{Not So} Wordless Wednesday

Unshelved By Bill Barnes and Gene Ambaum

Positives for Today.

Rebel had a defibrillator inserted yesterday. The device regulates her heart beat and will help with her heart arrhythmia's.
After two false starts, and more than a couple of long days at the Heart Institute the procedure is over. It's done using a local anaesthetic. Rebel was hoping they'd let her watch things unfold but the docs wouldn't allow it - who knows why. They covered her face with a sheet which was a conversation stopper. She had a couple of rough moments during the procedure - hyperventilating. But the nurses got her talked down and got her through the rest of the ordeal.

As usual, her tricky veins caused the docs in the operating room a bit of a slow start. She warns people all the time, and they all say "yeah yeah" and then realize that yes... her veins are small and run away as they try and stick her.

She had a couple of moments when she started feeling things- that surprised them, so she had to get topped up on the drugs.

The device is almost the size of a stop watch and is sitting right above her heart on the left side. You can feel it through her skin. Her doctor, a Scottish lad here to learn before heading back across the pond, was quite proud of his work and believes she'll be ready to go home on Tuesday or Wednesday after an x-ray review.

As of last night Rebel was on bed rest to allow the leads on the device to attach properly on her heart.She was not impressed with the whole bed pan idea because of this. But she is getting through that yuckiness.

It was a little harder to get through then she expected because she has had surgery before - but on her knee- It took a bit out of her. The post procedure reports are all positive and that's a good day! Thanks everyone for your prayers and thoughts.

Where has SU been through this??

Well..

isn't that another full post.

Wordless Wednesday

In Abeyance.

We had a pretty quiet weekend. Not a lot went on at the hospital given it was the weekend. I expect things will gear up this week. The defibrillator residents came in to see Rebel again. She does NOT like these two guys who seem to come together joined at the hip. Her own cardiologist told Rebel to tell the arrhythmia the head doc - that she didn't like his residents. When the residents asked her why she changed her mind about having the defib inserted she told them point blank that her own doctor did a much better job of explaining what it was and why she needed it and frankly she was choosing to talk ONLY to the guy who knew what he was talking about please and thank you! When she was telling me she said there was a nurse in the room who had to keep from laughing out loud. Apparently, these guys are not used to patients telling them that their manner is less than stellar with patients, particularly young patients who do not have patience themselves in processing all this information she's being given.

Her cardiologist, the head of transplants and heart failure for the Institute happened to be in to see Rebel as a nurse was trying to take blood. She was having a hard time, so Rebel challenged her doc to do it. It was pretty funny because, the guy might do heart transplants, he might hold beating hearts in his hands, but taking blood.... he was nervous! He gamely decided to go for it when Rebel told him he should do it! Rebel has tricky thin veins and after a stay at the hospital, her arms always look like she has heroin tracks. So Doctor Director - Respected-Cardiologist snapped on the gloves, got the butterfly needle and as Rebel was watching him, he kind of snapped "don't look at me while I do this please!" Nervous guy! However, he managed to keep his dignity intact and got the needle into the vein on his first try. This little story had the nurses in stitches for the rest of the evening and most of the weekend! He walked out of her room with a cute little smile on his face.

On the spousal ennuie front. I received a letter from the She-Barracuda telling me my file was "in abeyance" until mediation was settled. I had to roll my eyes. We send emails back and forth when we need to talk and all my files are electronic which is good. Then she hit me with this formal pdf file. Abeyance is defined as "temporarily suspended action.".. so why not just say... "I'll put your file on hold til the mediation thing works out." Lawyers... why use a simple word when four four syllable words can be thrown in instead.

As for that I am "in abeyance" myself until Rebel is a little more stabilized. AS IF I have any desire to mediate while the kid is sitting in a hospital bed.

How the SU is dealing and processing all this - I really don't know. He continues to hide in his space, and as far as I aware, not talk to anyone. How sad really.

And for all who ask, I really am okay. I seem to have put on some thigh weight... according to the tightness of the winter suits I've started wearing... so to help the stress and the thighs, I am back to walking the treadmill and riding the bike to nowhere at the gym. While a planned short vacay has had to be put "in abeyance" my dear friends have been ensuring I either: get out and drink, stay in and drink, or find other worthy pursuits to keep my sanity and health. And I love them all.

Our Girl.

It sure sounds like the docs are getting Rebel ready for heart transplant surgery She's now in the Heart Institute and they've started by taking about 12 vials of blood from her and doing a bunch of other tests after the weekend. The cardiologist put her into the hospital on Friday because he figured if she was in a bed they could start on Monday and he could observe her over the weekend.

We've met with the Heart Transplant Coordinator.. Rebel's attitude is... there are gazillion people in the world, there will be a heart for me. I will be fine. No fear. She was pissed because has had made plans to go out on Friday evening for a friend's birthday and had to cancel. Her boyfriend is a mess... he's freaked out. Went out on Friday and got drunk when he was supposed to bring Rebel some supper at the hospital. I was ready to smack him myself but the Rebel did a great job of making him feel like a shit. Gotta like that in a daughter.

Thirteen on Thursday

13 ways to say mediate.

1. interpose
2. intrude
3. intervention
4. interruption
5. intercede
6. interface
7. get in the middle
8. facilitate
9. negotiate
10. meddle
11. moderate
12. barge in
13. butt in

and none of them say *legal* or *lawyer*
In fact, some say *chartered accountant,* *certified professional mediator,* or * trained negotiator*

but nothing says LAWYER!

Wordless Wednesday

Postive Attitude In Spite of It All.

Rebel had a follow up today with her cardiologist. Her ultrasound test from last week has not shown any improvement in her heart function. And her heart valves are still "pretty leaky" - I guess that is technical term used by said cardiologist. But it is descriptive.

Her belly fluid has increased again because of this. The doctor has changed her diuretics medicine to see if things can't move through her system a little better.

