Happy Halloween!

Thursday Thirteen.

13 reasons why I'm not ready
for winter in October

1. Summer sandals are still sitting in the front entry way under the bench. The storage shoe boxes have gone AWOL!
2. Clothes haven't been rotated out of the closets yet. Winter clothes still in the far closet.
3. Christmas lights aren't up on the house yet.
4. Haven't switched to the winter body moisturizers.
5. Fur coat is still in storage.
6. Winter tires not on yet. (done by end of today though!)
7. Leaves aren't all raked up yet.
8. Spring bulbs aren't planted yet - why give the squirrels any more than I have to!
9. I haven't heard anything about Christmas lists from the girls yet.
10. Dry cleaning - I still have summer dry cleaning to get finished.
11. There is still beer in the fridge.
12. There is still Boones Sangria in the fridge.
13. It's still day light saving time for pete's sake!

Tire'd Out.

It is supposed to snow tonight! Already! There are still a ton of leaves in the back yard from the oak tree that should be raked up but who wants to do this. It rained on the weekend. Sunday was pretty dry and the leaves are not soggy yet. And after tonight's snow fall - 15-20 centimetres! it is supposed to warm right back up again to 15 degrees C about 60 F for those who need a translation.

So I guess it's really time to get the sandals out of the front entry way and dig out the boots!

My car ended up with a flat tire again over the weekend. I founded it when I landed at a friend's to scrapbook. Luckily my friend's husband has an air gun in his garage and offered to put the spare on for me. This is the third time this car has had a flat on this same tire- twice from a puncture and this third time is probably because of the first two times! Follow that? I have to take it to the tire store to get the snow tires on and I think next spring I'll have to get a new tire. Can you put just one new tire on a car? I believe I am supposed to buy them in pairs. But this tire is only two seasons old so AS IF!

These are things that used to be managed by the PU - that's what spouses do right? I am learning to figure it out on my own.

One More Nail.

I decided that when I get to the mediation session - still an entire month away I had better have somewhere to go afterwards to decompress. I fully expect the SU to give me grief or do or say things that will make me completely crazy. Keeping that in check - volatile, emotional being that I am - will not be fun. So I asked a friend if she'd let me come over afterwards to vent and sit for a bit before heading home.

She not only agreed but she is insisting on a couple of coaching sessions before hand so I will know what to expect. She's been through this and knows how mediation works so we will role play. She is also going to walk me through her own separation agreement and explain to me what was what.

That's what friends are for. I believe this will be most beneficial so I will not only be well armed with information, I'll be well briefed and tutored into how to get through the first ordeal. The mediator says that sometimes when things are on a roll, the session can go for three to four hours to get through most of the issues. Having been involved in labour negotations I can just imagine how this will work.

I was a busy scrapbooking crafter this weekend. Thoroughly enjoyed my time with the 20 other women of all ages who were getting photo albums together. For me, it's therapy. Especially the part where I chop heads off pictures!

The younger daughter told me what her plans were for the weekend before I took off. She was going to a friend's over night and then to a soccer tournament at one of the universities on Sunday and then home. We got this nailed down before I left home Saturday afternoon.

When on Sunday afternoon around 3-ish I hadn't heard from her - I started phoning her cell. The cell I pay for her. She wasn't answering my calls or texts. I was not a pleased parent. So of course, I figure may as well ask the other parental unit what plans he made with her. I know, I know, WHY did I waste my time. Of course dear readers, you know how well that turned out.

He parroted back to me the same plan she told me.

"Yes, SU, I know the plan, however what are her time frames. What boundaries did you put in place as you dropped her off?"

" Boundaries" he says. " she'll call me when she's ready to come home! - Don't you trust her?"

"Of course I don't trust her, she's 15 years old and thinks she's smarter than I am in! She needs to understand that there are rules. SHe needs to know we have expectations that need to be met and she also needs to be very clear that I pay for the cell, I expect it to be picked up when I call. The cell is for MY convenience - not hers." As I speak I think in my head for the upteenthe time - Would you please act like a father and parent instead of a chauffer and banker!?!?!?

