Facebook Is My Friend. SU is Not!

You gotta love Facebook. Lurking on profiles it's amazing what one learns. I see the young man's, with whom SU parties, girlfriend sent a note to one of my linked friends.. " we're going to the bar and SU is meeting us there... do you want to join us?" Hmmm SU mentioned nothing to me and I had planned on going out myself to scrapbook.

So upon arriving at home, I asked him if he was indeed going to the bar that evening. The look on his face... priceless.. He asked me how I knew. AS IF I was going to reveal how I gather my intelligence.. he tried pushing for a bit, and of course, I gave away nothing. In the end... he didn't go out... and the next day... I saw who all was there as photos were posted up on the friend's girlfriend's page on Facebook.

SU owes me a pile of money on our health benefits for Rebe's meds. Between $300-$400 worth. We both have plans through our work and the benefits are coordinated. The policy is whoever has the earliest birthday claims the children first and then the rest comes out of the other spouse's plan. I've had my 65% returned and now I keep waiting for SU to cough up what I need back for cash flow.. Rebel's meds average about $200 every 6 weeks for now.. and it cuts in a bit. Not sure how this works after we're done but I am sure the insurance companies have policies for this too.

Rebel Tween has a friend staying the weekend. Friend's mom and I have had many discussions and we read the riot act to both girls together. We told them... mess this one up girls and it's good by sleep overs til university!

Rebel's boyfriend, cut the lawn, fixed a lamp outside, and washed the windows already and it's only 11 AM! I am giving him the "honey do" list. It doesn't seem that SU is too embarrassed by any of it. I think his entire two months off, when he wasn't visiting family consisted of sleeping til noon and watching tv in his cave. He did nothing else. No surprise and no expectation.

SU asked me if I "had" to go to the first day barbecue at RT's school on Tuesday. RT will be going to the same school where SU teaches rather than to our neighbourhood high school. I told him given that the newsletter we received from the new principal said.."all parents welcome" and I am a parent... it would be seem to be a good idea to attend. He suggested I may cramp RT's style... and I replied...

"Of course I cramp her style, she's 14 and I am her mother.. You sure it's not YOUR style you're worried about?"

Given that she upon whom he died of unrequited love still works there... it may be other issues bothering him. I am the alpha parent though.. so barbecue here I come. And I WILL meet every teacher in that school! Get ready!

Long weekend and I took several extra days off work. Not back til next Thursday. And it's a beautiful day. I've got the sheets outside drying for that fresh air scent, the windows wide open and a book to read on the quarter deck with a Creemore in another couple of hours.

Does Jerry Lewis still have his telethon going?

Enjoy YOUR long weekend.

Thirteen on Thursday.

12 things I didn't wear to work today... and 1 I did!

1. Black polka dot skirt with red tank cami top. No... too cold and rainy.
2. Green skirt and that funny coloured cami that goes with everything No... not in a green mood and See #1.
3. The pale yellow linen trousers and navy t No... at the dry cleaners.
4. The khaki trousers - No... in the laundry.
5. Black Spanner capris with polka dots... No, See #4.
6. Black jean skirt.. No too cold for bare legs today.
7. Khaki skirt ARGH has a stain on it.. laundry.
8. Red weekender dress... N0,not a red day today.
9. Navy blue skirt with red polka dot top no.. wore the navy skirt on Monday.
10. Black jeans and jacket.. no... wrong texture... too dark for summer even if it is cold.
11. Blue jeans. No... too casual have a meeting down town today.
12. Sunny Choi lavender suit... No... way too powerful for today's meeting - unnecessary

13 yeah... this will do... the Seasons pink jean trousers with matching jacket.. and the pink/green/black striped top

What are you wearing today?

Wordless Wednesday

Positively Karmic.

Karma must be changing for me. I hope so. My self mastery instructor, Trish, told me I have had a karma that needs to be fixed. I'm working on some stuff that she directed me towards as well as keeping a positive attitude and changing how I think about some things in life. That's the tough part isn't it - changing how we think about ourselves, our children, our relationships. It's not easy, but if life is going to be what I want then change has to happen.

I had a chat today with someone at work about the possibility of moving to his section. It would be a complete change of pace for me, yet somewhat related to what I do in a tangential kind of way. AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO GO THROUGH A HIRING PROCESS! I would come on down because ... I can! This has me very excited.

My new young man manager and I work together well too. He gets it. I get it. I want to help him do well. It is amazing how attitude and respect for each other translates into a mutually agreeable way to do business and enjoy it.

