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There is a reason why there are Barracudas in the world. The answer to yesterday's burning question on how to deal with beneficiary relationship and who gets to spend the money issue was quite easily handled.
SU is the beneficiary and the relationship is "trustee" or "in trust of"
It's why they get paid the "big bucks." And simply enough - the money is there for the girls and I can note that in my will so that my executor can keep the watchful eye on things. And there you have it.
My church publishes a family parish directory every few years or so. It's a photo directory. I wasn't sure how to handle things keep SU in the photo or not - and had to remember the mantra from one of my counsellors who told me "It's never a good idea to manipulate a situation because God will find a way to turn it into a joke on you." So rather than make up stories, or justify to the girls why the SU shouldn't be in the directory, I said nothing. They met me at the Parish Hall for the photo sitting and I left it up to SU to either turn up or not. He didn't come in, nor did he even bother waiting for the girls to be done.
I now have a lovely family photo of the three of us, plus a really nice portrait of the girls. If SU wants a picture - he's on his own. As I am.
We're closing in on the final separation stuff and the lawyers require proof of life insurance so that if one of us dies there is money for child support for the girls.
So here's the thing. My work life insurance policy only allows a one word beneficiary and relationship to you on the form - government - gotta love it.
What it means is - I can't write Rebel and Rebel Junior in trust of - and daughters. I have to write X-Su and X-SU on the forms. It also means he can take the money and run rather than use it for its intended purpose. I also can't make it out to my estate because then my executor - brother - has control and the SU may or may not get the cash which is in contravention of the separation agreement.
No doubt SU is feeling the same way. I could take any life insurance policy money from him if he dies first and spend it rather than use it for the girls, so I guess it could go both ways.
So.. the question is in to the Barracuda. Stay tuned for the answer.
An aside... Apparently I ain't got rhythm. I rented Rhythm Heaven for my DS - couldn't get past OK on any of the games... I can't count, can't dance I don't have a lot of good hand eye coordination either. This has nothing to do with anything, except watch your feet if you ever have occasion to dance with me!
"Can we go today and switch the car registrations?" "No, I am busy today."Well, when are we going to get this done?""I believe we have an agreement waiting for your signature that provides an answer." " Well, I could just go out there and put a For Sale sign on your sedan and you would be forced to drive the station wagon.""Knock yourself out. Go right ahead. I suggest you read the agreement that you brought us to before you do that. Or better ask your lawyer what he thinks of that idea. Oh and.... "Did I mention I could then turn around and change the locks on the doors, sell your tools and be done with it as well."I love a great Saturday morning disussion.
I signed the separation papers today. All five copies initialed- every single page, AND had to initial some last minute changes, With the Rebel having moved out, this had to be reflected in the agreement. All these trees killed. I must have signed at least 100 pages.
SU's Lawyer is trying to do the real estate and separation stuff at the same time, but that won't work since the real estate lawyer needs the final signed separation agreement. SO SU will have to pay for two lawyer's visits. Oh well.
There is a clause in the agreement that talks about reconciliation. The Barracuda said to me "if you plan to reconcile come see me first - do NOT agree to anything. And remember - you now own the house - even if you reconcile -the house is a done deal. If you decide to get involved with someone again - come see me - pre nuptial agreement is key for you." No kidding! It's a big AS IF, but I tell both my girls that they need to sign pre nups before getting married. The rest - all sort of final stuff... like we used to say when we were kids "stamp it - no erasers!" Totally no erasers. This is a done deal. I admit - I still get angry about it, I still get upset but I guess that that's life. What else can I do when there is no one to do it with eh?
Now hope he actually leaves he house the way he is supposed to.
I am taking a conflict resolution course this week. I wish I had done this BEFORE we did the mediation. I am seeing a lot of the techniques that we're learning about that the mediator used. I could have also used these techniques in dealing with the Rebel when she was in her key Rebel state. All very useful and helpful for all sorts of things not just work.
The end is pretty near all right. ( see Wednesday's Not-so-wordless)
I have been into the bank. Have the mortgage down to 2.8% interest - a variable rate for a year which I can lock in at any time. Pay back ALL my debt AND have money left for the renos. Hope to get that closed next week. BUT SU doesn't get any money until he has to close on a place or moves out which ever comes first _ ALL before July15th. I am almost psyched for this. That and the hottie handy man is coming to check things out on Saturday. Hey Lily c'mon down for Saturday AM coffee - help me check out the hired help. wink wink!
