The Purgatory State of Affairs.

The mediator can't meet until mid May. This is not acceptable to me. So I fired back a terse email saying, "forget it then. I'm done. Get this deal to the lawyers, I want it signed off. The SU is not going to change his behaviour or his mind when it comes to parenting so why am I wasting my time. I can't wait til May or June for this deal to be done. Do it now. Forget I said anything."

I rolled my eyes when I saw the email from the mediator's secretary saying mid May. AS IF!!! I am NOT happy with this. The thing was drafted mid February - I sent along my minor changes and heard nothing til last week. I am not impressed. I will sign the thing and deal with whatever *my* issues are outside the agreement if I have to.

I want this man out of my house. Now. I am tired of the purgatory state of affairs and need to move along.

Looking Forward.

The SU did indeed buy the $800 camera for Rebel Junior. She gave her other camera to a friend who's dad is good with electronics. Apparently he fixed it so he gets to keep it. GRRRRR A NikonD60. Unfreakinbelievable.

The girls were in the kitchen talking and decided that a divroce would be better for me and their dad. RJ has already said she would go live with Dad. Rebel says I should buy a condo with a loft in the trendy downtown area. SU was not part of the conversation.

I was thinking this morning that I probably feel the stress still and continue with a little anxiety because we're not getting anything done and SU hasn't made any moves to get the hell out. One more mediation session and will see what that will do. I don't have high hopes but it will somehow make it to the agreement for whatever that's worth.

We are having a women's prayer retreat next Saturday from church. We had to organize it ourselves because our pastor would never think to do such a thing. I am looking forward to this. A day long session on Mother as woman and woman as mother. Should be an interesting day. Being a mom is never easy. We have several moms at church whose kids are really rebelling - worse than my two. These moms are finding it very difficult and are still stuck in the "what will everyone think of us" mentality that is so archaic. We're hoping that this retreat will lay that to rest for them. A little dose of reflection is much needed.

Busy week at work again this week. I am doing a workshop with one of our new young up and coming professionals. She and I are meeting this week to get the presentation done . I don't know when I turned around and became the mentor. I've been working in my field for nearly 30 years and for so long as I was always the youngest around. I've since become one of the old dolls we used to talk about! WHEN did that happen?!

Timing is Everything.

As I was driving Rebel Junior and a couple of her friends to a soccer tournament this morning the throw away comment that I gather I wasn't supposed to know about referred to RJ's new D90 - yeah... Nikon D90 SLR digital camera. Go check the price Canadian, American currency - doesn't matter - it's a chunk of change. RJ's comment was something about all the packaging and it was heavy - but then I think she realized that I wasn't supposed to know and she quickly changed the subject.

Timing is everything. I had just sent the mediator a rather long rant copying the SU about how I didn't think the agreement could take into account things like differing parenting styles and money. I used the camera as one of my examples. So RJ gets a camera what does Rebel get? A fistful equivalent of cash? I sure hope so!

The mediator now wants us to return to discuss this. Good. It needs discussing. Though you can't write values and parenting style into a business document. I used the "C&T" words which I know will be enough to scare SU around the bend. Counselling and Therapy for the family. He won't go for it but I will throw it in there. That will do more than any mediation agreement if there is the unlikely chance that SU will grow some balls and do what needs to be done.

Rebel has had two major fights with the BF. A few more and I hope the cracks will start. In the end I expect him to break up with her because he won't be able to handle her. She speaks her mind and does what she wants. This is a Rebel the BF has not ever known And now that she is back full strength and with the heart of an 18 yr old boy at that... she just doesn't take BS from anyone. The BF is finding it tough. He reminds me way too much of SU.

I was at work today at 6:30 AM because RJ had to be that the soccer field house at 6:15 AM. I beat my staff in, I've got three documents done and I am now going for breakfast before my first meeting of the day. I can see why people like this, but I am not so sure I could sustain it.

The best part is going to be able to leave at 3 PM.

Happy Friday!

Thursday Thirteen

Marital purgatory is endless.
Final arguments on the agreement
Counting days til done!

Wordless Wednesday

Oh. He'll Pay.

The SU turned up a day late 11 PM on Thursday as opposed to the Wednesday evening as he stated. No surprise - typical in fact. So my Handy Hunk didn't come for the planned estimate of the job. I have a plan though.

Su did turn up however, with a laptop for Rebel Junior. Why? Who knows. And as one would expect the child has been locked in her room ever since. No need to come out ever except to grab food and shower before leaving the house.

I was furious! SU didn't seem to understand my ire. (What ELSE is new!) A 15 year old girl does not need her own computer out of sight of her parents. The conversations that naturally occurred while she was sitting at the computer in the kitchen have instantly disappeared.
I suggested to SU that every parenting book, website and parental advice fora states singularly that children and teens do not need computers or televisions in their personal spaces. It's just never a good idea.
His response was "How was I to know you were getting wireless access while I was away!" That's right turn it around and make it my fault.

