Strategizing.

I went to see my counsellor today. I figured I had to do something to help me figure out how to get my life back on track. Things haven't changed at all with the SU, Rebel is going about her life as she chooses, Rebel Junior is also busy busy so I need to figure things out for myself.

With Rebel, I KNOW I can't control, manage or otherwise have a lot of input into her relationship with the BF. The counsellor suggested I strategize to be in charge rather than feel as if the BF is in charge. And in charge not as in control but be on top of things. So if the BF comes up in conversation my stance cannot include the words, should, must, would etc. But rather I need to state how I *feel* about it and to tell her that even though I may not be impressed or even very thrilled, I'll support her as best I feel I can. And somehow I will communicate this approach to the SU so he can try the same. I would like to spend more time with her- perhaps head down town to some cool place for lunch, a little shopping and leave the BF out of things. NO doubt he'll attempt to call her 20 times during any period they are apart- speaks to his insecurities, but I *will not* say anything to the girl.

Because we spent most of the time talking about these relationships and me bringing the C up to date on life *around* me, we didn't really talk about me. As she started to ask, the tears did start to flow a bit, but I wasn't ready for that conversation. So, I am gearing up for an intense session next week. A no mascara kind of hour I expect.

Have I mentioned I haven't had any real sex in about 5 years. I'm starting to really feel the *need* to do something about it! Even my dreams are edging on pornographic! I know so many women, who, even while separated go looking for sex with their EXs. I thought about this for a half a second and then smacked myself up the side of my head, took a cold shower and felt better - For Now!