Spousal Ennuie no longer

And XSU left today mid afternoon after finishing up in the garage. He took apart his not so secret grow op box where he had a little nursery. He then proceeded to walk me through what he left behind and where it was. We got to a pile of door casings, cord around for baseboards and other trim from the stairs.

" If your guys are looking for the trim here it is all ready to go." And he proceeded to point out what was what. I was so ANGRY at this point. I had just done a look-see in Rebel's old room where he finished the baseboards and sure enough, little holes every 2 inches - bad matching of cuts and wrong colour of boards. The matching boards were actually left in the spare bedroom where he was sleeping. He didn't even know they were there.

As he finished explaining I couldn't help myself. "This should have been finished." I really wanted to HURT him. A LOT!

"I didn't have time," he whined.

BIG deeeeeeep breath.. "umm five years this stuff has sat here.. five years! WHAT have you done in five years?!"

I had to walk away in disgust.

At this point Rebel Junior asked me to take her to a friend's place so I told XSU he had to leave since I was going out.

"I need to use the phone because I don't have one hooked up yet. I haven't had time."

Why be bitchy particularly when your offspring is sitting right there. I guess he expected me to leave the room. AS IF. He took the phone to another room and I told RJ we'd leave once her dad was done.

I needed to make the point that he was now a visitor and had no right of access. RJ was a little frustrated with me because I wasn't hurrying hurrying on her behalf.

And then he left. In typical fashion without saying anything.

A Deal is a Deal is a Deal.

I arrived home after work yesterday and XSU was madly emptying the garage. He had the young one friend help him as well as a guy from work - also separated from his wife.

I had a momentary upset when I thought he might have taken the quilt wall hanging off the wall. His sister made it, but she did make it for me and I am happy it was still on the wall when I got home. Originally he was to take the couch and chair from the living room along with the coffee table and dining room table. He left the couch and chair behind - probably because Rebel's puppy chewed through a couple of the cushions. I told him that a deal was a deal he had to take them. He was going on and on about it being chewed but I said a deal is a deal. He had to take them.

He also left behind the dead deep freezer that we never used. This thing was old when he picked up from someone's house at least 12-15 years ago. He plugged it in and two days later it died. I wanted him to get rid of it and instead XSU filled it with stuff and used it as a storage trunk. Every now and again I told him it was time to get rid ofit and I'd start taking out all the crap. Like everything else around here, it never happened. So now he's all ticked because I want it out of the house. And of course he's so disorganized that the only thing he has on his mind is his trip to Nova Scotia. I told him as long as anything of his is in my house he has to pay me rent on the space. He is so pissed off. WhatEv!!

My family lawyer, the pretty suited one handling my real estate transaction threw me an interesting tidbit she said that she found him very uncommunicative in the simple dealing she had just handing over the cheque for the house. She also told me that his lawyer didn't have much nice to say about him either. Okay... that just made my day. It really did.

Another friend of mine said about XSU not telling his kids - turn around is fair play. AS the girls strap him into a wheel chair and bring him to an old folks facility - it will be a similar scenario... "oh dad... by the way... we're not taking you back to your house, from now on you'll be living here with the other geezers. " I had to laugh at that one.

ChequeMate.

I've been finishing up the real estate stuff for the house. Unlike in the US - nothing sits in escrow accounts. The deal is done the transaction gets cleared through the bank's mortgage centres and the money is put into my lawyer's account. She writes me a cheque and we're done. She asked me if I wanted XSU's cheque and I told her to call him and he could go downtown and pick up his own damn cheque. AS IF I should do that. Of course being my pretty suit - and long time acquaintance she laughed and agreed. The challenge will be for her to actually get XSU at the end of the telephone. She did email him, copied me and his shark, telling him all the above. His Shark also called the house and left a very cute coded voice mail message. I just deleted it as XSU has never been known to pick up voice mail.

XSU has moved nothing. He was been gathering bills and paid statements for utilities and leaving them for me to review I suspect. I believe he thinks this will entitle him to not pay me rent until he moves out. This is not likely to happen.