Now if I can make this work at work, perhaps I can make it work with RebelTween and the SU. The difference is SU can't make the changes. Trish tells me it's enough that I make the change because others subconscious has a way of falling into line when it notices that attitudes have shifted. This is somewhat the same thing said on the Divorce Busting website. Not that I am still thinking about busting this thing, but a different attitude will certainly help me move things along the way I want. Living it may also help Rebel in her healing if she observes my attitude and thinking.

I think any of us who have kids going to school we always look at September as the "real" new year. Fresh new clothes, new notebooks and pretty crayons not smashed down yet.
I am starting to feel good again.

It must be a new year approaching.

Pausing. Praying. Planning.

It's August 27. It is 24 years ago today I married the SU. What I remember most from that day is the SU standing up in front of our friends and family at the party after the ceremony and telling the world... "She is my best friend, and I know she's your friend too. I know you all love her and so do I. I will love her forever.!" sigh. And I remember thinking even then.. "I will remember this moment for the rest of my life"... and I have so far... Life has a funny way of turning out though doesn't it?

I re-read my blog entry from last year. Things have most definitely changed since last year. And while I had expected to be done with the relationship before this date that's not the case. It doesn't bother me much. I have other things on my mind right now. I have to believe there is a plan. I don't know what it is. It's up to me to make my choices and I am doing that. It may not be a clear choice for the moment and that's okay too.

Sundays, in church at the end of the liturgy, I sit and meditate for a bit on what I am supposed to be doing that day, that week, and leave it at that. Que sera sera and all that. Life will unfold as it must. Don't think for a minute I will just "let" things happen, oh no... but there are some things that can be taken on and dealt with and some that cannot. Taking care and working with Rebel is utmost for now. As she gains her health back and TweenyRebel manages to get back into some form of older teen-ness... I will be able to move forward. SU can sit and sulk in his cave - upstairs or basement. He can take his pick! It really doesn't bother me. It's almost as if he is barely part of the equation at this point.

I had a note from someone I know to whom I gave this blog. Within my own circle I have been selective about who gets here. For the random hits... well... lucky you! I gave her my blog because she was going through a divorce. She has children too. I didn't know much about her personal life and how it was going for her so I let her in on my own experiences and rants. Now fortunately for her, she and her ex-SU have a good relationship as parents to their children and she says they are friends. And good for both of them! She has had a mostly decent experience through a negative one of a family having to split up. And it happened with a level of maturity and the right way! But she did find that reading my rants and comments gave her a little something to think about. And that is why I write. By blogging I believe someone may stumble upon my rants and silliness and perhaps realize that they are not the only ones trying to figure out what to do with an SU and other fall outs from these things. Or they might just read and be entertained or appalled!

I am pleased she dropped me the little note tell me she got something out of reading my stuff.

So I will have a drink tonight. To remember what was, and to plan, to hope, and to pray for what will be. And I will keep blogging to see where I will be at this time next year!
Thanks for reading friends and strangers all the same.

Tire{d} Separation Status.

I had a phone call yesterday from what I had thought were the not so friendly guys at my tire store. The store where I bought two sets of expensive tires for my car... snow and regular!

When I bought the snow tires they went on the Spousal Unit's account. I paid the SU when the bill came... no big deal. When it came to buy the regular tires this past spring I had already decided to pay cash and not deal with the SU - not quite kosher given our so-called "separation status."

When I went in pay for the tires and have them installed, one of their so called experts had "sold" my tires to someone else in error, so I had no tires that day. BUT I was walking around with about $500 in my purse (I NEVER do this... long story) so I said to the guy that I didn't want him to sell the next set of tires. Could I put a deposit down on them for $300? They agreed. I kept asking to make sure the tires were in MY name and that I now had my own account.

About three weeks later I went to get the tires changed. All done and went to pay. Guess what? My deposit had ended up on the SU's account rather than on my tires. The guy - Troy - said to me, that the SU had told them that "under no circumstance" was I "allowed" to do anything with his account, so gee sorry, he couldn't get my $300 out of the account and on to my tires. I tried calling the SU at home, but since it was only 11 AM on a Saturday, he was still asleep. The girls rarely answer the home phone, either. So after about three tries I gave up. I smiled sweetly at Troy and said... "FINE! I'll pay with my debit card and I'll keep you free of my marital drama with the SU." Troy didn't like the sound of the "FINE" but was smart enough to grovel and apologize for the screw up saying "his hands were tied." I tell ya... I wanted to "tie up" more than his hands. But.. I kept my cool.

