Not too much

going on these days.

Rebel was to have gone to a friend's cottage with the BF and his son but I believe that was kiboshed because of all the rain. She stayed at the BF's place anyway. They were to head up there today for the day. Shall see if he actually takes her or not. My money says *not.* Rebel called me this morning and asked me to ask her father for money for the week. She doesn't like asking him because he always has a comment about what she is spending it on. Granted, he doesn't want her to spend it on the BF but that part is out of his control. And then on the other hand, he takes the RJ shopping and spends on her regularly. No wonder she doesn't want to ask.

I spent Saturday evening at a young friend's house for supper. I took supper over there. She just had ACL knee surgery and her mom was in town from her east coast home. We had a lovely dinner and watched a movie. 27 Dresses. The ending made me get a little teary. Memories, nostalgia. But I got over that when I got home and saw the mess left in my kitchen - yet again!

Sunday evening another friend asked me if I wanted to go see the RCMP Sunset Ceremony and Musical Ride. Well, uniformed men on horseback! In the red serge uniform. OF COURSE I went. I don't know how to work ALL the settings on my camera and consequently I have a lot of blurry pictures. Frustration no end! But I also have a couple of very nice photos too. I thought I had my video on during the pipers - but no sound of bagpipes anywhere on that set of images Roll the eyes!

The SU has been locked up in the spare room today. I don't call it *his* bedroom because I have a ton of stuff in there and go in there regularly.

I applied for a government organization and the first 'test" is a written test - two hours - sent to me by email and I answer at home within their time frame! Kinda cool. But it is only based on two out of about ten factors in the competition poster. No doubt they are looking at writing skills as well as the knowledge about finances and HR. Two of my *favourite* subjects - rolls eyes again. I've asked a friend to coach me on this section and hopefully I can get a good enough grade to screen up to the interview stage. Gotta love government hiring. It's so fair it's almost ridiculously unfair.

I figured I had to start applying for these managerial type positions. Becoming a single mother means I will need the cash! A lot of it to keep me in the lifestyle I want to live! Goodness knows the SU is going to come after me for child support if RJ chooses to live with him - I may as well do what I can to help myself.

Mindless messes.

Cake mania is numbing my mind. I lost two bakeries by not watching where I was saving files and now have to get back up to speed. I am doing better with that game than with Diner Dash at level 43! sigh.

I believe I forgot to log off one of my email accounts this morning Rebel was rushing me out the door to one of her appointments. OY! It was at least the least worrisome of the accounts and most of the good stuff is hidden away. Me? If the SU left files open - I'd be in there checking things out. HIM? I don't know if he cares enough or is curious enough to snoop or not.

I am told by my girls that the SU is off to visit his folks mid July. NO discussion with me at all about this. I have already told him my plans to go visit my dad in August. We need to ensure one of us is around to take Rebel to appointments. I have yet to hear official dates etc for his leaving town. I have though, set up a couple of dinner parties with people I haven't seen in some time and will have these while he is not around.

Had a call from a mediator yesterday. 8:30 AM. WHO calls people at that time of the morning? I mean REALLY! She was telling me that the SU is rarin to get going. AS IF! I told her I was off work on stress leave until mid July and that frankly, given all *we* had been through, I needed a mental break before starting up on this crap again. ( My personal plan was for late September) She had no idea what I was talking about. The SU - in his great communicator mode- neglected to inform said mediator about our recent ordeal with the REBEL. After I told her there was a couple of seconds of silence at the other end and she did say to me that when I was ready and not before would be just fine. Of course SU wants things done on his schedule while he is off work for the summer. That's nice. But too damn bad. I will not ruin my summer dealing with his needs or wants. He can wait and take time off work in the fall like the rest of us do. If he doesn't like this, well, I guess he can start without me.

It's the weekend. I have already cracked open a nice white zin for the evening! After my walk of course.

Thursday Thirteen

Wordless Wednesday.

