Really???

I am going to have to figure out a way to insist that the SU take co-parenting classes or counseling once the separation deed has been done. Yet again, Rebel Junior - and she is becoming *quite* the Mini-Me - has her father so wrapped around her finger that he is in complete denial.

He has started using the same mantra as his older brother does around his daughter - "They're teen agers! What do you expect?"
I expect when I say please call at 11 PM so we can pick you up that she'll call.
I expect when I call on her cell phone - the one I pay for - that she'll pick up - the first time!
I expect respectful conversations when we talk -

And the response I get when none of the above happens is - "stop putting 'the hammer' to her - she's a teen ager - they all act like that!"

Really?

When I learned that she'd been drinking alcohol at the party she was at and that she came home drunk - SU 's response was "she's a teen ager - they ALL drink at that age."

Really?

Age 15 and they ALL drink? I think not. Rebel Junior is already out-rebelling the Rebel! She didn't touch alcohol til she was 17 at least. My American friends need to understand that legal drinking age is either 18 or 19 depending where one lives. Not 21.
"So you don't think it's a problem that she is drinking?"
"Well the parents were home at the house she was at. I don't see what I can do about it now."

Really?
That's the best he's got.

He also told me I put down 'the hammer' - whatever that means - when I told RJ when we finally spoke at midnight that no she could not sleep over at her friend's house as this was not planned in advance and I didn't appreciate the last minute request, nor, more importantly, did I appreciate her being rude to me over the phone as I asked her to please get the address of the house she was at so her father could pick her up.

She hung up on me.

I called and woke up another parent, got the phone number, did a reverse search and got an address. I called the house and told the mother to please keep RJ at the house and to please tell her that her father was coming to get her. She left the house and went to another friend's and the SU had to go find her there. She is lucky he went to get her and not me.

Oh... she's "just a teenager" who has her dad jumping through hoops even better than her sister ever could.

Born-again Father
or
just plain jackassery?

Dear SU,

You are a jackass of the first order.

Please be advised that mediation should begin upon my return from my business trip to Europe. This is not, as you decided to tell our daughters, a jaunt for fun. It's a business trip.
And it's going to be more business when I return.

Meeting times - preferably after work hours. Saturday would be ideal.

Your passive aggressive behaviour towards your daughter - who can't go out and get a job - was appalling. WHAT is your issue? Yeah Yeah Yeah.. the loser boyfriend. So let's drive her right into his arms by giving her a hard time every time she asks you for money. She shouldn't have to do this. I suggested an allowance of $200 a week for her. She needs to have some form of independence and having to ask for $10 every time she wants to get her eyebrows waxed or $20 to go out for dinner with the girls is NOT an appropriate way to treat a 20 year old daughter.

This is especially not on when your younger daughter comes home with $200 worth of overpriced LuLuLemon status clothes one day and $60 worth of overpriced school binders the next.

I am done.

Bring it on baby! Bring it on!

You will pay and pay equally. ENOUGH of the jackassery!

And while we're at it..... Get the HELL out of MY house!

Camp. Cahoots. Chinks.

I wrote the job test on Thursday - four questions - two hours. Who knows how I did. I really have no clue. I have also applied for a different position at my current workplace. Time for a change. But it's not more money- just a change of scenery at my current level. I'll think about it.

I asked SU to please have a word about the danger of a young girl sneaking out in the middle of the night. I have no idea if he did or not. He's so preoccupied wanting to be her *friend* he doesn't do the discipline dad well at all. It's frustrating. I tell his sister this stuff and hopefully she can say something to him, however he doesn't have a good relationship with her either so not sure if that will be worth the effort or not.

We go to Camp this weekend. I'm not sure if I'll go up Saturday or Sunday yet. SU took RJ out to buy a stash of snacks for herself at camp This is totally unnecessary and I told him this as we have a canteen where the kids *earn* a bazillion points for all kinds of candy and crap during camp. He also bought her pop and breakfast cereal. When I saw the stuff I told both of them that this stuff was superfluous, unnecessary and wouldn't be going with her. I mean really! There is PLENTEE of stuff at camp no need for this stuff at all, and in fact it will probably be confiscated and returned on the last day.

SU thinks he is in cahoots with his daughter. The reality is - he's acting like a dorky 14 year old.

Rebel wants to come to the camp for a few days as well. Our adult cottage, fondly known as Shangri-La - no children allowed - is full up this year so I am not sure where she is going to sleep except in the bunks with the girls. I don't think she'll have a problem with that. SU will have to come and pick her up. The BF's having car problems and it has put a cramp in her style. There are starting to be some chinks in the love and romance side of this relationship.

I've noticed that the BF has occasionally called our phone in the middle of the night. I suspect he is trying to reach the Rebel on her phone and hits the wrong number. The last few times all I got was hang ups. I don't have caller ID but I hit *69 and got his number. I am trying to think of a good payback. I am thinking of setting my alarm for 5 ish , doing a *67 and calling his phone what a jack ass. Yes I am an adult but I mean REALLY!:!?!

I've been and gone to the dentist early this morning already. The little flipper false tooth is being repaired. I have a gap like a middle aged hockey player in the front of my mouth. I debated taking a picture and posting it - but I am not that brave - nor don't intend on getting that drunk either. Tooth will be returned later today!