The next few days should prove interesting.

Flummoxing Routine.

Yes it has been a few days. I've been seriously overworked at work - a ton to do - not enough time to do it. When I get home around 7 ish... I am positively wiped out. Of course, the SU is around but we're not a team so I don't have a supper waiting for me. My girls apparently don't eat or SU doesn't try to make meals for them, so I grab a bite of whatever is around, talk to Rebel Junior if she's locked onto the computer and try and get a few words out of her.

Rebel went and got herself a second dog. Or the BF did. He snuck it into the house. It's a teeny tiny 6 week old puppy- half dachshund half jack russell. The older dog- all 7 pounds of flufffy insecurity on a good day is flummoxed. (If a dog can be flummoxed) He's totally afraid of this puppy, has no interest in playing with said puppy - has nipped at him more than once and usually runs away and tries to get away from said puppy. It hasn't been pretty.

I tore a strip off the BF and then did something somewhat gentler with the Rebel. I mean seriously - we have this one skittish dog who was insecure for most of his life and they thought a friend would help him. The 7 pound wonder doesn't know how to be an alpha and now puppy is making him very unhappy.

A friend is in from out of town for a day long seminar tomorrow. We found out we were both going to same seminar. So it looks like I may join her at Camp Westin for a PJ party downtown tonight, and we can get to the seminar together in the morning. That should prove to be a lot of fun. Said friend is Rebel's godmother and we've been friends for over 20 years now. Nothing like Camp Westin to break up the routine!

Valentine's Smoochie

Happy Tree Friends - Valentine's Smoochie

Our sweet Valentine's Day Smoochie featuring Giggles!

View >>

Infamous Words.

My weekends really need to be more productive. I don't do a whole lot. I don't seem to have much energy to get anything done. My bedroom is the catch all where I keep everything these days and it's starting to wear me down but not enough to do something about it. I keep the main floor of the house tidied up - but just can't seem to make the effort to do something about the rest of the house. That is the part that no one sees.

Not sure if it's just the winter blahs, the separation, both or something else. I know I would be much happier if I got that space uncluttered but I am not there yet. sigh.

I also note that Rebel is getting back into feistiness that pre dates her illness. She was using some strong vulgar language in my presence which I tagged her for. We got into it about how she wanted to speak her way and she didn't need to impress anyone. I told her that it was about respect for me and my unwillingness to put up with vulgar trashy language in my own home. I don't know if she really didn't get what I was saying or if she doesn't care.

Rebel Junior is picking up right after the eldest and neither of them would see my point of view. I finally cut off the conversation with the infamous words of parents everywhere - totally lacking in creativity: "my house - my rules - I deserve respect and your nasty vocabulary is disrespectful. Feel free to go elsewhere and let others put up with your trashy language. I won't have it. " Of course SU stayed out of the mix - as he always does.

Oddly enough Rebel had earlier in the day told me how the BF's 7 yr old son was giving her a hard time with his language and she wasn't having any of it. She insisted that dad take care of it - because he had to learn respect. Of course I mentioned this and was told - completely different situation. When she is finally a parent - it's gonna be great to observe. God willing I live that long to see it. That's the ultimate payback I believe.

I may be sending Rebel into the arms of the BF and the two of them co-habiting (roll eyes) and perhaps sending Rebel Junior off to live with dad with my insistence on a certain level of behavior but so be it. I do NOT need to settle for anything other than young women who know how to respect their mother. These things have been so much much tougher to teach and instill when their father is silent on the important stuff.

Counting Down.

Well, it's a week and a day to M-day - otherwise known as the first Mediation Date. I am so NOT looking forward to this at all though it is way past its best before before date at this point. While I am moving it along - I am freaking out internally at going through this process. I'm in good hands though.

