Spousal Ennuie no longer

And XSU left today mid afternoon after finishing up in the garage. He took apart his not so secret grow op box where he had a little nursery. He then proceeded to walk me through what he left behind and where it was. We got to a pile of door casings, cord around for baseboards and other trim from the stairs.

" If your guys are looking for the trim here it is all ready to go." And he proceeded to point out what was what. I was so ANGRY at this point. I had just done a look-see in Rebel's old room where he finished the baseboards and sure enough, little holes every 2 inches - bad matching of cuts and wrong colour of boards. The matching boards were actually left in the spare bedroom where he was sleeping. He didn't even know they were there.

As he finished explaining I couldn't help myself. "This should have been finished." I really wanted to HURT him. A LOT!

"I didn't have time," he whined.

BIG deeeeeeep breath.. "umm five years this stuff has sat here.. five years! WHAT have you done in five years?!"

I had to walk away in disgust.

At this point Rebel Junior asked me to take her to a friend's place so I told XSU he had to leave since I was going out.

"I need to use the phone because I don't have one hooked up yet. I haven't had time."

Why be bitchy particularly when your offspring is sitting right there. I guess he expected me to leave the room. AS IF. He took the phone to another room and I told RJ we'd leave once her dad was done.

I needed to make the point that he was now a visitor and had no right of access. RJ was a little frustrated with me because I wasn't hurrying hurrying on her behalf.

And then he left. In typical fashion without saying anything.

A Deal is a Deal is a Deal.

I arrived home after work yesterday and XSU was madly emptying the garage. He had the young one friend help him as well as a guy from work - also separated from his wife.

I had a momentary upset when I thought he might have taken the quilt wall hanging off the wall. His sister made it, but she did make it for me and I am happy it was still on the wall when I got home. Originally he was to take the couch and chair from the living room along with the coffee table and dining room table. He left the couch and chair behind - probably because Rebel's puppy chewed through a couple of the cushions. I told him that a deal was a deal he had to take them. He was going on and on about it being chewed but I said a deal is a deal. He had to take them.

He also left behind the dead deep freezer that we never used. This thing was old when he picked up from someone's house at least 12-15 years ago. He plugged it in and two days later it died. I wanted him to get rid of it and instead XSU filled it with stuff and used it as a storage trunk. Every now and again I told him it was time to get rid ofit and I'd start taking out all the crap. Like everything else around here, it never happened. So now he's all ticked because I want it out of the house. And of course he's so disorganized that the only thing he has on his mind is his trip to Nova Scotia. I told him as long as anything of his is in my house he has to pay me rent on the space. He is so pissed off. WhatEv!!

My family lawyer, the pretty suited one handling my real estate transaction threw me an interesting tidbit she said that she found him very uncommunicative in the simple dealing she had just handing over the cheque for the house. She also told me that his lawyer didn't have much nice to say about him either. Okay... that just made my day. It really did.

Another friend of mine said about XSU not telling his kids - turn around is fair play. AS the girls strap him into a wheel chair and bring him to an old folks facility - it will be a similar scenario... "oh dad... by the way... we're not taking you back to your house, from now on you'll be living here with the other geezers. " I had to laugh at that one.

Stealth Moves.

I woke up in the middle of the night last night .I left the bedroom and noticed every light was still on downstairs.I went down to turn them off and saw the doors were wide open too. I shook my head. I locked all the doors, turned all the lights out and thought XSU - you're an idiot. What are you doing? But this has been typical behavior. He hasn't done the "man of the house" duties for some time. As I rolled back into bed with the dog beside me thinking he was going out for a walk, the clock said 2:55 AM. I was just falling asleep and I heard the front door open - it would seem that XSU had been packing stuff or something into his station wagon. 3 AM and he is doing stealth packing.

This morning the phone rang at 7:15 -
"Is Mr XSU there please"
EFF this I think - " no he doesn't live here any longer sorry."
" OH! He gave this number and he forgot to sign something for the rental truck."

Oh great... so now I am going to have a truck in my yard and the father of my children has told them nothing. sigh.....

I tried playing a waiting game and got no where and left for work. I was on the road and realized I had forgotten my purse behind. Funny how the unconscious mind works. No purse no money no locker key no work id card - nothing. I turned around, drove home and lo and behold a big ass moving truck is parked across the street from my house. XSU saw me pull up and attempted to weasel away.

