Thursday, November 27, 2008

13 on Thursday.

1.The lawyer who died trying / Honora Finkelstein & Susan Smily.
2.Lawyered to death : a Karen Hayes mystery / Michael Biehl.
3.Lawyers gone bad : money, sex and madness in Canada's legal profession / Philip Slayton
4.Lawyers and the nuclear debate/ edited by Maxwell Cohen and Margaret E. Gouin
5.The lawyer's contract marriage / by Amanda Browning
6.Lawyers / Jack Batten
7.Kill all the lawyers : a novel / by William Deverell.
8.Kill all the lawyers : a Solomon vs. Lord novel / Paul Levine.
9.Kill all the lawyers? : Shakespeare's legal appeal / Daniel J. Kornstein.
10.Shoot the lawyer twice/Michael Bower
11. Lincoln the lawyer/ Brian Dirck
12. Happy Hour is for amateurs: a decade in the world's worst profession/Philadelphia Lawer
13.So, you want to be a lawyer, eh? : law school in Canada / Adam Letourneau.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

It seems to me

that it is ALWAYS one of those days...

Daily Horoscope by Astrology.com

Tuesday November 25, 2008

Taurus: It's one of those days when you'd just as soon not go out with your mate -- jealousy could flare up over nothing at all. If you're alone, all should be fine, but if not, try to keep your instincts under control.



Controlling my instincts as we blog!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Counting Down.

Well, it's a week and a day to M-day - otherwise known as the first Mediation Date. I am so NOT looking forward to this at all though it is way past its best before before date at this point. While I am moving it along - I am freaking out internally at going through this process. I'm in good hands though.

I had a good meeting with the financial specialist, who upon a quick read of my stuff and the SU's stuff told me that the equalization for pension might not be too bad. It all depends on whether or not the SU *really* believes he's going to work until age 65. While I don't get how this all works yet, it seems that if you say you're working longer - your net worth is less... so who wouldn't say they plan to work longer. AS IF! Though the SU probably would because - what ELSE does he have to do with his life? I would prefer not to, but I will say I am working just to keep things on a more equal footing. Given that I have to give a sworn statement I may have to be careful here. Though people DO change their minds after the fact eh?

This whole equalization thing is wrong. It came into law of course, because women who were stay at home moms as their careers and first jobs didn't have pensions. So when their erstwhile husbands decide to walk away and attempt to leave the mother of their children without so much as two cents to support them, the state had to step in and insist that these dead beat jackasses do what is right - share their pensions and investments and help the wives they were dumping keep living in the manner to which they had become accustomed through the support they provided at the matrimonial home. I somehow don't think it was intended for working women to share their incomes and investments the other way with their working jackass greedy-I'll-show-you! husbands did it? I mean seriously!

No doubt there are a few who would say back.. "you wanted equality - you got it - now give up the cash and let's get on with it!" I won't go into my feminist tirade today - just note that - giving up my pension was not what the law intended I don't believe. I am younger, I am going to live longer and I earned every damn cent without a ton of support from the SU even when we did have what I thought was a solid marriage.

During this next week, I'll be doing the count down and getting myself mentally fit for this ordeal. Now that it's so damn cold outside and the wind is whipping, I'll have to get myself to the gym and walk on the treadmill to nowhere. It should help keep anxiety levels to a low as I vent and pump it out!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Razor Burn.

What is it about men and their razors? I, of course, learned looooong ago that borrowing a man's razor to shave your legs and other body parts is just not on. I learned that if you really want to set a man on edge, drive him completely mental - and not in a good way- use his razor on your legs. You will hear about it. Usually. That's just they way they are. Husbands in particular - don't seem to cut their wives any slack on this one. Newlywed, sex three times a day, whatever, nothing works with the razor question.

But teen age daughters - particularly at the RebelJunior phase don't seem to care much about this fact and major father irritant.

RJ regularly borrows dad's razor. She has her own. A lovely pink Venus with blades that are regularly upgraded changed and replaced. Yet she seems to like the Gillette 6 blade thing that is all torqued in orange and blue. She also likes dad's hairbrush. Need I mention dad doesn't have a lot of hair to give it a good run through and RJ thinks the brush is wasted on his head.

Earilier this week SU - who is never in great humour at the beginning of any day- came barging into the bathroom as I was applying eye liner. He was all huffy and puffy and snorting through his nose but didn't say anything. As I found some make up remover and calmly removed eye liner from my cheek I asked every so casually " looking for something?"

SU replied in that grumpy morning voice of his, " I can't find my brush and my razor isn't where I left it. Oh! THERE it is!" And he reached over into the bathtub and grabbed it from the ledge as he huffed and puffed some more and muttered under his breath. He does that a lot these days....the muttering under the breath thing.