SU's father left him a snarky message on the voice mail. Next day SIL left an even snarkier message telling SU to call his father. I am LOVE-ING this. Sad it is... but oh well.
Finally a Saturday and Sunday coming up where I don't have anything planned.
BUT the count down is starting in earnest. I hope to have the signed agreement back from the lawyers and mediator late next week. I will take all 5 copies to the SU's lawyer myself.
13 things going on
1. Rebel managed to get a parking ticket AND a speeding tickert in the same week. Number of days she's had her license? Less than 90 days!
2. Sister in law is telling me that SU's brother and a friend of his are expecting to be staying at *my* house when they land in town in early July. AS IF
3. SU - still doesn't have a place as far as I can tell.
4. SU has yet another picture of the soon to be married and departing fantasy girlfriend in his wallet. I am thinking about having someone put out an APB on her photos - get them off of whatever site they're on. This is either creepy or just plain whacked!
5. Getting the window guy lined up for August.
6. My lawn is decent looking now that I've lined up someone to cut it regularly.
7. Planning garage sale with Rebel Junior - we'll have it when her exchange student arrives from France. No doubt they don't have garage sales in small villages in France.
8. Why is the emergency brake light staying lit on my dashboard when I know that brake isn't engaged? Hmmm would this have anything to do with the wheel bearing that has to be replaced? Guess I'll have to bite the bullet and get this fixed.
9. Having a tough time figuring out how to transfer pictures and books into my slick Sony eReader - coolest piece of technology I own. If I could get it working. Where's tech support when you need it?!
10. SU drank my margaritas in the bottle. WTF!?!?
11. I really hate it when the batteries die in the remote control for the tv in my bedroom. Hey.. here's a good status line for my profile page on Facebook.
12. Golf tournament at work tomorrow. I don't golf. Next year we're going to have the anti golf tournament and go to the mini golf place that is indoors - we'll play in the evening during the rock and roll black light night! then crash the big kids tournament dinner!
13. It just doesn't sound right when the mediator sends an email to all the parties - the two who are separating and their lawyers saying " hi all - I'll look forward to receiving the signed off copies. It's been a pleasure working with all of you. " seriously - like we're engaging in something fun. No looking forward to it at all... like medicine. Need to do it to start a healing.
Sent to my family lawyer by the SU's Shark:
Hello,
The Barracuda and I are completing a matrimonial file where my client, SU,is signing over his interest in the jointly owned home to his fomer spouse, Marie McKitreck (spelled my name wrong!) Are you acting for her on the real estate? Please call if so.
Shark
1800 CALL ME
I am very surprised to find myself a part of a new club. The almost separated club? The nearly divorced club? The I'm not going to let this define my life club? Not even close. It would seem that I am now part of the club of people who have dogs and walk them regularly. Before I had the little doggie I would walk and dog people paid me no attention at all. Now, because I walk with a little doggie beside me on a leash, all the other dog people are my friends. I know the secret handshake. Who knew!? It's been interesting. We've met Patches, King, Princess, Lulu, and all the other ones whose names we don't know. Buttons - hates them all wants nothig to do with any of them. I, however, enjoy talking to their people. I am going to start taking my camera with me and will ask people if I can take pictures of their dogs for my Facebook photo pages. I wonder if people will let me? On to our regularly scheduled ennuie. I am still waiting to hear from the Barracuda. My handyman is booked for August to rip the old rec room out and put in the new one before the exchange student arrives. Niagara Falls is nearly booked as is Canada's Wonderland. Rebel continues to be a royal pain. She is so back. She left a PILE of laundry in the ahll way on the second floor. It's all in garbage bags in the garage. Thanks for that one Rudy!I am nearly done with this damn cold that has been keeping me at a low level.
Just spent $600 on my car and not nearly done. New muffler and exhaust. I cried poor and didn't do the radiator flush - the coolant light kept flashing. The guy must have felt sorry for me or something and they topped up the radiator with fluid and did s0mething and dumped a quart or two of oil in too. Karma. Pays to be nice to people.
I can`t believe I`ve had no grief over the latest Meez. Clearly no hockey people read this blog.
I think I have the final draft of the separation agreement. The Barracuda moved a couple of phrases around, clarified a second and added some words to a third. Man this had better be done now. Then I have to sign five, count 'em five! copies. Nothing is ever a one-pager in the legal world is it?