My dad,

on most days, drive me nuts. He is an interesting kind of man in a not really great way. seriously. How my mom put up with him I don't know. I have never figured out their relationship. He's a simple kind of guy. Wouldn't hurt any one ever. He loved my mom to pieces. His own father was an immigrant who did all kinds of work to feed his family. My grandpa loved his sons. And he loved his grandchildren. We knew this. He would kiss my father every time we visited - which was always weekly. He would kiss his grandsons. This was a love and a form of affection passed down from father to sons. Both my brothers will hug and kiss my dad too.

But my dad... sigh... never learned how to do things. My grandma wouldn't let him. She was afraid he'd hurt himself or worse! So he could mow lawns, do dishes. But wield a hammer? Build or put together anything? Not so much. It would frustrate my mom to no end. All that practical kind of stuff. They would write cheques. ( I guess I come by that honestly!)

However, my dad always allowed us our dreams. "You can do anything you want as long as you do the work." We three - my two sibs and I believed him. And we've done it. We achieved what we have wanted in our lives. And his grandchildren love him to pieces too. Even if they wonder why talks so slowly, why he refuses to get a computer so they can IM with him, why he can't figure out what to do with his cell phone. But they know that grandpa cares about them, and wants what's best for them.

As for the father of my girls. sigh... Maybe he tries, but I am not sure he knows how. His own father oy! Takes me back to one of my most earliest posts on this blog. I firmly believe now if you want to know the true measure of a man observe carefully or ask about his relationship with his father - not just his mother. It seems a man's self worth can be tied to his father's belief in him. If he doesn't have that - he is missing something that allows for a complete life. And unless he figures it out and deals with it, it will affect all his relationships - and not in a positive way. And that's what I have learned.

To my own dad. As frustrating and as crazy as he makes me - he's my dad - he gave me confidence and pushed me where I needed to go. For that I thank him and love him. God grant him and all fathers many happy, blessed and healthy years.

Finally Friday

But yet... Friday we still wait. And Friday becomes a day like any other day, until my Rebel has her life back.

She is healing once again from another drained abscess. The transplant coordinator is bugging the hell out of her and Rebel told her she really didn't need to see her every day because she keeps bringing negative news.

The charge nurse, who was the enemy, ha now become the chief ally. How that turn around came about, I'm damned if I know but a strong ally helps the girl. In spite of some pain where the drainage hole is healing she is doing her physio and doing the best she can keeping her fluids up so get strong.

The BF - while devoted - can be a RAMB-in-training! 'I'll be there at 3' he promises and at 6:30 the girl is still waiting for him to bring supper. At which point, I take back control and tell her I will head to the cafeteria and find her food, given the BF's inability to say one thing and mean it. It's frustrating for the girl. And words need to be had with this nearly 30 yr old man who for the most part, behaves as if he is a pimply 14 year old dorky adolescent. Inexcusable really. The Rebel plays him like a good celtic fiddle reeling him around. Good on her I say! The BF will not know what hit him when the Rebel has her heart and life back and is ready to move on with life. She will be a force. And I pray then after all the rest of it, that he doesn't hurt her too badly. She is much better than he is. And he is NOT good enough. But I step back from this one, and allow her dreams of wedding dresses and pretty shoes since it helps her get through the day.

The SU - was invited to - of all things - a toga party tonight. The 30 year old engaged and living together singletons are throwing a toga party to celebrate birthdays this evening. I will be curious to see which sheets he takes. He's a rather greying hirsute man with skinny legs and of course, older than the average 30 yr old, so as usual, he may not don the theme of the night attire and will show up in his regular jeans and t shirt slinging his folk guitar. It's also his regular hockey night, and it is a very rare occasion that he misses this unless he is sick or in pain of some sort.
Maybe I am missing something but aren't toga parties what you do when you are 19 and living in a dorm? Are toga parties something that working people of certain age do? Me? I would host something a little more upscale - call it Feast of Ancient Rome party... costumes of the day required: centurions, senators, roman royalty all invited. But Toga party does imply a certain debauchery doesn't it? A la Animal House. So SU may go and feel the need to be 25 again and show up at home Saturday around 7 AM .

A great example for the RebelTweeny isn't it.

Weekends are always Weird.

Rebel woke up on Easter Sunday morning with blurred vision. It freaked her out. Her speech was a little odd too. She couldn't find her words. They quickly had neurology assess her and didn't find anything. All seemed fine. They're not sure what the deal is with this. As the day progressed the blurriness and double vision got better but Rebel was really tired. The docs aren't sure if this is related to her hemoglobin count. Perplexing and disconcerting. They'll figure this out as we move into Monday. Weekends are always a weird time as the regular docs are all off and the staff doctors come in and try to assess things.

The VAD she is using was making peculiar noises too. SU seemed to think it might have been the compressor and/or the fan. The nurses had to call in a perfusionist. He changed the VAD and took the one she was using away for an overhaul. That is always a neat trick as he literally tries to change the wires on the machine between heart beats.

She was eating a little and enjoyed the food I brought from the blessed Easter basket - the traditional Ukrainian foods.. the special Easter bread I baked - the babka- some turkey kobasa - lower sodium than regular, low fat ham same thing, a cheesecake cupcake, and of course, a few chocolates.

And the nurses once again, treated her. A couple of little gifts from the special nurses.

So keep the thoughts and prayers coming. Rebel is at the top of transplant list. She is frustrated and upset with these down days. And who can blame her.