I got to him while both girls were out of the house and read from the draft separation agreement that states "major decisions are to be discussed in advance... blah blah blah." He looked at me and baldfaced said "a laptop is not a major decision."
I retorted by telling him that an $800 new camera would be - AND the laptop was a major purchase. Again he came back to say he didn't "buy" the laptop. Missing the point.

I told him that RJ would stay shut up in her room. We'd have no idea what she was doing, who she was talking and it just wasn't a good idea. I also reiterated my opposition to a new expensive, bigger camera. His response was she "needed" it for school to be able to take photos at school events. My response was if she "needs" it to take photos at school then the school should be supplying it for her. I was quite emphatic that RJ's disrespect and attitude of entitlement was not endearing and I would not hear of spending $800, that I did NOT approve the purchase of a new camera.

If he did go out and buy the camera there were two things he needed to keep in mind:
1 - he would be paying for it out of his own pocket - I would have zero part of this unnecessary purchase and
2 - he would have to give Rebel the Elder an equal amount of cash to spend as she saw fit. It is a matter of fairness after all. The blanched look on his face was worth the price of admission.

In the meantime, I am taking RJ's current camera to a camera shop for repairs. SU of course, has no clue what he did with the warranty, the receipt, or any of the other paperwork. He will be paying for these himself as well.

Wordless Wednesday.

{From Suzanne @ www.DearReader.com}

Shattering Her Delusions.

It's pretty quite around the ennuie zone. The SU is in Toronto volunteering his services with a friend. The Rebel Junior is sleeping over night at a friend's house after having a friend stay here Sunday night. Rebel and the BF are hanging out. It's pretty nice and quiet here. Even the two dogs are quiet for a change.

Both the girls managed somehow to "misplace" or would that be lose their cell phones. War between the sisters has reconstituted itself. It was a moratorium while Rebel was sick and in hospital, but now that she's been home and stronger day by day for the last 10 months, love-hate has made a comeback. It's sisters driving each other bananas. I wanted girls... I got girls!

Rebel Junior sent a text to a friend just before getting in the car with her dad to head to to school last Friday She says she went to get her phone to send another text and didn't have it. She figures it dropped out of her pocket in the house and her older sister took the phone. Doesn't make sense to me. Rebel can annoy her sister but is usually a lot less sneaky about it.

Rebel went to use her phone and just couldn't find it. She has this new puppy who chews and takes everything. I think he got his mouth on it and it landed in some random spot. Who knows. As for RJ and her phone- it has disappeared. She thinks her older sister took it. - SIDE BAR NOTE - RJ has a very bad habit of taking things from her sister's room without permission. Rebel will sometimes pay back by helping herself to RJ's stuff. It gets ugly and I stay out of out it.

However two cell phones that need replacing at the same time is just coincidental for my liking. A day later - Sunday - Rebel found her phone. It landed in a puddle of doggy doo doo in her bedroom. Rebel refuses to use it. I don't blame her. If it gets dumped into the petzyme stuff we have for clean up of dog messes it will kill the phone. On the other hand who wants a phone next to their mouth knowing it's been sitting in doggy urine for any length of time. Rebel is quite sure her little pesky sister had the phone, and threw it back in the room into the puddle.

As for RJ's phone - mysteriously gone! This child started off on her birthday last May with a brand new phone. She didn't like it after about a month and traded it with a friend. Something happened to that phone and she traded again. I picked up a new used phone from a friend and she ended up using my old phone. It too disappeared or was traded. I managed to keep that phone for my entire contract of three years. It worked fine I liked it . Now it has disappeared. She wants the LG Neon phone for $200 plus. I laughed hysterically and told her Best Buy had phones. and not for $200! That and a simcard and she'll be good to go. She says her dad will get her a phone. We'll see.



I'll be very happy when both girls get jobs and pay for their own phones. Rebel is more than ready to get to work, but RJ seems to think she shouldn't have to work. Her father is feeding her this line as well. I find this line of thinking hard to believe. She should work and figure out money doesn't come out of a machine at the bank all that easily.

In the meantime, I am about ready for a new phone myself. I might just give Rebel Junior my new old phone and get myself a LG Neon instead! That would shatter her delusions of $200 phones. I think I deserve it just for living with this nonsense.

Balancing.

