Counselling is hard work!

Spent my hour talking through the conversations I had with the spouse about the renovations and finishing work I had done. Interestingly, my C recommends much the same approaches and techniques used for divorce busting. (I really have to get all the links from my blogs lined up over there in that right hand column!)

Things like changing how I talk to him. Telling him what I need... not what I want. Perhaps my goals and objectives aren't what they were when I was into the DB thing - saving my marriage - but at least being civil and polite would go a long way.

The C also told me that escalating how we talk about the content is just not important, it's all about the tone. Don't escalate the you said, you did stuff. Tell him you don't like his tone. It's been a vicious circle that needs to stop.

The spouse has been so angry that he decided to not sleep in our room. C asked me how I felt about that. Honestly, I don't care. I have the bed to myself and I am quite comfortable. Like Diane Keaton in As Good As It Gets she sleeps in the middle of the bed!

Surprisingly, he's sneaky about it, because I don't think the kids have figured out he's not in our room The reality is, it has not been our room in a long time. He took all his clothes out ages ago. He keeps the drawer stuff, socks, underwear etc, in boxes in the basement, and hangs in shirts and pants on a rack in the laundry room. I asked about that years ago, and he gave some answer about me taking up all the space. Weeelllll he had his own chest of drawers for stuff, and I kept more than half my stuff in the spare room closet. So.. this was an excuse. It's weird.

She also told me to stop taking responsibility for his behaviour when we were out, or when people were over. Those of you who know, know how off putting and unfriendly he can be when you pop in to say hi. It's frighteningly rude some days. Don't take it on she said. I won't talk to HIM like a child either, because my own tone can be just as negative. Why even bother!

So... I'll stop. No more content shit. And I'll watch my own tone. This is helpful when dealing with children - even the rebel teen children! It probably won't change much, but it should keep my stress levels down to near normal if I let it go.