If truth be told.

I did NOTHING on Monday.
Nothing at all.
Well except for a quick trip into work for a bit of a job interview and then back home.

The Rebel's party went well. She had a great time with her friends. Too many of them are smokers and a few of them drink far too much . They were here for her though and that was the main thing. It was still surprising to me though how many of her so called close friends didn't come. These girls have issues - stupid issues and I found their excuses rather selfish in the end. I frankly think they all need some serious therapy time to get over what ever it is that is bothering them. As it was she had a good time and didn't seem too upset when certain girls didn't show up. I think she's well aware of their problems - such as they are.

Rebel Junior stuck around and her best friend came over. She seemed to enjoy herself as well. Rebel's friends are pretty stunned at how the RJ has *grown up.*

SU - did nothing to help. I didn't expect him to. I asked him to please pick up the birthday cake - which he did - whining about the $28 price tag as he put it on the table. Insert eye roll here. He then proceeded to go out to one of his young friends' house instead of sticking around for the evening. WHO does that? He usually plays hockey on Sunday - but didn't do that either. Some party I guess. And too bad for him.

One of the main local television stations has been following Rebel since the Heart Institute Telethon. One of their reporters knew about the birthday party that was two months post transplant. They came and did a story on Rebel which appeared on the late local news and again the next morning. I was interviewed along with Rebel and unfortunately they had the BF interviewed because she talked about her engagement. If I had known I might have been able to get them NOT to mention it, but I didn't realize she was going there. UGH! Probably better to not try and manipulate that stuff. It was all a good story except for the engaged part.




I have a new DS game. Cake Mania. If truth be told, I did nothing yesterday because I was baking cakes all day.

Thursday Thirteen.

13 things to do to get ready
for Rebel's Be-lated 20th Birthday Party
on Sunday!

1. Anti bacterial all over the house.
2. Make the Caesar salad dressing on Saturday.
3. Pick up all the cereals and secret ingredient for the Nuts & Bolts requested by Rebel.
4. Remind people to BYOL - Bring your own Lawn chair.
5. Hit up the SU for half the cost of the party.
6. Decorations.
7. Ensure the batteries are charged for the camera. All of them. Memory card is empty.
8. Hit up COSTCO for one of those sheet cakes with the custard filling.
9. Beer or no beer?
10. Pinot grigio for me.
11. Presents - what did she want? the Back Street Boys tickets? seriously!
12. Be nice or at least civil to the BF - or as my counsellor suggested - don't give him control.
13. Sit back, relax, watch the Rebel have a good time and thank God for the miracle of her life.

Wordless Wednesday.

Gigs.

Rebel delivered her first "lecture" today. Well, okay, not *really* a lecture, but a special session with kids in Grade 6 at one of the local elementary schools.

This is the class that was involved in a special project to raise funds for an organization by doing something entrepreneurial. They held a special Family Fun Fair and raised over $4500 for the Heart Institute! Grade 6! 11 years old!

They had read about Rebel in one of the local papers and decided that the Heart Institute was where they wanted to donate money.

So off we went today to talk to the kids. Rebel seemed to enjoy herself. She is preparing a more formal presentation for older kids on organ donation, heart health and more motivational type content, but this was more of a gentle dress rehearsal type approach today.

She may also have *gigs* lined up at a couple of other schools - her former elementary school, at a high school, where the Charge Nurse from the cardiac ward where Rebel was - is involved with the Parent Council, and at another high school in town where the wife of one of priests we know from church teaches school. It could be the start of an interesting sideline career for Rebel as well as getting some positive messages out to young people. I am hoping by acting as her business manager I could end up with a new career myself.

The kids were thrilled to meet her. Their teacher said the kids were awestruck - she was their Hannah Montana! Rock star status. One little girl even gave her a pair of earrings from her bead kit.

They asked a ton of questions, had conversations both on and off topic. Rebel even showed them some of her scars. It was a pretty much anything they wanted to know - she told them kind of session.

