Parental Guidance Gone Wild.

Having been through one teenager and her wild and crazy behaviour , I figured I'd be able to cope a little better with the next one. Alas, with a soon to be ex spousal unit creating havoc on the other side I have a whole new set of challenges.

Tweeny just turned 14 has decided that checking in after school, or ever isn't a necessity.

"I don't have a cell phone so how am I supposed to call you?"

The problem is of course, where the hell are you that there aren't any land lines from which you can make a call. We've had the discussions about cell phones... I don't think a 14 yr old should need one -

"but all my friends have one"

I told her if she wanted a phone she'd have to show a little more maturity and responsibility before I started paying for a phone. Two nights in a row she didn't turn up at home until 11 PM. I was beside myself after the first time. I said to her father - the RAMB Spousal unit, 'so, what's to be done here... what kind of consequences need to be laid out here so she understands that checking in is important - one doesn't leave school at 2:30 PM and NOT check and just show up at home at 11 PM - and how do "we" insure she gets thd emessage. The best he could do was "I'll talk to her." I rolled the eyes and slammed a few doors and left him to the talk. I'd like to see him pay for the cell phone because I flat out refuse at this stage.

Clearly the NEXT evening, "the talk" didn't do anything because again she was out until 11 PM. She showed up at home with her best friend in tow asking if she could sleep over. I immediately said NO...Tweeny says the girl's parents were staying somewhere else overnight and friend didn't want to stay home alone. I still said NO. Friend needed to be at home in case her parents called. She had a dog that needed attention and no sleep over reward. This is one of the two girls involved in previous Great Escape at 1 AM episode. And I should have her sleep over. I don't think so. Said Friend went into theatrical mode and of course, Spousal Unit caved and over ruled me. AND no phone call to Friend's mom to say where the kid was sleeping.

And you know the next morning... 9 AM friend's mom calls me and is NOT happy that her kid is not at home in her own bed. I told her what had transpired. She was even less happy. Of course, it's not as if I could to tell mom what was going on between me and spouse and the stupid game spouse is playing to stay on his Tweeny's good side. I rousted Tweeny's friend, she got on the phone was blasted and immediately RAN home - no breakfast, no back to sleep.

Several hours later, once the Spousal Unit got himself out of bed (he rarely is out of bed before 1 PM on weekends) I informed him of what had happened four hours earlier and that I didn't enjoy being put into that kind of position.
He has never bothered to get to know our kids' friends parents, either by phone or in person. That has always been left to me. He's above that sort of thing, thinking they're not his kind of people so why does he need to bother. Frankly relationship building of ANY kind of ANY sort is not of interest to him. I told him there would be NO more sleep overs or arranging of anything UNLESS he or I had spoken to parents, because I was not going to put myself into any kind of situation between a kid and parent again.

So Tweeny is IMing with said friend and said friend claims that her mom isn't upset with her, that it was okay for her to sleep over and all's well. I find this hard to believe but the spouse does claim this as a winning ticket - and that I 'over reacted." AS IF I am going to believe the words of another tweeny over her mother??! And I told spouse the same.

There were several other incidences this weekend involving Tweeny. In the end I am really NOT sure what kind of discipline and consequences were handed down from Disneyland Dad for her outrageous evening wanderings, and assorted other disrespectful acts. I did tell her that her disrespect was not earning her any mommy points and I was not really interested in putting myself out for her during the weekend. I do know that when I sanctioned her for a couple of things, spouse went and took her shopping. So I punish and he took her out for rewards. Nice!

I did tell spousal unit that we WERE going to family counselling with her and he would attend. Separation or not - we had to co-parent and she was extremely angry and pitting us against each other. If he couldn't see that.... then he was plainly - an idiot. Counselling to figure out how to deal with her anger and to find out why she felt she didn't have to stay within the boundaries we set for her, was not negotiable.

Given the spousal unit's allergy towards counselling - we shall see how well this one turns out during the mediation sessions.