After this day at the hospital I came home to prepare a semblance of an Easter Dinner for the RebelTweeny... As I am cooking a few things to augment our traditional food, SU is grazing his way through the kitchen in his usual fashion. I knew he wouldn't eat supper with us. It seems that even after knowing that for me, and what should be a lesson for our children about the meaning of Easter in my and their lives, he chose to ignore it. Sure enough, As I had the table ready and RT and I sat down to eat - he said no thank you and stayed in the basement.
Interestingly, RT is starting to wonder about him now too, in spite of his Disneyland Dad ways. She shook her head and said she didn't understand what his *issues* were.

On Saturday the SU took RT and her friend to visit Rebel. SU made some disparaging remark about ordering doughnuts to the friend. "you're getting a doughnut? They're fattening you know... are you sure?" She was more than a little taken aback by it. RT was mortified that her father should say such a thing...and she told me. I suggested she let her dad know that it was rude and that he hurt her friend's feelings. That a polite conversation with her dad rather than a yelling match would be in order so her dad would understand how she and the friend felt when he said what he did.
She took my advice. And of course, as always, she told me at dinner on Sunday, he scoffed and didn't see the problem. She stood her ground though and told him to please be polite and not say negative things to her or her friends. Good for her. He did this often to Rebel, and she hated it. It's the way girls go anorexic and have other issues about their dads. Rebel seems to have patched things up with her dad. We'll see how things progress with the younger one.

Keep our Rebel in your prayers. I think her frustration and fear is growing. Keeping her positively focused through all these setbacks is tough. But this too... shall pass.

It's Easter Week. We now celebrate for 40 days after Easter.

God Bless you all.

Talking on Tuesday

The SU is on March break... Monday - he didn't go visit Rebel. Free all day and couldn't get there? How come? well he slept til noon for starters and I heard... "I was busy." okay... what could be more important than going to visit your daughter when you finally have free time?

He's also going into work today and part time this week anyway. Why? Has to do some of the extra curricular stuff for activities going on post March break. Gee... may be spending quality time with your girls could take priority. Even though RT says she doesn't want to do anything... if you ask her to go to a movie, or out for lunch... she won't say no. whatEvEr.

I have burned through all my leave and then some so I just can't take the time right now. I am on a programme now to bank time for when Rebel has her transplant. I expect to have extra time left over and hope to pay attention to RT then too. We want to take a trip to Australia... so I hope we can pull that off when it's summer over there.

The RT is going to visit her sister - finally - They're going to have a pizza party with RT's best friend. Rebel has been saving up her sodium points to enjoy her first pizza since going in. The two girls - at least from Reb's perspective - are becoming closer. RT has her moments.

My friends all ask... why won't he leave the house? There is the million dollar question.

Why indeed!

Alarming Night

Thursday night I couldn't sleep and was sorta reading and sorta watching Craig Ferguson and the phone ran. It was 1:00 AM. "Hi it's the nurse at the Heart Institute. " I HATE that .. "Rebel is fine, but her VAD started alarming... it's OKAY everything is FINE... but she wants her dad to come and sit with her while they fix everything up. " okay... everything is fine... so the SU went off after one. I told him to call me when he got to Rebel's room and give me the scoop. So of course by now I am too freaked to either read or watch tv, so I came downstairs to the computer where I've been trying for days now to beat level 6 of Diner Dash Flo on the Go

The problem, said SU when he called.. a smaller wire on the VAD was on the fritz. The perfusionist came in and had things fixed in under a minute. He told Rebel she was fine and nothing was wrong with her. As soon as she was re-wired the numbers all went back to normal. SU stayed with Rebel for about an hour, until the BF showed up and stayed the rest of the night. SU was home by 3:00 ish AM; and I was still wide awake. It was probably about 4 before I crashed... still not able to get the mouse moving fast enough or strategically to break level 6.

The next day Rebel told me the rest of her side of the alarm story. When the nurses couldn't figure out why the machine was alarming so much and slowing down the rate, they thought she might be dehydrated - which slows down the flow. So they had her drink about three pints of water and a half bottle of gator-aid. Then she couldn't sleep the rest of the night because what goes in..... The senior nurse has been around since the first VAD was on the floor so she knows the machine really well. She pulled out the hand pump in case the thing failed. That freaked the kid out even more. They also called ICU to see if a perfusionist was on site. The ICU nurse, figured out it was Rebel and came up stairs to see what was going on and hold her hand. They love her! By then things were settled but it freaked Rebel out somewhat. As always all was well handled at the hospital. And SU didn't balk once when the call came. he was slow in moving out... took him almost 10 minutes to get dressed and out the door! We all lost sleep, but Rebel and I both fell asleep in our respective beds on Friday night very early! Surprisingly, it was probably the best night's sleep I've had since Rebel went into the hospital.


And for your enjoyment... today's aftermath of over 50cm of snow. 10cm = 4 inches... so we're digging out! This is looking out my kitchen window from the table... to the front street.
got shovels?

Coming to Terms

The last few days have been a better. Meals are still kind of hit and miss. But lately there have been edible lunches and manageable suppers.
The BF brought in a box of *nutritional* Fruit Loops for days when All Bran doesn't hit the mark. And over the weekend I made Spiral Kraft Dinner (less sodium the traditional KD) to make up for some particularly nasty lunch.

The weepiness is still evident but Rebel is coming to terms with her status. Yesterday she did two laps around the ward- 240 metres in total. Both patients (the old boys and a few women) and nurses had smiles as she did the tour. She is surprised when nurses she doesn't know have an encouraging word for her. "I don't even know her," she'll say. She is still overwhelmed that they know her and and about her - even before she came up on the ward.