I had a good meeting with the financial specialist, who upon a quick read of my stuff and the SU's stuff told me that the equalization for pension might not be too bad. It all depends on whether or not the SU *really* believes he's going to work until age 65. While I don't get how this all works yet, it seems that if you say you're working longer - your net worth is less... so who wouldn't say they plan to work longer. AS IF! Though the SU probably would because - what ELSE does he have to do with his life? I would prefer not to, but I will say I am working just to keep things on a more equal footing. Given that I have to give a sworn statement I may have to be careful here. Though people DO change their minds after the fact eh?

This whole equalization thing is wrong. It came into law of course, because women who were stay at home moms as their careers and first jobs didn't have pensions. So when their erstwhile husbands decide to walk away and attempt to leave the mother of their children without so much as two cents to support them, the state had to step in and insist that these dead beat jackasses do what is right - share their pensions and investments and help the wives they were dumping keep living in the manner to which they had become accustomed through the support they provided at the matrimonial home. I somehow don't think it was intended for working women to share their incomes and investments the other way with their working jackass greedy-I'll-show-you! husbands did it? I mean seriously!

No doubt there are a few who would say back.. "you wanted equality - you got it - now give up the cash and let's get on with it!" I won't go into my feminist tirade today - just note that - giving up my pension was not what the law intended I don't believe. I am younger, I am going to live longer and I earned every damn cent without a ton of support from the SU even when we did have what I thought was a solid marriage.

During this next week, I'll be doing the count down and getting myself mentally fit for this ordeal. Now that it's so damn cold outside and the wind is whipping, I'll have to get myself to the gym and walk on the treadmill to nowhere. It should help keep anxiety levels to a low as I vent and pump it out!

Razor Burn.

What is it about men and their razors? I, of course, learned looooong ago that borrowing a man's razor to shave your legs and other body parts is just not on. I learned that if you really want to set a man on edge, drive him completely mental - and not in a good way- use his razor on your legs. You will hear about it. Usually. That's just they way they are. Husbands in particular - don't seem to cut their wives any slack on this one. Newlywed, sex three times a day, whatever, nothing works with the razor question.

But teen age daughters - particularly at the RebelJunior phase don't seem to care much about this fact and major father irritant.

RJ regularly borrows dad's razor. She has her own. A lovely pink Venus with blades that are regularly upgraded changed and replaced. Yet she seems to like the Gillette 6 blade thing that is all torqued in orange and blue. She also likes dad's hairbrush. Need I mention dad doesn't have a lot of hair to give it a good run through and RJ thinks the brush is wasted on his head.

Earilier this week SU - who is never in great humour at the beginning of any day- came barging into the bathroom as I was applying eye liner. He was all huffy and puffy and snorting through his nose but didn't say anything. As I found some make up remover and calmly removed eye liner from my cheek I asked every so casually " looking for something?"

SU replied in that grumpy morning voice of his, " I can't find my brush and my razor isn't where I left it. Oh! THERE it is!" And he reached over into the bathtub and grabbed it from the ledge as he huffed and puffed some more and muttered under his breath. He does that a lot these days....the muttering under the breath thing.

As he is standing there holding a hair brush in one hand, his orange and blue beloved razor in the other, stubbly face and tufts of silver hair gone wild standing on end I'm reminded of Alistair Sim as Ebenezer Scrooge - the movie and thinking - Ebenezer is far more attractive than this muttering middle aged dad.

And so I responded to him the way he responded to me when I was concerned about how RJ was behaving. the one he threw out at me on Monday this week. ( see blog Monday 17th) She's a teenager! They ALL do that. He looked at me, said nothing and stomped down the stairs.

Interesting how when they're being teen agers and it has a direct impact on his day it just doesn't fall the same way.

Really???

I am going to have to figure out a way to insist that the SU take co-parenting classes or counseling once the separation deed has been done. Yet again, Rebel Junior - and she is becoming *quite* the Mini-Me - has her father so wrapped around her finger that he is in complete denial.

He has started using the same mantra as his older brother does around his daughter - "They're teen agers! What do you expect?"
I expect when I say please call at 11 PM so we can pick you up that she'll call.
I expect when I call on her cell phone - the one I pay for - that she'll pick up - the first time!
I expect respectful conversations when we talk -

And the response I get when none of the above happens is - "stop putting 'the hammer' to her - she's a teen ager - they all act like that!"