I decided not to get my knickers in a twist over this. When the statement from the tire store arrived for the SU with a $300 credit I told the SU what had happened and what I needed to get my money back. I didn't hold my breath, and then with Rebel's sickness... it got put on a back burner.

Fast forward to yesterday. I had a call from Troy at the tire store. SU tried going to talk to him about the error and asked for his money back. At the store they didn't have cash to give him so they sent him to the head office for the chain. Troy told me that the SU was rude and aggressive with the comptroller - a woman. Troy called me to ask me what I thought should happen because he remembered the situation when I came in -

"and you were really cool about it' and your husband, or whatever he is, pissed off the comptroller"

So the SU didn't get the money. They clearly do NOT need to be in the middle of a marital financial squabble. My new best friend told me, they don't want to talk to the SU any more because of his rude behaviour. I told Troy that I would write a note explaining what had happened, and since the money was in the SU's account he would also sign the letter but the cheque needed to be made out to me as I was the one who put it into the account and they all knew that. It was their error and they had to fix it, which they agreed to. Troy and I bonded. I expect very good service when it's time to get my snow tires put on in October. SU on the other hand, is having his account closed because of his lack of manners.

Upon arriving at home last evening, I expected SU to ask me for help. He looked like hell. Unshaven, walking around in old sweats, and didn't have have a word for me. Not a single word. While I KNOW I am cutting off my nose to spite my face on this one, but I am going to see how long it takes SU to ask me to help. I don't expect he will, he's got a streak of pride in him a mile wide and four deep. I'll draft up a note to the store that I will ask him to sign, and take it in to see Troy.

SU has never understood how to make friends. And one never knows when one will need friends.

Even at the tire store.

Alpha females:

We're stronger than we think

Divorce builds life-coping muscles. When you no longer have someone caring for you, it turns out you can do just fine on your own

SARAH HAMPSON
From Thursday's Globe and Mail
August 23, 2007 at 9:12 AM EDT

I have a man who does my car and a man who will do my dishwasher and a man who will do my furnace, when it needs someone with a tool.

But often, I figure out how to do these traditionally male jobs myself.

I am an alpha female. At least, that's what a woman I encountered at a recent party told me I had become when we got to talking about divorced life over a glass of Veuve Clicquot. It's when you learn that you can manage just fine without a man in your life full-time.

I take out the garbage. I unplug drains. I hang pictures solo. I have taken out my old hand saw, rusty and unwieldy as it is, to cut down tree limbs that intrude upon my garden from my neighbour's property.

I haven't had to change a tire, not yet, but I did once drive my manual-transmission car when the clutch had given out. I got it home, and when I couldn't start it the next day, I called my mechanic, who sent someone from his garage. The greasy he-man in the overalls couldn't drive it, either. He had to use his tow truck. Wimp!

Later, my mechanic explained, "I told him that you were not the kind of woman who would call unless it was a real problem."

I'm developing a thing for my mechanic, but it could be one of those transference infatuations - you know, the kind we get for our obstetricians - oh, and for our divorce lawyers - the men who deliver us from circumstances we can't resolve on our own.

Divorce builds life-coping muscles. For women, especially with children, no matter how involved (or not) the fathers are, separation is a lesson in survival. It's like being in a rowboat in the middle of the sea with one oarsperson. And then you learn that you can do it.

And it's not just that your man isn't around; it dawns on you that you don't want him. His presence might even make the boat more wobbly.

Alpha females are everywhere, now that I am paying attention to the term Maureen Dowd used in her book, Are Men Necessary?

Of course, some say that being an alpha female - think former British prime minister, Margaret Thatcher, whose husband, Dennis, lived in her shadow - is a load of media-driven baloney.

"The alpha female is an invention of popular culture," scoffs Susan Heald, associate professor in the women's studies department at the University of Manitoba.

"Millions of women all over the world for centuries have always taken on what would otherwise be male roles," she says. "There have always been divorced women. There have always been single women. There have always been women who have been widowed. And there are women who, because they are poor, have to take on those male roles. And there are women who are married but whose husbands are at war, or in the bar drinking themselves to death."

The bigger question, Dr. Heald says, is: "Why are women in 2007 growing up with the idea that someone is going to do half the work? Not that sharing isn't important. But women have to do all kinds of things, from earning a living to taking out the trash to rearing children. To me, that makes them women. It may not be fair - but welcome to the world."

