While away.. Tweeny did play!

I was very tired on Thursday night in Baltimore after travelling, meetings, and a not too late dinner. I sent the Rebel a text, and hit the pillows hard. I was probably fast a sleep two seconds after that. When... my cell phone started ringing. I thought it was morning and the radio was on... but no... it was the cell.

"Marie? It's Joanne... Victoria's mom Long story short," she says, " it would seem our girls snuck out of your house and are outside somewhere. I've been calling your land line and no one is picking up"

"Joanne? Let me wake up, " I replied most groggily and yet thinking WTF??? " Did you just say the girls are not at my house."

"NO! The cops are at the neighbours and their daughter isn't home. She thought they were here with Victoria. I've been calling and calling. Can you check?"

"Um... Joanne... I am in Baltimore!"

The F-sharps started!

SO with a racing heart I finally woke up, and told Joanne, I'd get the Rebel on the phone - get her to get home ASAP and find out what the bloody hell the spousal unit was doing that he hadn't checked up on the girls before he went to bed!
I got the Rebel on her cell, and she had just walked into the house.
Turns out Tweeny and company must have been plotting from what the Rebel said.
Rebel found her dad - the spouse of mine who really didn't get it. I told Rebel to get the dad into a car and drive around. Rebel was fit to be tied because she had been duped by the little Tweeny!

"Don't worry mom!
I'll find that little brat and kill her for you!"

I called Joanne back and told her what was going on. Then I waited. And waited. And waited.

I just finished getting dressed again, thinking I'd go have a scotch or three while waiting to hear back from home when the phone rang. It had only been fifteen minutes. Joanne calling to tell me that Rebel had found the girls, in a park not far from home with three bratty boys... also let out. Spouse grabbed them all threw them into his station wagon and read the riot act. One boy ran away!

"Oh Marie.. gotta go," said Joanne "Vicki just walked in, I have to go decide whether to beat that kid to death or just use slow torture while yelling my face off! "

I called Rebel on her phone. They were to drive the other little one home and she put on SUCH a show for the spouse that he relented and brought her back to our house. I shake my head. Rebel said

" You're lucky mom isn't here or this would have played out very very differently!"

I could hear the spouse going on in the background.

So I was back in bed by 1:45 AM... the whole episode lasted less than 45 minutes. I think it was probably about three AM before I finally slept. Up this morning at 6:45 Am for an 8:30 AM start.

sigh...

and Did the spouse even think to talk to me, to tell me the plan for the Tweeny who is off school today because of teacher's PD? Did he call to suggest how he wished to manage her this Friday evening as he goes off for his regular hockey game? And what was she doing all day?

sigh...

The kid isn't going to have another sleepover til she's married!

Congratulations.... You are an official statistic!

As I meanderingly make my way to the separate state I am learning that:

1. It's bloody expensive
2. I'm clearly not the only one. MacLean's Magazine had an article I read at the dentist's office yesterday morning called The 27 Year Itch from January 29th, 2007.

Back to point 1:
To get all the financials together you need to have someone crunch numbers on the pension plan, investments and assets. That means having an actuary do the work. Actuaries cost around $500 per consultation. This is NOT included in the lawyer's fees which run about $1500 - $2000. BUT a good actuary will do the "his & her" special for about $75 less per plan. *She rolls her eyes! * I am SO in the wrong business. It's too bad I find lawyers tiresome on a good day and can't do math without a calculator. Figuring out taxes and tips at restaurants is something I do with a cheat sheet for pete's sake!

Money that was supposed to have been used to finish the house stuff. I guess for him, getting out of the The spousal unit has apparently done all the above. WHatEvEr. AND paid for it too. HMMMmarriage is more important than ensuring that the house looks decent.

Again I say.... WHatEvEr!

Point 2:
It would seem for men.... getting out a marriage is all about " it's not working for me." For women it's I can't stand having him around me any more. And they're splitting up in droves, after 25, 30 and even 47 years of marriage. Interestingly though, as several studies have shown through the years... second marriages don't usually fare any better. ( shoot me first .... puh-leeese before even entertaining that thought!) In fact subsequent marriages are usually doomed to failure. It would seem we are entering the realm of the serial marriage.

and what else....