The kids are really excited as well to be going on a tour of the Heart Institute next week. And they have asked Rebel to come back to school next week when they "graduate" and move on to a new school for Grade 7.

This was a good start for her. She can see beyond the playing house and looking after someone else's children I hope. They asked her about school and she talks like it's going to happen, so I keep hoping that as she talks she *believes* what she says.

As someone said to me at church on Sunday, "Marie, you've prayed for the miracle of your daughter's health. She has her health. Now pray for her to live the life she *should be* living." It's all I can do.

I have another counseling session some time this week. Must go find the date and time. I think it's going to be a tough one for me, but a necessary session. Get a few things worked out and dealt with and start moving on.

My dad,

on most days, drive me nuts. He is an interesting kind of man in a not really great way. seriously. How my mom put up with him I don't know. I have never figured out their relationship. He's a simple kind of guy. Wouldn't hurt any one ever. He loved my mom to pieces. His own father was an immigrant who did all kinds of work to feed his family. My grandpa loved his sons. And he loved his grandchildren. We knew this. He would kiss my father every time we visited - which was always weekly. He would kiss his grandsons. This was a love and a form of affection passed down from father to sons. Both my brothers will hug and kiss my dad too.

But my dad... sigh... never learned how to do things. My grandma wouldn't let him. She was afraid he'd hurt himself or worse! So he could mow lawns, do dishes. But wield a hammer? Build or put together anything? Not so much. It would frustrate my mom to no end. All that practical kind of stuff. They would write cheques. ( I guess I come by that honestly!)

However, my dad always allowed us our dreams. "You can do anything you want as long as you do the work." We three - my two sibs and I believed him. And we've done it. We achieved what we have wanted in our lives. And his grandchildren love him to pieces too. Even if they wonder why talks so slowly, why he refuses to get a computer so they can IM with him, why he can't figure out what to do with his cell phone. But they know that grandpa cares about them, and wants what's best for them.

As for the father of my girls. sigh... Maybe he tries, but I am not sure he knows how. His own father oy! Takes me back to one of my most earliest posts on this blog. I firmly believe now if you want to know the true measure of a man observe carefully or ask about his relationship with his father - not just his mother. It seems a man's self worth can be tied to his father's belief in him. If he doesn't have that - he is missing something that allows for a complete life. And unless he figures it out and deals with it, it will affect all his relationships - and not in a positive way. And that's what I have learned.

To my own dad. As frustrating and as crazy as he makes me - he's my dad - he gave me confidence and pushed me where I needed to go. For that I thank him and love him. God grant him and all fathers many happy, blessed and healthy years.

Can I Stand It?

Rebel showed up on our door step yesterday as did three of her friends. They all went out for dinner and took Rebel Junior with them. I am not sure if that's a good thing or not! It's nice they included her, but a 15 yr old young one with the 20+ girls is a little more than I need to deal with. They like her and the sisters are sort of getting along so that's a good thing.

This morning Rebel had tears because she feels her dad doesn't treat her well. She needs money and hates asking him. He is tight with his money because he's angry with her for how she is behaving and dealing with the BF. They are both upset and could use a facilitator to get them through. He, or course, would NEVER concede to facilitation - aka counseling, so I am not sure where this will go.

At scrap booking last night, I met a young woman who also had a bf 10 yrs older than her. She said he lasted 3 years, but that as she started going to school and meeting other people more at her intellectual level, she found that her much older bf and her didn't have a lot in common any longer. She also told me her dad HATED the bf, and wouldn't talk to him. her mother put up with him. HMMM it's all sounding familiar. One year nearly done, and perhaps two to go?

CAN I STAND IT?!?!?