Rebel will be outfitted with a portable defibrillator. It's a device similar to a pacemaker and will help her heart beat and control the arrhythmia. Her doc is concerned that with her function and the heart rate speeding up - things could could become severe. He wants to mitigate this.

He is also starting to talk about "work up" for heart transplant because of the lack of improvements. We shall see how things progress.

Rebel is doing all right. Positive attitude. She is doing what she is told. Her doctor is very good. He is very straight with her, but also speaks to her without scaring her and giving her the information she needs to be able to process it and figure out how best she needs to take care of herself.

That's a lot for any 19 year old young woman isn't it?

"Thanksgiving To Me"

What a time of the year to say "Thanks to Him!"
Thanks to those wonderful Friends.
Thanks to those lives that touched ours in the past,
But have had to leave us and are now "Home at Last".

We could say Thank you a million times you see,
But never could we reach that goal,
Set by our Savior that day on Mt. Calvary
Worth more to us today than silver or gold.

Thanksgiving time is a time to profess,
To loved ones and friends.
Get it all right, bury the past,
Learn that Love and Understanding endures to the end.

Say kind words of happiness and cheer.
Make this a habit, hey, all through the year.
Praise God each day of your life.

Your Father and Mother, give them a hug, remember them.
Your Children, my what a gift!
Friends are precious, so don't shrug.
Tell them you Love them, pass on the gifts.

Now, as you gather Thanksgiving Day,
Give Thanks and Praise to our Father.
And Peace! Be to all.

~ Janis Latimer

Смачного!

Thankful for All I Have.

I took Friday off and with a friend visiting from out west we went into the hills on the Quebec side and enjoyed a gloriously warm fall day. Too freaky warm frankly. But I got some great pictures, some will show up here no doubt.

Monday is Thanksgiving Day - a long weekend. By taking Friday off it gave me a four day weekend - which is luxurious.

The SU has been busying himself in the kitchen. While a man who cooks is wonderful and in some cases can even be considered a great act of foreplay, this one, goes about it in an attitudinal way that is beyond annoying. For some reason he decided that he could do a better turkey dinner than me, and took it upon himself year or two ago to just take over. I think he thought I was going to get upset, but frankly, why would I? I love turkey dinner, but let's face it, between making stuffing, cleaning the damn bird, gravy making, cranberry sauce from scratch, etc etc - it's a two day kitchen event.

I have ceramic floors, I need to wear my heavy duty aerobic shoes for that event or my legs and back are crying by the end of it... even with all the wine consumed while preparing. Sure, go ahead and do all the work. I really do NOT mind. It's the gloating about how delicious *his* dinner is that makes me roll my eyes. The sad part is the SU is looking for affirmation, but I don't know who he expects to get it from. Me? as if.

I am going hot and cold on - keep the house, give him the house. I really am not sure what I want to do. I am thinking the financial specialist I have - (I specialize in divorce and finances says her tag line) will be able to help me get a handle on this. In the mean time I am adding up the list of the 40 or so things that need fixing around here and am going to get one of those handy man places to give me an estimate on what labour and costs might be. That's not even counting the big expensive things like new windows in EVERY room in the house, new siding and insulation as well as new rec room in the basement. It will add up.

Rebel not doing too badly, but it appears the fluid is building up again. It's a tad disheartening for her. We will see what her doc says next week.

I intend to enjoy the rest of my weekend.

And be thankful for all I do have.

Thirteen on Thursday.

13 things SU has bought for RT - before taxes
Conservative estimates based on dinner time conversation with Rebel!

1. digital camera $600
2. pair of shoes $120
3. five tops $150
4. two pairs jeans $120
5. earrings $15
6. two sweaters $75
7. three binders $30
8. knapsack $30
9. socks $10
10. memory card for the camera $45
11. lunch money -but I make lunches $45
12. books $40
13. cash any time she asks $200

Disneyland Dad Grand Total: in three months: $1330

Amount spent on Rebel - mostly to help with her bills - $350

Wordless Wednesday

Tuesday Tribulations

Miss Rebel has a new front tooth. She is happy it's fixed and has her beautiful smile back. I think she's going through a depression though. She was cranky as hell yesterday and being miserable to everyone. I don't doubt that she has these moments. She told me that she can't remember what it feels like to feel good any more. I so feel for her, and there's not a lot I can do. I'd like her to see Trish again, but Trish wants her to ask for herself rather than have me make the calls, and I agree.

Rebel and RebelTweeny were close to killing each other last night. The sniping and to-ing and fro-ing between them was driving me insane. No doubt there is the normal sibling rivalry however Rebel's illness, RT's hormonal wackiness of normal teen growth is not being helped by the spousal ennuie and strife, and the normal stuff between sisters has escalated beyond normal in my opinion.

The SU didn't do anyone favours this summer by buying a new $600 camera for RT. That is the root of the current resentments. Rebel tried adding up the amount of money the SU has spent on RT it's a stupid amount of money And Rebel doesn't see any fairness and she is taking it out on the wrong person.

RT made a simple comment last night to Rebel. Rebel started lashing out and it led to a screaming match between the two that went to new heights. Rebel should have known better being the older sibling and an adult. Her behaviour was childish. RT is in that state where it's supposed to be all about her in her age 14-ness. However we are not in a normal state around here for any number of reasons. It's the resentment the older one feels towards the younger one because of her perception that her father is playing favourites. The younger one isn't appreciating her sister's situation, her fears, her depression and all that goes with a serious medical condition because she doesn't "look" sick, really. Mix in the fact that father refuse to communicate with mom on any level and hides in his lair... what are these kids to think?

This is going to take a whole lot of work to fix. A whole lot of work. And the SU - if he realizes what he's created here - isn't acknowledging a thing.

Monday Musing

A pretty quiet weekend this weekend. I have to assume that SU signed off the mortgage documents. I haven't heard from the bank yet and figure he doesn't want to go into arrears and ruin his credit rating so his Shark should have counselled him to sign off and shut up.