Still, the transition from marriage to divorce is a major adjustment. "It's empowering but scary," says Winnipegger Pamela Mason, 61, of solo life after her divorce at the age of 44 when her three children were 14, 9 and 6.

Her ex-husband had travelled frequently when they were married, so she was accustomed to coping on her own.

But that was different from really being on her own.

"That first winter, the pilot light went out on the water heater. I called a male friend, and he walked me through how to relight it. And when I did it, I said, 'Yes! Who needs a man?' It felt like a real achievement."

There's another reason why divorce often forces a woman to become alpha: She was beta in the first place, and liked it. She preferred having her man take charge. Marriage was a way to be taken care of.

My view of marriage was husband leads, wife follows. I was young when I married, so maybe I needed to be cared for in a childlike way.

I always worked throughout my marriage and the birth of three children, but I thought of it as a sidecar career. With the birth of my third child, I gave up a lucrative job as associate creative director in a large international advertising agency. Making a lot of money was not my priority, once I had three boys under the age of 5.

Freelance writing became more like a spa treatment, something I did for myself, to keep my sanity and balance the demands of motherhood. But I got the greatest sense of purpose from being the primary caregiver for my children.

So when I realized that I needed to divorce, it was very frightening. My ex had always paid all the bills, handled tax stuff, dealt with the bank, made the major bread.

"I don't think you will be able to cope," my ex-husband said to me - and not at all out of sincere concern. He was mocking me.

Of course, that produced my own little Pierre Trudeau-style defiance. "Just watch me," I thought to myself.

And later, much later, in one of his moments of meekness, the ex said: "You know, Sarah, you are much stronger than I thought."

The truth is, I am stronger than I thought I was, too.

source:the globe and mail

Thirteen on Thursday.

Thirteen things sitting around my bedroom that have GOT to go!

1.Mom's old muskrat fur coat. It's from 1955. I wore it in university. It's a mess!
2.The peach coloured strapless bridesmaid's dress of mom's from 1955. The box it was in was ruined. Nothing for it to hang on a hanger! The RebelTween wants to take pics of herself wearing it. It's a beauty. I can wear it too. But where? A retro cocktail party party would be fun!
3.The box of summer clothes that I didn't wear this year. Off to charity.
4. The box of winter clothes. Off to the consignment store.
5. Five old lipsticks from three years ago. Out of style.
6. Six bottles of nail polish... thick and not worn any more. Garbage.
7. Three Vanity Fair magazines that I've read - recycle please!
8. Five candles - all brand new... storage... for the right time.
9. A box of dead files, old bills, useless notes from all kinds of conferences and seminars. To recycle.
10. Three stale perfumes... not worn... the scents reminds me of.... times that were not good. Garbage!
11. The shelves on the wall put up by SU when I didn't ask for them. Need to come down so the wall can get painted. Ask girls if they want the shelves.
12. At least 20-25 books All read. Will never read again. Used book store - if they'll take them,
13. 25 gift bags - save them for gifts of course. But not in my bedroom!

Do NOT bug me!

From Cravings to Pills and Everything In Between

Rebel is doing not too badly. She was happy to see RebelTweeny head to camp.
She's eating more food... and feeling hungrier. She's learning how to eat by grazing small meals rather than a big meal which makes her want to vomit because her body can process too much at once. She's watching the sodium and the fluid.

She gets her cravings... and I tell her to indulge... but just a little. And I also tell her... throw it out... don't keep it. Yeah yeah.. all those starving children somewhere... but what can you do when there's a gazillion mgs of sodium in spiral Kraft Dinner and the kid has a craving. Eat a little... and either save the rest for another time. If you KNOW you're not going to want it... I'm sorry... pitch it!

I am NOT happy about Rebel asking me to ask the Heart Function clinic if she can go on birth control pills. This is NOT something a mother should have to do. I told her if she wanted them THAT badly... to be the adult she thinks she is if she is having sex and make the call herself. I also told her that condoms STILL had to be part of the picture... The bf has been around the block a few times... and she needs to be extra careful. So far... she hasn't called.

I think the BF was just a *tad* uncomfortable as I got into my rant about silly young girls getting pregnant and keeping their babies when they can barely look after themselves, AND why would they keep their babies and live on welfare when they should be giving them up to parents who want and can't have so the birth moms can get educated and get decent jobs so that the next time they get pregnant they at least are a little smarter about it. It's not a pretty rant. Poor BF was blanching and shaking by the time I was done. I believe he got my message.