The docs hope to get her off the intravenous blood thinner some time this week, as "the numbers" are where they need to be. She had to have more blood, to keep her hemoglobin at the right levels, and are pretty confident that she shouldn't need too much more of that, and not too worry if she does.

I managed to get dial up Internet - Thanks much Rudy - so Rebel has been happily catching up on Facebook with her friends. it's slow... but not that bad. As long as she doesn't try watching YouTube or other videos the dial up should be okay.

The charge nurse on this ward has Rebel into Full Blown REBEL-spitfire mode. She really started off on the wrong foot with her and the girl is cutting her no slack. (That's my Rebel!) It's going to be interesting to see how things fare with her. She is pretty much the opposite of what Rebel came to know about charge nurses down on the SCICU. The nurses on the ward seem to be backing my girl on this one.

Rebel and I have been talking a lot. She discusses her dad a fair bit. It shouldn't, but it continues to amaze me that it appears that all this stuff hasn't made the SU think differently about his family. If it does, I don't see evidence of it.

The RT continues to be difficult - probably more her age than anything, and the SU continues to try and use BOTH girls as his pipeline to me. I have had a couple of conversations - or tried - about RT and her lack of contribution at home and the SU keeps turning it back to himself or to other things. It is quite trying.

I've asked him more than once to please NOT communicate things to Rebel that he wants from me, but to attempt something unique - like speaking with me directly and leaving the girl out of things. He looked at me as if I had three heads. I just shake my head. All I could do was tell Rebel that if her dad asks her to tell me something, she needs to tell him to talk to me himself. Her heart doesn't need to be dealing with her father's communications issues.

Officially!

Rebel was officially re-listed on the heart transplant list on Friday. I believe the committee has her at Stage 3. Her doctors want her to continue getting stronger which will help her after recovery from a transplant.

As physio therapy continues Rebel is walking more, sitting up longer and doing her part to get where she needs to be.

Eating hospital food is an ongoing challenge, (we can tell she is getting better - she's complaining more!) but Rebel is mostly forcing herself to eat the stuff put in front of her for the same reasons. She knows she has to get strong and eating properly plays a big role, whether or not she enjoys the tastes and flavours or lack there of.

I met the Hospital's Foundation Director. She wanted to know a little bit about Rebel for the Youth Centre fund raiser and for the telethon. She plans on attending the to thank people and to let them know a little bit about the Heart Institute. When we were done I mentioned how Rebel was disappointed that she couldn't get the Internet even though there seemed to be port access. Well this woman's office is across the hall from the VP of IT. Rebel had access that afternoon. Because this ICU section is brand new all the Internet and cable access is built right into the infrastructure. They let her have access!

When she leaves SCICU she'll be back to a "regular" type room with less access so she's enjoying getting caught up and chatting for the short period left in SCICU.

The SU came to visit Rebel one evening before I had left and before even saying "Hello daughter how are you doing today" managed a succession of negative complaints and whines either about me, or the Girl's boyfriend. sigh... It wasn't very nice. I shake my head. It's exactly the kind of behaviour we are NOT wanting to get her engaged in. I pretty much ignored his whines, or tried to disengage him and continued talking about whatever it was we were chatting about . I also waited some time before deciding to take my leave.

I mentioned to SU when he got home that his behaviour upon arrival at the hospital needed some work, and to please think before whining about trivial matters and if he needed to air them, to please not do it in hospital. He, for a change, had nothing much to say. On the other hand he and Rebel have had some pretty intense conversations of their own about how she landed in the hospital. They are managing to create some kind of relationship which is good.

Communicate.

Rebel had her nurse call me yesterday and wanted me to come to the hospital earlier than I've been getting there. Her nurse said she's been weepy. I got there and she was sleeping. She had had a little fever overnight - they couldn't find a reason. Her"numbers" on the VAD were a little higher and they were checking out the options. She was given a blood transfusion - her hemoglobin was a little low and that seemed to have helped. Rebel said she needed a mom day.

We were having a bit of a wind and snow fall yesterday so traffic was so slow. It took me over an hour to get to the hospital. That was frustrating. By the time I got there and she was having a nap so that was good. The food wasn't too bad yesterday either but even eating seems to take a lot of energy. She did a little physio too. Getting up... taking a few steps to a chair to sit up. So this was good for her.

SU has been doing things like arranging visits with her friends without letting me know. I had a word and suggested that he needs to COMMUNICATE these things with me to make sure we didn't overload her. I got one of his "what's your problem" looks." I have learned to *explain as if to a kid* and reminded him that she is *our* daughter, *we* need to keep each other informed... blah blah... Right now Rebel needs to be told in advance before she has a visit because she gets all emotional and weepy. It helps her to know in advance who is coming.

On the other hand, Rebel told me that her father has told her loves her. She says she *makes* him say it. This is a breakthrough as is this a father who really is not demonstrative nor very warm with his girls. I don't remember the last time he told them he loved them, or even gave them hugs. ( that's a whole other post) It nearly broke my heart when she told me, "I think dad really does love me, but for some reason he has a hard time saying it. I'm working on it with him."

It shouldn't have taken THIS to get him to that point.

Relating to Rebels.