I told my She-Barracuda that all arrangements for meetings with the mediator can be set up by the SU. He can organize by giving me date and time options for this thing to get started. I don't need to be organizing him for this little party. I have enough to do in my life.

SU took Tweeny shopping for clothes... again. Rebel is feeling very slighted. And hurt. SU has been paying her phone bill and VISA debt so I guess he feels that's enough. It's not even a start.

I am thinking as part of the mediation exercise I am going to try and insist on family counselling to deal with these things. Even Rebel's boyfriend is noticing the division within the family. He says it looks like RT and SU are pitted against me and Rebel. I don't like this, and I am doing what I can, but SU doesn't seem to care that he is driving a wedge between his daughters or demonstrating his contemptuous attitude towards me and it's filtering to the RT. It's not good. He will HATE the idea of counselling and won't want to go, but this is NOT about him. It's about the girls and their need to understand their role in the family and our role as their parents. SU could use a little of this as well.

I attend a big to-do church function yesterday. Because of my role on Parish Council, I was seated with the all the big cheese priests. I met the new guy in town who is taking on a bunch of roles - one in particular with the Canon Law Tribunal. He is the lead for the marriage tribunal and is the go-to guy for those seeking annulments post divorce. I told him my situation and explained that I would probably be interested in an annulment post divorce. NOT that I think I would ever want to get married again ( rolls eyes) but really... the annulment would close the door for me and brings things to a natural conclusion.
This priest was good. He knows the rules etc, and frankly it doesn't hurt to have one of these guys in your court when going for the final event. He told me they like to wait at least a year post divorce being starting the paperwork on annulments. I have several friends who've been through this and it's a pretty intense process. These guys don't cut a lot of slack and it's not a rubber stamping process by any means.

I have to take Rebel to the dentist today to get her chipped tooth fixed. She has to take a whack of antibiotics as a preventative measure against infection before any dental work. AS per the instructions of her cardiologist. MORE drugs! But she doesn't care. She says she's tired of looking like a trailer trash blonde!

Tuesday, we head to the Heart Institute for a heart ultrasound to see how she is progressing.

I have Friday off this week as we are heading into the Thanksgiving weekend already. Turkey time.

Thirteen on Thursday.

13 words for LAWYER....

none of them mean Mediator

1. counsel
2. counselor
3. solicitor
4. barrister
5. attorney
6. jurist
7. prosecutor
8. lawgiver
9. suit
10. advocate
11. shark
12. shyster
13. pettifogger

Wordless Wednesday.

Going with the system.

After stewing all weekend with the mortgage issue and trying to decide what to do with the mediation stuff... I decided I had to do what the SU termed... "going with the system." He has been known to have a good one once every couple of years so I have to give him this one.

There are systems for everything. You get in a car accident - there is a system... you are getting married... there is a system... You go to the hospital... there is a system. An ebb and flow to each system and you kind of have to go with it. So in this marriage breakdown thing... there is a system.

I have a She-barracuda - I am paying her to help me.. I have to trust her judgment and go with her best advice.

So she found me a lawyer mediator. Someone who does mediation full time, no lawyering.. at a reasonable amount of money - more than the chosen mediator, less than a suit -

She rightly believes that if I don't give on this issue, SU will want to go high speed litigation... because he is an ass and would like to hold a grudge and fight. So.. I will let this one go. No, I am NOT giving in or giving up... I am getting ready. He doesn't want to mediate I don't believe. He wants to get in and deal with every gripe, every perceived slight, every slight and get to me. I say... WHatEvEr!

I am taking my paperwork and financial information to the financial divorce specialist lady... and she is going to help me put together the money piece. When SU's own family is saying to me... do NOT give him a single piece of your assets... law or no law... it's clear he has no support. The financial piece is the key to this thing.

We also have a ton of work to do with the girls. SU believes there is a no issue with custody or living arrangements. That is so not the end of the story. These girls of mine need counseling. Family counseling. That will be a serious condition in these mediation efforts. Nothing will be signed off at my end without some special facilitated family time. He will be seriously afraid.

I realized too... I have this army of women working for me and with me. Girl Power! He has no idea what he is about to be hit with!

None.

Taking this fecking eejit down!

Thanks Rudy for my new favourite phrase.
Two things sent me through the roof today.

The mortgage is up for renewal. As usual, SU left the docs sitting on the kitchen table which was my usual sign to pick things up and take action. Well by now the separation was to have been done and the house settled... with me. Things don't always happen the way we want. Of course the bank won't grant an extension... not for any reason. God forbid that the bank, the TD Canada Trust in this case, have a compassionate bone in their corporate greedy entities. Not going to happen. So if SU doesn't sign off on the renewal, the mortgage goes into arrears and both our credit ratings go to hell. Great! This should be fun. AS IF we'll be able to settle this before the end of the month.

And it gets better. We've been negotiating on getting a mediator. My choice is someone who is not a lawyer but who is well versed in mediation practices, who has years of experience in all forms of family martial separation agreements. The SU's lawyer has said that we *must* use a lawyer skilled in mediation, because our separation isn't about custody, something better handled by non lawyer mediators but someone skilled in legal financial questions and separation. This is an argument so full of holes I didn't know where to begin. Last I checked custody issues are also defined by legal overview under the Child Protection Act, the Family Law Act and at least one or two Acts within my jurisdiction. I told my She Barracuda that I couldn't speak at the moment because I was so seriously, absolutely pissed off with himself.

My theory is that SU thinks we are going to get into counselling rather than mediating a deal. I believe he is scared. He'd rather pay two lawyers a combined hourly rate of over %500 than get things mediated for under $100 per hour and then have his suit review an agreement. I think his suit is just lazy and doesn't want to do any of the final work that a real counsellor is supposed to do.

I wasted this afternoon doing research on mediation, and lawyers vs non lawyers, difference in costs etc as well as defining what is meant by mediation. I will be sending this to my Shebarracuda on Monday morning.

