Learning to Drive a Whole New Way
1 year ago
Friday, January 09, 2009
57 Minutes: The Beginning of the End.
The final mediation session was a mere 57 minutes long. I am sure we could have done it in 30 minutes but I think once a lawyer always a lawyer. Something about getting those billable hours regardless of whether or not it is mediation. If it quacks like a duck and walks like duck.... then ....
I now wait for the separation agreement which is sent to both our lawyers for review. The mediator says about 2-3 weeks.
I went out for supper last night with a friend who went through a year of too-ing and fro-ing before she got a decent agreement. "Three hours in total and you're done? That's unheard of! How do you mediate an entire 25 year relationship in three hours?!"
I credit the work I've been doing with Trish Wall for this success in mediation. Teaching Self Mastery
I went in with a particular mindset- visualizing what I was afraid of and how I needed to let go of my fears and beliefs.re: programme my brain and just go with the entire process. I came out of it with exactly what I wanted - my house at 20K below market value- and no real sticking points yet on how to extricate from the relationship.
As I told Trish, I didn't have to say much during the sessions - a rare phenomenon where I am usually concerned, and I got what I needed. Changing my thinking and beliefs made the difference. I couldn't make this work to help fix the relationship work but perhaps in time I'll be able to at least look at the SU without the negative feelings I still carry because of how I believe he has treated me. These negative feelings are more a reflection of my beliefs and attitudes than anything the SU has said or done. Letting go of that will most certainly help me going forward. The last thing I want in my life is an SU of a similar nature.
During the session the mediator asked SU when he planned to leave the home. His response was "given Marie dropped the bombshell of wanting the house, I've not had time to get a real estate agent or even start looking for something?" right. seriously.
Bombshell? A bombshell is when you're told by your spousal unit that there is a fantasy girlfriend, not that your soon to be X wants you out of the house. roll eyes.
Hello? SU was told Dec 9th to get out.. for the entire month - he did.. ummm nothing. seriously he did nothing. this isn't a rant... yet... it's the facts Jack!
I now think... if he wants to stay in the house for another month or two - Big Deal. it will get me to nearly the end of snow shoveling season and I won't have to hire a company to throw snow off my drive way. We'll move right to lawn cutting services! LOL
It is the beginning of the end.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
He wanted to be seen as the victim, the poor dear. {not}
I am glad you stuck to your guns and got the best settlement for yourself.
If he is gonna stay there he should be helping out. Good idea to go from shoveling the snow to mowing the lawn. Does he really shovel though?
Hang in there. He will soon be gone!
It is the beginning of the end but you can now also look to the beginning of the new.
love and hugs,
~ b
I didn't think the SU did anything but litter up his cage. Maybe throw some hamster bedding in there so it at least smells like cedar. If you can get him to shovel and mow that would be great but I wonder if you can charge him rent until he actually leaves...
Here is some food for thought that was in my recent email. I hope it is helpful.
~R
Daily Meditation (Henri Nouwen)
Spiritual Choices
Choices. Choices make the difference. Two people are in the same accident and severely wounded. They did not choose to be in the accident. It happened to them. But one of them chose to live the experience in bitterness, the other in gratitude. These choices radically influenced their lives and the lives of their families and friends. We have very little control over what happens in our lives, but we have a lot of control over how we integrate and remember what happens. It is precisely these spiritual choices that determine whether we live our lives with dignity.
Daily Meditation (Henri Nouwen)
Stepping over Our Wounds
Sometimes we have to "step over" our anger, our jealousy, or our feelings of rejection and move on. The temptation is to get stuck in our negative emotions, poking around in them as if we belong there. Then we become the "offended one," "the forgotten one," or the "discarded one." Yes, we can get attached to these negative identities and even take morbid pleasure in them. It might be good to have a look at these dark feelings and explore where they come from, but there comes a moment to step over them, leave them behind and travel on.
Daily Meditation (Henri Nouwen)
Enough Light for the Next Step
Often we want to be able to see into the future. We say, "How will next year be for me? Where will I be five or ten years from now?" There are no answers to these questions. Mostly we have just enough light to see the next step: what we have to do in the coming hour or the following day. The art of living is to enjoy what we can see and not complain about what remains in the dark. When we are able to take the next step with the trust that we will have enough light for the step that follows, we can walk through life with joy and be surprised at how far we go. Let's rejoice in the little light we carry and not ask for the great beam that would take all shadows away.
As for shoveling snow, from a previous post he doesn't seem to do that either, so why delay the process.
He has had since December 9th, he should be out by February 1st. There are no tell motel's he can go to....seriously!
That's what I did.
I Gave him the date, he wasn't out, so I packed his bag, set it outside and changed the locks on the door.
Stop playing into his victim routine, GAH!!!
(maybe I should go have a coffee and settle down, I just have NO time for jackholes)
Not you M, SU..... LOL.....
Lily
Post a Comment