Really?

When I learned that she'd been drinking alcohol at the party she was at and that she came home drunk - SU 's response was "she's a teen ager - they ALL drink at that age."

Really?

Age 15 and they ALL drink? I think not. Rebel Junior is already out-rebelling the Rebel! She didn't touch alcohol til she was 17 at least. My American friends need to understand that legal drinking age is either 18 or 19 depending where one lives. Not 21.
"So you don't think it's a problem that she is drinking?"
"Well the parents were home at the house she was at. I don't see what I can do about it now."

Really?
That's the best he's got.

He also told me I put down 'the hammer' - whatever that means - when I told RJ when we finally spoke at midnight that no she could not sleep over at her friend's house as this was not planned in advance and I didn't appreciate the last minute request, nor, more importantly, did I appreciate her being rude to me over the phone as I asked her to please get the address of the house she was at so her father could pick her up.

She hung up on me.

I called and woke up another parent, got the phone number, did a reverse search and got an address. I called the house and told the mother to please keep RJ at the house and to please tell her that her father was coming to get her. She left the house and went to another friend's and the SU had to go find her there. She is lucky he went to get her and not me.

Oh... she's "just a teenager" who has her dad jumping through hoops even better than her sister ever could.

Born-again Father
or
just plain jackassery?

Back to Reality!

I arrived home to a clean house. That's a first. SU has taken it upon himself to keep the kitchen clean these days. Since I've boycotted that responsibility he sighs, shrugs, and mutters as he cleans up after his two daughters.

I feel no sympathy and have no desire to pitch in. He caused this. Instead of reinforcing me when I wanted the girls to help tidy up, he was part of the problem leaving his mess right along theirs. It's payback time!

He's kind of weird too. I have a dishwasher and he refuses to use it. So he stands at the sink sighing and muttering and washing and drying by hand. He gets upset because the glassware gets that etched dishwasher marks and they are ruined. No matter what I use - rinse agent different detergent the glasses get etched. I just go to the dollar store and buy cheapies and not worry about it. I save the good stuff for company and then I will wash by hand. But will SU? NOOOOo he insists even the dollar store glasses get done by hand. Go ahead, do the dishes and do your own thing. I can't be bothered.

I am waiting to hear from the mediator. Nothing yet. No doubt we'll have something set up soon. I've been doing my research.

How to pass the time in the sky

Iron Man 2008 USA
Robert Downey Jr was great as the playboy-geek-brilliant industrialist weapons manufacturer who develops a conscious and beats the bad boys. It was fun. Get ready for the sequels. Oh there will be more than one.

An Empress and the Warriors: Kwong saan mei yan 2008 Hong Kong
A lovely tale of a young woman who takes over her father's kingdom after his tragic and violent death. She too is a warrior lord and has two very different men vie for her affections. No happy ending here but certainly many lessons about loyalty, integrity and life. I really liked this film.

Notre univers impitoyable What If...? Switzerland 2008
A little alternate reality movie romp that takes the story of a couple both competing for the same promotion at the law firm where they work and provides a couple of different scenarios. What if I got it what if he got it. What would our lives be like? It was a little tough to follow at first but it kept me interested. I was on an airplane - what ELSE was there to do.
I'd recommend this one.

Caramel Sukkar Banat Lebanon, 2007
The story of five women in Lebanon who gather at a local hair salon. They are all looking for or dealing with love in their lives. For a couple of hours I was transported to a way of life that is so completely foreign to me. This was a really wonderful story for and about women. The tension for these women was between modern 21st century ideals and traditional paths. Do find this one if you can. It's a great story.

Made of Honour USA 2008
Pure Hollywood chick flick escapism. It was another Patrick Dempsey goofy movie not quite as good as When Harry Met Sally, but trying for that level. Hannah asks Tom, her best friend, to be her maid of honour. Tom realizes he is in love with Hannah and has to "get the bride!" Good fun with popcorn wine and the inevtiable happy ending. Light, fluffy, fun.