If Rebel could just lose the fluid retention in her belly I am sure she'd be feeling a whole lot better.
On the plus side with the BF... he takes her for a walk everyday. She is able to walk longer and further every day. This is good. She will need to walk home from the bus stop after school if she doesn't get a ride. This is good for her.

I found twelve - count em TWELVE! bath towels in RT's room today after work. I thought I'd done all the laundry but I knew all the black and half the grey towels were AWOL. yeah.. 12 towels! She gets two when she returns. The rest... locked in my bedroom in the walk in closet. No more towels in the linen closet.

I arrived home today and SU was locked in his room - at 6 in the evening. Hadn't been out to talk to Rebel at all. Nothing. Rebel is pretty much disgusted.

That makes two of us.

Weekend Wrap Up & Monday Musing

I had a lovely quiet weekend. Didn't actually do much of anything... except work my way through a bunch of books. spent Friday evening at a friend's out in the country. Had a lovely visit with several of the girls. More birthday presents... I am going to have to do 50 again next year. It's going rather well!

RebelTweeny spent the weekend getting ready for Camp this week. I dropped her off at the bus this morning. Peace and quiet... no rangy wild 14 year old hormones for a week.

Of course SU, her father, couldn't even be bothered to get out of bed this AM to wish her a good week. From what I could tell, he came home yesterday after getting her her camp snacks, played hockey, came home and locked himself up in his cave.

Rebel's boyfriend has been spending a lot of time at the house. In gratitude for us feeding him among other things, he washed both the cars, washed our windows - he's a commercial window cleaner, and is insisting that Rebel make her bed and keep her room clean. It's rather funny. This guy has also fixed a few things that have needed fixing for at least a year or so. SU *should* be embarrassed about these things, but it doesn't appear to bother him that someone other than the "man of the house" is doing his job.

My camera has gone in for repairs... thanks to The Blonde for suggesting the upgrade plan. If they can't fix my machine, electronics gone wild apparently, I can up grade. I am thinking Canon Rebel XTi. I am salivating at the prospect.

The she-manager... has been preempted and bumped back to her own rank. I will have a new boy to train... but at least he is one on the management training track and better suited to officer rank. Far better... even if he is young and green... ( I should be able to mold this one! evil grin and all that!)

Good Monday.
Good week!

Thirteen on Thursday

Thirteen books I am either reading or have on reserve at the library.

1. Happy Hour at Castle Dracula - Marta Acosta
2. Dirty Martini - JA Konrath
3. Killer Cocktail - Sheryl J. Anderson
4. The Dark River - John Twelve Hawks
5. Get out of my life but first could you drive me and Cheryl to the mall? - Anthony E. Wolf
6. Death by Pantyhose - Laura Levine
7. Book of the Dead - Patricia Cornwall
8. Creation in Death - JD Robb
9. Dead Ex Harley - Jane Kozak
10. Death by Chick Lit - Lynn Harris
11. Drop Dead Gorgeous - Jennifer Skully
12. Her Royal Spyness - Rhys Bowen
13. Too Hot to Handle - Mary Jane Maffini

Wordless Wednesday

Aftermath Monday

RebelTweeny is seriously ticked at me for telling her friend's mother about the morning escapade last Friday. Though the kids are not entirely to blame given that SU gave them the ticket to early morning freedom. Friend's mom has decided, and I am in cahoots with her, that these two won't be having any sleep overs in the near future.

I also informed the SU that given we're now three for three even though RT didn't participate in this little adventure she is a party to it. I won't be having ANYONE sleeping over. It's too much responsibility and I am tired of losing sleep over these kids and their escapades. Let some other parents take this on for now.If she does go OUT to sleep over I will chat with parents and inform them of this one's penchant for going on adventures.

The cousin staying over gave me wide berth over the weekend. Did her best to not aggravate me in any way shape or form. LOL

I had wanted to take the girls out of the suburbs and do some tourist kind of stuff over the weekend...as I didn't see SU making himself too useful during the past week or even on the weekend.

Any time I made a suggestion RT vetoed it pretty quickly... and wouldn't even let the cousin speak her own mind. SU's take was ... "they're teens let they do what they want or don't want."
I had to roll my eyes because RT is never one to embrace suggestions on a good day, especially unknown or new experiences. My response to SU was ... "yes.. let's let the lunatics run the asylum because they so know much about anything and everything."

I am sure if we popped the girls into the car and took them places, they would enjoy it. It would mean the SU would need to use some initiative and he's as lazy as they are.

So.. I thought, "not my problem," and read a book all afternoon. It was a lovely day for it.