At the same time, I will have to confront the SU about this and the mortgage question. Interestingly, I have an army of people to back me. I have friends and support . He can't even get his own family to back him up.

So.... I believe I will have to start using some of the leverage I have built up and take this fecking eejit down.

Finally Friday!

I went to RebelTweeny's school today for "Follow your kid's timetable" to learn about her new school and classes. She is at the school where her dad, the Spousal Unit teaches rather than going to the school in our district. I am okay with that... its a good school and I know some of the teachers.

I learnt that I am not seeing any notes or reports or other information, as RT gets dad to sign off on things and no one brings me notes home, because "dad knows all about this." I told them both, I am a parent too, I am interested in what goes on at school and how you are doing. Everything comes home please . You want dad to sign. That's fine. (it will be the first time ever he's actually been involved) But I expect to see everything. I am now on several email lists with her teachers. Score one for the mom!

And then...

I finally saw for the first time... the SU's fantasy woman. The one he was going to leave me for way back ages ago when he first dropped the bomb. The one who didn't know he existed. What a weird feeling that was. I've never told the whole "how it started story" on my blog, I will have to do that some time. Reader's Digest version is... a week after I got the "I love you but I am not in love with you speech" I learnt that SU had a crush on a woman he worked with. She never knew. She had a boyfriend that SU didn't know about. He really truly believed he could make something happen with her. And of course, she is 20 years younger than him.

I am just very glad now for all my buddies at the Divorce busting board who helped me keep my sanity as I was tempted to go off and stalk her and do all sorts of nutbar things. It was all in his head. And from what I have since learnt... NOTHING would have EVER come of it. He would have seriously embarrassed himself. In a way it's too bad that never happened! She, like many people he works with, does not have a high opinion about him personally. As a teacher, I have heard all right things, but as a person... whole other story.

I digress.. it was still weird. When her name was announced and I saw her face to face. I had to think hard... do I talk to her or not. HMMMM say anything ... something? Nope... I've got four years at this school. Save the nutbar behaviour for when you really need it girl. But I checked her out pretty good, and gave her more than a once over... probably enough to make her feel uncomfortable But I had no reason to chat her up yet.... so I didn't. Knowing how the SU had influence over RT's timetable, I am thinking he's going to make sure RT never has her as a teacher.

I am sooooo glad it's Friday.

It's going to be serious drinks time when I walk in the door after work.

Thirteen on Thursday

13 miscellaneous things,
or can I use the EF word in almost every Thing?

1.The former she-boss had the fecking gall to send me a "we're BFF" email. "Dear Marie. How ARE you? I never see you. You and the SU still divorcing? " I mean WTF??? She is up to something. She has a motive. AS IF I would respond!
2. I confess... I missed a meeting last night and didn't call the chair to tell her I wasn't coming. I was just too effing tired. I was to give a presentation. Volunteer stuff. I could feel the blood sugar levels dropping and decided it made more sense to go home then to go to yet another meeting after work.
3. Found the receipt for the shoes RT wants to return. Trouble is she returned them to the store and got a store credit. Zero patience. It's the third freakin' pair of shoes she's returned to this store. You'd think we'd get the drift by now wouldn't you.
4. I am seriously thinking of Lily's solution to my house problems. Pitch the SU bring in the BF. Got a whole lot more effing work done around here.
5. Rebel coming home today. The cardiologist has her on new diuretics. The kid says... "ma... I am like fuckin' peeing every half hour." I hafta roll my eyes before I tell her to stop being vulgar - even if she is sick!
6. The new man-boy boss is pretty good. He asks questions, dresses like a manager ( that is a shirt with a collar, sleeves and pressed trousers - BUT he really should wash the hair on a daily basis. It's longish and effin' greasy. blech. Ruins his cool,serious, geek look.
7. WHO stole ( oops! borrowed perhaps?) my brand new Makeup Forever $20 mascara. Funny how things have a bad habit of just disappearing out of the GD ffing bathroom... make up drawer. We know Rebel is not guilty, and last I heard... SU isn't using women's cosmetics...
8. Why can't people put their dishes into the dishwasher instead of hand washing them and leaving them on the counter? What's the fucking point???
9. I just remembered I took my winter boots to the shoe store to have the zippers fixed. They've been there all summer. I guess I should get them out of hock before he sells them or something. Yikes!
10. Why does it bother people that other people like to make the bed in the morning and have it all perfect for bed time?
11. Potatoes ( hash brown style) or brown basmati rice with dinner?
12. Doesn't it make more sense to get the garbage taken out or at least have ready to put by the curb the night before rather than trying to beat the garbage collectors to the curb in the morning?
13. I have my annual check up with the doc next week. He and I have become fast friends this past year. I hope I don't see him for a full year after the check up is done. Fifty-ish hormones... pre-menopausal, full-throttle, screaming, loud freakiness. I think I'd like to have a mid life crisis about now. Hope he can give me something for that!
In the 25 years I've known the SU... he has NEVER EVER had a full complete ( and I mean full complete) check up with his doctor... ever not at all. He did go one year, but never followed up on the tests the doc ordered. Again I say... WTF??? All part of his bizarre nature. Fear.

Wordless Wednesday

A Happy Girl!

Rebel is very happy. As expected, her cardiologist's main resident came up to her floor, reviewed her chart and the next thing you know things started happening. It was pretty amazing how fast things can work when the boss gets things going.

Rebel had 2.5 litres of fluid taken out of her belly. No doubt they'll run tests on it, and more blood work, and ultrasounds... but already she is feeling the difference. This can only be a good thing.
Her diuretics are going to be increased for a short time frame to see how much she can lose through her system. She was told she would probably be released "in a few days." She is thinking Wednesday.

SU visited her for a couple of hours on Sunday - took the RebelTweeny with him. Rebel sort of read him the riot act on his lack of action around the house noting the BF's interest in getting things done around the place. The BF has a list of things he'd like to do for us, and I may just put him to work given SU's lack of interest.

