My weekends really need to be more productive. I don't do a whole lot. I don't seem to have much energy to get anything done. My bedroom is the catch all where I keep everything these days and it's starting to wear me down but not enough to do something about it. I keep the main floor of the house tidied up - but just can't seem to make the effort to do something about the rest of the house. That is the part that no one sees.
Not sure if it's just the winter blahs, the separation, both or something else. I know I would be much happier if I got that space uncluttered but I am not there yet. sigh.
I also note that Rebel is getting back into feistiness that pre dates her illness. She was using some strong vulgar language in my presence which I tagged her for. We got into it about how she wanted to speak her way and she didn't need to impress anyone. I told her that it was about respect for me and my unwillingness to put up with vulgar trashy language in my own home. I don't know if she really didn't get what I was saying or if she doesn't care.
Rebel Junior is picking up right after the eldest and neither of them would see my point of view. I finally cut off the conversation with the infamous words of parents everywhere - totally lacking in creativity: "my house - my rules - I deserve respect and your nasty vocabulary is disrespectful. Feel free to go elsewhere and let others put up with your trashy language. I won't have it. " Of course SU stayed out of the mix - as he always does.
Oddly enough Rebel had earlier in the day told me how the BF's 7 yr old son was giving her a hard time with his language and she wasn't having any of it. She insisted that dad take care of it - because he had to learn respect. Of course I mentioned this and was told - completely different situation. When she is finally a parent - it's gonna be great to observe. God willing I live that long to see it. That's the ultimate payback I believe.
I may be sending Rebel into the arms of the BF and the two of them co-habiting (roll eyes) and perhaps sending Rebel Junior off to live with dad with my insistence on a certain level of behavior but so be it. I do NOT need to settle for anything other than young women who know how to respect their mother. These things have been so much much tougher to teach and instill when their father is silent on the important stuff.
Learning to Drive a Whole New Way
1 year ago
3 comments:
yep, with SU being an absent parent right in front them it totally undermines your position. No doubt he will allow them to talk that way in his place (when he gets one).
I agree that your house, your rules sounds cliche but it is all that is needed.
My daughter didn't live with me (both kids were in college dorms when their mom moved out) but we did a lot together. Had lunch at least once a week, went to movies and dinner, played cards. I still miss those things, I really do. But the crap that went with and got worse as time went on - her bringing her friend along (whom I liked) but bitching that I texted blondie, her returning 1 out of two dozen calls or text messages, the arguments concerning the divorce and her mom's position about it all.
I really don't miss that. The stress went away. I hope that someday she realizes what I already know is missing but if I love her I have to respect her decisions even if I don't agree with them. Even if that means doing with out the good things and keep in mind that the bad things are missing as well.
Will you drive them away? maybe, maybe not. In the end though, you need to stick to your principles. If they are grown up they can respect that even when they don't agree with it. If they don't, then they aren't really grown up and who wants juvenile behaviour out of adult children?
I say stand your ground. If they can't leave the trashy mouth on the sidewalk... then maybe it is better they stay on the sidewalk themselves.
~R
Yeah. What he said.
You really do have to put your expectations out there. They can either abide by your rules or not. Entirely up to them. I have had many a discussion with the kid when he is flying off the handle. If he is mad at his dad or whatever that is fine but he can't take it out on me.
*sigh* This draggin up kids is a lot of work, ain't it?
love and hugs,
~ b
draggin up kids.... I like that. I think I'll use it!
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