I haven't done my taxes yet... I have 33 days to go... no rush. The tax return will NOT be used to pay for the all season radials. Nor will it be used to pay for legal counsel. Nor will it be used to pay for the very expensive teeth. (see previous post!) No... no... no... the tax return will be used to pay to party.... May 17th is coming up quickly!

I am heading to Baltimore on business til Sunday. Tweeney has laid claim to my bedroom with the queen bed , and oh so comfortable duvet for a sleepover with a friend! The duvet went back on the bed after the spouse left the bedroom. He hated it. I love it. I am sleeping so much better these days. But... I digress.

I have to also leave a note for Rebel to tell her I don't want her sleeping in my room when I am away. The GALL of these children of mine! They don't even change the sheets either!

I might get a chance to post, and I may not. I've been asked to blog for my professional blog, so if there is time to spare I'll bring you news from down south!

Would a 23+ year marriage be considered a *starter* marriage?

Matters of the tooth!

SO was at the dentist's office today. Part of my own tooth that was left cracked - right down the middle. I now have a new hole in my mouth. Lovely expensive crown - REMOVED. Rest of my bad tooth - REMOVED!

I am now up for two implants in my mouth... One on my very front tooth, and one on this miserable back molar.

"Sheer bad luck" said my regular own dentist guy. Turns out Dr Baghdad was right! Tooth had to go! sigh...

Implants. BEFORE the crown -
at least $2000 x 2 needed $4000
Two crowns.,...
at least $1000 x2 need $2000
total cost of two teeth... $6000

total cost covered by dental plan -

Steel crowns NOT porcelain ( AS IF!) $500

Implants covered to the cost of a bridge or other means... - $1000

Out of pocket price - $4500!!!

Thank goodness for lines of credit and dental payment plans.

So... I was going to build a deck this summer... cost? $25000

Lawyer.... fees... ah that's a blog for the next time.

HMMM build a deck... get new teeth... let me think on it... summer is coming... need somewhere to put the barbecue...

Sunday Silly

I found it...

And you thought there was no such place, huh????



Comes in handy.
I'll not be without one.
Very handy as one starts the process of
dealing with a lotta of THIS as we plan new lives!!!

Romantic Policies?

This was my horoscope yesterday:

Romance can be exhilarating and passionate if you're willing to take a chance.
It's time to speak up about your needs. If the quality of your love life isn't up to par,
you need to enforce your own romantic policies.

WTF??!

I have no clue what a romantic policy is never mind enforce one! Anybody have an idea?
The policies I know are the ones I have to write for work, and I use a policy writer.
Any of you write policies on the aforementioned topic?

I clearly need a hand.

Drama with the tooth.

I had to see a dentist again. An.. emergency 1-800 type thing what with my own dentist away on March break (sigh) Got a little nervous I have to say when I saw his dental degree was from.... wait for it.... University of Baghdad!! really!

It got worse as he looked at the x-ray of my lovely new week old $1000 crown and stood there shaking his head going tut tut. So? I asked...
and the dentist-from-Baghdad says...

"that tooth is going to have to go...
you have abscess all the way down to the root.
Not worth saving."

Now I don't know about anyone else but when it comes to needles, drills and other instruments of torture used by dentists... you gotta go with the guy you have a long term relationship with, ya know? So I got a little, okay, totally petrified.

OY!

But then he said,

"but that's your dentist's decision.
Today, I will fix the infection, and give you anti-biotics."

I relaxed substantially! yesssssss! drugs!

As we talked ... I got to like his style. I asked him about life in Baghdad... Fascinating city Baghdad *used* to be... very cultured, very bustling.

He fixed me up with drugs, pain killers, a new tooth brush, Crest, a key chain, a pen, and Trident gum! Better swag than the guy I've been seeing for the last 20 years! If you need a dentist and you're where I am I recommend him. The swag alone is worth the visit! I ended up leaving very impressed.

My guy needs to be worried!

The spousal unit went on again about how I "left things too long." I looked at him and said,

"that really isn't the case at all. I left it for many other reasons, none of which you cared to know about it, so please do not make assumptions about me and my life when you clearly are not interested in the why."

All said very politely and without rancor. Just stating the facts. Because it comes down to just facts these days.