I am glad it's a new week. No more big meetings for a while now. I am going to be at work counting on getting some projects moved forward and doing the fun stuff.

I am expecting that next Saturday will be a serious sleep in day. Black drapes shut, no noise anywhere, and no possibility of getting up for the coffee and paper til nearly noon. This getting up at 6:30 AM EVERY day of the week... not good for a person who is not what one would call a morning person on a good day.

Observations.

The docs were all nervous because Rebel "just fell" down... We now believe the weight of school books, a purse with junk in it that weighs a ton, plus a belly full of fluid combined with low blood pressure meant weak legs and ka-bam! Down she went. The docs were all worried that she had passed out. She hadn't. And it took a ton of convincing anyway. BUT the docs felt she should be under 48 hour observation so back into the hospital she went. This time she is at Heart Institute itself. A private room a decent telephone and your typical hospital tv. Her blood work - all normal. Electrolytes... ok... her cholesterol... a tad high.

The good thing in all of this, is because she is now inside rather than out... we are hoping that her cardiologist will order up the tests have the fluid drained while she is in. It would help.

A couple of things I heard today. A new guy on our board from out west - has a 24 yr old nephew diagnosed with cardiomyopathy at age 14. They figure he probably had it from about age 9. He was on a heart transplant list... He has recovered to 40% heart function which is very good. Most hearts function at 50%. Today he is an emergency med technician - works a full day. Can't ever play ice hockey again, but he does play ball hockey. He has an internal defibrillator that helps regulate his heart beat and takes meds every day... and is doing very very well.

We met a young woman on Rebel's floor today. She had a baby four months ago. Her docs thought she had postpartum depression, anxiety, viral pneumonia etc etc. Turns out her heart function was less than 10%. Today, she is on a heart transplant list. She is starting the road to recovery. Her mom and her husband are taking care of her new baby. Now the docs figure that she *might* have had pneumonia, but that some how she had post partum induced cardiomyopathy. She is 31 years old. She and Rebel are now bonding as they are the two youngest on the ward.

Interestingly the nurses are telling us they are seeing more and more of this kind of heart disease as a result of viruses. Weird eh?

I came home tonight and saw a huge carton of ramen type noodles sitting on the kitchen table. You don't have to be a heart disease patient to know that the nutritional value of this crap is a big fat ZERO and that ramen noodles with powdered flavour is nothing more than cheap noodles with salty flavoured water. Sodium in these things is through the roof. I asked the SU "WTF? WHY would you buy that shit?" He gave me some song and dance story about the price and blah blah.
"But it's crap" I said,, "and you know this. We all need to support Rebel as a family and do what we can to eat well, and better and just not have this stuff in the house. There is no need for it. "
I tell you... All I heard back, was "I eat better than all you. I'm the one who eats the fruit, I'm the one who doesn't eat any junk food. You have nerve, telling me what to eat." I roll my eyes... "Here's the thing" I told him. "it's NOT about YOU!. If you bring crap into the house, it's in temptation's way. We don't need this stuff in the house. Please do NOT buy it anymore. If it's not here. No one misses it. Do you get what I mean?"
And typically.... the SU walked away from me muttering.
It's always about him. WhatEvEr.

I am enjoying a pinot grigio, taking a book to bed and having a relaxing evening. Let the SU mutter away and believe me to be the bitch he's trying to make me out to be. It's HIS problem not mine.

I took the 12 pack of ramen noodles and threw them out!

Friday File.

Poor Rebel. She can't get a break. She fell at school yesterday, chipped her front tooth, got a fat lip and various cuts and bruises. The family doc thinks that the fluid retention in her belly coupled with her low blood pressure caused her legs to just give out. Family doc not pleased with her belly fluid and is going to see if we can't get all the tests needed sped up so that the fluid can be drained sooner rather than not so soon. Rebel loves her straight white teeth and is mortified to have a chip in it. She says that between the chipped tooth, the belly and the yucky clothes she is wearing...she is going to get a 1980s hair do! and them move to a trailer park! At least she does have some sense of a humour.

The beauty of the Canadian medical system is we have a good cardiologist, super Heart Institute, and we don't pay anything for this except through taxation. BUT we wait and wait and wait. No ultra sound until the end of month and follow up a week after that. The docs are way too busy ; they aren't now and as of about five minutes ago, she is moving things along a whole lot quicker. Rebel is headed for an ultra sound this morning instead of waiting the three weeks as originally scheduled. This is a good thing. Will see how things progress. It would appear that SU is taking her for her med rounds today. Interesting that he has found the time. I am hoping guilt is involved.


The SU is on his own path. His birthday was last weekend. I gave the girls money to get him a birthday present I mean really... what else was I to do? I asked them if they wanted to do anything else, and they said no. So I didn't bother with a family dinner or cake. I don't feel bad about that at all. I don't EVER remember, even during the good years, the SU getting me a cake for my birthday... not ever. He, as usual, wallowed.

Rebel's boyfriend asked him if he ever golfed. He barked out, a 'NO! I HATE golf!" I shook my head. How would he know? He's never played. Even I've gone golfing. The BF was trying to bond and take him to the driving range. The jackass lost out on that opportunity. The BF walked away.

SU is pushing the meditation process. He and/or his shark have suggested yet another shark for the mediation. AS IF! Pay another lawyer?! I think not. I told my She-Barracuda that I would NOT give in on this one. That one lawyer was enough to pay. I checked in with my mediator guy, got him to give me some references and a little more about his experience and told my She-Barracuda, that just because she didn't know this guy didn't me he wasn't good and I was not going to budge on what I wanted. She was welcome to call him but he was my guy.

I will tell the SU this to his face. I mean given all the crap we have to go through with Rebel, I really do NOT have the strength to keep going through mediation as well. Rebel is hurting... emotionally, psychologically as well as physically. She takes things to heart... and tries to fix things. She cannot fix this, but she doesn't need to be the shoulder her sister needs to lean on either. It's just not good.

