Back to the Midlife Crisis Thing

So for anyone who thinks that the Midlife Crisis thing is a pile of bullshit you oughtta try living with that "phantom" disease for awhile and then tell anyone who has lived it how not real it is. And I mean lived it as in living with someone going through it or actually taking full part in the adventure.
The day I heard "I love you but I am not in love with you" and "it's not you, it's me" and "I feel strange" and "I just don't know where my head is at" is the day life changed pretty much for good.
It was a sucker punch! It was a below-the-belt body blow. Yeah... I knew that things were not as they should be, but THIS??! This I was not expecting.
I don't know how I did it, but I quickly found a web site on mid life that saved me. http://www.midlifeclub.com/. (thanks SWL!) A wonderful woman named "Peg," who is worshipped by people who were living through a spouse's MLC, provided excellent information and experience on how and what to do.
"Hey," I thought, "they ALL say the same things." And I got into it!
I have just read through some of the latest stuff at the MLC site and the two women who started the site have written a book. Good on them. I had a couple of books I went through - some targeting the man going through it, and some for "wife of." None of which were read by the husband who didn't think he was going through anything.

Interestingly I am back at the men don't talk thing. My husband thought he was special, that no one but him felt the way he felt. When I told him it had a name - midlife crisis - he scoffed big time and wouldn't buy it at all. But you see it comes down again to some (many?) men not really talking to anyone.
When women start to "feel or deal" we talk.... to anyone. Our friends at work, our sisters, the girl at the grocery store in front you, anyone who might be "on topic." We figure it out. These MLC guys... they mostly wallow in it - some for weeks, others for months, and the scary part? Some of these men wallow for years! How sad is that. And that is the reason women leave. The wallowing gets old pretty quickly!

This was talked about a lot at the Midlife web site. I have to stay that reading that board was an eye opener. My husband wasn't the only jackass in the world. Okay.. He wasn't a jackass at all, he was having a psychological break and didn't recognize it as such.

MLC manifests itself in many ways...

Sometimes it's spiritual - My Spouse- an atheist I would say, was caught up in a book by some has-been philosopher who was a spiritual pretender talking about the meaning of life in a quasi spiritual sense.

Sometimes it's all about the women. "OMG!! I am married," he says, "and have been for 15, 18, 24 years! And THIS is as good as it gets?!"... as he looks at his bagged out wife and (sometimes it's the gorgeous spandex clad wife!) who is schlepping kids to soccer, and music, cooking dinner, going to work, dealing with the bills, going to church council, singing in the ladies barber shop, and hitting the kick boxing classes as well as fending off sex with a hand down her pants (see previous post) all within the same 20 minute period.

well... No wonder the young one at his work who is twenty years younger and single is starting to look good! No baggage ergo... no schlepping for starters.
And when he takes another good look in the mirror, he "could" be twenty years younger... ok... ten!

Sometimes they just want to be boys again. He obviously can't get the "young one" female so he starts hanging out with boys twenty years younger... the kind he used to be before he "settled" for the schelpping wife, and learns how to "party" all over again. Great! Nothing like a 54 year old grey haired guy partying like a 25 year old! It's what every woman is looking for.

He becomes self absorbed, totally not relating to anything within his own family.
Most women lose it and throw the jerk out. But really how does that help a family? The children? And frankly - the man needs help, even if he doesn't realize it.

Patience. Let him be. Let him play out his party hardy fantasies and wife has to be the responsible one. Forget the whining and criticizing and anything else that could be viewed as negative. You won't change him - you won't change his perception. Leave him be but don't leave him ya know?
If you have the patience some of them will come round and realize what idiots they've been. I have heard it happens. And when it does... get ready...
You can have your turn at your Midlife Crisis!