Tooth update? The lovely expensive computer generated crown has a crack in it. It will be replaced.... at no charge. This little molar of mine is truly becoming the most expensive thing I own!

Thirteen on Thursday

13 things to do because spring is here!

1. Send the fur back to storage for another year... see you in November!
2. Need to buy all season radials for the Taurus and change from the snow tires... I think we're done here.
3. Winter boots into a box into the basement! After cleaning and inspecting for need to replace ( oh please can we replace?
4. Flannels sheets back to the back of the linen closet... til the air conditioner kicks. in!
5. Remove lining from the leather jacket... pack into the Fall bag.
6. Squirrel damage review of tulip beds... damn critters!
7. Open the windows let the fresh ( +45 F) weather into the house!
8. Switch winter and spring/summer closets ( warn the spousal unit who is sleeping in the room where the clothes are stored... ( or NOT!).
9. Inventory the clothes... send old stuff to Sally Ann!
10. Time to shop! Need to replace clothes sent to Sally Ann.
11. Dark beer out... light beer in!
12. DROP the gym membership... walk outside... call those people at the Running Place.. resist temptation to buy the running uniforms!
13. Time to start planning the BIG party... for May... get the invitation list ready for the E-Vite site! May 17thhh the BIG DO!!!

woo hoo!

And what are YOU doing to get ready for spring!?

Weekend ponderings.

A quiet weekend for me. ( except. more tooth problems... that's an entirely other post!) Spouse went out to a St. Paddy's party with "the kids" where he was in charge of barbecuing ribs. He took his bottle of scotch with him. It came home two thirds empty. Tweeny had a couple of girls sleeping over so I stayed home instead of going out scrap booking and finally found some time to chat on IM! I noticed that one particular individual hasn't pinged me in some time. He must be waiting for me to ping him first! He knows who he is if he is reading this...Hint - lives in Massachusetts and has always been right... I hate when they're right... but he's right!

And as usual, Spouse didn't walk in the door until nearly 7 AM. Now I don't know if it's just me, or what... but the adults I know don't stay out all night. The adults I know seem to understand their limits and behave like the adults and *parents* that they are supposed to be.

Rebel was at home for a change and snorted about her dad thinking he was *so cool* because he stayed out all night.

"There's just something not right about it mom," she said. "Like what does he think? Does he think he's one of them? I mean doesn't he know he is a dad and nearly old?"

What can I tell her? I tried to think like a counsellor again, and suggested that she ask her dad these questions herself. I asked her if she found his behaviour embarrassing just strange or something else? Why did it bug her? She said that yep... embarrassing it is to know your dad thinks he is a party animal when he is the one that you're supposed to be looking to to set an example. She didn't articulate quite that way, but it's what she meant.
So I told her that she needed to have the conversation with her father, because if I said anything, he wouldn't believe me, and he would think I was projecting my own values and judgements on him. He needed to know what she thought of him and his behaviour.
The question is I wonder : does he care what this oldest child of thinks about his actions?

The Teen Age Mutant Ninja Turtle movie starts THIS Friday - the 23rd. Rebel is counting down. We're going. Tweeny is rolling her eyes. Donatello, Raphael, Michelangelo and Leonardo...

cowabunga dudes!

Friday File

Facebook

For those of you who got the Facebook invitation... My apologies. That was NOT my intention. As I was experimenting how the thing worked ( in my business I have to not just know the technology but use it too!) I inadvertently sent out invitations to EVERYONE in my Hotmail address book. Some of you are in there... many of you are not. My two worries were.... Spouse would get an invitation to "be my friend" as would former friend. I was mortified by the thought of either thinking they were my "friend"
I shut down the spouse I think...I blocked what I could of my own Facebook file. As for the former friend... I double checked my address book, and I had deleted him. The thought that he would think I wanted him as a friend was enough to send me to find the scotch bottle. That in and of itself was not a good thing to know or feel.

As for the rest of you who may have the invitation... (she rolls her eyes quite dramatically) feel free to delete it.
Though as an experiment in social networking on the wave of Web 2.0 it has been fascinating to see the threads of connection that people are making there.

St. Paddy's Day.