I will tell SU to take a long walk on a short pier. He's just going to have to suck up what he wants and stop being selfish. If he can't put aside his pathetic needs to run away and just focus on what Rebel needs, he's not much of a father at all. But we already know this! If he attempts to push me, that is, put his needs ahead of his daughter's.. his reputation, what's left of it, will be impaired even more. Those who know him will have no respect for a man who pushes this way. And I can make sure that EVERYBODY he knows is aware of his behaviour. It won't be difficult at all. And I don't even have to go from zero to bitch either.

I have board meetings all weekend. Strategic planning and the regular business of my professional association. It's going to be a busy weekend. Believe me, I will find time for a drink or two and some R&R.

Have a good weekend.

Thirteen on Thursday.

13 words or phrases
I have been hearing or reading A LOT lately

1. "MO-THUR!" RebelTweeny's word for mother.
2. "I have a question" Rebel... and it is usually followed by something like... "do you think I can go on birth control pills?"
3. "I don't see why not?" Response to anything from the SU to the RT.
4. "What time is it?" RT when asked to get out of bed in the morning.
5. "Mediation" - seeing that a lot lately from the She-Barracuda.
6. "Sleep" not enough.
7. "Gel nails" loving them!
8. Pantyhose" forcing them on - first time since mid May ugh.
9. " budgets" self explanatory.
10. "Legal action" in response to not moving fast enough on no. 5!
11. " Scotch" see 9.
12. "Ask Marie" at meetings this week... organizing committee.
13." WhatEvEr" my responses to most of 1-12!

Wordless Wednesday

Everything Has Rhythm.

Back to the routine of school and activities. Back to the rhythm and dance of making lunches, driving to after school dance classes, swim classes and all the rest of it.

RebelTweeny is getting into her new school it seems. She has homework already and understands that being her father's daughter means no messing around. Shall see how long that lasts.

Rebel too is back at school. I drive her in the morning and she takes the bus home. Next week, I won't be around much to drive her so I am hoping she'll be able to manage. The bus for her is no big deal, it's getting to the bus stop that has to take her to school in the morning that is the issue.

Rebel has lost weight... her clothes are all baggy on her. The only problem is the fluid retention in her belly still makes her look five months pregnant. She loves the idea of new clothes, but the belly thing is frustrating. She is hoping that at her appointment next week with her cardiologist they'll be able to come up with some plan to help with that.

She still doesn't eat much or the right way, and this concerns me. She is still having a tough time learning how to graze five to six times rather than going for three squares... or waiting til she's absolutely starving and then the sore tummy kicks in or the barf... which none of us enjoy!

SU as expected did NOTHING all summer. Nothing that needed fixing or finishing was touched. SU other than visiting his family for three weeks out east did nothing for two and half months. Now he's on my case about paying down debts. I believe he's referring to the fact that I took money from our line of credit and I am not paying it down. I am looking after my own credit card debt and have decided until we separate to not worry about the joint stuff. It's not worth my worrying over.

It's a hot humid day today... probably one of the last of the summer. I am going to enjoy it after the work day is done.

Thirteen on Thursday

13 frivolous things I can't live without...

well... I could....

1. Cup of peppermint and chamomile tea at bedtime
2. Bailey's in my coffee on the weekends
3. Murder mysteries
4. Red shoes... summer sandals and winter pumps
5. Dvd player for movies
6. CD player..and music (not quite anmp3 user or player yet)
7. Scotch- single malt preferably Dalwhinnie
8. Great sharp knives in the kitchen ( not quite frivolous I don't believe)
9. Blow dryer
10. Running shoes - so I don't have to walk far in the high heels
11. Electric toothbrush
12. Mom's fur coat
13. Heating pad in my bed for the cold feet

Now THAT'S a CAT!

He Just Isn't.

I really don't know if the SU is as clued out as he makes out or what his problem is, but a regular, engaged, on-top-of- it father he isn't. There are days when I think I need to change the name of this blog to something to do with parenting nightmares!

RebelTweeny has a friend staying the weekend. The two of them made plans to see a movie. That's fine. Apparently

"dad knows all the details mom!"

ok... that is good. So around 7:30 pm ish... SU dropped the girls off at the theatre. I did ask what movie they were going to see before they left. It's a good thing I did.

After I've been scrap booking a couple of hours I figured I'd better check the time... and it's now at least 2 1/2 hours since the girls left. The movie theatre is less than 10 minutes away, and most movies only last two hours max. Why haven't they called?

So I looked up the movie on the website and I see if they did go to the early show it would have been done about half an hour ago. As I check things I see the friend left her cell phone at our place. RT doesn't have a cell and I would swear that the concept of a pay phone and how to use it eludes her.

I yelled at the SU through his closed AND LOCKED door... in his upstairs cave... "what time are you picking up the girls?"
"They said they'd call," he says.
"Yeah well, the girl left her cell behind and from what I can tell, the movie ended over half an hour ago"
"So what do you want me to do?" SU asks me.
I sigh... and ask, "what time were they planning on seeing the movie?"
He responds.."I didn't really get that from them."

So he didn't ask for anything. He didn't have any details aside from "call me when you're ready to come home" which is NOT the same as "call me when the movie ends." I roll my eyes, and suggested that perhaps he needed to go to the theatre and find them, as according to the website the movie was over half an hour ago.

"RT will use a pay phone. What's she gonna do? WALK home?" I told him that yes... she would walk home.
So I sent the SU off with my cell phone just in case the girls called, after showing him how to turn on the thing to accept a call.

The girls arrive home and sure enough... they "wouldn't use a stupid pay phone." Apparently neither of them HAD the 50 cents needed and they were NOT going to ask an adult for help. I had a little chat about that. SU left the room!

They handed me some story about the movie starting 45 minutes after the time stated in the website. I told them I usually found the website quite reliable because people used it to buy tickets.