Dear SU,

You are a jackass of the first order.

Please be advised that mediation should begin upon my return from my business trip to Europe. This is not, as you decided to tell our daughters, a jaunt for fun. It's a business trip.
And it's going to be more business when I return.

Meeting times - preferably after work hours. Saturday would be ideal.

Your passive aggressive behaviour towards your daughter - who can't go out and get a job - was appalling. WHAT is your issue? Yeah Yeah Yeah.. the loser boyfriend. So let's drive her right into his arms by giving her a hard time every time she asks you for money. She shouldn't have to do this. I suggested an allowance of $200 a week for her. She needs to have some form of independence and having to ask for $10 every time she wants to get her eyebrows waxed or $20 to go out for dinner with the girls is NOT an appropriate way to treat a 20 year old daughter.

This is especially not on when your younger daughter comes home with $200 worth of overpriced LuLuLemon status clothes one day and $60 worth of overpriced school binders the next.

I am done.

Bring it on baby! Bring it on!

You will pay and pay equally. ENOUGH of the jackassery!

And while we're at it..... Get the HELL out of MY house!

For Better or For Worse... with Grace and Flair!

August 30, 2008 by Lynn Johnston.







click it to big it


And so it ended. One more day of Lynn's famous strip and it was done on the weekend. I couldn't believe I had tears in my eyes as I read it. Well... actually I could. I cry over baby powder ads on tv so this wasn't a surprise.

Lynn Johnston told some great stories in her comic strip. Millions followed the story of the Patterson family and laughed and cried along with them.
For me, what makes this particular strip so poignant is the fact that Lynn herself went through a divorce not too long ago after a long marriage. Rather than re create those trials in her fiction family she let it all end so beautifully.

I mean, seriously.... given the issues she dealt in her stories, having John go through a serious mid life crisis, drink til he got drunk every night and hide in the garage with his trains could have been an option for her to really vent.
But she didn't.

Who knows what went on in her private life. How awful or well managed her separation and divorce really went. Did she break dishes? probably pens. Did she go out and get smashed with the girls? maybe more than once? Did she go to the Divorce Busting website or Royce's Relationship Rescue and use a tag name and go on and on and on for weeks? probably not.

What she did do was finish her fiction stories with grace and flair. That's something to be very proud of.

She still believes. Or lets the rest of us believe that in spite of it all... for better of for worse can still mean something. Grace and Flair. ...... I might be on to something... two good names for the doggies I'll have to get to replace one done with SU!

Pain you can't fix.

Haven't accomplished much this weekend. I had wanted to have a list of mediation books up for Friday, but the library didn't get them together for me. They're coming. AND Blondie needs a break today! It's up to me to get the blog running for the next few days or so! IF things don't look right - it's because my technical blogger person is dealing with her own life!

RJ seems to be asking for permission rather than just taking off these days - don't know what this all about. I'm happy she's thinking before acting..... but I am suspicious. Poor kid can't win.

Rebel Adult left her dog here with us. She and the BF took off Friday afternoon to buy a birthday present for some child and never returned. I called her and let her know we were not responsible for her dog - even if we love it!

I had plans to try and head out with friends on Saturday evening but the pain in my hip makes going out and doing stuff a pain frankly! I ended up back in the hot tub at another friend's instead. The hot tub helped in the short term but created an usual pain in another way.

This one - she is a drunken mess. She is a wino of the first order. She knows it. Her husband knows it. She is as kind as kind could be, but she hasn't bottomed out - yet! She is a talented smart woman - except for the drinking part.


Her husband has cried on my shoulder but hasn't done much to deal with his own issues. I read him the riot act last night and told him he had to get his butt down to a local Al-Anon meeting - and sooner rather than later because I wasn't going to listen to him tell me any longer how he

1. hasn't had a physical relationship with his wife in ten years
2. he can't make her eat food
3 he can't get her to go out with friends or have company at the house
4 have a relationship with their daughters


Same old same old. It's sad. She knows she's a drunk, but she's afraid to not be a drunk. He enable her by making wine - He says if he stopped and she bought her wine they'd be broke.

