... "I'll put your file on hold til the mediation thing works out." Lawyers... why use a simple word when four four syllable words can be thrown in instead.

As for that I am "in abeyance" myself until Rebel is a little more stabilized. AS IF I have any desire to mediate while the kid is sitting in a hospital bed.

How the SU is dealing and processing all this - I really don't know. He continues to hide in his space, and as far as I aware, not talk to anyone. How sad really.

And for all who ask, I really am okay. I seem to have put on some thigh weight... according to the tightness of the winter suits I've started wearing... so to help the stress and the thighs, I am back to walking the treadmill and riding the bike to nowhere at the gym. While a planned short vacay has had to be put "in abeyance" my dear friends have been ensuring I either: get out and drink, stay in and drink, or find other worthy pursuits to keep my sanity and health. And I love them all.

Going with the system.

After stewing all weekend with the mortgage issue and trying to decide what to do with the mediation stuff... I decided I had to do what the SU termed... "going with the system." He has been known to have a good one once every couple of years so I have to give him this one.

There are systems for everything. You get in a car accident - there is a system... you are getting married... there is a system... You go to the hospital... there is a system. An ebb and flow to each system and you kind of have to go with it. So in this marriage breakdown thing... there is a system.

I have a She-barracuda - I am paying her to help me.. I have to trust her judgment and go with her best advice.

So she found me a lawyer mediator. Someone who does mediation full time, no lawyering.. at a reasonable amount of money - more than the chosen mediator, less than a suit -

She rightly believes that if I don't give on this issue, SU will want to go high speed litigation... because he is an ass and would like to hold a grudge and fight. So.. I will let this one go. No, I am NOT giving in or giving up... I am getting ready. He doesn't want to mediate I don't believe. He wants to get in and deal with every gripe, every perceived slight, every slight and get to me. I say... WHatEvEr!

I am taking my paperwork and financial information to the financial divorce specialist lady... and she is going to help me put together the money piece. When SU's own family is saying to me... do NOT give him a single piece of your assets... law or no law... it's clear he has no support. The financial piece is the key to this thing.

We also have a ton of work to do with the girls. SU believes there is a no issue with custody or living arrangements. That is so not the end of the story. These girls of mine need counseling. Family counseling. That will be a serious condition in these mediation efforts. Nothing will be signed off at my end without some special facilitated family time. He will be seriously afraid.

I realized too... I have this army of women working for me and with me. Girl Power! He has no idea what he is about to be hit with!

None.

Taking this fecking eejit down!

Thanks Rudy for my new favourite phrase.
Two things sent me through the roof today.

The mortgage is up for renewal. As usual, SU left the docs sitting on the kitchen table which was my usual sign to pick things up and take action. Well by now the separation was to have been done and the house settled... with me. Things don't always happen the way we want. Of course the bank won't grant an extension... not for any reason. God forbid that the bank, the TD Canada Trust in this case, have a compassionate bone in their corporate greedy entities. Not going to happen. So if SU doesn't sign off on the renewal, the mortgage goes into arrears and both our credit ratings go to hell. Great! This should be fun. AS IF we'll be able to settle this before the end of the month.

And it gets better. We've been negotiating on getting a mediator. My choice is someone who is not a lawyer but who is well versed in mediation practices, who has years of experience in all forms of family martial separation agreements. The SU's lawyer has said that we *must* use a lawyer skilled in mediation, because our separation isn't about custody, something better handled by non lawyer mediators but someone skilled in legal financial questions and separation. This is an argument so full of holes I didn't know where to begin. Last I checked custody issues are also defined by legal overview under the Child Protection Act, the Family Law Act and at least one or two Acts within my jurisdiction. I told my She Barracuda that I couldn't speak at the moment because I was so seriously, absolutely pissed off with himself.

My theory is that SU thinks we are going to get into counselling rather than mediating a deal. I believe he is scared. He'd rather pay two lawyers a combined hourly rate of over %500 than get things mediated for under $100 per hour and then have his suit review an agreement. I think his suit is just lazy and doesn't want to do any of the final work that a real counsellor is supposed to do.

I wasted this afternoon doing research on mediation, and lawyers vs non lawyers, difference in costs etc as well as defining what is meant by mediation. I will be sending this to my Shebarracuda on Monday morning.