My car has a flat tire Not Friday 13th related as it happened yesterday. I noticed it kind of deflating and meant to take it to the tire place and didn't get around to it. The SU told me it was flat. The tire store was closed, and Canadian Tire, when I tried calling them - kept putting me on hold or wouldn't respond to a simple phone question - "can I come in and get you to fix my tire?" SO.. the SU put the spare on my care and I drove off to scrapbook. As soon as I am done here, off I go to the *real* tire place to get the tire fixed.

Then I have to take the Rebel to the Heart Institute for her first MRSA clearance swab to see if she is clear of the infection finally.

She has blood tests first thing Monday morning before she takes her meds so no doubt she'll be sleeping here again, as the BF apparently now works across the river and I would suspect can't be bothered taking her to the Institute for her tests.

Fine by me I say.

Thursday Thirteen.

13 things I gave away to charity today

1. Three bags of clothes - two weren't even ours.
2. Two pairs of high heel shoes- circa 1990.
3. One pair of roller skates ( not blades- skates).
4. One ugly glass bottle.
5. three tins from cake, chocolate and cookies kept by the SU for "collectible" value.
6. Four DVDs of no redemming watchable quality that I could get.
7. One great big basket that is awkward and fits no where.
8. One pink suitcase leftover from the mid 20th century.
9. Three pairs of running shoes - out grown before becoming worn out. 10. One purple clock that never worked properly bought from a charity and now back TO charity.
11 .One ugly metal soup cup with a Maryland crab on it.
12. One coffee carafe - very ugly and rotund.
13. One even uglier wine jug purchased by the SU and never used.

Good riddance all!

Wordless Wednesday.

Strategizing.

I went to see my counsellor today. I figured I had to do something to help me figure out how to get my life back on track. Things haven't changed at all with the SU, Rebel is going about her life as she chooses, Rebel Junior is also busy busy so I need to figure things out for myself.

With Rebel, I KNOW I can't control, manage or otherwise have a lot of input into her relationship with the BF. The counsellor suggested I strategize to be in charge rather than feel as if the BF is in charge. And in charge not as in control but be on top of things. So if the BF comes up in conversation my stance cannot include the words, should, must, would etc. But rather I need to state how I *feel* about it and to tell her that even though I may not be impressed or even very thrilled, I'll support her as best I feel I can. And somehow I will communicate this approach to the SU so he can try the same. I would like to spend more time with her- perhaps head down town to some cool place for lunch, a little shopping and leave the BF out of things. NO doubt he'll attempt to call her 20 times during any period they are apart- speaks to his insecurities, but I *will not* say anything to the girl.

Because we spent most of the time talking about these relationships and me bringing the C up to date on life *around* me, we didn't really talk about me. As she started to ask, the tears did start to flow a bit, but I wasn't ready for that conversation. So, I am gearing up for an intense session next week. A no mascara kind of hour I expect.

Have I mentioned I haven't had any real sex in about 5 years. I'm starting to really feel the *need* to do something about it! Even my dreams are edging on pornographic! I know so many women, who, even while separated go looking for sex with their EXs. I thought about this for a half a second and then smacked myself up the side of my head, took a cold shower and felt better - For Now!

What is that about?

It's been a quiet weekend. I haven't seen Rebel since she left the house on Friday for her doctor's appointment. No phone calls either. Nothing as she plays house with the BF. We did have to reach her as RJ was looking for the Play Station2 - something that is shared between both girls.. Turns out Rebel took it with her to the BF's apartment. The SU was fit to be tied. She said they needed it to watch a movie.

You have your computer I told her.
The screen isn't big enough.

I told her to get a DVD player and to please return the PS2 to the house asap as RJ was having a bunch of girls over and they wanted to do the Dance Dance Revolution. She suggested we come and pick it up where she was. I said GREAT Hang on I'll put your dad on the phone he is ready to head out there now. The thing is she doesn't want us anywhere near her BF's family on the other side of the river and we called her bluff. She had no argument. In the end, though she told us we'd get a PS2 to the house. The BF called his best buddy who lent us HIS PS2.

seriously!
What is that about?