I stopped him - and blasted him in the middle of the street - low tones of course no banshee yelling. " What kind of insensitive, unemotional selfish bastard are you? You park a big ass moving truck in your yard and you don't even have the guts to tell your children you're breaking up their family?! You should be ashamed of yourself. Do NOT expect my help on this one. You're wearing this. What is your plan?"

He of course had none. He told me to go to work and he would "take care of it."

As it happened I had to pick up Rebel today so she could borrow my car for some running of errands. We are driving along and she received a text message from her sister " dad and mom are separating - dad bought a house and is moving today. no surprise eh? "

nice - well done you idiot RAMB - ratassmoronbastard!
really really nice.

I stopped the car called Rebel Junior - she "sounded fine" but who knows. Both girls as I figured - had found XSU's papers about the real estate transaction and the mediation docs he had left lying around and put 2 and 2 together- but didn't expect him to leave til before school started.

I asked Rebel how she was doing. We both had a little cry - me for them and their insensitive boor of a father - who was so much into his own agenda he didn't even what he was doing.

Whatever. Rebel is worried about me living alone in my house. I told her not to be - that I was starting to get things done and it would be a great place to be living. She still believes that Rebel Junior and her exchange student will be living with XSU. I find that rather hard to take, but we'll see.

Stay tuned. Shall see what else transpires during the day. I'll leave the tale of the dead deep freezer for another time.

ChequeMate.

I've been finishing up the real estate stuff for the house. Unlike in the US - nothing sits in escrow accounts. The deal is done the transaction gets cleared through the bank's mortgage centres and the money is put into my lawyer's account. She writes me a cheque and we're done. She asked me if I wanted XSU's cheque and I told her to call him and he could go downtown and pick up his own damn cheque. AS IF I should do that. Of course being my pretty suit - and long time acquaintance she laughed and agreed. The challenge will be for her to actually get XSU at the end of the telephone. She did email him, copied me and his shark, telling him all the above. His Shark also called the house and left a very cute coded voice mail message. I just deleted it as XSU has never been known to pick up voice mail.

XSU has moved nothing. He was been gathering bills and paid statements for utilities and leaving them for me to review I suspect. I believe he thinks this will entitle him to not pay me rent until he moves out. This is not likely to happen.

The next few days should prove interesting.

De-Nile is not a river in Egypt

XSU has managed to put all the baseboards in Rebel's old room and the cord around too. No doubt I'll have to plug the nail holes, sand and paint the trim becausethat won't be done before he is out. It is close to midnight as I write this and that man is on his hands and knees fixing the spots the Rebel's puppy chewed up, That damn dog took a fair sized chunk out of the stairs....and here it is midnight and he is scraping, sanding and doing who knows what.

He has known that he was leaving for months now, and he picks three days before he goes to start messing around.

And I continue to be astounded with XSU and his complete lack of sensitivity to the deed that has to be done - telling his daughters that he is moving out. We had the prime opportunity on Saturday afternoon and he stopped me Completely stopped me. This man is so far up the Denial River that he is barely afloat.

He called his sister and told her he bought a house. Trouble was he had never told her he was looking for a divorce so she got to ask a lot of questions. She was in the loop because I put her there, but she had some fun with him any way. I'd like to be a fly on the wall during the conversation with his mother.

In the meantime, I think I will have to take matters into my own hands and deal with the girls myself since XSU is avoiding dealing with the biggest decision he has ever made in his life.

As the Worm Squirms.

Here's what the Barracuda told me yesterday in response to my question to her about XSU's behavior and demands.

Marie you are not being unreasonable at all. In fact, imho, you've been more than reasonable. once you have paid him and his house deal is closed, you own the house and you can change the locks if you want to. He has no right to continue to live there.

The agreement also says that you will reimburse him for Rebel Junior's expenses within one week of being requested to pay, but if he is in breach of part the agreement, it will be difficult for him to take any action to enforce another part of the agreement.

I expect his Shark will tell him to move out before he tries to enforce the payment of RJ's expenses.

And that's where it sits. XSU did not utter a word to me last night or this morning. Who knows what he plans. I still see no sign of boxes or move to move.

