We're everywhere!

Had a few drinks with a dear friend who lives in the big city. We had both alluded in previous get togethers about our mutual spouses. And here she is as frustrated, annoyed, angry, and unhappy in her marriage as I am in mine.

"We've grown apart" she said.
"The tension in the house is palpable- because I am the bad guy with my own children. We are never in sync."

Words out of my book!

And she's not the only one. Furtively, in dark bars everywhere, women are having these same conversations.

How does this happen?
The two of us, over martinis, ( gin never vodka), tears in our eyes, wondering how the train wreck happens? She has a lovely life style. Lawyer husband, house paid off, vacations paid for in cash, not a financial worry ever thanks mostly to his career far more than hers, but still she wonders

"Is it worth it? No, it isn't but my kids. The relationship they see isn't good. But they have a lifestyle I don't want to take away from them."

He wants to live at the cottage all summer, I want to see people, do things, go places. He doesn't ever want to do these things.

We're married to the same man... sort of.

And there's the trade off right? Three different counsellors have told her, after conversations and work with both of them, that he's not going to change how he operates, how he thinks. The two of them have completely different ideas about what they want to do with life.

And so we continue on these rough trails... sacrificing our own needs. But how long can that kind of life go on?

hmmm there's the million dollar question.

A wonderful book on this subject of we women in midlife... Barbara Moses, PhD - Dish. A must read for all of us.