Rebel is starting to have a serious problem with her dad. Her dad, AKA the SU, talks to her in the same tone he uses with me. It's rather unsettling. He used to nag her about her weight - she was too soft, not eating properly, not enough exercise. For a father to talk to a daughter in this way I think is not good for her self image. I would tell him this, but of course, I got no respect and he discounted everything I said. Now, he's telling her she is too thin. He goes on and on in his "you should" tone that I now know how to handle - by ignoring it - but Rebel doesn't know how to do this yet.

I believe either consciously or unconsciously he can tell that Rebel and I are aligned somehow in our feelings about him, while he works on the Rebel Tweeny. It's to the point where Rebel really doesn't want to talk to her father about anything, because his style with her is to lecture rather than to be empathetic. He doesn't know how to do that at all. I've tried staying out of it, and have told Rebel she needs to deal with her father on her own terms. I have told him however that he needs to take his lecturing down a notch or two... he claims that I don't know what I am talking about.

On the other hand, RebelTweeny had a friend sleep over this past weekend. We were all in the kitchen having breakfast when the SU walked in. He didn't so much as say good morning, how is everyone .... nothing. You'd think I'd be used to this by now, but when he is so rude when there is a houseful of people - including kids' friends, there is no politeness factor whatsoever. It shouldn't surprise me any longer, but it still does.

RT was babysitting on Saturday evening and as the SU walked into the kitchen that morning, we were working out the logistics of who was doing what. The couple RT was babysitting were in from out of town for a family wedding. They had suggested that they would pay for a cab for RT to come to their hotel downtown. I vetoed that for a couple of reasons. I didn't want a 14 yr old in a cab and the cost is quite prohibitive - at least a $50-$60 ride from where we are one way. Well... SU for some reason decided to dispute this with me in a very rude fashion. This is a guy who has never taken a cab anywhere. I use them a lot when I travel on business, going to meetings. I know of what I speak. So I told him what cab fares were and why it made more sense for us to chauffeur our daughter to and from downtown. He went on about people who stay in hotels obviously have a ton of money... blah blah blah.

I also said, they'd told RT she could order from room service and order a movie. I told her that I would provide her with snacks rather than ordering room service because that was a lot of money for a family with a new baby to be paying and wouldn't she rather get more money for babysitting than spending the couple's money on expensive hotel stuff. My kids know about room service. They know what stuff costs. And RT agreed with me. AGAIN the SU goes on. And he's doing it with RT's new friend from school in the house. Never mind this is kid is a student at his school where he teaches. I told him that really, hotel food was expensive. He really had been in a hotel for some time and should just trust me on this one.

It was all I could do to tell him to shut up!

In the end, I had to ask him to come speak to me in the other room. I needed him to know that he was being rude to me in front of NOT only our children, but their friends as well. I told him that the Bambi rule applied. He looked at me as if I had three heads. "You know," I said, "If you can't say anything nice then please.... just shut the fuck up instead of treating me like shit in front of our children and their friends. It only makes you look like an ass. " He muttered something behind my back and as per his usual MO... ran away to another room. His passive aggressive nature hurts him more than it hurts the rest of us and in the end, he only hurts himself.

In the end, I drove her to the job, met the couple and their adorable baby girl, and SU picked her up. Rebel and I went out for a fabulous church supper! SU was home alone ... probably wallowing into the TV watching a hockey game.

RT sat for 5 hours with a 9 month old who slept most of the time she was there. The couple were grateful we drove her. It was their first *holiday* in a few years. Because it was a family wedding there were a whack of expenses. RT had asked for $40 they gave her $60.

My point was made.

Positives for Today.

Rebel had a defibrillator inserted yesterday. The device regulates her heart beat and will help with her heart arrhythmia's.
After two false starts, and more than a couple of long days at the Heart Institute the procedure is over. It's done using a local anaesthetic. Rebel was hoping they'd let her watch things unfold but the docs wouldn't allow it - who knows why. They covered her face with a sheet which was a conversation stopper. She had a couple of rough moments during the procedure - hyperventilating. But the nurses got her talked down and got her through the rest of the ordeal.

As usual, her tricky veins caused the docs in the operating room a bit of a slow start. She warns people all the time, and they all say "yeah yeah" and then realize that yes... her veins are small and run away as they try and stick her.

She had a couple of moments when she started feeling things- that surprised them, so she had to get topped up on the drugs.

The device is almost the size of a stop watch and is sitting right above her heart on the left side. You can feel it through her skin. Her doctor, a Scottish lad here to learn before heading back across the pond, was quite proud of his work and believes she'll be ready to go home on Tuesday or Wednesday after an x-ray review.

As of last night Rebel was on bed rest to allow the leads on the device to attach properly on her heart.She was not impressed with the whole bed pan idea because of this. But she is getting through that yuckiness.

It was a little harder to get through then she expected because she has had surgery before - but on her knee- It took a bit out of her. The post procedure reports are all positive and that's a good day! Thanks everyone for your prayers and thoughts.

Where has SU been through this??

Well..

isn't that another full post.

Monday Musing

A pretty quiet weekend this weekend. I have to assume that SU signed off the mortgage documents. I haven't heard from the bank yet and figure he doesn't want to go into arrears and ruin his credit rating so his Shark should have counselled him to sign off and shut up.

I told my She-Barracuda that all arrangements for meetings with the mediator can be set up by the SU. He can organize by giving me date and time options for this thing to get started. I don't need to be organizing him for this little party. I have enough to do in my life.

