I've been completely alone in the house for the first time in a few years now. Probably since the last time both girls and the XSU went to visit his family in Nova Scotia. It's a little weird, but it's also okay.
I have chatted a few times with Rebel. XSU keeps trying to make his case with her. It's kind of pathetic really. He started telling her how for six years he would be the one to pick up the girls from day care, bring them home, make supper and I'd be late blah blah blah.
I told her that first of all her father's issues were his - not hers. That really, it was not any of her business. However I did feel I had to defend my side this one time. I told her the following
1 your dad is a teacher - he's out of school at 3:30 in the afternoon and done by 4 PM at the latest.
2 We only had one car and he REFUSED to take the bus even though his school is right on the transit way.
3 I worked across the river and took a bus.
So.... what did she think of her dad's resentments now? And finally I told her, that her dad should not be venting his issues and how feels about me to her. He needs to talk to a professional who can help him work through these things. A trained therapist is the sole person who can deal with this stuff and I told her she must tell her dad to back off. Seriously, I mean REALLY!
I've been furniture shopping and now have an interior designer and colour specialist coming over on Saturday to help me decide what to do with the main floor. I am pretty useless at that kind of thing and really don't have a clue. I know I really like modern edgy kind of looks but have no idea how to put it together. I know I want comfy couches that are meant to be sat in and not looked at. My closest friend is in the decor business and has promised to come for a visit and "chachka -ize " my house for me with finishing touches once I get a few things done. I am busy taping edges and doorframes and will prime up this week and then buy paint on the weekend and get that done before Rebel Junior gets home I think.
Rebel's BF has said he'll do the rec room demolition with his buddies so what the heck. I'll pay him some thing and then that will mean I don't have to pay the Hunky Handyman to do this stuff.
I've been having a few weepy moments... not sure why, but they happen. I think it's still the futility of the whole mess. That andXSU walking out with a few things that will have to be returned - my wine and art books, and a few other books that should hever have left, Christmas decorations that to me are treasures his mom made for both of us. I realized today he took one of my best knives, but I decided it was all right since the point is broken off -probably when he decided to use the knife as a tool. My good ole Heinkle knife is still a good knife that I can keep very sharp and I have the rest of the CUTCO collection for back up. But really - he should have asked or at the very least told me he was taking this stuff.
I also think some of my best towels are gone . The thing is - I know he took "towels" without consideration for colour or anything. I want them back and will give him others. My bathroom is painted a chinese red and the only towels I can use in there are the black, grey and white ones. The pink and burgundy towels from back in the day just hurt the eyes in there.
Learning to Drive a Whole New Way
1 year ago
3 comments:
The weepy moments will come. Let them. Feel what you feel. It is all part of the healing process.
XSU is an ass. How dare he attempt to get Rebel to side with him.
Henckel knives are my absolute favorite. I only have two which I picked up @ Ross for so much less. Ya just gotta keep an eye out for them at the clearinghouse stores. Just sharpen it up and you will be good to go with that one.
My bathroom is finally painted. I am now looking for new towels to coordinate. Decide if it is really worth the hassle with the XSU.
You will get used to and in time really enjoy your alone time. I know when the kid goes to volunteer at the station for a weekend I really enjoy having the house to myself for a bit.
Hang in there.
love and hugs,
~ b
yes, even an ending to a bad thing is still an ending. In addition to the relief of not having to deal with SU on a daily basis and the ennui of limbo, there is also the ending of the coulda, woulda, shoulda beens. That weeping is just mourning the loss of the good things or the promised things. All natural and part of the process.
I recall how you liked having the space when SU and the kids went visiting. You will have those good feelings too especially when you can personalize the place. I am sure blondie will agree, making those first changes to suit yourself and you alone is a positive, liberating feeling.
I was astounded at what the ex took and wanted to take (chowder mugs to give to a friend after taking ALL the dishes and pots and pans but leaving the flatware?!? Um, no, if they arent for you let me have something to eat from)
And just as puzzled as what was left behind. shrug. Sounds like those books were just spiteful. He doesn't really need them.
As for the ornaments... I kept the ones my mom got us over the years but haven't used them. I figure I will keep them for the kids as they will remember them on the tree. Nothing heirloom quality but thoughtful all the same.
The shocker is that she didn't want the ones her mom gave us. Hand made ornaments for our first Christmas tree. These were made by her mother for pete's sake and she showed no interest at all. oy. I did send them with the daughter eventually.
and yes he probably just said "Me need towel" and just grabbed some, probably drawn by the color he was used to using not giving a second of thought that he was used to seeing them cuz they matched the bathroom. That was probably just a no brainer and nothing more.
Hang in there, sunshine is coming
{hugs}
~R
You are allowed to cry and wonder why, just don't try to figure it out.
Knives and towels are just "things", he is out and now you can start moving on with your life and the girls will be better for it.
Wow, I still can't believe what a Jackhole he is ...
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