I am wondering what the heck the SU is doing about living quarters... he doesn't appear to be doing much. But who knows.
Rebel Junior is talking to me these days. She just put together an amazing scrapbook for her history class. It had to include something from every decade of the 1900s. The kid has talent. She was quite proud of her work. I haven't seen any of her projects since at least grade 6 so this has to be an improvement.
I am fighting off a cold after the Montreal trip. A bit of a cough and I know I am still not getting enough sleep. Had to watch Stephen Colbert get his head shaved in Iraq.
The SU is again slightly ticked and frustrated with me. With Rebel's health claim forms I've received my share back of the drug costs but I haven't bothered claiming back from his plan. It's mostly my money but there has been the odd claim that I had to do for him. Yeah, silly of me, but I didn't claim back the rest of the 20% because I knew it would bother him. So now he's on my case and will probably sic his lawyer on me. It's how he rolls. So I suppose I'll bite the bullet and do the paperwork - I hate paperwork and forms - and will get the rest of the money back. The thing is - the cheques will be in his name and I have to get the money back from him. However I've decided that perhaps before I actually finalize the forms I'll tell him that I won't send them off until he does some of the handiwork around the house. May as well try and leverage what very little non existing power I think I might have.
I want him to finish up the messes he's made. If I can save some handiman money why wouldn't I? I was thinking about taking picutres of all the unfinished stuff around my house and putting the pictures on Facebook and ensuring that everyone knows it's his unfinished business. Some of the people he knows are my FB friends. It would be rather bitchy and probably not bad as revenge therapy but also rather catty I suppose. Now before you all start to comment on my pettiness... don't worry I won't go there... I might tell him I will .. no really... I won't stoop to that level. Can you feel my crankiness coming through? As it is I am getting the house ship shape before our exchange students comes at the end of August. Rebel Junior has been chatting with her and she seems like a great kid. WE won't be able to offer her the kind of family she has - but I hope we can have a good time with her and regardless of where SU is going to fit in the picture the two girls will have a great time together.
Rebel has been asking for my car - even though she has moved in with the BF. He "can't" pick her up from work or take her where she needs to be - I had to use the tough love and tell her too bad so sad - moving out means being independent and going your own way. I told her that the two of them will have to figure things out as my car isn't part of her deal. Interestingly, SU isn't being too much help to her either. He *really* despises Rebel's BF, while I loath him, so there is something we mostly agree on. Probably the only thing.
1. Rebel has moved out with the BF. Doesn't understand why I won't let her take "her" furniture. Apparently because I don't have 'respect" for him she's ticked with me and doesn't think she needs to have respect for me either. sigh.
2. Rebel Junior has been matched up with an exchange student from France. Student arrives at the end of August.
3. Soon to be X SU -KA XSU - has been home sick this week. I think that they're having a party for the fantasy girlfriend and he's not interested in being there. Oh woe is him.
4. I hired a lawn cutting service to take care of my lawn this year. I am going to have enough to do that cutting the lawn just won't be on the schedule. I hired *Morgan* thinking it was a he... He is a SHE!!! It's a student business and she has two hired hands cutting the grass in my town. I am really pleased to be supporting this now.
5. Was in Montreal over the weekend at my professional conference and had no time to actually attend workshops or learning sessions as I was busy with business and process stuff this time. Didn't do ANY shopping or sight seeing either as I didn't stick around long enough.
6. oh.. except for the one evening when we went to a restaurant where you eat in pitch black. yes... really. www.onoir.com Food was great, atmosphere... very interesting. I would do this again.
7. Waiting to hear final details from The Barracuda to get the agreement settled. The last review set me back $800 I guess I shouldn't complain too much - it could be a whole lot worse and expensive.
8. As far as I can tell, XSU not house hunting much at all. There 's a house for sale up the street. He should take it.
9. I am catching a cold. I feel it in my throat and chest - the dry cough thing.
10. I have to get to Winnipeg. My dad... oy! my dad. Not doing well at all. He was caught "driving erratically" and refused a road side breathalyzer test. You're not allowed to do that. He also had a $1000 of cash in his pocket as he was headed to the local casino. My brothers and I are concerned. This isn't good.
11. XSU drank my last two wine coolers! WTF?!?!
12. RJ ate the last chocolate croissant. WTF!?!?!
13. In the words of Rosanne Rosannadanna... "it's always something!" 
