Thursday Thirteen.

13 phrases and words of wisdom.

1. We get too soon old, and too late smart! Quoted by my friend Arlene when we were Tweenies from something she saw as we lauighed. Now we get it!

2. Hitch your wagon to star and maybe you'll hit the moon.Ralph Waldo Emerson but I heard it was Mary Kay Ash. and yes.... I used to sell lipstick.

3. If you don't know something ask someone who does. There is never any shame in asking the question. My dad. He's right.

4. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.Davison, Potential Rhapsody

5. Out of sight. Out of mind. - never did find out who said this.... perhaps Davidson's wife?

6. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. -Margaret Wolfe Hungerford, in Molly Bawn

7. Deciding whom you'll marry is the most important decision you'll make. -Unknown NOW you tell me!

8. Everyone is allowed an occasional failure --except the skydiver, of course. -Unknown seriously!

9. Find one thing you do extremely well. -Unknown Scrapbook? talk a lot?

10.Loosen your girdle and let'er fly! Babe Didrikson Zaharias oh yeah... that feels good!

11.You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life Winston Churchill they're not enemies really, but they sure get annoyed when I show up! LOL

12.That which does not kill you makes you stronger.Neitzsche Neitzsche said that? no way!

13.You have to sit by the river a very long time before a roast duck will fly in your mouth. Guy Kawasaki. 'nuff said.

There's nothing left to say.

August 27,2007

August 27, 2006

Wordless Wednesday.

Pain you can't fix.

Haven't accomplished much this weekend. I had wanted to have a list of mediation books up for Friday, but the library didn't get them together for me. They're coming. AND Blondie needs a break today! It's up to me to get the blog running for the next few days or so! IF things don't look right - it's because my technical blogger person is dealing with her own life!

RJ seems to be asking for permission rather than just taking off these days - don't know what this all about. I'm happy she's thinking before acting..... but I am suspicious. Poor kid can't win.

Rebel Adult left her dog here with us. She and the BF took off Friday afternoon to buy a birthday present for some child and never returned. I called her and let her know we were not responsible for her dog - even if we love it!

I had plans to try and head out with friends on Saturday evening but the pain in my hip makes going out and doing stuff a pain frankly! I ended up back in the hot tub at another friend's instead. The hot tub helped in the short term but created an usual pain in another way.

This one - she is a drunken mess. She is a wino of the first order. She knows it. Her husband knows it. She is as kind as kind could be, but she hasn't bottomed out - yet! She is a talented smart woman - except for the drinking part.


Her husband has cried on my shoulder but hasn't done much to deal with his own issues. I read him the riot act last night and told him he had to get his butt down to a local Al-Anon meeting - and sooner rather than later because I wasn't going to listen to him tell me any longer how he

1. hasn't had a physical relationship with his wife in ten years
2. he can't make her eat food
3 he can't get her to go out with friends or have company at the house
4 have a relationship with their daughters


Same old same old. It's sad. She knows she's a drunk, but she's afraid to not be a drunk. He enable her by making wine - He says if he stopped and she bought her wine they'd be broke.

This is a woman who is at least 5 years younger than me. She smokes, she is diabetic, and she drinks. She weighs in at maybe 104 pounds and looks 10 years older than me. And the thing is.... she knows she's slowly killing herself and won't do a thing about it.

Thursday Thirteen.

13 things as bad or worse
than back pain-
in the style of Olympics -
degree of difficulty -
1-7 where one 1 is low and 7 is off the charts

1. migraine 7
2. other type of back pain besides SI inflammation 7
3. tooth pain 6
4. chewing glass 5
5. car being driven with hardly any oil in it thus the sounding of the tap tap tap would be explained pain - 3.5
6. kitchen in a mess pain 1
7. idiot boss pain - 1.5 - 7 depending on the day and the conversations.
8. daughter wanting to marry a man 10 years older than her who is earning less than 30K a year and has no education or training kind of pain - 1
9. hair needs colouring and can't get an appointment til Sept 2nd kind of pain - 0001 pain
10. no wine in the house kind of pain - 6.5
11. pic a minor irritant in life pain - anything - 2
12.teen age daugter pain 6.5
13. SU pain in the ass pain - 5

Wordless Wednesday.

