Pausing. Praying. Planning.

It's August 27. It is 24 years ago today I married the SU. What I remember most from that day is the SU standing up in front of our friends and family at the party after the ceremony and telling the world... "She is my best friend, and I know she's your friend too. I know you all love her and so do I. I will love her forever.!" sigh. And I remember thinking even then.. "I will remember this moment for the rest of my life"... and I have so far... Life has a funny way of turning out though doesn't it?

I re-read my blog entry from last year. Things have most definitely changed since last year. And while I had expected to be done with the relationship before this date that's not the case. It doesn't bother me much. I have other things on my mind right now. I have to believe there is a plan. I don't know what it is. It's up to me to make my choices and I am doing that. It may not be a clear choice for the moment and that's okay too.

Sundays, in church at the end of the liturgy, I sit and meditate for a bit on what I am supposed to be doing that day, that week, and leave it at that. Que sera sera and all that. Life will unfold as it must. Don't think for a minute I will just "let" things happen, oh no... but there are some things that can be taken on and dealt with and some that cannot. Taking care and working with Rebel is utmost for now. As she gains her health back and TweenyRebel manages to get back into some form of older teen-ness... I will be able to move forward. SU can sit and sulk in his cave - upstairs or basement. He can take his pick! It really doesn't bother me. It's almost as if he is barely part of the equation at this point.

I had a note from someone I know to whom I gave this blog. Within my own circle I have been selective about who gets here. For the random hits... well... lucky you! I gave her my blog because she was going through a divorce. She has children too. I didn't know much about her personal life and how it was going for her so I let her in on my own experiences and rants. Now fortunately for her, she and her ex-SU have a good relationship as parents to their children and she says they are friends. And good for both of them! She has had a mostly decent experience through a negative one of a family having to split up. And it happened with a level of maturity and the right way! But she did find that reading my rants and comments gave her a little something to think about. And that is why I write. By blogging I believe someone may stumble upon my rants and silliness and perhaps realize that they are not the only ones trying to figure out what to do with an SU and other fall outs from these things. Or they might just read and be entertained or appalled!

I am pleased she dropped me the little note tell me she got something out of reading my stuff.

So I will have a drink tonight. To remember what was, and to plan, to hope, and to pray for what will be. And I will keep blogging to see where I will be at this time next year!
Thanks for reading friends and strangers all the same.