SU took Tweeny shopping for clothes... again. Rebel is feeling very slighted. And hurt. SU has been paying her phone bill and VISA debt so I guess he feels that's enough. It's not even a start.

I am thinking as part of the mediation exercise I am going to try and insist on family counselling to deal with these things. Even Rebel's boyfriend is noticing the division within the family. He says it looks like RT and SU are pitted against me and Rebel. I don't like this, and I am doing what I can, but SU doesn't seem to care that he is driving a wedge between his daughters or demonstrating his contemptuous attitude towards me and it's filtering to the RT. It's not good. He will HATE the idea of counselling and won't want to go, but this is NOT about him. It's about the girls and their need to understand their role in the family and our role as their parents. SU could use a little of this as well.

I attend a big to-do church function yesterday. Because of my role on Parish Council, I was seated with the all the big cheese priests. I met the new guy in town who is taking on a bunch of roles - one in particular with the Canon Law Tribunal. He is the lead for the marriage tribunal and is the go-to guy for those seeking annulments post divorce. I told him my situation and explained that I would probably be interested in an annulment post divorce. NOT that I think I would ever want to get married again ( rolls eyes) but really... the annulment would close the door for me and brings things to a natural conclusion.
This priest was good. He knows the rules etc, and frankly it doesn't hurt to have one of these guys in your court when going for the final event. He told me they like to wait at least a year post divorce being starting the paperwork on annulments. I have several friends who've been through this and it's a pretty intense process. These guys don't cut a lot of slack and it's not a rubber stamping process by any means.

I have to take Rebel to the dentist today to get her chipped tooth fixed. She has to take a whack of antibiotics as a preventative measure against infection before any dental work. AS per the instructions of her cardiologist. MORE drugs! But she doesn't care. She says she's tired of looking like a trailer trash blonde!

Tuesday, we head to the Heart Institute for a heart ultrasound to see how she is progressing.

I have Friday off this week as we are heading into the Thanksgiving weekend already. Turkey time.

Finally Friday!

I went to RebelTweeny's school today for "Follow your kid's timetable" to learn about her new school and classes. She is at the school where her dad, the Spousal Unit teaches rather than going to the school in our district. I am okay with that... its a good school and I know some of the teachers.

I learnt that I am not seeing any notes or reports or other information, as RT gets dad to sign off on things and no one brings me notes home, because "dad knows all about this." I told them both, I am a parent too, I am interested in what goes on at school and how you are doing. Everything comes home please . You want dad to sign. That's fine. (it will be the first time ever he's actually been involved) But I expect to see everything. I am now on several email lists with her teachers. Score one for the mom!

And then...

I finally saw for the first time... the SU's fantasy woman. The one he was going to leave me for way back ages ago when he first dropped the bomb. The one who didn't know he existed. What a weird feeling that was. I've never told the whole "how it started story" on my blog, I will have to do that some time. Reader's Digest version is... a week after I got the "I love you but I am not in love with you speech" I learnt that SU had a crush on a woman he worked with. She never knew. She had a boyfriend that SU didn't know about. He really truly believed he could make something happen with her. And of course, she is 20 years younger than him.

I am just very glad now for all my buddies at the Divorce busting board who helped me keep my sanity as I was tempted to go off and stalk her and do all sorts of nutbar things. It was all in his head. And from what I have since learnt... NOTHING would have EVER come of it. He would have seriously embarrassed himself. In a way it's too bad that never happened! She, like many people he works with, does not have a high opinion about him personally. As a teacher, I have heard all right things, but as a person... whole other story.

I digress.. it was still weird. When her name was announced and I saw her face to face. I had to think hard... do I talk to her or not. HMMMM say anything ... something? Nope... I've got four years at this school. Save the nutbar behaviour for when you really need it girl. But I checked her out pretty good, and gave her more than a once over... probably enough to make her feel uncomfortable But I had no reason to chat her up yet.... so I didn't. Knowing how the SU had influence over RT's timetable, I am thinking he's going to make sure RT never has her as a teacher.

I am sooooo glad it's Friday.

It's going to be serious drinks time when I walk in the door after work.

A Happy Girl!

Rebel is very happy. As expected, her cardiologist's main resident came up to her floor, reviewed her chart and the next thing you know things started happening. It was pretty amazing how fast things can work when the boss gets things going.

Rebel had 2.5 litres of fluid taken out of her belly. No doubt they'll run tests on it, and more blood work, and ultrasounds... but already she is feeling the difference. This can only be a good thing.
Her diuretics are going to be increased for a short time frame to see how much she can lose through her system. She was told she would probably be released "in a few days." She is thinking Wednesday.

SU visited her for a couple of hours on Sunday - took the RebelTweeny with him. Rebel sort of read him the riot act on his lack of action around the house noting the BF's interest in getting things done around the place. The BF has a list of things he'd like to do for us, and I may just put him to work given SU's lack of interest.

I am glad it's a new week. No more big meetings for a while now. I am going to be at work counting on getting some projects moved forward and doing the fun stuff.

I am expecting that next Saturday will be a serious sleep in day. Black drapes shut, no noise anywhere, and no possibility of getting up for the coffee and paper til nearly noon. This getting up at 6:30 AM EVERY day of the week... not good for a person who is not what one would call a morning person on a good day.

He Just Isn't.