A little pain a little love

I am in pain. I have inflammation of the sacro -iliac joint. It's not fun. it's not the first time either.

So I am taking prescription anti inflammatories, add in pain killers, use a tiger balm patch where it pains me, physio therapy and I am STILL in pain. Sleeping on my pillow top bed - terribly painful as I can't roll over. Was NOT impressed when I am sure about 20 minutes after I fell asleep last night, RebelTeen - the younger - woke me up with her shriek. Ordinarily I would get out of bed, take the stairs to the kitchen and tell her to take it down a thousand... however I was in a comfortable position - the only comfortable position- so I stayed put and calmed myself down and counted sheep instead.

Rebel Senior's dog stayed with us for the weekend. RebelTeen wanted to have her around, and I - who have never been a dog person - certainly enjoyed having this cute little critter around. He even slept on the floor of my room. My girls let the dog sleep on their beds. I draw the line. Even if he is cute. He doesn't even try that with me. When I got up both days - he went over to the RT's room and cuddled with her on her bed til he was ready for his morning walk. And me, being mom went back up and told RT to get out of bed as the dog needed a walk and to get outside. I figure not my dog- RT wanted him at the house she had to take him out. It was fun to watch!

SU has his brother staying with us. B-I-L had a cup of coffee at the dining room table. He left it there. Two days it sat. I finally went and handed it to the SU and suggested that if he could tidy up behind his daughter instead of teaching her to do it herself he'd better be doing the same with his older brother. The two of them have done nothing but play endless games of scrabble.
Oh! yes they did go to SU's young friend's for yet another party on the weekend. Even B-I-L noticed how young they were and how they all seemed to end up drunk by midnight! They didn't land up at home til nearly 5 AM. B-I-L didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with this either. I roll my eyes.

Must go find drugs. I feel a twinge.

A Lot of General Information.

Here are a couple of good sites. These are American. I'll do my Canadianization soon enough. I like these sites because they have a lot of general information that is critical and good for starting out if you're thinking about, or going through the separation or divorce process.

Womans Divorce - a thorough smattering of most EVERYTHING you might need to know about separation, divorce, trying to get back together, your emotions, finances, THE WORKS. Great place to start - whether you're in the US or Canada.
Womans Divorce

Divorce the Jerk. Pretty self explanatory - it's a commercial for a book but for those who are dealing with jerks the owner of the site and author of the companion book has done a ton of work to help those women who are dealing with jerks, chicken shits and RAMBS! Chrstine Rowe has done a great job. Not sure I'd want to spend the $50 or so for her book. I'm investigating whether or not libraries have it and whether you can get it in hard rather than soft copy. If you read it. Let me know.
Divorce the Jerk

The Modern Woman's Divorce Guide Similar to the first one. LOTS and LOTS of great information and helpful if you're overwhelmed and don't know where to start.
Modern Womans Divorce Guide

The Sassy Pink Peppers. For those women who are on the road to recovery from divorce and separation. This is a "club" that does require a $25 annual fee. I like this group though because they make it VERY clear - it's NOT about man bashing, or husband hating - it's about women moving on and forward and learning how to be happy and comfortable with who they are and having some support getting there. I haven't paid the fee, but I am considering it because I like the idea of traveling with a bunch of girls and having a great time. Just one of their many offerings. More about this bunch when I finally get around to shelling out the money to join.
Sassy Pink Peppers

Know a great site? Let me know and I'll get it up here.
yeah... I'm talkin as if there really are people out there who might actually read this blog! LOL Hey! maybe all those runners know people who might be interested.

Thursday Thirteen.

13 things in my purse.

1. an out of date investment statement belonging to SU
2. an out of date bank statement belonging to SU - found in RJ's bedroom ???
3. receipt from the consignment store to remind me to go get my money or buy some clothes
4. wallet
5. change purse
6. mini bottle of purel
7. two pens
8. little notebook
9. lip balm
10. two lip pencils - neutral and pink
11. two lipsticks - raisinberry and suede
12. lip gloss
13 combo- lipgloss/perfume stick

Wordless Wednesday.

The More Information I Have.

As much as I went on and on about not wanting to be labeled as divorced or hanging out with the other divorced people I have to admit, support is support. And the more information I have going into this process - the better I believe.

