It's A New Year!

So... we got through the holiday season. It was all right. I believe the spouse was surprised with the leather jacket. He returned the coat and bought a shorter jacket length instead of the 3/4 length Fine by me.
His gifts for me were pretty pathetic. I am sure he must have bought them at the hardware store. I mean if he was going to a hard ware store I would have preferred a nice little drill with a bunch of bits instead of the stuff he did buy me.
From our little one he bought one of those "selection of teas" in a wooden box. TEA??? That's what we buy grannies and old aunts... but to tell your kid to get mom teas in a fancy wooden box? And the little one just went along with it. I don't even believe she went with him when he did his shopping.
Christmas Day was a nice low key affair A friend came over, brought little gifts for all of us. I had planned on getting gift for friend and in the end Husband talked me out of it... WHY do I pay attention to him for all the wrong things.

House is nearly done now.... the big stuff The little things still need finishing. But I am not holding my breath.
The friend noticed Husband's lack of warmth during the day. Selfish kind of things like wanting to play CD made by band that he knows. Well, the Christmas music from CBC radio was rather nice, calming, and creating a more appropriate holiday mood. I very nicely said, "please don't play that music, it just doesn't go on Christmas day ya know?" Friend echoed me, and said, "yeah... leave the Christmas mood music okay? "
Well.... if straight men could have hissy fits - that's what he was having!
It was rather embarrassing to watch this grown man go on and on..."Ok fine... ok whatever you want." It was not pleasant.
Friend looked at me with question of WTF???

Later that evening, the little one picked up guitar to show dad what she had taught herself from reading guitar charts. Rather than praising her, he took the guitar away from her and started playing it in the middle of conversations going on. She asked for it back, and he said "NO, I want to play!" The friend looked at him and said... "C'mon, she just brought it in here to show you what she learned." and again with the hissy fit... "fine! take the guitar! I can't get any respect!"

Friend left - had friends coming over for drinks Christmas Day in the evening. Husband left me to clean up he kitchen and went to sleep off all the beer and scotch he drank.

So as I was cleaning things up, I pretty much decided I can't have another Christmas like this past one. I am thinking that friend must have picked up the vibes. Don't know how uncomfortable he was to be in the middle of this, but I doubt he'll be here for another meal with us!
The key to deciding whether to stay or go is all about the kids. I hear both sides of the argument.
Role models for kids. Is this the marriage they should be looking at as an example? Those who care about me keep telling me if I am not happy I should leave. Perhaps, but it is a selfish decision isn't it? I may not be "happy " in the relationship, but the rest of my life is pretty good. I have really dear friends, a great job, and two kids who deserve to have their father in their lives even if I think he is selfish and not interested in family.

Financially, things are not great. We have no savings except our retirement savings. He has never established savings outside of the funds for retirement - that I know of.
My goal in the next year, is to get out of credit card debt and create my own nest egg that he doesn't have access to. The problem with this, if/when I do leave, it's all part of the matrimonial property to be evenly split. Makes me wonder why I should bother getting out of credit card debt. The cards are all in my name. He has one department store card, and one card for tire place and that's it. All the utilities, EVERYTHING is in my name. So he may as well get half the debt rather than half the assets eh?

I keep thinking I need to see a lawyer and plan. Then do what every walk away does, and just leave one day. The ideal would be to buy another house as close to the house we're in now so kids are not uprooted.
An idea I do like is rather than kids being shuffled between two houses, we the parents should move in and out on a weekly basis. I mean why uproot the kids when it's the parents who need to make changes. Let the kids keep as much stability as possible. If this is an idea that could take off, we'd have condos and townhouses full of part time parents shuffling between the real family home and condos everywhere!

I remember when our young one was still going to the caregiver's home after school, she had kids from one family who switched between parents everyday. And worse, the kids also spent time at dad's girlfriend's house or mom's boyfriend's house. These kids NEVER slept in the same bed two nights in a row. They had duffle bags the size of a suitcase that Japanese tourists bring to Banff with them! That cannot be good. It's selfish.

I really like the idea of mom and dad moving in and out of a home rather than the kids being displaced. There has to be a way to have this catch on. Imagine hearing this at work, "no, I am at the home with the kids this week, how about you come to my part time flat next weekend for brunch. !"
It's an idea whose time has to come! Less stress for kids and mom and dad can just figure it out!
Happy New Year