It's really not the money

It's Halloween. I am late getting home. Tweeny is beside herself because her friends aren't being very nice. She fixes that problem some how after some small amount of hysteria.

I look at the window... no jack-o-latnern.
Me to spoouse - "Where's the jack o lantern I bought at work at the fundraising auction?"
Spouse: "I don't know. You bought the pumpkin, you're in charge."
Me "What? Did I hear you correctly? I bought the pumpkin so I am in charge?"
Spouse" I usually get the pumpkin. You bought it you do what needs to be done."
Me "I just walked in the door, I haven't had supper, and Tweeny has been upset. Is there something that offends you about the pumpkin that you can put it on display?'
Spouse " You bought it, you deal with it"

And he pours himself a drink and disappears into the basement.

The renovations.

Why did you do this? He asks He is furious. I expected that.

The window has been broken since March. The hall has had lightbulbs hnaging from the ceiling since last June. I really didn't think you were interested in finishing the work.

I wanted to replace the entire window. We can't afford a new window.

Well then, wouldn't replacing the glass make sense? The insurance will cover it.

Oh so we pay twice then. And the guy did a shitty job installing it.

At this point Rebel Teen walks in. WOW! Finally we don't look like a trailer trash house any more. Cool. Very neat lights mom! This is what all the new condos in Calgary have. I like this.

I look over at the spousal unit - he says nothing - for minute.

Then he starts in on;

how I don't help him, (when I do - it's not good enough, fast enough or perfect enough)
how I did everything without discussing with him (yes because if I had discussed he would have said no, and I'd still be waiting for anything to happen. He wouldn't do it even though there is no cash involved in most of what needed to get done. )
On money- well, paint fix ups in bathrooms - no cost
Light fixtures - already purchase... MONTHS ago sitting collecting dust on his worktable- and absorbed into cash flow
switches and changes to door bell... less than $100!

I got very angry and unfortunately when I get angry I cry! So... I bit down on my lip, and instead of crying - all I said in a very quiet voice was:

This is not about money. This is about you making choices about what you feel like doing and not what needs to be done! I have tried giving you a list. I have tried asking when, I have tried handing you money. None of it worked. You just don't feel like doing the work and so you don't.

I have decided that that means I have to do it because you don't want to. So perhaps it isn't up to your standards, and that's too bad. You're the only one who will notice.

As for money, let's remember that that the renovations were started and nearly completed with money I inherited from my mother's estate.

And.... as you heard dear spouse, our children have been too embarrassed to have their friends over here because of how things looked. That is telling! If nothing else... THAT alone should have have made him move.

It was the turning of things to make me look as if I didn't want to do anything or help the Master Contractor that I found most frustrating. Why all of a sudden am I not only expected to cook meals, clean the house, take care of the kids stuff hold down a job, deal with the garden and yard and now I am supposed to be right hand apprentice too?

I do NOT think so!

So when he asked if I had other plans, I gave him the list! Verbally - all of it needing to be done and costs time, but not money. He knows where I stand. He also knows I am not bluffing.

l