Today RT started her Mother's Helper week. We had to be the friend's home by 8:30 AM as the kids have swimming lessons at 9 AM. It was surprising how RT did manage to get herself out of bed this morning. Her sister gave her a pep talk about the money she would earn. RT was going to spurn the $50 or $60 or so dollars, and Rebel hit back with "so... you would rather have NO money than $50? You're just really stupid then. You aren't making mom made by not going, you're being a loser and not getting what YOU really want!"

Better her than me. RT got it and took a long an activities and game bag with her this morning.

I have tickets for us to see a road show of Phantom of the Opera in early September. I am thinking of selling the tickets, because I don't think RT knows how to show gratitude for what she has. It's not an easy thing to teach either. Her father doesn't know how to show it either. RT doesn't know I have the tickets but I do know she wants to see the show.

I have told her that there are things I would like as well. If I get what I want, perhaps it would be easy for her to get what she wants as well. A an easy lesson but one she is having a tough time embracing.

Better to learn it at age 14 than be miserable at 55 I think.

And It Had BETTER Be Good!

I woke up at 5:30 this AM. The front door is right under my bedroom and the screen door makes a lot of noise. I hear it open and shut all the time.

I went down there and found the door unlocked. There are so many shoes at the door these days that I couldn't figure whose were missing.

Did I mention that RebelTweeny has a friend staying over night along with cousin who is still here?

I went back to the bedrooms and sure enough... RT is on her pile on the floor but cousin and friend are GONE!

WTF?!?!?!

RT! "WHERE the hell are they??" "They went for a run," she tells me. "At 5:30AM??"

Here's what I don't get. RT didn't stop them
The cousin has not been out of bed once before noon her entire vacation and is now gone out for a run at 5:30 AM?!! Friend had no business doing a runner while a guest at my house.

When these girls hadn't returned from the run nearly an hour later, I went to barge in on the SU. OF COURSE his door is locked! (We won't even begin to ask why!) He of course tells me he "let" them go because he was putting the garbage out. "And you see nothing wrong with allowing a 14 yr old from the other end of the city and a fifteen yr old who doesn't know the city - both girls- OUT at the crack of dawn??"

"OH well people are going to work, it's light. I don't see a problem." He stays locked up in his cave and doesn't bother to come out.

Two hours later the girls are still NOT back and I am supposed to leave for work. I am seriously NOT happy about this turn of events.

Seriously. NOT. impressed.

What am I supposed to do when confronted with an idiot father and uncle who doesn't think these girls are up to something. There is NO WAY these girls went for a run... none at all.

I yelled at the SU through his locked door and told him to grill those girls when they returned and that I wanted a phone call. The entire time I tried asking RT where the girls were her story was "I don't know... for a run!"

As I rounded the corner in my car... lo and behold... TWO missing girls as well as two boys and TWO MORE girls are casually walking up the road towards home.

I stopped the car and told them to RUN home and I would meet them there. I rang the home door bell.. To get the SU out of bed. As the girls and the gang came to the drive way, SU opened the door. "You will see that two girls were not running. How naive of you to believe they were!" You will see they were with a gang of others... pre-meditated and sneaky!"

To cousin I said.. "YOU have seriously disappointed me. Never out of bed before noon and your uncle believed your story. I am really disappointed that you would do this."

The friend I said " Your mom will have to be told. You are a guest in my house and I am responsible for you. If ANYTHING would have happened, what could I have possibly said to your mom?"

To the SU I said.. " Deal with this. And it had better be good."

To the kids standing there trying to defend the two from my place " Shame on you all. You're probably all lying to your parents, and I will need to call them all. ( seeing the freaky look on one of the girls faces was worth that!) You sneak out of your homes, ANYTHING can happen and we don't have a clue where any of you are. I am responsible for other children besides my own. IF anything had happened to them, what was I to tell their parents? Did you think of that? We don't live in Wonderland kids! Now go home before I get to work and start making calls!"

I got into my car and peeled a lot of rubber at 8:07 AM.

It's now after 9 AM EDT 6 AM PDT and I need drinks...

alcoholic ones...

big ones.

T-13 Miscellaneous moments

1. Rebel is scheduled the same day as me for tooth surgery. Hers is for wisdom teeth removal - all 4 - me for bone graft to *prepare* my top front gum for a titanium implant. Neither of these things is appealing to me right now.

2. Looks like the camera will either be fixed... or I'll be *upgraded!* HA! silly as it seems, I hope I end up with same camera as SU... petty and childish... WhatEvEr!