Last year I witnessed former friend become totally obliterated pouring down the Guinness while I awkwardly spent the evening at spouse's side at the well known Irish pub in town. We were out and about mid afternoon and by 8 PM... there were far too many crazy, idiot, happy drunks around. Spouse and I each had our cars. I drove the friend to a pub near home. Spouse followed and the two of them drank away the evening while I remained an adult and went home for some green pancakes.

I decided this year, in honour of St. Paddy's - I will colour my wine green, stay away from the beer and the pubs, and head out for an evening of scrapbooking with the girls. Far more civilized and entertaining I think.

Movies

Saw a fabulous movie... Lies and Alibis. A little sleeper of a movie. it was a great con game. on DVD.

Rent it!

The Rebel wants me to take her to see - are you ready for it - The new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie!
We used to watch the fab four when she was little. She loved Michelangelo. I couldn't tell them apart save for their head bands! It must be bringing back some memories for her.
Review forthcoming.

Good weekend friends!

Thirteen on Thursday.

There are always *exceptions* to rules and ideas.
So to continue from last week's list...

Today's Thirteen...

You can take anything you want from the house when you leave EXCEPT:

1. The black, white or grey towels that match the bathroom upstairs, PUL_EEASE help yourself to the hot pink, green and yellow towels. Beach towels - not included.
2. The oatmeal and navy blue towels that match the powder room on the main floor.
3. The piano (as badly damaged and out of tune as it is!)
4. The book case you made for me me instead of giving me an engagement ring (in the end got that too)
5. The desk my mom bought at auction and gave me ( you hate that desk anyway!)
6. CD collection - exception within the exception - the 25 or so discs out of the 300 or so that are really *yours* including the ones given to you as gifts that you haven't even opened yet!
7. The bedding that fit the (my) queen sized bed - regardless of colour.
8. The china I started to collect 8 years before we even met.
9. The crystal whiskey glasses. ( most girls have crystal wine glasses..... not me!)
10. One television set... I don't even care which one - or - you take the two small for the one large!
11. The computer, of course, with all software intact
12. All the children's furnishings... (and their bedding!)
13. The Taurus... oh wait... my Taurus is in your name and yours is in my name... better idea.. take them both and I'll get my Mustang.

I know there is more...
but enough is enough....
for now!

The Royal Stairs.

I have a good friend whose husband spends more time "playing" in his Ford Expedition Truck than he does anything else. He's in the movie business and carries all his equipment in the truck. Therefore it has to be ship shape for all his location work around the big city and environs. It has a better alarm system than their house. She is very jealous of the truck and has dubbed it "The Royal Truck." because of the lavish attention it gets. We have a set a stairs like that truck.

I was chatting with the Rebel on Saturday afternoon and we got into a discussion about her father, my spousal unit. She said she didn't like asking him to take her anywhere because:

"all he ever does is grunt when I am in the car with him. I just can't have a conversation with him mom."

And then it got into more interesting waters.

"What's his problem anyway? Why is he so grumpy all the time?"

"I really don't know, " I told her, " but it does seem that he is not a happy man. I'm sorry about that for you. Does it upset you?" I asked using my best counselling voice learned at the chair of my own said counsellor.

" It's just hard to know when he's okay and when he isn't" said Rebel " I mean. here's another thing that bugs me, and I don't know why you don't anything any more. He's stopped fixing things just as they started looking good. Like those stairs. Man he slaved on those stairs and didn't finish the last little pieces. What's up with that?"

Rebel was referring to Spouse's renovation of the staircase going to the second floor of the house. The spouse tore off the carpets, rebuilt the treads himself, and then mixed his own stain colour, stained and varnished the stair treads and banisters. They do look nice And he is quite proud of his handiwork and seems to think the only reason come to visit is to admire the staircase. But he didn't finish small bits of trim and repair work around the stairs. It's just typical.

"You know mom, Dad is so not part of this family. He really should just go find somewhere else to be, ya know?"

What's a spouse with ennuie supposed to say to that? Using counsellor technique again, I replied " well kid, I AM sorry you feel that way. I hope it doesn't hurt or make you feel too sad. I wish I could do something about how your dad feels, but I can't. He has to figure this out on his own. "

"Yeah, I'm pretty much over it ....but you know mom, when he goes, he's going to want to take those stairs with him."