This is a woman who is at least 5 years younger than me. She smokes, she is diabetic, and she drinks. She weighs in at maybe 104 pounds and looks 10 years older than me. And the thing is.... she knows she's slowly killing herself and won't do a thing about it.

A little pain a little love

I am in pain. I have inflammation of the sacro -iliac joint. It's not fun. it's not the first time either.

So I am taking prescription anti inflammatories, add in pain killers, use a tiger balm patch where it pains me, physio therapy and I am STILL in pain. Sleeping on my pillow top bed - terribly painful as I can't roll over. Was NOT impressed when I am sure about 20 minutes after I fell asleep last night, RebelTeen - the younger - woke me up with her shriek. Ordinarily I would get out of bed, take the stairs to the kitchen and tell her to take it down a thousand... however I was in a comfortable position - the only comfortable position- so I stayed put and calmed myself down and counted sheep instead.

Rebel Senior's dog stayed with us for the weekend. RebelTeen wanted to have her around, and I - who have never been a dog person - certainly enjoyed having this cute little critter around. He even slept on the floor of my room. My girls let the dog sleep on their beds. I draw the line. Even if he is cute. He doesn't even try that with me. When I got up both days - he went over to the RT's room and cuddled with her on her bed til he was ready for his morning walk. And me, being mom went back up and told RT to get out of bed as the dog needed a walk and to get outside. I figure not my dog- RT wanted him at the house she had to take him out. It was fun to watch!

SU has his brother staying with us. B-I-L had a cup of coffee at the dining room table. He left it there. Two days it sat. I finally went and handed it to the SU and suggested that if he could tidy up behind his daughter instead of teaching her to do it herself he'd better be doing the same with his older brother. The two of them have done nothing but play endless games of scrabble.
Oh! yes they did go to SU's young friend's for yet another party on the weekend. Even B-I-L noticed how young they were and how they all seemed to end up drunk by midnight! They didn't land up at home til nearly 5 AM. B-I-L didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with this either. I roll my eyes.

Must go find drugs. I feel a twinge.

A Lot of General Information.

Here are a couple of good sites. These are American. I'll do my Canadianization soon enough. I like these sites because they have a lot of general information that is critical and good for starting out if you're thinking about, or going through the separation or divorce process.

Womans Divorce - a thorough smattering of most EVERYTHING you might need to know about separation, divorce, trying to get back together, your emotions, finances, THE WORKS. Great place to start - whether you're in the US or Canada.
Womans Divorce

Divorce the Jerk. Pretty self explanatory - it's a commercial for a book but for those who are dealing with jerks the owner of the site and author of the companion book has done a ton of work to help those women who are dealing with jerks, chicken shits and RAMBS! Chrstine Rowe has done a great job. Not sure I'd want to spend the $50 or so for her book. I'm investigating whether or not libraries have it and whether you can get it in hard rather than soft copy. If you read it. Let me know.
Divorce the Jerk

The Modern Woman's Divorce Guide Similar to the first one. LOTS and LOTS of great information and helpful if you're overwhelmed and don't know where to start.
Modern Womans Divorce Guide

The Sassy Pink Peppers. For those women who are on the road to recovery from divorce and separation. This is a "club" that does require a $25 annual fee. I like this group though because they make it VERY clear - it's NOT about man bashing, or husband hating - it's about women moving on and forward and learning how to be happy and comfortable with who they are and having some support getting there. I haven't paid the fee, but I am considering it because I like the idea of traveling with a bunch of girls and having a great time. Just one of their many offerings. More about this bunch when I finally get around to shelling out the money to join.
Sassy Pink Peppers

Know a great site? Let me know and I'll get it up here.
yeah... I'm talkin as if there really are people out there who might actually read this blog! LOL Hey! maybe all those runners know people who might be interested.

The More Information I Have.

