After stewing all weekend with the mortgage issue and trying to decide what to do with the mediation stuff... I decided I had to do what the SU termed... "going with the system." He has been known to have a good one once every couple of years so I have to give him this one.
There are systems for everything. You get in a car accident - there is a system... you are getting married... there is a system... You go to the hospital... there is a system. An ebb and flow to each system and you kind of have to go with it. So in this marriage breakdown thing... there is a system.
I have a She-barracuda - I am paying her to help me.. I have to trust her judgment and go with her best advice.So she found me a lawyer mediator. Someone who does mediation full time, no lawyering.. at a reasonable amount of money - more than the chosen mediator, less than a suit -
She rightly believes that if I don't give on this issue, SU will want to go high speed litigation... because he is an ass and would like to hold a grudge and fight. So.. I will let this one go. No, I am NOT giving in or giving up... I am getting ready. He doesn't want to mediate I don't believe. He wants to get in and deal with every gripe, every perceived slight, every slight and get to me. I say... WHatEvEr!
I am taking my paperwork and financial information to the financial divorce specialist lady... and she is going to help me put together the money piece. When SU's own family is saying to me... do NOT give him a single piece of your assets... law or no law... it's clear he has no support. The financial piece is the key to this thing.
We also have a ton of work to do with the girls. SU believes there is a no issue with custody or living arrangements. That is so not the end of the story. These girls of mine need counseling. Family counseling. That will be a serious condition in these mediation efforts. Nothing will be signed off at my end without some special facilitated family time. He will be seriously afraid.
I realized too... I have this army of women working for me and with me. Girl Power! He has no idea what he is about to be hit with!
None.
5 comments:
No M,
it is not giving up or giving in. It is deciding which sword is worth falling on - this one isn't, family facilitated time is.
go Grrl power! <- says he who is not the target LOL
*hugs*
Rudy... you are sooo nice you COULD be a girl... well... except for the plaid thing...
ducking....
M
Girl,
I am happy to see that you are going with the system. Trust She-Baracuda to do her job.
We are here for ya as this process gets moving.
love, hugs and prayers.
~ blondie
M,
any movement, as long as it is forward is GOOD NEWS....
trust your sheshark, that's her job.
I totally agree with Blondie and Rudy, you found a system, work with it....life is never what you think it will be, sometimes it ends up even better. Once the wheels are in motion, you'll wonder why it took so long. I know this has been very, very difficult for you, I do know that. We all want to give that special someone the benefit of doubt, but really, the horse has been dead for a very long time now and it really is starting to smell. SU does not deserve the time nor consideration you have been giving him over the years....
M, I'm proud of you and the way you have been dealing with all the "Sh_t" life has been throwing your way lately, stay focused, stay strong and do what is the best for YOU, the Rebel and RT. You can guide them, but you cannot live their life for them. They are old enough to understand what is going on. Right or wrong they will make their own decisions, the greatest part of life is being able to accept our parents for who they are, they will love you both in their own way.....now I'm getting too deep, but you have taught them well, they are bright young women....trust them....
Love and hugs,
Lily
It was a bit over a year after she left that we filed for divorce (dissolution in AK - done without lawyers by mutual agreement) and another couple months after that before it was finalized.
It wasn't complicated, the kids were grown, we weren't fighting over anything and there was absolutely no chance she would consider counseling or changer her ways.
bottom line was I was resisting by holding on to the ideal of marriage and dragging my feet.
Like Lily says, once the ball was rolling and I crossed the finish line I did wonder why I had waited and spent a year and a half in limbo.
hugs and prayers
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