This is going to be known in the end as the battle for the stair case -
royal or otherwise.

Thirteen on Thursday

Don't forget to include the following on those damn finance disclosure forms.....

1. manicures... at least once a month $25- 50
2. pedicures at least once every two months $50-65
3. hair cut and colour sometimes highlights and some times foil$$$ $50-125
4. gym fees... rolls eyes $14 every two weeks
5. I spend THAT much on shoes???
6. movies ( well someone has to pay!!! sigh) $25 4x a month
7. haircuts for Rebel and Tweeny $40 x2 x 6
8. I spend THAT much on Rebel and Tweeny shoes!!!!
9. trips to the big city for Theatre twice a year... $400 x 2
10. trip to the OTHER big city (French side) for shopping once a year $500
11. two trips to see Dad with offspring $1500 without offspring $400
12. restaurant meals - $300 a month ( maybe)
13. cosmetics: a new lipstick every month... plus mascara, AND do you have ANY idea what micro- dermabrasion treatments cost??

to be continued.... next Thursday.

Exercise...

As I pull together all the financial crap for the separation to come, (and more about that in the T13 on Thursday!) I keep reviewing the money I spend to go to the gym. I have a "membership" at Good Life Gym but it's not a membership at all, it's a donation to their corporate entity. And THIS is what ticks me off about gyms.

*RANT ON*
OK... so you get into the groove, you decide going to the gym is a great idea and you actually get in the door. SO then THEY suck you in and you get a trainer... "to meet your very own specific fitness needs."

oh really?!

While chatting with the girls in the change room after the training session you learn, interestingly enough, YOUR fitness needs and the ones of the women right next to you ( one of whom just happens to be 55 pounds overweight, never been on a treadmill in her life, never been in a programme in her life) has the SAME training programme as you do!

WTF???

Next training session I ask my "Elite Trainer" for whom I am paying an extra $10 per hour because ... she is "elite" WHY my programme is the same as the big blonde lady!

"Well, " says Ms Elite, "we have to have a baseline to measure from." "But I've done all this before and the circuit you've given me doesn't challenge me and isn't helping me with my old lady arms or my thunder thighs. I want to target those zones and you're giving me a general programme, I don't like that and I am paying. "

Elite trainer takes me to a corner of the gym, with the big red stability ball, and while I am trying to do ab crunches while rolling away on a ball, she says, " you're right Marie, but here's the racket, " and proceeds to tell me that the manager in the gym has ordered, *ordered* that all shall follow the same programme to ensure uniformity in timing and scheduling so the revenue stream for this brand new gym location can increase faster than any of the other gyms in the city, She wants to win a revenue award. I am so not impressed! Here I am thinking they are here to motivate me, to be my friend, to help me reach my goals. No.... they are NOT.

They are a business.
They want my money.
ANY WAY they can get it.

So, being who I am, I am not very impressed with the lack of clubbiness I am hearing about, so after training, I go to said manager and tell her I am not happy on the basic training and I want her to "order" my Ms Elite Trainer to challenge me with a truly "designed for me" programme. I got a song and dance about finishing the current before moving on and blah blah blah.

So in the end I did get what I wanted and did quite well at it if I do say so myself. However, I caught a really horrible cold, stopped going to the gym because of it, the cold turned into the rest of the summer - took the time off from the gym which then turned into a horrible sacroiliac injury when I stopped paying for 6 months. A week before a deadline I re-instated payments, but still didn't get to the gym. And did those people at the gym who insist on bar code tagged member card EVER once inquire... or ask where I was? Of course not. It's not about fitness at all. ever. It's about the money. They take it and they run all the way to the bank!
*RANT OFF*

Now, with all this silly stress and nonsense you'd think that riding a bike to nowhere or walking to nowhere on the treadmill while listening to bad music or being forced to watch whatever stupid sport is playing on ALL FIVE TVs, should not be so taxing.

But it is.

I need motivation. I also need to know what to eat before I go to the gym. If I go home after work, I won't go to the gym I won't get up a 5 AM to go to the gym for a 6 AM door crasher opening. What to eat at 4 PM to have the energy to work out for a 45 minute period. I really don't want to be fainting or having head rushes at the gym.

But that's a whole other story.