I started doing some research using my favourite search engine - Clusty- and found oodles of sites - most American - for support, information and assorted other bits including electronic books written by lawyers telling me that if I buy their specific book - my divorce will just go a whole lot easier.

They call these things vanity presses for reason - e-book or not. The professional information person and evaluator of all things reference - tells me to NOT pay for anything unless I see it first. AS IF I am going to down load a book or $30US before checking out the contents.

I have found a couple of interesting sites and will have to get them to my side bar when I have some time to play, given that Blonde is have more fun packing and moving these days! (-;

We have
divorce - women support- health, kids money and get better sex
divorce- men support including fathers
divorce - humour
divorce - financial - LOTS here
divorce - laws and legislation- endless
divorce - do it yourself - most in Texas! (what's that all about)
divorce - effect on children

Most of these sites are in a couple of categories only -

Lawyers and related types like mediators, collaborative law types - looking for clients
Women who like to gather, talk and look for support
Men /fathers - mostly angry and looking for fairness
Those who hate lawyers promoting *do it yourself and screw the lawyers* content.
And the smattering of miscellaneous others - Divorce Magazine- for example - trying to figure out how to make a buck from the misery.

So perhaps over the next while I will try and kick up who reads my blog (AS IF I could compete with those runners who seem to be ALL reading and commenting on each other's blogs) by reviewing, or at least providing Canadian context to the myriad of content in this field. May as well be constructive instead of whining, continuing to be angry, or going on and on about the SU.

And today - the paperwork went to the pension valuator. A mere cost of nearly $600 so I can find out how much of my pension the law believes I should share with the SU.

I Hit on a Dud.

I started filling out the various forms for the mediation sessions to start. I love the part where she asks - what do you anticipate the challenges to be during your mediation sessions? How about "an SU who believes he is always right and prefers to debate rather than mediate." And " SU is rude, condescending, and believes he is always right. I apparently don't have an informed opinion on most matters he believes are of interest." And I left it at that.

She sent a form that we are both to sign - and I decided I didn't like it - so I re wrote the form from all We and Us and changed to me and my and took out references to us all over the place and sent it back to her telling her - I have responded and agree and did it my way - he can do same. I don't feel the need to sign with him on this piece of paper as there is no longer a "we." Bitchy perhaps - and no lawyer likes a lay person amending their little forms but it's not a legal form it's an agreement and I agree just not in a we kind of way.

I have noticed that I seem to be hanging around with a lot of women who are divorced or separated. I can remember a friend from the Divorce Busting site who's walk away wife WAW- was part of a similar club. He had a name form them but I don't remember it. This concerns me a little as I really don't want to think of myself as a member of this particularly group. I really do want to keep seeing and hanging out with some of my married friends. I think it's a lot healthier and - I don't know - I am a tad uncomfortable being a part of this club. I have noted that the one friend I told doesn't have a right to a divorce - she has to do the work to end the marriage - hasn't called me lately. I don't think she expected to hear what I told her and figured we were both part of the club. What I am going to have to make clear is - this isn't a club of my choosing - but whatEvEr I am there. I did what I needed to do to not be in it, but it didn't go that way.

So perhaps I'll take out associate rather than full membership because the reality is - I hit on a dud of a partner and I don't hate all husbands and men, just the RAMBs who are not getting the role they took on. The club does provide me with a supportive place as I need it and I know I can be and do the same for others. But there are times when the men are nice to have around and other women's, and friends' husbands are nice guys who I do enjoy spending time with too.

Thursday Thirteen.

13 things I paid for yesterday!

1. gas- $1.18 a litre - avoided the $1.16 line ups!
2. dinner with the daughters and niece.
3. Sugar Mountain for the daughters and niece
4. topped up niece's purse purchase - she ran $5 short!
5. topped up Rebel's t-shirt purchase - she ran $4 short!
6. AM & 7 Noon Coffee - Tim's decaf large hazelnut shot double milk.
8. parking downtown.
9. glasses cleaning stuff.
10. scrapbook paper.
11. professional membership dues.
12. One Bootle BOONES Sangria.
13. One bottle - Santa Margarita Pinot Grigio.

Wordless Wednesday

Not my usual style - ever!