I really don't know if the SU is as clued out as he makes out or what his problem is, but a regular, engaged, on-top-of- it father he isn't. There are days when I think I need to change the name of this blog to something to do with parenting nightmares!

RebelTweeny has a friend staying the weekend. The two of them made plans to see a movie. That's fine. Apparently

"dad knows all the details mom!"

ok... that is good. So around 7:30 pm ish... SU dropped the girls off at the theatre. I did ask what movie they were going to see before they left. It's a good thing I did.

After I've been scrap booking a couple of hours I figured I'd better check the time... and it's now at least 2 1/2 hours since the girls left. The movie theatre is less than 10 minutes away, and most movies only last two hours max. Why haven't they called?

So I looked up the movie on the website and I see if they did go to the early show it would have been done about half an hour ago. As I check things I see the friend left her cell phone at our place. RT doesn't have a cell and I would swear that the concept of a pay phone and how to use it eludes her.

I yelled at the SU through his closed AND LOCKED door... in his upstairs cave... "what time are you picking up the girls?"
"They said they'd call," he says.
"Yeah well, the girl left her cell behind and from what I can tell, the movie ended over half an hour ago"
"So what do you want me to do?" SU asks me.
I sigh... and ask, "what time were they planning on seeing the movie?"
He responds.."I didn't really get that from them."

So he didn't ask for anything. He didn't have any details aside from "call me when you're ready to come home" which is NOT the same as "call me when the movie ends." I roll my eyes, and suggested that perhaps he needed to go to the theatre and find them, as according to the website the movie was over half an hour ago.

"RT will use a pay phone. What's she gonna do? WALK home?" I told him that yes... she would walk home.
So I sent the SU off with my cell phone just in case the girls called, after showing him how to turn on the thing to accept a call.

The girls arrive home and sure enough... they "wouldn't use a stupid pay phone." Apparently neither of them HAD the 50 cents needed and they were NOT going to ask an adult for help. I had a little chat about that. SU left the room!

They handed me some story about the movie starting 45 minutes after the time stated in the website. I told them I usually found the website quite reliable because people used it to buy tickets.

And indeed... they were planning on walking home rather than ask to use a phone or to borrow 50 cents for a call until her dad arrived and could pay someone back. I told RT as SU sauntered back into the room, that next time there were plans made I would like to help to ensure the details and their safety and perhaps a better plan so that they were not stranded again without so much as a nickel to get home.

So the thing is, I have to go out of town for two days and I wonder what nonsense these girls might get up to because Dad doesn't get the point of asking for details. He locks himself up into a room, there is no phone in that room. I lock my bedroom because I am tired of RT taking my things and not asking or returning them, so he isn't going to hear the phone there either. How the hell does he play dad without engaging himself?

I imagine I will have to leave him some sort of check list or something while I am away so he is semi clued in to ensuring RT's safety and places some kind of boundaries around her. It boggles my mind. RT of course thinks I am being "stupid" and as usual, SU blithely goes along. If I hadn't said anything last night, I am sure those girls were going to walk. It's not that long, and it's mostly safe, but really.... ?!?!?!

Today is a gorgeous sunny day, and I have my newspaper, coffee & Baileys( just a wee dram) AND a book on my quarterdeck. Last long weekend of the summer!

It seems to go faster every passing year.

Facebook Is My Friend. SU is Not!

You gotta love Facebook. Lurking on profiles it's amazing what one learns. I see the young man's, with whom SU parties, girlfriend sent a note to one of my linked friends.. " we're going to the bar and SU is meeting us there... do you want to join us?" Hmmm SU mentioned nothing to me and I had planned on going out myself to scrapbook.

So upon arriving at home, I asked him if he was indeed going to the bar that evening. The look on his face... priceless.. He asked me how I knew. AS IF I was going to reveal how I gather my intelligence.. he tried pushing for a bit, and of course, I gave away nothing. In the end... he didn't go out... and the next day... I saw who all was there as photos were posted up on the friend's girlfriend's page on Facebook.

SU owes me a pile of money on our health benefits for Rebe's meds. Between $300-$400 worth. We both have plans through our work and the benefits are coordinated. The policy is whoever has the earliest birthday claims the children first and then the rest comes out of the other spouse's plan. I've had my 65% returned and now I keep waiting for SU to cough up what I need back for cash flow.. Rebel's meds average about $200 every 6 weeks for now.. and it cuts in a bit. Not sure how this works after we're done but I am sure the insurance companies have policies for this too.

Rebel Tween has a friend staying the weekend. Friend's mom and I have had many discussions and we read the riot act to both girls together. We told them... mess this one up girls and it's good by sleep overs til university!

Rebel's boyfriend, cut the lawn, fixed a lamp outside, and washed the windows already and it's only 11 AM! I am giving him the "honey do" list. It doesn't seem that SU is too embarrassed by any of it. I think his entire two months off, when he wasn't visiting family consisted of sleeping til noon and watching tv in his cave. He did nothing else. No surprise and no expectation.

SU asked me if I "had" to go to the first day barbecue at RT's school on Tuesday. RT will be going to the same school where SU teaches rather than to our neighbourhood high school. I told him given that the newsletter we received from the new principal said.."all parents welcome" and I am a parent... it would be seem to be a good idea to attend. He suggested I may cramp RT's style... and I replied...

"Of course I cramp her style, she's 14 and I am her mother.. You sure it's not YOUR style you're worried about?"