And so finally three hours later I get the phone call I've been wanting.
Said daughter ends up needing a ride home because she wasn't keeping track of the bus schedules. And none of the other kids' parents that she is with step up to pick these kids up either. She arrived home after 10 PM - and .... home work is incomplete. She started homework at 10:30 PM - Sunday night and the other parental unit ( PU - better ring to it than SU doncha think?) doesn't seem to have a problem with this.

Of course said daughter doesn't get to bed til after midnight, and it follows quite logically that she didn't get her self out of bed til 10 minutes before it was time to leave in the morning today. And who is she trying to rush out of the bathroom because of her own bad time management skills?

In my next house I will have my own private bathroom. I am pretty much done with sharing bathrooms with my girls. But that's a post for another day.

As for PU.... one more nail in the bad parenting coffin files.

And so it went.

The mediator called me at my office and we had our "pre-meeting" earlier this week.

Mediator - Have you looked at our website and do you have any questions for me about the process?

Me - No, I don't. I am good at doing research and I like to know things, so I have a bunch of stuff from the library on mediation, and I have read your website as well as the books I found.

Mediator - Do you need to know about me personally? Or do you want to know about my background?

Me - No - I've checked you out. You were not my first choice so I checked you out thoroughly when the SU rejected my first choice. I know enough. you'll do - even though you are more expensive and not as available as the guy I chose.

She asked some questions about the current state of affairs. I informed her. More about Rebel as well as Rebel Junior AND the SU.

NOTE - so we went through my history - I almost gave her the blog address as I figured it would be easier to let her read and learn it all. But then I remembered - oy yeah.. she's a lawyer mediator - she'll charge us as she reads. As the Rebel says *EFF that!*

Mediator - What can I do to support you through this process?

Me - hmmmm at this point. I really don't know. But when I do, I will tell you.

Mediator - Do either of you have family in town?

Me - No, but I do have good friends and expect to rely on them through this process. I will be fine.

Mediator - If at any time you are not *fine* you need to tell me and I will help you and SU figure out how best to make your moves.

Moving along - do you think SU will be interested in spousal support?

NOTE - at that point I spewed my coffee.

Me - Spousal Support??! AS IF!!!
We each have jobs with good salaries. There is no need.

NOTE - And so it went. From my end of it - she hadn't spoken to the SU as yet - she figures we're pretty straight forward and if we don't fight over custody child support and financial stuff too too much - she figures it shouldn't take too long to get to an agreement.

Thursday Thirteen.

13 things on the financial's
that need to be finished for the sworn statement.
all in December 2006.

1. RRSP statement
2. Credit card statements
3. Salary statements
4. My Aeroplan points?!?!
5. My Club Z points?!!
6. Camp costs
7. Dance programmes
8. Insurance programmes
9. Hair and nail expenses ( heh heh heh)
10.Value of the fur coat ( not enough)
11.Value of the good china
12.Clothing expenses ( see comment no. 9)
13. Any other investment

Barracuda{s}

The Barracuda asks for a meeting before I go in with the mediator next month - so of course I schedule a meeting and off I go. After spending far too much time asking about my daughter - on her nickel - I finally say, "okay - where do we start, why am I here?"

" So.. Marie, have you any questions for me about the process?" and she proceeds to tell me what I should expect in mediation.
" OKAY.. Barracuda? I've done the research I know what to expect. I've read three different books on mediation - they all say the same thing. I've read one book on how to be smart about divorce and I've even read a book on divorce for men. I am getting into this. ( see Wordless from last week) I have my negotiation points all written down here. I am ready to go, except for the finances, and the other barracuda is getting that ready for me. "

"Oh.. you seem well prepared. Other barracuda? There is more than one fish in your pond?" and she sounded more than a little miffed by this.
"Yes, Barracuda, indeed there are more than a few fish and yes.. I am ready. I like to do my research. So to stop me from having to pay you much and to know what I am in for. So rather than pay you for a full hour - are we done?"
"uh.. yeah.. I guess we are. Your strategy is fine. Call me any time during this process if you're not sure about what to do how to do it, or if there is a problem you need to work through."
I am in and out of her meeting room in 15 minutes. I expect the meeting with my other barracuda the financial one to last a tad longer. That's the tough one.
Barracuda $250 per hour. Financial shark ( other barracuda) $75 per hour. And she's an investment manager, financial planner specialising in divorces. Who do you think I will talk to first?