As much as I went on and on about not wanting to be labeled as divorced or hanging out with the other divorced people I have to admit, support is support. And the more information I have going into this process - the better I believe.

I started doing some research using my favourite search engine - Clusty- and found oodles of sites - most American - for support, information and assorted other bits including electronic books written by lawyers telling me that if I buy their specific book - my divorce will just go a whole lot easier.

They call these things vanity presses for reason - e-book or not. The professional information person and evaluator of all things reference - tells me to NOT pay for anything unless I see it first. AS IF I am going to down load a book or $30US before checking out the contents.

I have found a couple of interesting sites and will have to get them to my side bar when I have some time to play, given that Blonde is have more fun packing and moving these days! (-;

We have
divorce - women support- health, kids money and get better sex
divorce- men support including fathers
divorce - humour
divorce - financial - LOTS here
divorce - laws and legislation- endless
divorce - do it yourself - most in Texas! (what's that all about)
divorce - effect on children

Most of these sites are in a couple of categories only -

Lawyers and related types like mediators, collaborative law types - looking for clients
Women who like to gather, talk and look for support
Men /fathers - mostly angry and looking for fairness
Those who hate lawyers promoting *do it yourself and screw the lawyers* content.
And the smattering of miscellaneous others - Divorce Magazine- for example - trying to figure out how to make a buck from the misery.

So perhaps over the next while I will try and kick up who reads my blog (AS IF I could compete with those runners who seem to be ALL reading and commenting on each other's blogs) by reviewing, or at least providing Canadian context to the myriad of content in this field. May as well be constructive instead of whining, continuing to be angry, or going on and on about the SU.

And today - the paperwork went to the pension valuator. A mere cost of nearly $600 so I can find out how much of my pension the law believes I should share with the SU.

I Hit on a Dud.

I started filling out the various forms for the mediation sessions to start. I love the part where she asks - what do you anticipate the challenges to be during your mediation sessions? How about "an SU who believes he is always right and prefers to debate rather than mediate." And " SU is rude, condescending, and believes he is always right. I apparently don't have an informed opinion on most matters he believes are of interest." And I left it at that.

She sent a form that we are both to sign - and I decided I didn't like it - so I re wrote the form from all We and Us and changed to me and my and took out references to us all over the place and sent it back to her telling her - I have responded and agree and did it my way - he can do same. I don't feel the need to sign with him on this piece of paper as there is no longer a "we." Bitchy perhaps - and no lawyer likes a lay person amending their little forms but it's not a legal form it's an agreement and I agree just not in a we kind of way.

I have noticed that I seem to be hanging around with a lot of women who are divorced or separated. I can remember a friend from the Divorce Busting site who's walk away wife WAW- was part of a similar club. He had a name form them but I don't remember it. This concerns me a little as I really don't want to think of myself as a member of this particularly group. I really do want to keep seeing and hanging out with some of my married friends. I think it's a lot healthier and - I don't know - I am a tad uncomfortable being a part of this club. I have noted that the one friend I told doesn't have a right to a divorce - she has to do the work to end the marriage - hasn't called me lately. I don't think she expected to hear what I told her and figured we were both part of the club. What I am going to have to make clear is - this isn't a club of my choosing - but whatEvEr I am there. I did what I needed to do to not be in it, but it didn't go that way.

So perhaps I'll take out associate rather than full membership because the reality is - I hit on a dud of a partner and I don't hate all husbands and men, just the RAMBs who are not getting the role they took on. The club does provide me with a supportive place as I need it and I know I can be and do the same for others. But there are times when the men are nice to have around and other women's, and friends' husbands are nice guys who I do enjoy spending time with too.

A few random thoughts today.

Took the day off work Friday to get into long weekend mode early. Monday is a holiday - though it is getting away from us. The holiday used to mean EVERYTHING was closed up tight. Now the poor folks in retail have to work. It's just wrong in the summer. We can live without groceries and stores being open for a day. Let every one who can enjoy a long weekend in the short summer time! Seriously!

