"Men are like trains.They are going somewhere.Choosing and staying with a man is like choosing to get on a train. You will end up going where your man goes, spiritually and sexually, or you will have to get off his train. You cannot change a man's direction to yours without losing trust in his capacity to navigate."OK... so what does mean for someone like me? I've always had to navigate. It seems without my map, we have ended up at a dead end... or worse... I believe he's headed over a cliff.
--From "Dear Lover," a book by David Deida
The Rebel Teen asked me this morning as I drove her to school if her father had a drinking problem. She noticed she said, a whiskey kind of smell around him. She says that her sister the Tweeny also said something to her. Talk about being de-railed!
Losing trust? Whose? His or mine? Hmmmm
I need to address my own procrastination. The train is going and coming to that proverbial fork in the road. I have the road map, just not feeling quite as confident as I must to take the turn. I don't think his choosing the path is a unilateral decision is it? Because where that road goes.... not at all a comfortable ride at all. We're talking milk run rather than express.
The time is near for me to choose. The holidays are nearly upon us, and I did say last Christmas, (go back and read those posts) that I won't have another day like the last. Shall move forward and need the plan in place as the holly jolly time of year comes closer!
And... as I sit here and create... the electrician has installed the hall lighting, both upstairs and down, changed half the switches, put in dimmers, and a new doorbell!
The window is replaced! Wow... clear and clean! We're lookin like first class finally rather than economy! Wait oh wait for the negative - take money on it - reaction of the spousal unit!
1 comment:
That is a fantastic quote. I like Deida. Good stuff coming from him.
I agree, in your present situation, you are heading for a dead end.
Its quite telling that the Rebel and the Tween are noticing his negatives. This can't be good. I don't know that it means that they are losing trust, but rather are paying more attention to what is happening around them.
As far as Christmas goes, doll, do your Christmas the way you envision it. He can go with it or not, but it should not matter to you. Make it a Christmas to remember for you and the kids. Brainstorm with them so that it is indeed a joint venture with the three and hopefully the four of you.
You rememeber that my X moved out and then moved back in. In the 6 to 7 weeks he was out of the house, the kids and I had already made our holiday plans including the placement of the Christmas tree in a spot that HE had always veto'd. Imagine his surprise when it was time to choose and put up the tree, when I insisted that it be placed where it had already been decided it would go. He didn't object too strongly. I guess he realized that I wasn't going to just bend over any more. To this day, when we put the tree up, the kids always voice how much better they like it in its new "usual" spot.
Oh Lord. I am rambling. I did have a point. Alas, it appears it has escaped me though.
Good Job on being proactive on the "list" from a couple months ago. I went back to view it and it appears that perhaps you can cross off at least two items on it. NICE!
Love ya,
~ skupper
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