I am so glad it's the weekend. It's been a very busy week with no end in sight at work. On the plus side... the wonder kid manager has been promoted - again - so he will be gone and I'll finally have a manager who has some experience and maturity rather than one full of arrogance and superiority. One friend is so disgusted because the wonder kid is going to become her executive manager that she decided to retire. She doesn't want to train yet another "baby-executive." On the other hand my director is gone for two weeks vacation and the wonder kid is acting for her, so I am acting for my wonder kid. It's a good gig - two weeks at three pay scales higher than my own. I'll be doing part of his job, part of mine and part of my missing team. Did I mention I was short staffed and hiring. And it is fiscal year end when all monies are spent and the budget has to be balanced.

SU is indeed leaving for Toronto to visit his friend. He's heading out on Sunday and will be gone nearly a week. So far he's not told me directly. I've heard from both girls. Rebel thinks I need to tell him he's in denial about his parents. What's the point. He truly believes the folks are "fine, just fine."

I have plans for while he is away. I'm having the estimates done on the basement reno and some of the other things with my new handy-hunk. The word around the office is he's an excellent, meticulous carpenter. Knows his stuff. That's what I want. The SU seems to think I am inept and won't be able to cope. I also have a friend whom I am going to ask to help with wall colours - SU pretty much over rode all my choices for colour so I am going to paint this man right out of my house.

I have approval for my mortgage. Still waiting to hear from the mediator. I can't do much until I have the separation agreement in hand for the bank. Then it's my mess... all mine to re do.

Rebel was in a car fender bender last week. We were in a parking lot and she was backing up the car to park it in a spot and some woman came up behind her - rounded the car around the parking lot too quickly I think and bumped us. She says Rebel bumped her and she doesn't think it's fair that no-fault insurance means she has to pay with her own deductible from her insurance policy. WhatEvEr. Rebel was mortified and worried about her license as she is just learning. At least we were not in a moving violation on a road so there really is nothing against her brand new record. The other driver was so put out that she would have to use her insurance to pay for her damage. She tried to get me to pay off-insurance which had me thinking that perhaps she'd had other accidents and was worried about her rates.

Wordless Wedesday

It's Been an Insightful Weekend.

The SIL called to tell me that she asked the SU to come home during March break to visit his father - who is 92 and starting to fail.... he sleeps a lot, doesn't go out much lives alone while the mom in law is waiting for a long term care facility bed to open up. She is in hospital for now and is also in failing health. SU told his sister he couldn't ( wouldn't?) come because he was going to visit a friend in Toronto and to help him build a music studio during the week. And besides, he told her, he talked to his dad and the man sounded "great!" Can you see me roll my eyes? At this point if she hadn't told me about SU's plans for his week off I'd still be in the dark. And break is a week away. I hadn't planned on taking any time off but it looks like with him gone, The Rebel Junior will need at least a part time parent around.

The SU is going to have a very tough time when his parents pass..... he is so completely in denial. And worse, my SIL has total responsibility for their parents. She is exhausted and shamefully SU didn't get the cry for some respite.

SU didn't bother watching his daughter on tv Sunday during the Hospital Telethon programme. He knew when we'd be on... he "forgot" to watch. I roll my eyes again. More shame on him.

Rebel and I had a great time at the Telethon. I didn't take any pictures this time as the phones were ringing off the hook. We were on at the very end of the programme. However we will probably be on the late evening news Sunday and the morning news on Monday. They raised over 5.5 million dollars today.

I haven't heard from the mediator yet. She's back from vacation so I expect it will be soon. I received a mortgage renewal notice in the mail late last week, so I expect I'll get the house transferred before the end of the month when the current mortgage is up. If SU isn't gone by then, I'll be charging him rent and/or calling 1800GotJunk to get his crap out of the garage. I'm looking forward to having the shed removed from my back yard. SU leaves the lawn mower outside the shed all winter long. I'm surprised it still works. I have no idea what's in the shed except to say - it's ugly and has got to go.

13 on Thursday

a bunch of d-OHs! and forgots

1. Forgot the dentist appointment this afternoon.
2. Rebel had a bit of a car accident in the hospital parking lot on Monday back right bumper... crunched! good wordless photo.
3. Couldn't find the line of credit cheque book when the guy came to do an assessment of the house for the mortgage broker.
4 Didn't empty the coffee thermos before pouring in fresh coffee this morning - sour sour sour milk taste... Can you see me gagging??
5. French class canceled - meeting in its place forgot about that too.
6. Can't find my tax roll number for the house.
7. Police check needed for Rebel junior's exchange student app- forgot the passport at home.
8. Printer at work not working need to walk a mile to the next one to get my docs.
9. Printer at home not working - need to walk a mile to get ink.
10.Mailed cheque to mediator returned because post office couldn't read my hand writing..
11. Forgot to put laundry detergent in the laundry this am before rushing out.
12. Left my lunch sitting on the counter.
13. Yes... I gave up alcohol for Lent.... sigh...

Wordless Wednesday.