Took Rebel's dog to the vet to get him checked out. The vet thinks he's between 5-10 years old. And Rudy - you called it. His teeth are a horrible mess. That could be the killer for us to have these cleaned, pulled and taken care of. BIG BUCKS! He also needs to be neutered but at his age, it will cost us. And how ironic - the Rebel's dog has a heart murmur! The vet started to explain about enlarged hearts and Rebel started to laugh - and said "ya know Doc- I got this one " and told him her story. The vet said his temperament is good but he has most definitely been neglected, and beaten by the way he initially behaved when we arrived. We took the little guy to PetSmart and he has a grooming appointment next week, a new leash and I am now $175.00 poorer and in over draft at the bank after that little mission.

RJ has gone into hurricane mode and my kitchen has the look of a Type 4 weather system going through. I have a green garbage bag at hand and once done breakfast - at the dining room table because there is no space at the kitchen table - am cutting a swath through here and pitching everything! I HAVE HAD IT with her lack of participation. Rebel walked in here yesterday and read her the riot act on her inability to do her share of at least not dumping where she walks. And the SU is no prize either. If it's not her mess - it's his. It's all gonna be pitched! I have no mercy! grrrrrrr

Went with a friend to see The Dark Knight last night. One of my favourite movies is A Knight's Tale - also starring Heath Ledger. The Dark Knight has similar themes. Such a talent was Heath Ledger. May he rest in peace- the poor guy. Fabulous movie. Long movie! What a story.

The friend I was with is also battling marital woes. I told her counselling is important. Both marital and individual. She's not sure it will matter at the point. My take is - you never know - you've been with this man over 25 years - they were together 7 years before marrying - they have four children from age of 15 to 8 - they owe it to their kids to work at it a bit. I explained the difference between "marriage" counsellors and "divorce" marriage counsellors. You really must work with a true marriage counsellor. And in the end you will either make it or break it. But you can tell your kids that you tried everything. The whole I just want to be "happy" bothers me. I challenged her and ask if she could be "happy" in her marriage and really - was she going to be guaranteed "happiness" if she divorced? It's not something any of her friends had asked her. (somewhere on the blog is the huge rant I did on "happiness.")

But here's the thing - People assume you have to leave. We had a lengthy discussion over margarita and corona cocktails- which I highly recommend. I expect this is another marriage that is done - but her spouse is at least willing to try counselling as she is as well. But I always say - do the work first. Children are owed this. And a good counsellor who forces you to really work at it - will tell you how you will fare.

In the meantime, I've sent my paperwork for the actuarial assessment of my pension, and having the analysis review with my financial divorce expert, and girding myself up for the battle.

Friday Four -

cuz I didn't get a 13 on Thursday and can't think of FIVE either!

1. I really hate agonizing all day over one email to she who believes she must be obeyed- the so called she boss who is doing her best to slag me and treat me as if I am incompetent at best and an imbecile at worst.But it got done and I have to admit it is a work of art how I wrote back quite professionally yet managed to insure the incompetent factor was turned around. Seduced the big boss into going with me on business trips to Europe in September. Boss you really need to come with me - this is important for you and you will meet people AND learn a whole lot. Of course she agreed. bwa ha ha ha ha

2. Rebel. She' s prepared a great presentation for her first speaking gig. I am impressed. On paper it looks great. Hope she delivers it as well. On the other hand she is staying over night at BF's dad place instead of at home. These people who think this is OK irritate the hell out of me. WHY can't they respect what I want for my daughter instead of assuming they are married! They are NOT!

3. Rebel Junior - continues to ask for stuff via text messages. She is relentless. I mostly read and delete these days.

4. Sis in law tells me that her brother the SU, continues to not speak to her about anything. He was supposed to be there to relieve her of parental responsibility for a week or so, but it hasn't happened. The two brothers treat her as dismissively as the SU treats me. She is more than hurt on top of being tired. She tells me I am lucky to be able to divorce him because he is stuck as her brother. She has told HER sons that they had better never behave that way to their sister. She is disheartened. Too bad she doesn't drink. I highly recommend a lovely light single malt for this sort of thing.