Given that she upon whom he died of unrequited love still works there... it may be other issues bothering him. I am the alpha parent though.. so barbecue here I come. And I WILL meet every teacher in that school! Get ready!

Long weekend and I took several extra days off work. Not back til next Thursday. And it's a beautiful day. I've got the sheets outside drying for that fresh air scent, the windows wide open and a book to read on the quarter deck with a Creemore in another couple of hours.

Does Jerry Lewis still have his telethon going?

Enjoy YOUR long weekend.

And It Had BETTER Be Good!

I woke up at 5:30 this AM. The front door is right under my bedroom and the screen door makes a lot of noise. I hear it open and shut all the time.

I went down there and found the door unlocked. There are so many shoes at the door these days that I couldn't figure whose were missing.

Did I mention that RebelTweeny has a friend staying over night along with cousin who is still here?

I went back to the bedrooms and sure enough... RT is on her pile on the floor but cousin and friend are GONE!

WTF?!?!?!

RT! "WHERE the hell are they??" "They went for a run," she tells me. "At 5:30AM??"

Here's what I don't get. RT didn't stop them
The cousin has not been out of bed once before noon her entire vacation and is now gone out for a run at 5:30 AM?!! Friend had no business doing a runner while a guest at my house.

When these girls hadn't returned from the run nearly an hour later, I went to barge in on the SU. OF COURSE his door is locked! (We won't even begin to ask why!) He of course tells me he "let" them go because he was putting the garbage out. "And you see nothing wrong with allowing a 14 yr old from the other end of the city and a fifteen yr old who doesn't know the city - both girls- OUT at the crack of dawn??"

"OH well people are going to work, it's light. I don't see a problem." He stays locked up in his cave and doesn't bother to come out.

Two hours later the girls are still NOT back and I am supposed to leave for work. I am seriously NOT happy about this turn of events.

Seriously. NOT. impressed.

What am I supposed to do when confronted with an idiot father and uncle who doesn't think these girls are up to something. There is NO WAY these girls went for a run... none at all.

I yelled at the SU through his locked door and told him to grill those girls when they returned and that I wanted a phone call. The entire time I tried asking RT where the girls were her story was "I don't know... for a run!"

As I rounded the corner in my car... lo and behold... TWO missing girls as well as two boys and TWO MORE girls are casually walking up the road towards home.

I stopped the car and told them to RUN home and I would meet them there. I rang the home door bell.. To get the SU out of bed. As the girls and the gang came to the drive way, SU opened the door. "You will see that two girls were not running. How naive of you to believe they were!" You will see they were with a gang of others... pre-meditated and sneaky!"

To cousin I said.. "YOU have seriously disappointed me. Never out of bed before noon and your uncle believed your story. I am really disappointed that you would do this."

The friend I said " Your mom will have to be told. You are a guest in my house and I am responsible for you. If ANYTHING would have happened, what could I have possibly said to your mom?"

To the SU I said.. " Deal with this. And it had better be good."

To the kids standing there trying to defend the two from my place " Shame on you all. You're probably all lying to your parents, and I will need to call them all. ( seeing the freaky look on one of the girls faces was worth that!) You sneak out of your homes, ANYTHING can happen and we don't have a clue where any of you are. I am responsible for other children besides my own. IF anything had happened to them, what was I to tell their parents? Did you think of that? We don't live in Wonderland kids! Now go home before I get to work and start making calls!"

I got into my car and peeled a lot of rubber at 8:07 AM.

It's now after 9 AM EDT 6 AM PDT and I need drinks...

alcoholic ones...

big ones.

While We Wait.

It would seem life is kind of in a waiting pattern until we get to the Heart Institute Friday and see what they tell us. In the mean time, I have had Trish Wall at the house twice, and I also intend to have a nutritionist acquaintance who is also a naturopath spend some time with me and Rebel to learn some new food habits cooking techniques. She is a bit on the left side of wacko, but she is extremely knowledgeable about vitamins, minerals, nutrition, food combinations, and other good stuff. I think Rebel might think I've gone off the deep end but my thinking is why try and figure this out myself when I have this network of people I know who are experts. We can take what she tells us and modify it. She is a bit on the woo hoo side like Trish, but interestingly they are both saying the same things about Rebel's energy - she is positive, has a good outlook.

Spousal Unit doesn't say much but he has gone for groceries and come home with some good stuff for her. He has always been the label reader.
He still hasn't met the new beau, which I find rather pathetic. My thinking is that SU is doing his passive aggressive thing with his daughter and this fellow. He worries when Rebel isn't coming in by her new curfew time and rather than meet the fellow, he has retreated. It's bizarre. Again, not my problem. Who knows what Rebel has told him about the two of us. Given his parents are divorced, he might be able to help her out on this front.

TweenyRebel is finishing school today. There is the over-the-top "school finishing ceremony" where all the little tweenies are wearing pretty dresses and heels they can barely walk in. We had a helluva time agreeing on shoes. The kid looks like a bird on stilts on a good day with her looooooong skinny legs. Add CFM shoes to that... and it's not a good look. I had to seriously say NO to all the shoes...It seemed the higher the heel, the trashier they look, the more they looked like ho-shoes, the likelier she was desperate for them. We settled on a bit too high wedge heel - with this ridiculous rhinestone babyphat logo on the top. $100 later... sigh... and she's only finishing Grade 8! She loves them.

I asked the SU if he was leaving work early to attend the Grade 8 Ceremony.
He did have to think about it before he thought he would make it.