And indeed... they were planning on walking home rather than ask to use a phone or to borrow 50 cents for a call until her dad arrived and could pay someone back. I told RT as SU sauntered back into the room, that next time there were plans made I would like to help to ensure the details and their safety and perhaps a better plan so that they were not stranded again without so much as a nickel to get home.

So the thing is, I have to go out of town for two days and I wonder what nonsense these girls might get up to because Dad doesn't get the point of asking for details. He locks himself up into a room, there is no phone in that room. I lock my bedroom because I am tired of RT taking my things and not asking or returning them, so he isn't going to hear the phone there either. How the hell does he play dad without engaging himself?

I imagine I will have to leave him some sort of check list or something while I am away so he is semi clued in to ensuring RT's safety and places some kind of boundaries around her. It boggles my mind. RT of course thinks I am being "stupid" and as usual, SU blithely goes along. If I hadn't said anything last night, I am sure those girls were going to walk. It's not that long, and it's mostly safe, but really.... ?!?!?!

Today is a gorgeous sunny day, and I have my newspaper, coffee & Baileys( just a wee dram) AND a book on my quarterdeck. Last long weekend of the summer!

It seems to go faster every passing year.

Facebook Is My Friend. SU is Not!

You gotta love Facebook. Lurking on profiles it's amazing what one learns. I see the young man's, with whom SU parties, girlfriend sent a note to one of my linked friends.. " we're going to the bar and SU is meeting us there... do you want to join us?" Hmmm SU mentioned nothing to me and I had planned on going out myself to scrapbook.

So upon arriving at home, I asked him if he was indeed going to the bar that evening. The look on his face... priceless.. He asked me how I knew. AS IF I was going to reveal how I gather my intelligence.. he tried pushing for a bit, and of course, I gave away nothing. In the end... he didn't go out... and the next day... I saw who all was there as photos were posted up on the friend's girlfriend's page on Facebook.

SU owes me a pile of money on our health benefits for Rebe's meds. Between $300-$400 worth. We both have plans through our work and the benefits are coordinated. The policy is whoever has the earliest birthday claims the children first and then the rest comes out of the other spouse's plan. I've had my 65% returned and now I keep waiting for SU to cough up what I need back for cash flow.. Rebel's meds average about $200 every 6 weeks for now.. and it cuts in a bit. Not sure how this works after we're done but I am sure the insurance companies have policies for this too.

Rebel Tween has a friend staying the weekend. Friend's mom and I have had many discussions and we read the riot act to both girls together. We told them... mess this one up girls and it's good by sleep overs til university!

Rebel's boyfriend, cut the lawn, fixed a lamp outside, and washed the windows already and it's only 11 AM! I am giving him the "honey do" list. It doesn't seem that SU is too embarrassed by any of it. I think his entire two months off, when he wasn't visiting family consisted of sleeping til noon and watching tv in his cave. He did nothing else. No surprise and no expectation.

SU asked me if I "had" to go to the first day barbecue at RT's school on Tuesday. RT will be going to the same school where SU teaches rather than to our neighbourhood high school. I told him given that the newsletter we received from the new principal said.."all parents welcome" and I am a parent... it would be seem to be a good idea to attend. He suggested I may cramp RT's style... and I replied...

"Of course I cramp her style, she's 14 and I am her mother.. You sure it's not YOUR style you're worried about?"

Given that she upon whom he died of unrequited love still works there... it may be other issues bothering him. I am the alpha parent though.. so barbecue here I come. And I WILL meet every teacher in that school! Get ready!

Long weekend and I took several extra days off work. Not back til next Thursday. And it's a beautiful day. I've got the sheets outside drying for that fresh air scent, the windows wide open and a book to read on the quarter deck with a Creemore in another couple of hours.

Does Jerry Lewis still have his telethon going?

Enjoy YOUR long weekend.

Thirteen on Thursday.

12 things I didn't wear to work today... and 1 I did!

1. Black polka dot skirt with red tank cami top. No... too cold and rainy.
2. Green skirt and that funny coloured cami that goes with everything No... not in a green mood and See #1.
3. The pale yellow linen trousers and navy t No... at the dry cleaners.
4. The khaki trousers - No... in the laundry.
5. Black Spanner capris with polka dots... No, See #4.
6. Black jean skirt.. No too cold for bare legs today.
7. Khaki skirt ARGH has a stain on it.. laundry.
8. Red weekender dress... N0,not a red day today.
9. Navy blue skirt with red polka dot top no.. wore the navy skirt on Monday.
10. Black jeans and jacket.. no... wrong texture... too dark for summer even if it is cold.
11. Blue jeans. No... too casual have a meeting down town today.
12. Sunny Choi lavender suit... No... way too powerful for today's meeting - unnecessary

13 yeah... this will do... the Seasons pink jean trousers with matching jacket.. and the pink/green/black striped top

What are you wearing today?

Wordless Wednesday

Positively Karmic.

Karma must be changing for me. I hope so. My self mastery instructor, Trish, told me I have had a karma that needs to be fixed. I'm working on some stuff that she directed me towards as well as keeping a positive attitude and changing how I think about some things in life. That's the tough part isn't it - changing how we think about ourselves, our children, our relationships. It's not easy, but if life is going to be what I want then change has to happen.

I had a chat today with someone at work about the possibility of moving to his section. It would be a complete change of pace for me, yet somewhat related to what I do in a tangential kind of way. AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO GO THROUGH A HIRING PROCESS! I would come on down because ... I can! This has me very excited.

My new young man manager and I work together well too. He gets it. I get it. I want to help him do well. It is amazing how attitude and respect for each other translates into a mutually agreeable way to do business and enjoy it.

Now if I can make this work at work, perhaps I can make it work with RebelTween and the SU. The difference is SU can't make the changes. Trish tells me it's enough that I make the change because others subconscious has a way of falling into line when it notices that attitudes have shifted. This is somewhat the same thing said on the Divorce Busting website. Not that I am still thinking about busting this thing, but a different attitude will certainly help me move things along the way I want. Living it may also help Rebel in her healing if she observes my attitude and thinking.