3. The problem between Rebel and her now *former* best friend has escalated and turned into a war zone taking into account another friend, male age 16...his older brother Rebel's good friend - age 20 and the boys 37 year old mother... ALL of whom are attacking Rebel for something started by her FBF. Rebel has changed her cell number and and blocked all the above except the 20yr old from her Facebook profile.

4. Rebel has learned the value of true friends.

5. Marie has learned to stay out of children's fights and is not engaging the 37 yr mom who has insinuated herself into this process. rolls eyes.

6. Must get to the library to get a copy of "Get out of my life... but first could you drive me to the mall" by Andrew Wolfe.. a noted expert in teen age brains and actions.

7. Must get to library part two to get a copy of "How to divorce your spouse without killing her/him first."

8. Must get to library part three to get a copy of "Talking divorce to your adult children."

9. Must get to liquor store for a new bottle of cheesy Arbour Mist white zin. The one with the strawberry flavour that is sorta like cough medicine.

10. Go for a walk... again

11. Today would be a good day to pay bills

12. Horoscope said to plan a dinner party with friends who don't know each other. Good idea.

13. Continue to document... everyone & everything.

Wordless Wednesday.

Answers to Monday's Comments

I was going to reply in the comments section to Blondie's questions but decided a full blown post was probably in order.

Indeed... SU is turning into a CS - chickenshit- sort of. He didn't get out of bed on Sunday til at least 2 PM then Monday it was after noon-ish I know that for sure. Sunday perhaps I would let him get away with it after driving 16 hours from the east. starting late Friday night. However, no real good reason on Monday except perhaps he doesn't feel like doing anything so he stays in bed. WhatEvEr!

Rebel Tweeny and her cousin are doing really well. Even after already spending three weeks together they are sharing a room and seem to be friends. The cousin seems to be an easy going kid. Rebel has chatted with her and says she is not quite the kid portrayed by SIL. This was said in ear shot of the SU. It seems SIL's daughter, a 21 yr old, was being hard on the two younger ones. The SIL's daughter was never one for fashion, boys, music and makeup, so she doesn't really understand these two at all. Not her type of girls. However the tone in SU's voice when discussing his sister and niece was very harsh. I am thinking that SU has projected his issues with his sister on to her daughter somewhat. As I said earlier, SU had no time for his sister at all. Nothing! She was disappointed. He will be too as his parents health fails more so and he has no one to turn to as life marches on.

RT isn't too interested in fulfilling her mother's helper duties, but I put the pressure on the SU that this could not be tossed. She made a commitment and she must follow through. "What about the cousin?" he asked. " She can go with RT or stay put at the house. RT knew she had this job and so did you. She can't NOT follow through." Mom has five kids and swimming lessons and needs RT's help. One more is even better. Whether or not RT chooses to share her money... her choice. SU acquiesced and didn't give me a hard time.

Rebel is hoping to get employment insurance monies while she can't work. She has enough work hours in the system to qualify. This could also turn into temporary disability monies from the Federal government too. It would pay the precious cell phone bill at the least. And perhaps deal with her credit card debt. ( yes a young student with a credit card that was used while on her adventure last year. THANK YOU Royal Bank of Canada - you idiots!!!)

She needs help going through the system. I've asked SU to help her because she can't deal with the red tape. He's not doing much else, so he may as well get something done with her.

It's a short work week this week. Woo Hoo!

Weekend wrap up.

The best laid plans..... and all that.

I was up and ready to pack up a picnic and stuff and head to the camp for the big celebrations. Had two phone calls from friends asking if we were going. Well... RebelTweeny wasn't getting out of bed. At 11AM I checked on the Rebel who said she hadn't slept well, and didn't really feel like getting out and about. She has her good days and bad days. She needed a quiet day at home yesterday. So by the time this was all figured out... it was mid day and so went that opportunity. A call came in from the friend who was hosting the music jam. They had to cancel - a funeral in the family out of town.

I had a nice quiet day at home. IT really was the perfect summer day. I ended up scrapbooking while listening to *my* music. I completed over 14 pages of pictures from the 50th birthday party. I am impressed with myself.

RebelTweeny was in an "I want I want" mode... of which I finally said... "enough!" I explained the facts of life to her about my money. Car repair, furnace repair for A/C, drugs for the Rebel, new glasses for the Rebel and how I was going to be lucky to have cash flow for Christmas shopping and never mind back to school. So she went to harass her dad instead.