I told him he shouldn't have done this and to take it up with his buddy, because now that I had his - he wouldn't get it back until ours was back in our basement where it belonged. He looked a little taken aback but no doubt he's beyond a PS2 and is into whatever the latest next thing is.

I still have a sore throat and a cough. I did see the doc on Friday who took a throat swab to make sure I didn't have a strep throat. She warned me that the cough and sore throat combo was popular this year and it did take some time to disappear. Great!

I have been walking every day so far. We are still on our 4 mile walk and seem to do it in about an hour as we vent over the day. The highlight is going by the fire station and catching the men as they wash the trucks or are firing up their barbecue. I swoon as I walk! I may have to take up some serious flirt action one of these days. No photos yet of the lads at the fire station, I will keep trying for appropriate action shots! Though this is taken on the path where we walk just BEHIND the fire station!

I wonder what my Meez over there on the side bar is reading. She keeps moving around that coach as if she is uncomfortable.... or something.

Friday F's...

...Follow-ups,

Fridges

and Friends.

Today is a follow up appointment for Rebel. She told me that her BF is taking her. WhatEvEr. So I am not going to go in spite of my need to be there to see how things are going. Given that she is considered "an adult" I don't have to be there and the hospital doesn't have to tell me anything either. I do know that she will have a lecture from the doc about not keeping on track with her physio appointments. And the BF will be blasted as well. It's best I not be there for a change. The girl and I had another round about BF's attitude. They both keep trying to blame me and SU for BF's behaviour about not being *comfortable* in our home. I bit down on my tongue and quietly told her my perspective - It's OUR house, you are OUR daughter, and it's up to BF to impress us. WE don't have to do anything to impress him. If he chooses to ignore US in OUR home, that says more about HIS behaviour and attitude than it does about US. If he EVER expects US to think differently, then it is up to HIM to ACT differently rather than acting like a petulant child. Rebel then told me she didn't want to discuss him any longer. I shut up and didn't say anything else.

Now that she is done with the antibiotics and doesn't have a home care nurse to see at our home daily, I don't expect to see much of her. I've decided to report the BF to the health dept because he is using a health card for one province while he lives in another province. This is illegal behaviour. The daughter has to understand the implications of this deceptive behaviour and the consequences for it. She won't ever know it's me - unless she reads this blog and don't believes she knows it's here.

SU is freaking out over my fridge changes telling me "it doesn't work." I told him I spent more than a few hours cleaning and organizing, and if he didn't like it - he was welcome to revise. I am done! My money is on the fact that he will. Good for him. I really don't care, but I am not spending another hour of my time playing in the fridge when I'd rather play at other things!

And RJ - Rebel Junior is having some friends sleep over tomorrow evening. One of her friend's moms doesn't want the kids in her house. Silly mother - so I said OF COURSE they can all sleep over here. What mother wouldn't want her kid in the house with her friends? I don't get that at all.

It's expected to be rainy, hot and humid weekend. The A/ C is firing on all cylinders!

Oh... and I've started a walking programme with a friend. Me for stress relief and she to lose 50 pounds! I will take a leaf from Lily's blog and take my camera once in awhile to show off the beautiful trails we walk along. I did 6000 steps yesterday. I haven't figure out how to convert that to kilometers on my fancy schmancy pedometer yet.


Happy Friday Friends!

Thurdsay Thirteen

13 things thrown out to create a clean fridge!

1. one rock- hard lime
2. wilted and brown celery
3. withered piece of ginger
4. moldy drops of chip dip
5. smidgen of barbecue sauce
6. ancient pasta
7. boiled and fried potato
8. rancid cheddar
9. a 1/3rd bottle of Sunny D
10. sprouting garlic clove
11. left over mushy Caesar salad ( just a little bit)
12. 2 bottles of soups stock gone so bad I refused to open the jar and pitch so the jars went too.
13. (okay that's cheating but 13 is 13 no matter how you get there!)