At the same time, I will have to confront the SU about this and the mortgage question. Interestingly, I have an army of people to back me. I have friends and support . He can't even get his own family to back him up.

So.... I believe I will have to start using some of the leverage I have built up and take this fecking eejit down.

Finally Friday!

I went to RebelTweeny's school today for "Follow your kid's timetable" to learn about her new school and classes. She is at the school where her dad, the Spousal Unit teaches rather than going to the school in our district. I am okay with that... its a good school and I know some of the teachers.

I learnt that I am not seeing any notes or reports or other information, as RT gets dad to sign off on things and no one brings me notes home, because "dad knows all about this." I told them both, I am a parent too, I am interested in what goes on at school and how you are doing. Everything comes home please . You want dad to sign. That's fine. (it will be the first time ever he's actually been involved) But I expect to see everything. I am now on several email lists with her teachers. Score one for the mom!

And then...

I finally saw for the first time... the SU's fantasy woman. The one he was going to leave me for way back ages ago when he first dropped the bomb. The one who didn't know he existed. What a weird feeling that was. I've never told the whole "how it started story" on my blog, I will have to do that some time. Reader's Digest version is... a week after I got the "I love you but I am not in love with you speech" I learnt that SU had a crush on a woman he worked with. She never knew. She had a boyfriend that SU didn't know about. He really truly believed he could make something happen with her. And of course, she is 20 years younger than him.

I am just very glad now for all my buddies at the Divorce busting board who helped me keep my sanity as I was tempted to go off and stalk her and do all sorts of nutbar things. It was all in his head. And from what I have since learnt... NOTHING would have EVER come of it. He would have seriously embarrassed himself. In a way it's too bad that never happened! She, like many people he works with, does not have a high opinion about him personally. As a teacher, I have heard all right things, but as a person... whole other story.

I digress.. it was still weird. When her name was announced and I saw her face to face. I had to think hard... do I talk to her or not. HMMMM say anything ... something? Nope... I've got four years at this school. Save the nutbar behaviour for when you really need it girl. But I checked her out pretty good, and gave her more than a once over... probably enough to make her feel uncomfortable But I had no reason to chat her up yet.... so I didn't. Knowing how the SU had influence over RT's timetable, I am thinking he's going to make sure RT never has her as a teacher.

I am sooooo glad it's Friday.

It's going to be serious drinks time when I walk in the door after work.

Pausing. Praying. Planning.

It's August 27. It is 24 years ago today I married the SU. What I remember most from that day is the SU standing up in front of our friends and family at the party after the ceremony and telling the world... "She is my best friend, and I know she's your friend too. I know you all love her and so do I. I will love her forever.!" sigh. And I remember thinking even then.. "I will remember this moment for the rest of my life"... and I have so far... Life has a funny way of turning out though doesn't it?

I re-read my blog entry from last year. Things have most definitely changed since last year. And while I had expected to be done with the relationship before this date that's not the case. It doesn't bother me much. I have other things on my mind right now. I have to believe there is a plan. I don't know what it is. It's up to me to make my choices and I am doing that. It may not be a clear choice for the moment and that's okay too.

Sundays, in church at the end of the liturgy, I sit and meditate for a bit on what I am supposed to be doing that day, that week, and leave it at that. Que sera sera and all that. Life will unfold as it must. Don't think for a minute I will just "let" things happen, oh no... but there are some things that can be taken on and dealt with and some that cannot. Taking care and working with Rebel is utmost for now. As she gains her health back and TweenyRebel manages to get back into some form of older teen-ness... I will be able to move forward. SU can sit and sulk in his cave - upstairs or basement. He can take his pick! It really doesn't bother me. It's almost as if he is barely part of the equation at this point.

I had a note from someone I know to whom I gave this blog. Within my own circle I have been selective about who gets here. For the random hits... well... lucky you! I gave her my blog because she was going through a divorce. She has children too. I didn't know much about her personal life and how it was going for her so I let her in on my own experiences and rants. Now fortunately for her, she and her ex-SU have a good relationship as parents to their children and she says they are friends. And good for both of them! She has had a mostly decent experience through a negative one of a family having to split up. And it happened with a level of maturity and the right way! But she did find that reading my rants and comments gave her a little something to think about. And that is why I write. By blogging I believe someone may stumble upon my rants and silliness and perhaps realize that they are not the only ones trying to figure out what to do with an SU and other fall outs from these things. Or they might just read and be entertained or appalled!

