I've re read the separation agreement about a dozen times now. And I've reviewed the financial information tables another dozen times. And this is what the end of a marriage looks like. Comes down to the business of money and who owns what and who gets what. How sad. But it is done.
My concern now and has been sitting there at the top of my head. How do we tell the girls? Sure they are old enough and probably have it all figured out anyway, but it does have an effect.
I am almost adamant that I want SU to be the bearer of the news. This was never something I wanted. I am resigned to it. I want him to say I want the divorce. I am leaving the house. I do NOT want to say things like We decided it was best. We are separating. We we we... There was never any *we* about this. It was SU driving this train all the time. I want him owning up to breaking up his family.
Do I still love the jerk? Because I have to think about it the answer is no. Even if he decided to head for counseling tomorrow I am still done. But what he has done and will continue to do is upsetting. And I resent it. I know I do. Interestingly a wise woman told me that resentment is the feeling one feels when one isn't loved or appreciated.
So I am learning to get over the feeling of not being loved by the one I counted on and giving up that resentment and working on forgiveness instead. It ain't easy. But in order to move on and find my Keanu Reeves, it needs to happen.
Regardless of what the girls believe or know families splitting up isn't easy on anyone. I've read the research the reports on the effects of divorce on children, even grown adult children have issues. They may consider counseling and they may not. RebelJunior is so like her dad in temperament I worry about her burying her feelings and ending up in her own strange bubble. Rebel - the oldest - hard to tell. Though she was the one who did find my initial blog and knew how I felt "back in the day."
Having said all this, the words will come. We'll figure it out and becoming a new kind of family - without resentment and full of love in a better way.
That and a new rec room with a big ass television and entertainment centre will help me help them feel the love!
Learning to Drive a Whole New Way
1 year ago
4 comments:
I make no mistake about it. Even to this day the line is "Your mother left me". I went along with it because there was no way to reconcile and I didn't want my arse eaten by lawyers.
Adult kids most definitely do have issues with it and my relationship with my daughter has suffered. (both kids were out of the house and away at college when she left for the final time).
Even though I am better for it in the long run and I am very happy with blondie the fact remains that I was hurt by her destroying the family and I will not pretend otherwise. I will not own any part of what she did. If my daughter is upset by that - tough. the truth hurts huh?
oops, this is starting to be a rant.
Even if he doesn't face the truth and tell it like it is - the girls should know the truth. SU is leaving/has left the marriage.
~R
Thanks for this Rudy. It's what I believe even though like you, I believe I will better off as well.
He wants out. His choice. Not mine. though I am as well resigned to it. He can own it. All!
HUGS to you my friend!
I refused to take any responsibility for the breakup of my marriage. I made HIM tell the kids and I refused to go along with his story that this is what *we* decided. {did he have a mouse in his pocket or something??}
No marriage is perfect as we all know but the guy who quits working with the spouse is the one who needs to own up to their choice.
I am so much better off now. {hi honey} You and the girls will carve out your new normal. Your lives will be grand.
love and hugs to you all,
~ blondie
All I can add is that you're going to be SO much happier!
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