Lawyers! Can't live without them. can't rent them at COSTCO either! Stay tuned. More to come for sure.

Thursday Thirteen.

13 Things that must be considered
when dealing with children and separation.

1. Day to day decisions about- education, religion, health, emergency stuff.
2. Where are they going to live and when?
3. Communication with the "other" parent.
4. Holiday decisions about - Christmas, Easter, birthdays - theirs and ours - Father's Day, Mother's Day, traditional family gatherings.
5. Seeing extended families on both sides.
6. Changing schedules and flexibility.
7. Travel - business without kids, traveling with kids, permission to travel - out of country travel.
8. Make up time.
9. Moving - neighbourhoods, cities.
10. Attending kids functions - dance recitals, sports events, school stuff.
11. Changing names.
12. Death of one or both parents - guardianship.
13. Dispute resolution.

UGH... at least one is already an adult and doesn't really fall into this and the other is 15 going on 27 and speaks her mind.

Wordless Wednesday.

Makes Sense.

As I was clearing out a ton of stuff from what is supposed to be my isle of tranquility - sometimes known as my bedroom, some times known as 'don't know where it goes? Give it to mom' spot - the eldest Rebel came in and asked me why I didn't help her dad with the Thanksgiving Dinner on Sunday. I turned around and looked at her and said, 'well... he didn't ask for help, and I know if I offer, he'd say no. If your dad needs help all he has to do is ask me, and of course I'll help. Why wouldn't I?'
'Makes sense,' she said and then proceeded to tell me that he whined in her ear about how I didn't do anything.

I've told her many times, and told her to ensure her sister knows the same, that if the SU starts in with 'tell your mother' or 'why doesn't your mother...' or anything that looks like he is asking them to be a messenger, that they need to tell him to speak with me directly. That way they are not in the middle of anything.

Again the daughter says 'makes sense.' And proceeded to ask me to go with her to pick up some milk from the one local store that was open yesterday.

She is now a driver in training. When she turned 16 she was a Rebel-and-a-half and I told her no license until she finished - completely - her grade 11. There were always boys with cars - so she couldn't be bothered, driving or finishing school. Now she's (finally) hellbent on both. And has turned into the most critical of back seat drivers too.



I swing widely between being pleased that she is driving, and covering my eyes when I am in the car with her.

Fall has arrived!

It's voting day on Tuesday and we don't have any voting cards in the house. How did that happen? When you don't have a voting card it's a mission to be able to vote. With today being the official Thanksgiving holiday nothing is open to be able to find out what ID we need to bring with us to be able to vote. Tomorrow morning I'll have to call our returning office and get the scoop. I predict another minority government.

Thanksgiving Dinner was all right. Rebel's boyfriend stayed with us, but he's an odd one. AS IF I didn't already know this. The two girls started on some rather rude table talk which sent the BF over the edge. Apparently he's got a weak stomach and the minute someone says something the least bit gross he goes green. Weak. very weak. Clearly he's never been to enough family meals anywhere. He wouldn't even stay put at the table NOT eating. He left. I was surprised at the lack of manners. We ended up having a fairly decent time though. Which was nice.

I had nothing to do with meal preparation. SU didn't ask me for help, and I didn't offer. If it had been me, I would have asked for help - I manage and I delegate. Why he wouldn't - who knows.. how cares. The girls enjoyed themselves - that's what matters.