I am pleased she dropped me the little note tell me she got something out of reading my stuff.

So I will have a drink tonight. To remember what was, and to plan, to hope, and to pray for what will be. And I will keep blogging to see where I will be at this time next year!
Thanks for reading friends and strangers all the same.

Summer breezes.

It's pretty quiet around here. Rebel went with a good friend to their cottage overnight. It was tough to let her go, but I have learned I really can't hover over her. It drives her mental. Not a good thing. However when your kid has been dealing with a near life threatening condition, it's hard to let her out of sight. But out of sight I did let her go. She was looking forward to lying on floaty on a lake for a few hours. It will give her peace and tranquility I hope.

I took myself out with a young friend of mine. We went to a new location of one of the well known Irish pubs in town. We chatted for hours. Said young friend is connected to the spousal unit's young party friend. They all run in the same Celtic fusion and dance circles. Long story short.... apparently when the SU is at the parties... he drinks til quite drunk and has on more than one occasion discussed the spousal ennuie. My young friend tells me the friends don't particularly want to hear what the SU has to say... and turn him off. Interestingly,the others do not know of my connection to this young woman... a professional one, and thus, they have been quite open in discussing and wondering how I can put up with the SU's behaviour... etc etc. It was an enlightening conversation.

I am still not ready to get back into the mediation fray with SU. Rebel has a long way to go, and frankly, any strength I had kind of drained away this last month. And more than one friend has more than once asked me... "so Marie, how are YOU doing?" Most of the time, I am okay. This evening, I found that sitting outside at a patio with a pint and food enjoying the warm summer breeze and setting sun was just the right kind of healing. I have to thank my young friend for suggesting it. And I need to do more of this over the next few weeks.


Take time to enjoy a warm summer breeze.

Highly Suspicious

The Spousal Unit is behaving very unusually. While I am counting down (TOMORROW NIGHT!) til he takes the RebelTween and heads east to visit my out-laws... his behavior is very un spousal-unit like!

Is it guilt or what?
I am highly suspicious.

• First of all, he is talking to me. more than grunts. Highly unusual for him to be so social.
• Second of all, he brought home a newspaper *for me.*
• Third, he cooked supper and offered me a plate. Usually he just cooks and leaves it - til I take or put away.
• Fourth, he is engaging with the Rebel Paying her cell phone bill ( $129 one, not the $310 one), taking her to rent some movies. hmmm.
• Fifth, he took all the camp linens out of the washing machine and dried them. Normally they'd be left in the washer til I remembered I'd left them there. No... his laundry was not in the washer.

Do I think it's a major thing... no... I do not. But... this pleasantness is better than his usual sullen responses and negative nastiness.
Perhaps it has something to do with energy and healing workshops I've been doing. What ever it is. I'll take it.

Friday. Finally. Sleep in on Saturday - Brunch at the Irish Pub up the street with a good friend. Anyone care to join me? It'll be before noon so it's a bloody Caesar instead of Guinness with the eggs!

Some Sort of Reality.

A new week. A new start... and yet... same old same old

I go away for a week, I haven't been gone 24 hours and once again... RebelTweeny strikes! Spousal Unit heads out to a Canada Day party after 10 PM. The place he usually parties... The *kids* are all late 20s and barely started into their 30s. All single All party hard. How he fits in at age 55 ... I wonder. WhatEvEr.

SU is out partying... The Rebel is at home... with the new boyfriend and RT (Rebel Tweeny) doesn't turn up til an hour and half after the fireworks end with two friends in tow. One sleeping overnight. The other... apparently waiting for his parents. Long story short. Parents don't turn up... the two girls decide to walk him half way home... forty five minutes later Rebel in a slight panic but can't really do much and finally ... they return. SU still NOT home... it's now nearly 1 AM! WHY would SU expect the barely able to walk up a flight of stairs off spring to look after the RT!