Rebel was feeling better by the end of the day. However she's in major drama with her now former best friend. Things are turning out for her as she was told by someone at the hospital. "You'll be surprised by who sticks with you. And you'll be more surprised by those who don't get it." Her best friend doesn't get it. She doesn't spend any time with Rebel at all. Rebel is hurt by this and has had enough of watching this friend walk right by our house and not stop in, or call. She has told her friend to take a hike. It would seem now that Rebel isn't the social butterfly and party organizer and general enabler for this friend, that friend is not interested in being there for the Rebel. Tough to watch. Rebel's temper hasn't softened as much as I had expected with her condition. I think they are both behaving like 12 years old. But I am staying out of it The friend sent me a message to my Facebook profile asking me to intervene... Not if I value my life I won't And I have to agree... the friend is too wrapped up in a boyfriend - regular sex with her beau seems to highlight her reports to Rebel, as does drinking a lot; neither of which impresses Rebel too much.

The niece is here and seems to be a decent kid in spite of what I have been told by the sister in law. Rebel has been bonding with her. She made an interesting observation about the SU . "I haven't seen him for more than two minutes since we got to your place!"

He's back in his cave. Plus ca change...

The road of life this weekend.

It's a long weekend. No work on Monday - which is lovely during the heat in the middle of the summer. Rebel has gone out with friends a couple of times this week. She always ends up dropped off at home as the girls make their way to party at some bar or other. She misses it. But she gets it.

I was chatting with the sister in law who informed me that the SU was leaving the east at midnight so he is well on his way home with the Rebel Tweeny and niece. Interestingly, something I didn't know.. and I wonder if even SU realized it, his mother and the Rebel have the same heart condition They are on the same meds... something that grandma finds intriguing. I don't think I am going to tell Rebel this part. Grandma is getting on - in her mid eighties and also doesn't follow the rules laid out for looking after herself. She's been ill with this for several years. How is it I didn't know? Well... I do know... but why go there.

SIL says that as far as she can tell, SU has not told his parents anything about our relationship. NOTHING! He did tell his brother, but he wouldn't discuss it with his sister at all. And she tried to give him openings. She says he was quite aloof most of the time, or cracked bad jokes and kept things very much on the surface. No conversations to really talk, to really look for support., to really know his sister and her life. Nothing. SIL says he has a long way to go to hit rock bottom if this is his approach to managing his life. I shake my head, but I am not surprised. Confiding and getting to really know his family in an adult way, has never been something of interest to the SU. How sad isn't it? HOWEVER, it's NOT my problem. How he will cope and get along isn't my concern or my problem.

I am gearing up to having the niece in the house. SIL did tell the brother in law that I was tired, that I was NOT up for having another teen aged drama queen in the house. She had a conversation with both the niece and her father on how to behave while visiting. I am leaving the management of this up to the SU but then again it won't be on my watch that this young one gets herself up to anything.

Both girls want to go up to the camp for the festivities this weekend. Shall see if we actually make it there or not. I can go there AND take in the music jam as well. Friend who hosts the jam has let me know I can stay the night if I wish. I might take her up on it. She's less than an hour away from home but half of it is on rural roads in the dark... no street lights. I am so directionally challenged that even though I have done the trip dozens of times, I can count on ending up in Montreal rather than at home! I have never had sense of which road to take.

T- 13 I wonder if...

1. My camera is going to cost a fortune to repair? Or if it is even repair-able? RebelTweeny called me to tell me it's not working. Her dad the SU bought her a "better one" than mine. Oh really? That would be a chunk of change.

2. I should go to the camp 50th anniversary celebrations this weekend? or

3. I should go the good friends' annual music jam at their home in the country? without the SU this year.

4. I can get *my* bedroom painted before the SU returns?

5. The refund cheque for Rebel's new glasses and meds will arrive from the benefits company before the weekend.

6. I can find someone in town who can help me learn how to play my bandura?

7. I should wear the summer dress or the capris to work tomorrow?

8. I will need the comforter on the bed tonight? A/C working really well again! It had broken again. Needed a new motor in the furnace! sigh...$500 in less than week! cha ching! BUT cheaper than a new furnace or A/C unit!

9. It will cool off for the upcoming long weekend.

10. The SU has given any thought to where his relatives are going to sleep while they are here?

11. I can get through The Half Blood Prince. JK needed a way better editor.

12. I should have a little do for the Rebel. She's feeling a tad lonely.

13. I can get the clothes out of the house to the consignment store this weekend. First weekend of "bring in your Fall clothes!"

Wordless Wednesday