I heard from my family lawyer yesterday who only received the banking and financial documents on Thursday. She is really going to have to push it to get things done by next Tuesday. I told her not to sweat as this was not my problem. if XSU has to get short term bridge financing because the banks are slow - again - NOT my problem. I want to watch him squirm. It's about time he started to feel some kind of consequence for all his actions. The good thing is - it's all out of my control and I am sitting back and observing it all.

Stayed tuned.

No doubt there will be more on this one.

I am NOT having it.

This morning, the XSU presented me with a hand written account of expenses he has incurred for which he wants reimbursement: half of Rebel Junior's exchange programme fee, the car insurance, and something else I think. All legitimate things. And yes I do understand I have to reimburse for these things.

HOWEVER I see no sign that he is moving out, so I told him that yes I will reimburse him AFTER he is moved - everything he plans on taking including all the crap in the garage that he calls his workshop. He assumed that meant the cash for his house as well. I told him that my family lawyer was processing the transaction and would have things done Friday or Monday so the bank can release the monies. Given that he didn't start house hunting til the end of June I am not inclined to be going out of my way telling the family lawyer suit to "hurry it up."

From what I have been hearing him tell his people he was planning on staying in my house past the 28th - his close date - go to Nova Scotia to visit his family on the 30th July til mid August and then return and move his stuff out. I am not on with this. Stuff gone first. Then, any reimbursement money over and above the equalization payment which is forthcoming.

He left the house rather ticked off and had what I call his "legal portfolio" with him so I expect he will call his lawyer. I have sent the Barracuda a note with this same information. Stay tuned - I imagine things are going to be interesting.

He has had time to buy a new car, and to talk about how he is going to "finish" the bedroom and the bathrooms, but to actually get his crap out the door - not even close to getting done. I am NOT having it.

Wordless Wednesday.

T- 7 days til XSU exits.

How is it that I have the Hunky handyman on stand by and XSU decides - a week before he is to leave the house - to start doing long standing repairs on the house. What gives?
Numbers 1-10 on my list have made it to his to do list. seriously? WTF?!?

I got home from a meeting Monday evening evening and XSU proceeded to tell me that he went car shopping and on and on he went about what he decided to buy how much of a savings he got... blah blah blah. My lack of interest didn't seem to penetrate his brain - what else is new. I asked about a car for Rebel and heard his thoughts on that which led I believe to his *real* question- "so... when will I see some money from you?" Ah ha... there it is - never mind about the car. It's the money.

I have Rebel Junior's exchange student coming in a few weeks, and for some reason, XSU has decided to "take care" of a few of the outstanding fix it things on the list. I roll my eyes. Okay the moldings will finally be put back on in one bedroom, some trim was finished on the patio door. He also wants to finish the trim around both bathroom sinks. sigh.... and NOT how I want it done. He had some lame idea of adding wood trim around the sinks or building a shelf around the sink - which when he tried it before was a pain rather than a unique design feature. The amusing part is that as he said, "I want to do this" and I'd say no, he grew more and more frustrated. I told him not to fret over it, since he hadn't bother doing anything for the last 7 years and I would take care of it myself with the guy I've hired to finish things up around the house. " Let's not bo back to the past," he said, "let's go forward and see what we can do."

Umm.. first of all there is no longer a "we" and second of all don't feel you need to finish this now one week before you are out of the house. Focus on getting your stuff out the door instead and finish the easy stuff. I have the hunky handyman, AKA HH, coming over in a day or two so you are officially superfluous. "

He left the room and didn't bother responding.

Living With It.

I see that XSU has started bringing home bins - but there is nothing in them yet. I've also seen that he's left his papers lying around the house - either in his room or down in the basement on his work bench. I don't think he realizes that our daughters snoop almost as much as I do. He has left the separation paperwork,the financial stuff, his house stuff out openly as if he wants it to be found.

I've told him I need an itemized list of everything he plans to take from the house. I told him I wanted it in writing sent to me by email. Once again he gave me his * I am offended* look. WhatEV!

The one decent thing he's decided is to buy Rebel a car. He is really freaked about germs and her immuno suppressed state and decided for her to be travelling on the bus during the winter to go to school wasn't a good idea. Also, her BF doesn't run a car - just his work truck - and we've already had a few incidents where he leaves her on Saturday to work extra shifts and she can't get out anywhere - the bus where they live has lousy service too.
In the XSU's eyes - her having a car will allow independence and she won't be stuck in the house like a prisoner. It will allow her to do what she wants when. Because he is so much older than her and totally insecure he does not like it when she goes of on her own. ( and isn't this a critical sign and she knows it) XSU has his eye on her and him on this one - so that is good.