The two girls go to bed. Rebel.. has had a tough evening and couldn't sleep. 3 AM SU AKA *dad *still NOT home. Rebel not comfortable but has no one to call or talk too. GREAT! SU turns up finally at 6 AM... and you guessed it... RT and her friend...NOT in the house... again! I hope he crapped his pants the moron!! He has no idea where she is. He has no way to call anyone. Luckily she turned up shortly after he arrived. They got a call at 4:30 am on the friend's cellphone to meet some of the dumbass boys at the local Timmies and decided to leave! (THIS is why 14 yr old girls do NOT need cell phones! ) Apparently the SU aka as DAD tore strips off them. BUT once again... he doesn't report friend of RT to her mother. This is not good. And really... was there any lesson learned? Any discipline or boundaries instilled? I doubt it.

I was told not to say anything by Rebel who reported to me on the event. And really... how could I? I was far away from home. Out of my control. AND it was done! BUT it is documented. It does seem these outrageous bits of behavior seem to happen on someone else's watch. Not mine. Plus... I see the photos of a clearly inebriated SU on Facebook. (gotta love the surreptitious approach to getting evidence!)

I have a message from my She-Barracuda. Will find out what that is all about tomorrow. hmmm must have something to do with the stall in proceedings I expect.

Rebel... not doing too badly. She tires easily. Hates the water retention thing. If another person asks her if she is pregnant... she will go postal I suspect... when she isn't down in the dumps and not able to do what she is used to doing. It is hard watching her and listening to her. She doesn't like me hovering. She hates that I call her and ask when she is going to be home. It's hard allowing her to manage her own care. But... I guess I have to. And me worrying... doesn't change it. I certainly don't want to see a return of the stress since it took a week to get that under control.

Camp was good. I needed to be away. The stress melted away. Yes... cooking for nearly 40 kids and a bunch of adults... was relaxing... it really was! I slept well.. ate well... and enjoyed the companionship of friends... many of whom we only see this one time a year. I read a bunch of books, listened to music, watched a couple of movies on my secretly purchased DVD player as well as with the kids during one of our rainy movie nights.

Sunday liturgy today was lovely in the chapel under the trees. A perfect way to finish camp.

Now... it's back to some sort of reality.

13 on Thursday

Thirteen things the spousal unit has said to me in the last week.

1. Where's the RebelTween? She didn't say where she was going. - to being asked if the kidlet had gone out.
2. Well, am I supposed to pay for this too? - on being handed Rebel's prescription for heart med when the local pharmacy didn't have the pills and I was tired and didn't want to go out a second time.
3. yes - to - are you getting groceries?
4. no -to did my dad call?
5. I will call him later... - on being told his brother called and wanted a call back about vacation plans. No call returned.
6. I will talk to her. On Rebel Tween missing curfew yet again.
7. any mail for me? - On waiting for letter from his lawyer... I found it... and read it before saying... mail? I haven't checked yet today.
8. When is dryer going to be fixed?
9. Why haven't you called to deal with the phone jack problem? AS IF!
10. I would appreciate it if you didn't put the new glasses in the dishwasher. They should be washed by hand. See my response at
11. When does the Rebel go to the cardiologist specialist?
12. Do you want any steak?
13. Could you put some money into the line of credit so I can fix my car? - again.. see my response... #9.

Thirteen on Thursday

13 things I am worrying about

when it comes time to mediate:

1. Spouse will fight about who gets the house.
2. Spouse will fight about where the girls, particularly Tweeny, will spend the majority of their time.
3. Spouse will fight about getting access to my investments.
4. Spouse won't leave when asked.
5. Spouse WILL leave when asked but will leave all his crap behind for me to clean up.
6. Spouse will want to move faster than I am ready to move.
7. Spouse will impose himself on my party even if I ask him not to.
8. Spouse's family will hate my guts.
9. Spouse's family will blame me 100%.
10. Spouse will start drinking again.
11. Spouse will behave like a RAMB during mediation but still refuse counselling.
12. Spouse will behave very well during mediation and that will cause me to wonder what he really wants.
13. Spouse will walk away from everything as if the past 24 years never happened.

AS IF I do ANYTHING about the above? Of course not. It is out of my control. I need to clear out the worries and get this fixed in my brain so I feel safe. (Limbic brain conditioning)

Regardless of what the Spouse does or says, I WILL be fine. I can control what I can control. I need to change my thought patterns and create a positive vibe rather than this worrying vibe.

Besides, I have a party to get ready for. It's in exactly

ONE WEEK!

I have the dress, the shoes and most of the food!
30 people have said they are coming!

Party like it's 1999!!