I am walking again - thank goodness. We had a great walk the last few days. The weather has been fantastic. The last few days we've been walking right at dusk. We walk by this pond type pool of water where the Canada geese lay over for the night. Watching the geese all flying down and coming in for landings was so amazing. They land like airplanes.... or is it that the airplanes land like birds? They circle around to get the right down draft and lightly touch the water. Over and over and over again. We must have seen over a hundred of them coming in for the night. I didn't have my camera that evening but against the orange and yellow setting sun the silhouette of the V shape of their flying formation was just lovely. It was quite a sight.

So instead. Here are the geese on Thanksgiving weekend. The noise from the pond was something. I am thinking it sounded something like "HEY! anyone going south to North Carolina? I don't wanna go to South America this year!" "Florida! Anyone going to Florida? Can I hitch a ride with your formation?"

Yeah.. Fall has arrived!

Thursday Thirteen.

13 things done to you at a check up by the doctor

(in this case the nurse practitioner
whose schedule wasn't booked til New Years.)

1. ears poked
2. eyes blinded
3. boobs smushed
4. knees cracked
5. toes tickled
6. back thumped
7. no I don't do street drugs
8. tongue twisted
9. blood drawn
10. stomach pushed
11. pelvis prodded
12. only one glass a night.. seriously!
13. speculum... up there poke poke Yes I know I have a tipped cervix

Wordless Wednesday.

Opinions from the galleries...

I am sharing the news about the upcoming mediation sessions with friends and family. It's good to get support and interest from those who are there beside me.

The sibling said....

Good luck with the separation. I'm no expert in this field but it's probably best to not get caught up in all of the property details and just get out and end it.

And I wouldn't spend too much time prepping the house for sale either, unless you want to add another year or two to the process. Stick a sign out front and start packing.

Easy for me to say but you're healthy, you have a career - get out and move on - Life is Good (especially if you have a good lawyer).

A good friend down east said....

as if there weren't enough misery in the world, mes condoléances, vraiment, ma chère -- think of me cheering you on from the sidelines - hoping you will be hanging tough on RSPs, pension, and house, since you have been the conscientious party in all this

The sister-in-law - the SU's sister said-
At least you can divorce him. I'm stuck with him for all the good he does! Oh and the favourite aunt says to keep the house keep the pension and not give him a penny! He wouldn't have any of it if weren't for you.

The walking partner says.
Get rid of the house and get something newer. You won't regret it.

the good friend from church said..
You won't regret giving up the house. Start fresh.

I am thinking about all of it and not making any decisions just yet.

The shredding and organizing didn't go as well as it could have this past weekend. I still have a lot to do. Perhaps while watching Chuck and Live tonight- the two must-see tv shows I enjoy - I'll get a few things shuffled around.

I have dates!

No... not THOSE kind of dates. I am in marital purgatory so THOSE dates are not on - YET.
I have a date to see the financial shark specialist, I have a date with the barracuda and the date for the mediator. Mediation begins exactly one month before Christmas. By then I'll be sorted out and ready to rock this out.

The lawyer wanted me to see her before I saw the Shark, but it didn't work out that way. The Shark is going to crunch numbers plus evaluate the stuff I have on the SU. this in turn will help me with a strategy for moving forward on what I want and what I can afford. Equally important as the rest of the legal stuff.

As I reviewed SU's financial documents I had to laugh at some of it. He clearly exaggerated some of his numbers, and I guess that is the game. This is a man who buys his clothes at Zellers and maybe The Bay. I would hazard a guess that his annual spend on clothes is in the $200 range and yet his statement says he spends that in a month. AS IF.

I now see why this stuff gets tense. However until a few months ago he had no clue what any thing cost and now all of a sudden he's Mr.-I-Am-On-Top-Of-The-Bills guy. ok.

For once I have no plans for the weekend. Though I am thinking I have to be a whole more productive than I was last weekend. The paper is out of control and no matter how much I shred, it turns up exponentially in piles everywhere.

Happy weekend!

Wordless Wednesday.

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