Wordless Wednesday.

Having a Little Fun.

I finally got around to cleaning the fridge yesterday. It took me forever. AND I also cleaned the oven. UGH what a job.

I decided to have a little fun with it and switched things around in the fridge just to see if anyone noticed. After it was cleaned I changed the shelves and moved the large stuff from the left to right side and switched the bottom drawers around too. RebelJr didn't seem to care. Rebel, as usual, was not home And the SU said nothing.... until this morning as he went looking for his usual morning glass of carrot juice and whatever else he makes for his mid life concoctions.
"Did you change this?"
"Yes, I did"
"why- I can't find what I need and this side of the fridge is smaller."
"It looks the same to me, and I just wanted to do something different."
"You're not the only one in the house. I can't get my juice."
"It's still at the back - except it's back right instead of back left."
And the RebelJr pipes up - "Dad - it's just a fridge. You're being grumpy and too much like an old man. I don't care where the stuff is as long as it's in the fridge and it's Rebel who thought mom needed to clean it - so if you don't like it - YOU clean things next time instead of whining. It's not dignified for a dad of your age to be so grumpy!"

The SU took his breakfast drink concoction and left the kitchen. I said nothing. What was there to say?

Today - I shred again and deal with old clothes. Sort for the Diabetes Association and the consignment store.

Bushwhacked!

Thankfully I don't have too much to say about Rebel any longer. Health wise she is doing so well. As for everything else.... well... I am not much in the mood to continue ranting or whining about her behaviour with the BF and what she is thinking on that front. He is truly a jackass without a brain that does much and for some reason she is smitten by him. I have to be patient and hope she figures out that he is not all she thinks he is - not by a long shot.

Rebel Tweeny - soon to be rechristened Rebel Jr or Little Rebel ( should there be a vote?) had her dance recital this weekend. She was great. The theme of the show was The Mall and her section was the Hair Salon and they danced to a song from Hairspray. The first show she was chewing gum. It was so evident. But the dance was great. The SU felt that because he watched her during dress rehearsal he didn't have to attend the real show. Rebel came with me and we cheered the kid on.

Rebel Tweeny has been "cleaning up" her bedroom. She had three garbage bags full of crap in her room. I heard clunking in one of the bags and opened it up to find a whack of CLOTHES in the bag along with real garbage. I was appalled. The kid's idea of cleaning up is just that. Throw it in a garbage bag and put it at the side of the curb. I've finished sorting through the three bags, found more clothes, CDs to full an entire cd rack, socks, and lots of other stuff that had no business being in the garbage. That plus cans and bottles that should be recycled. When she gets home this evening we will have a lesson on cleaning, sorting. To my mind it speaks of a child who has too much and no respect for what she does have. I am not pleased. The problem of course, is that the SU never gets involved on the discipline side of things but is always ready to buy her whatever she wants. This has to change. I've told him no more clothes or other consumables until she starts to respect what she does have. The sad thing is I don't expect any support for my position from the father of my daughter.

So I expect at some point the spousal separation process is going to kick in again. I am still so bushwhacked from the whole heart transplant stuff that to gear up again has me wanting to run for the scotch bottle. So I am just going to quietly work on a few things and start to make plans again and see how things progress through the summer. I am almost at the stage where I will take over rather than letting the SU run the show. I need my life back. If I am the only one of the two of us who has learned from the Rebel's experience that life is short, precarious and precious then I need to really get out there and live. And now. Not later. And to start doing it without the SU and his lack of enthusiasm for anything and everything in spite of what we have been through.

One of the first things I have been mulling over is a road trip to head west to visit the family and friends. I am thinking it could be fun. If someone comes with me - great! If not - I'll go it alone. I expect at this point, it's going to be cheaper than trying to fly AND rent a car when I get home. I am going to think about it a little more before making a final decision.