As he is standing there holding a hair brush in one hand, his orange and blue beloved razor in the other, stubbly face and tufts of silver hair gone wild standing on end I'm reminded of Alistair Sim as Ebenezer Scrooge - the movie and thinking - Ebenezer is far more attractive than this muttering middle aged dad.

And so I responded to him the way he responded to me when I was concerned about how RJ was behaving. the one he threw out at me on Monday this week. ( see blog Monday 17th) She's a teenager! They ALL do that. He looked at me, said nothing and stomped down the stairs.

Interesting how when they're being teen agers and it has a direct impact on his day it just doesn't fall the same way.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Thursday 13 follow up.


Routine 13 in the PM

1. glass of wine
2. straighten up clothes to hangers or laundry
3. phone calls to make?
4. check the facebook page, check the emails
5. what's in the snail mail
6. dishwasher status
7. another glass of wine
8. read a book
9. watch some tv
10. wash off the make up
11. eat the vitamins
12. pjs
13. sit on the bed and say another prayer or two

good night

Wednesday, November 19, 2008



For my dear friend and person without whom I could not blog! Happy Birthday Blondie! Happy Birthday to you! For those who don't know... Blondie helps me blog and has the keys to my castle. Any decorating, colour and even the great titles for my daily blogs come from Blondie.

Many Healthy Happy Years. From me and the boy on the top of the cake. wink wink baby!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Male Dominated Stupid.


Had words with the SU about our mediation dates. Of course he had to raise it while the RebelJunior was in the room with us. Nothing like speaking in code at 7:30 on a Monday morning. The dates were postponed because the mediator's husband was going through some medical procedure on the date that was originally booked. "When are you going to ensure the meeting with Lorraine is kept?" he bellowed at me. I rolled my eyes and didn't buy into his bellowing at all.

The home calendar had a bunch of things listed on it ensuring that I would not be available which was his reason for the bellow. One of the notes concerned an invitation to an event at the hospital where Rebel had her transplant. Rebel wants to attend and wants me with her. The SU has said that I am dragging my feet on the mediation. In fact it was out of my control that the mediator had to change dates and that her new dates didn't fit my schedule. I have given up enough work time this past year and I am not willing to give up more work time because he - SU wants what he wants. As I am saying this my middle aged addled brain had forgotten that I had already agreed to conflicting date and time.

Rebel will go to the hospital event with a good friend who is willing to take her and be supportive while I go spend three hours attempting to negotiate what I want and get the SU to leave the house. At this point if I go and ask for yet another change I can pretty much write the nasty gram that would ensue from the SU's lawyer and save myself the $200 in fees for the Barracuda to write something equally nasty back.

Having said all this, seeing how Rebel Junior has been behaving lately, (did you read yesterday's blog) family counselling is going to be a must. It strikes me that at her age - 14 15 16 - is when things hit the breakpoint. If she is already a recreational drinker ( and gads I hope she isn't) any sort of family trauma could turn her into a crazy ass stupid teen binger. Something that terrifies me but doesn't seem to worry the jackass SU at all.

So I am now riding a stationary bike (fat burning cycle) to nowhere and whining that all the tvs at the gym are turned to male dominated stupid stations. That, plus a pilates class or two and a little single malt will get me through the days.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Really???


I am going to have to figure out a way to insist that the SU take co-parenting classes or counseling once the separation deed has been done. Yet again, Rebel Junior - and she is becoming *quite* the Mini-Me - has her father so wrapped around her finger that he is in complete denial.

He has started using the same mantra as his older brother does around his daughter - "They're teen agers! What do you expect?"
I expect when I say please call at 11 PM so we can pick you up that she'll call.
I expect when I call on her cell phone - the one I pay for - that she'll pick up - the first time!
I expect respectful conversations when we talk -

And the response I get when none of the above happens is - "stop putting 'the hammer' to her - she's a teen ager - they all act like that!"

Really?

When I learned that she'd been drinking alcohol at the party she was at and that she came home drunk - SU 's response was "she's a teen ager - they ALL drink at that age."
Really?

Age 15 and they ALL drink? I think not. Rebel Junior is already out-rebelling the Rebel! She didn't touch alcohol til she was 17 at least. My American friends need to understand that legal drinking age is either 18 or 19 depending where one lives. Not 21.

"So you don't think it's a problem that she is drinking?"
"Well the parents were home at the house she was at. I don't see what I can do about it now."

Really?
That's the best he's got.


He also told me I put down 'the hammer' - whatever that means - when I told RJ when we finally spoke at midnight that no she could not sleep over at her friend's house as this was not planned in advance and I didn't appreciate the last minute request, nor, more importantly, did I appreciate her being rude to me over the phone as I asked her to please get the address of the house she was at so her father could pick her up.

She hung up on me.

I called and woke up another parent, got the phone number, did a reverse search and got an address. I called the house and told the mother to please keep RJ at the house and to please tell her that her father was coming to get her. She left the house and went to another friend's and the SU had to go find her there. She is lucky he went to get her and not me.

