Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Marriage is like a horse race

I have nothing to add. A friend sent this to me not even knowing what was going on in our lives. If he actually knew how hysterical I found this clip it would be way better. But of course, there are some things that some friends just don't need to know. And.... they're off!

http://www.killsometime.com/Audio/Funny-Audio.asp?audio=Horse-Race


Saturday, May 07, 2005

More on this & that

We were out at our local pub last week to hear a band. Surprisingly, a few people my husband works with were also at the same place to hear the band. At the end of the evening as we were driving home I mentioned to the husband how surprised I was that one of his colleagues was at the bar. He made the observations that it would appear that said guy and his wife were never seen together, that it appears that they were "disengaged" Said the Husband "it's pretty clear there are problems there as they never go out anywhere together. It's rather sad... they have three children."

I found this observation rather surprising coming from MY husband who regularly goes out on his own without me, who is so "disengaged" that I can barely get more than two sentences out of him on a good day after work.

I haven't learned how to pursue these kinds of conversations though, probably because I can't control where they will go. And more importantly I probably don't really want to know what he is thinking. I want to have the answer in my pocket before I actually hear what he has to say.

On the other hand I am not sure I care. Funny how he is noticing other people's relationship woes - real or imagined - but not doing anything about his own.

I had an email from a former divorce busting board poster and FEE knows who she is... She said my tone has changed - that I am not the person I was when I was posting. She's so right. I am not that woman any more.

I've thought about her email a lot. A bit of soul searching because even though she and I have never met face to face we spent a lot of time posting our thoughts feelings and relationship woes on that board. We really did get to know each other in that virtual world. At that time there was nothing more important to me than trying to save my marrige and get it together with my partner.

My husband and I did manage to pull back together. I played it by the Divorce Busting rules for the most part and I did what I believed I had to do to pull the relationship together. But to this day...I am convinced it was all one sided.

I may have been able to get past it but since all that work, other forces have worked against me or us. Stressful problems with our teenager and differences in opinion about how they should be resolved have created rifts again. I believe he is so concerned about not being like his old man that he gave our teen far too much leeway. It's just not a good scene.

I don't think I've ever been more exhausted and stressed in my entire life. This has been far worse than the entire marriage blow up. And it's not being resolved. My belief is the teen needs to leave our home since she doesn't actually behave as if she is part of the family. Our home is her hotel, except no one is being paid anything to keep her.

The little one watches and learns and has expressed her own belief that we would all be better off if the teen age sibling was not living here. I am starting to agree. I would actually get a full night's sleep not worrying about when or if she is coming home. If she lived elsehwere I wouldn't have to deal with the waiting, the disrespect, the problems of her attitude.

My husband and I have not come to any kind of agreement on what to do with this kid. He's given her far more rope than I would have. Frankly who wants to make love or let's be real here... have sex, when you're worried your kid is lying in a ditch at 2 in the morning.

I heard my mom say on more than one occasion that she would think twice before having children if she could do it again...And you now understand perhaps all about me?
I too have started thinking about this.. and probably won't have much different to say until I have grand kids... ( I should live that long!) but really knowing what I know with this one.