Give these two arguments - I had to say I was in agreement. Buses are breeding grounds for horrible germs - and people are not always respectful about sneezing, coughing, and using their hands. Germs sit on these surfaces for ages, and I don't believe these buses are ever wiped down to any great degree. It's a good idea - but even better is a car for her - and apparently he can afford it. My contribution he said would be equal to half a month's bus pass - about $45 a month. I can live with this.

I am going to plan a champagne brunch I think after XSU is gone. He's planning on taking Rebel Junior with him to visit his parents in Nova Scotia so I will be able to shout and do what I need to do without offspring in the house. It would be a good time to celebrate new beginnings and perhaps shed a tear or two if need be.

Window order is in. Hottie the Handyman to start the estimate process for redone rec room on Tuesday. I will have to do before and after pics here and/or on Facebook.

13 on Thursday

Random 13 things

A few things I forgot to take to camp

1. Sharp knives

2 .The apple/peeler/corer thingy

3.More than one bra - so much for colour coordination

4.Camp chair - dining hall chairs NOT comfy for reading

What I remembered to take to camp this year

5. margaritas in a bottle - damn straight - necessary for making perogies

6. rubber boots - really wet this year

7, jacket with a hood

as for the rest

8. Vista is a pain in the ass. - and I am STILL not getting a MAC so don't even go there.

9. must find recent utility bills and tax statement for the real estate transfer

10. SU is talking to me all of a sudden. Particularly about the dog and how he needs this that and the other thing.

11. Two friends are bringing over champagne after SU leaves the house.

12. I realize people don't know what to say but it's a divorce not a death... though......

13. WHY are so many people intent on making sure I "get out there " soon after SU is out of the house? roll eyes.

Wordless Wednesday.

SU goes shopping

The SU bought a house he informed me when I returned from my week at camp. " I did really well," he started to tell me," I looked on July 7th and the offer went through *yesterday.*" Yesterday would be July 12th. He takes possession - wait for it - July 28th. He proceeded to blah blah blah about his great purchase when I cut him off. " I really do not care about the details of your purchase." He looked rather stunned by that. I don't think he gets that I am not his friend. All I had to say was "This means you won't be out by July 15th does it?" "Well, I just signed the offer to purchase" he responded.

Given we had an agreement that says he was to be out by the 15th, he really didn't get it. He will continue to pay me while he lives in my house. And he doesn't get his money til a week before his close date. He'll only be about ten minutes up the road.

I was thinking he'd move into the neighhbourhoud where Rebel Junior goes to school, but he didn't, so there is no advantage to her living with him. And in fact bus service is worse and tougher where he is than where we are. This will be interesting.

I think that once I get my house in shape I'll have my real estate agent keep an eye out on possibilities for me and perhaps after she gets back from France next spring, I'll be closer to her friends than him. Shall see how this plays out.

Meanwhile, his suit managed to misplace the paperwork for the real estate transactions that my suit - not the barracuda, but the real estate and family lawyer I use- had sent over. Yet another stupid delay. Who is this amateur? I have been rolling my eyes for a couple of days now.

Nearly at the home stretch

I have noticed that SU has a few real estate listings on his work bench but I don't see a lot of action. His brother is coming to town and he *still* believes said brother and buddy are going to stay in *my* house. I think NOT!

The real estate deal should be done next week, but I am now going to be out of town for the week. So... one more week before things are done. The good thing is - I don't have to give SU a cent until a week before he closes on a place or is out the door. It's home stretch time. Finally.

SU's fantasy girlfriend was married on July 1 st out of town. She's quit her job and left town for good. SU has been grumpy all June and told Rebel he had had a "tough" month. No shit Sherlock! Can you see me rolling my eyes?

I will be gone for the week to camp. Can you see Marie Meez over there on the side eating bonfire hotdogs? See y'all next week when I am sure I have a near final update. I'll have to decide what to do about this blog. Probably retire it and start with something new or just keep up with Facebook instead. Though what I talk about on Facebook and what I talk about here... not the same at all.

Wordless Wednesday