We were up at the crack of dawn today as it was Rebel's first speaking gig. She was giving her talk at a Rotary Club in the town next to ours. I was seriously impressed with her speaking and delivery skills. I am an advanced Toastmaster and I love giving presentations and speeches so watching this child of mine in action I couldn't help but revert to evaluation techniques that I've learned and use at TM meetings.

She talked about how she got sick, about what her life used to be like and what it is like now. She had a great message about organ donation for parents. Apparently - many many teens sign their donor cards on their driver's permits but if something happens, too many parents override these wishes. She had a great power point with pictures - and a great over all message. I did have the tears in my eyes when she talked about how her family stood by her. It was very well done. She has a few more gigs lined up over the Fall so will be interesting to watch as she polishes it up even more.

SU was at the gig this morning. Hard to tell what he thought. I hope he keeps it positive for the girl. Now that I think of it I may need to call her something other than *Rebel.*

I need a nap because getting up before 6 AM is

not my usual style - ever!

The girls were at the Back Street Boy concert with their cousin and a couple of good friends. Apparently the RebelJunior was texting through the entire concert and drove Rebel crazy.

RJ and her cousin left my kitchen in a mess last night before the concert. SU came in and started to clean up. I asked him '*what do you expect the girl to learn when you clean up after her all the time? Why do you do it?* It wasn't a rhetorical question, but he chose not to respond.

I roll my eyes.

coffee...

I need cofffee...

A few random thoughts today.

Took the day off work Friday to get into long weekend mode early. Monday is a holiday - though it is getting away from us. The holiday used to mean EVERYTHING was closed up tight. Now the poor folks in retail have to work. It's just wrong in the summer. We can live without groceries and stores being open for a day. Let every one who can enjoy a long weekend in the short summer time! Seriously!

Took Rebel's dog to the vet to get him checked out. The vet thinks he's between 5-10 years old. And Rudy - you called it. His teeth are a horrible mess. That could be the killer for us to have these cleaned, pulled and taken care of. BIG BUCKS! He also needs to be neutered but at his age, it will cost us. And how ironic - the Rebel's dog has a heart murmur! The vet started to explain about enlarged hearts and Rebel started to laugh - and said "ya know Doc- I got this one " and told him her story. The vet said his temperament is good but he has most definitely been neglected, and beaten by the way he initially behaved when we arrived. We took the little guy to PetSmart and he has a grooming appointment next week, a new leash and I am now $175.00 poorer and in over draft at the bank after that little mission.

RJ has gone into hurricane mode and my kitchen has the look of a Type 4 weather system going through. I have a green garbage bag at hand and once done breakfast - at the dining room table because there is no space at the kitchen table - am cutting a swath through here and pitching everything! I HAVE HAD IT with her lack of participation. Rebel walked in here yesterday and read her the riot act on her inability to do her share of at least not dumping where she walks. And the SU is no prize either. If it's not her mess - it's his. It's all gonna be pitched! I have no mercy! grrrrrrr

Went with a friend to see The Dark Knight last night. One of my favourite movies is A Knight's Tale - also starring Heath Ledger. The Dark Knight has similar themes. Such a talent was Heath Ledger. May he rest in peace- the poor guy. Fabulous movie. Long movie! What a story.

The friend I was with is also battling marital woes. I told her counselling is important. Both marital and individual. She's not sure it will matter at the point. My take is - you never know - you've been with this man over 25 years - they were together 7 years before marrying - they have four children from age of 15 to 8 - they owe it to their kids to work at it a bit. I explained the difference between "marriage" counsellors and "divorce" marriage counsellors. You really must work with a true marriage counsellor. And in the end you will either make it or break it. But you can tell your kids that you tried everything. The whole I just want to be "happy" bothers me. I challenged her and ask if she could be "happy" in her marriage and really - was she going to be guaranteed "happiness" if she divorced? It's not something any of her friends had asked her. (somewhere on the blog is the huge rant I did on "happiness.")

But here's the thing - People assume you have to leave. We had a lengthy discussion over margarita and corona cocktails- which I highly recommend. I expect this is another marriage that is done - but her spouse is at least willing to try counselling as she is as well. But I always say - do the work first. Children are owed this. And a good counsellor who forces you to really work at it - will tell you how you will fare.

In the meantime, I've sent my paperwork for the actuarial assessment of my pension, and having the analysis review with my financial divorce expert, and girding myself up for the battle.