I think any of us who have kids going to school we always look at September as the "real" new year. Fresh new clothes, new notebooks and pretty crayons not smashed down yet.
I am starting to feel good again.

It must be a new year approaching.

Pausing. Praying. Planning.

It's August 27. It is 24 years ago today I married the SU. What I remember most from that day is the SU standing up in front of our friends and family at the party after the ceremony and telling the world... "She is my best friend, and I know she's your friend too. I know you all love her and so do I. I will love her forever.!" sigh. And I remember thinking even then.. "I will remember this moment for the rest of my life"... and I have so far... Life has a funny way of turning out though doesn't it?

I re-read my blog entry from last year. Things have most definitely changed since last year. And while I had expected to be done with the relationship before this date that's not the case. It doesn't bother me much. I have other things on my mind right now. I have to believe there is a plan. I don't know what it is. It's up to me to make my choices and I am doing that. It may not be a clear choice for the moment and that's okay too.

Sundays, in church at the end of the liturgy, I sit and meditate for a bit on what I am supposed to be doing that day, that week, and leave it at that. Que sera sera and all that. Life will unfold as it must. Don't think for a minute I will just "let" things happen, oh no... but there are some things that can be taken on and dealt with and some that cannot. Taking care and working with Rebel is utmost for now. As she gains her health back and TweenyRebel manages to get back into some form of older teen-ness... I will be able to move forward. SU can sit and sulk in his cave - upstairs or basement. He can take his pick! It really doesn't bother me. It's almost as if he is barely part of the equation at this point.

I had a note from someone I know to whom I gave this blog. Within my own circle I have been selective about who gets here. For the random hits... well... lucky you! I gave her my blog because she was going through a divorce. She has children too. I didn't know much about her personal life and how it was going for her so I let her in on my own experiences and rants. Now fortunately for her, she and her ex-SU have a good relationship as parents to their children and she says they are friends. And good for both of them! She has had a mostly decent experience through a negative one of a family having to split up. And it happened with a level of maturity and the right way! But she did find that reading my rants and comments gave her a little something to think about. And that is why I write. By blogging I believe someone may stumble upon my rants and silliness and perhaps realize that they are not the only ones trying to figure out what to do with an SU and other fall outs from these things. Or they might just read and be entertained or appalled!

I am pleased she dropped me the little note tell me she got something out of reading my stuff.

So I will have a drink tonight. To remember what was, and to plan, to hope, and to pray for what will be. And I will keep blogging to see where I will be at this time next year!
Thanks for reading friends and strangers all the same.

Tire{d} Separation Status.

I had a phone call yesterday from what I had thought were the not so friendly guys at my tire store. The store where I bought two sets of expensive tires for my car... snow and regular!

When I bought the snow tires they went on the Spousal Unit's account. I paid the SU when the bill came... no big deal. When it came to buy the regular tires this past spring I had already decided to pay cash and not deal with the SU - not quite kosher given our so-called "separation status."

When I went in pay for the tires and have them installed, one of their so called experts had "sold" my tires to someone else in error, so I had no tires that day. BUT I was walking around with about $500 in my purse (I NEVER do this... long story) so I said to the guy that I didn't want him to sell the next set of tires. Could I put a deposit down on them for $300? They agreed. I kept asking to make sure the tires were in MY name and that I now had my own account.

About three weeks later I went to get the tires changed. All done and went to pay. Guess what? My deposit had ended up on the SU's account rather than on my tires. The guy - Troy - said to me, that the SU had told them that "under no circumstance" was I "allowed" to do anything with his account, so gee sorry, he couldn't get my $300 out of the account and on to my tires. I tried calling the SU at home, but since it was only 11 AM on a Saturday, he was still asleep. The girls rarely answer the home phone, either. So after about three tries I gave up. I smiled sweetly at Troy and said... "FINE! I'll pay with my debit card and I'll keep you free of my marital drama with the SU." Troy didn't like the sound of the "FINE" but was smart enough to grovel and apologize for the screw up saying "his hands were tied." I tell ya... I wanted to "tie up" more than his hands. But.. I kept my cool.

I decided not to get my knickers in a twist over this. When the statement from the tire store arrived for the SU with a $300 credit I told the SU what had happened and what I needed to get my money back. I didn't hold my breath, and then with Rebel's sickness... it got put on a back burner.

Fast forward to yesterday. I had a call from Troy at the tire store. SU tried going to talk to him about the error and asked for his money back. At the store they didn't have cash to give him so they sent him to the head office for the chain. Troy told me that the SU was rude and aggressive with the comptroller - a woman. Troy called me to ask me what I thought should happen because he remembered the situation when I came in -

"and you were really cool about it' and your husband, or whatever he is, pissed off the comptroller"

So the SU didn't get the money. They clearly do NOT need to be in the middle of a marital financial squabble. My new best friend told me, they don't want to talk to the SU any more because of his rude behaviour. I told Troy that I would write a note explaining what had happened, and since the money was in the SU's account he would also sign the letter but the cheque needed to be made out to me as I was the one who put it into the account and they all knew that. It was their error and they had to fix it, which they agreed to. Troy and I bonded. I expect very good service when it's time to get my snow tires put on in October. SU on the other hand, is having his account closed because of his lack of manners.

Upon arriving at home last evening, I expected SU to ask me for help. He looked like hell. Unshaven, walking around in old sweats, and didn't have have a word for me. Not a single word. While I KNOW I am cutting off my nose to spite my face on this one, but I am going to see how long it takes SU to ask me to help. I don't expect he will, he's got a streak of pride in him a mile wide and four deep. I'll draft up a note to the store that I will ask him to sign, and take it in to see Troy.

SU has never understood how to make friends. And one never knows when one will need friends.

Even at the tire store.