Happy?

Happy - from Merriam Webster Online.

Pronunciation: 'ha-pE
Function: adjective
Inflected Form(s): hap·pi·er; -est
Etymology: Middle English, from hap
1 : favoured by luck or fortune - a happy coincidence
2 : notably fitting, effective, or well adapted : a happy choice
3 a : enjoying or characterized by well-being and contentment - is the happiest person I know happy childhood> b : expressing, reflecting, or suggestive of happiness happy ending> c : Glad Pleased happy to meet you> d : having or marked by an atmosphere of good fellowship : Friendlyhappy office>
4 a : characterized by a dazed irresponsible state happy boxer> b : impulsively or obsessively quick to use or do something happy> c : enthusiastic about something to the point of obsession : obsessed happy --

It happened again! At the office Christmas party on Saturday evening. I went solo... well... actually I went with some of the other girls/men who didn't have/want dates. We sat at dinner together. I was having a wonderful time in spite of the fact that I haven't danced in stilletos in some time. I barely sat all night! Lots of men to dance with, and when they didn't want to dance, (hip hop - not big with the over 45 crowd apparently) the girls were doing the dance in the circle thing anyway... I found it difficult to stay off the dance floor. It was clear a good time was had by all!

At one point, I went to our table for a glass of ice water, and one of guys I've known since I started working at this place asked me... " so... Marie, what's the deal? Are you like still technically married or what?" So I am straight and honest... "I am more than technically married, I am plain married"

Then comes the obvious question "and you're here without your spouse because......?

I was straightforward back at him, " Because the spouse is not much fun at these kinds of events, and things are not great in that department. I am working on making significant changes in my life."

Then I hear it again, something I've been hearing a lot, and I am not sure what it means anymore. "well... if you're not *happy* then you're probably doing what's right"

Happy - and from the definition above, I would have to say it's the third point I am assuming people are talking about. Well-being and contentment. In many facets of my life I do have a good sense of well being and contentment, and in just one part- okay albeit fairly major part - not so good.

So is it really all about "happiness?"

It's what my former friend said to me when describing his latest-live-in ... "we're happy." I am sure he is... but it all sounds... so trite and shallow. It's also what he kept saying after his apologies and justifications for his behaviour as he signed off his dozens of emails to me. "I wish you happiness" Even my own sister-in-law, when learning of what was going on with me the last few years asked, "Are you happy?" It seemed like a shallow comment.

My life doesn't come close to being miserable. It could be far more satisfactory in the relationship department but unhappy? no.... I wouldn't say so. I have good health, as do my children. I have a roof over my head and a job that compensates me well. And in spite of the relationship problem, I have many friends who care about me and my well being, and I cherish them for what they give me. This is not a person who is not content or not in a state of well being.

Is it happiness that is the point? I am not *unhappy* because it's about so much more than contentment in living a good life isn't it? Perhaps it's my eastern rite Catholic living where I feel there is much more going on. Or perhaps I am digging too deep? perhaps rationalizing? or denying? HMMMMM.

I am enjoying a good time, a laugh, and a good life. What is at stake for anyone making decisions, is that there are too many factors that affect more than the individual. It has to be about more than being happy doesnt it?

Happy? I am fine! I am content - mostly. I am sure there are many who would argue with me after seeing me in my many states of depression, sadness, and outright bawling my eyes out three-box-tissue-style. But I am not an UN-happy person. Hey I can wear size 6 trousers - and the leather trousers I bought on my 30th birthday( pre babies!) still fit twenty years later, AND I can dance in stilletos all night long!

I am pretty *happy!*