Oh... she's "just a teenager" who has her dad jumping through hoops even better than her sister ever could.

Born-again Father
or
just plain jackassery?

Friday, November 14, 2008

On My Time.

This girl is busy this week. Training at work from Wednesday to Friday. A couple of meetings after work or running errands has kept me away from the computer. Okay that and the fact that Rebel Junior claims she has home work and needs to get things done using the computer. Oddly enough though, every time I was in the kitchen I saw no sign of home work and plenty of signs for Facebook, Messenger and lime wire!

The SU keeps trying to arrange mediation dates after lunch time. I don't have time to go to these things in the middle of the work day and stated my preference for a 4 PM start. The mediator's assistance says there aren't a lot of those times left. I have told her I don't do work time sessions. I've missed enough work with Rebel Daughter that I need to stay on track for a few months and get my team back into order.

yeah yeah yeah.. priorities. Well.. frankly - a divorce has never been my priority but my marriage was. Now that the shoe has left that foot, I am not about to make it easy for the SU to get his divorce. Oh it will happen, I've no doubt about it, but he wants it - he has to play ball using my rules. On taking three hours out of my day to fight over my pension - it will get done on my time.

Going back to being busy... I am wondering if I am occupying myself to keep myself out of the house til I know SU has disappeared into his lair? Not good for Rebel Junior for me not to be around - so I am watching my behaviour on this one. SU comes home and doesn't do anything, though I've heard him say that he's been going out doing handy man jobs for other people once again. I just wish once - that these people would call me for a reference check!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

In Flanders Fields

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders Fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders Fields.
- John McCrae

Friday, November 07, 2008

Worship From Afar.


What do we call a married man.. yeah yeah yeah.. we know he wants a divorce but still. What do we call a married man who harbours a serious crush on a co worker 20 years younger who doesn't even know he exists? He carries around a stolen photo of her in his wallet along with a little business note she wrote him about.... nothing. He is in serious fantasy land. We have it on very good authority that she is in a relationship with someone. Has been for some time. And not with said married man. She lives five minutes away from said married man. He possibly stalks her street, cruises the grocery stores in her area. Said married man is trying to fix it so his daughter takes classes from her to try and create a "closer" relationship. Perhaps the daughter can influence the 20 years younger woman that he is a fine specimen of a parent. Then she'd get rid of her current beau and throw herself into his nearly 60 year old arms and run away with him. Perhaps she will see how really wonderful he is as he worships her from afar. He stares at her image as he hides in his lair in the basement. He takes a gulp of his three ounce scotch. What do we call the married man?

Freaky, creepy mystery novel....
or
just a bad television sit-com?

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Thursday Thirteen.

Routine Thirteen - AM!
1. shower
2. shampoo
3. take meds
4. drink mug of hot water with lemon
5. make coffee
6. make lunch
7. get dressed
8. do make up
9. do hair
10. make the bed with ALL the pillows
11. sit on bed and say a prayer or three
12. grab breakfast
13. drop Rebel off at school maybe

Move along with the day!


Monday, November 03, 2008

It's Beyond Saving.


The Mediator called to change our first date. Her husband has to have some surgical procedure so of course I am accommodating. She wanted us for either the day before or after the planned date, but the Rebel Junior has dance classes on both those days and one of us has to get her there and back. So now I wait for new dates. We are going into December. Oh what a joyous Christmas season this will be.

I chatted with the SIL this weekend. Sister of the SU. She asked me a couple of weeks ago if she could tell her dad about the spousal ennuie and I said it didn't matter to me. In our conversation yesterday she told me that she had told him, but not their mom - who is quite ill and doesn't need to have that stress on her. FIL told SIL that he knew something wasn't right - he could feel it. Which could explain a lot of their behavior of not wanting to visit at our place. Damn SU once again and his perceptions of his relations with his parents has caused some serious rifts all way round. And at this point SIL told her dad "Marie has done everything she could, but you know SU!" And for now, FIL agreed and left it at that. So, regardless of what SU says when he finally says it, IF he ever says it, the entire in law clan has had my story first. For whatever it's worth. I guess I do care what they think of me to some degree. More important they need to know that it was not my choice in the beginning. SU has driven this thing.

I had fully expected the SU to head home over Thanksgiving weekend because his mom is so ill. He didn't. He hasn't called them since early September either. I believe he should head home at Christmas time and spend time with her because she really doesn't have that long. She has a very bad heart condition and she is not on any transplant list I've seen this before with my grandma and she has already lived longer than my grandma. SU is very much in denial or just can't face what needs to be faced. It's not going to be good.

I said to a friend on the weekend - even if somehow he had the thunder clap moment - it's beyond saving. He's killed it. I am moving on. Or trying to.