I had nothing for a list today. The never ending snowfalls and freaky cold wind must be stopping the creative list flowing ideas.
Not a lot to talk about I found out that the spouse has seen a lawyer and I even know who it is. The guy apparently practices family law almost exclusively so he is probably good at his work. Downtown law practice that is not close to be reasonably priced. Spouse must be concerned.
The question I have, and it is an irrelevant question - how in the hell did the spouse find this guy? I expect perhaps the divorcing males on his hockey team know him; perhaps the guy plays on his hockey team, or someone at the spouse's work knew him and recommended him. The spouse is not known for his networking skills. As I say... irrelevant because his side is dealt with. I still am not rushing to hand over money to any suit- male or female, in spite of what several of the girls have told me.
So lesson for me, I will need someone as knowledgeable if not more so because you see, I've always earned more than the spouse and I know he is going to come after my pension and investments. Because the law says 50/50 split all the way, I am not really happy about this. I want someone who will, in spite of the law, tell the spouse to keep his own pension and my contribution to his pension through my spousal contributions and not touch my own pension and investments.
I really do not want to fight about this. However I believe the spouse wants: the house, custody of the girls and my pension and investments. AS IF! is all I have to say.
So... off I go to find myself a shark. A real shark. The spouse has serious grudges and has rewritten much of our history - and given his comments to me in the last few months when he does actually look at me and speak- tell me he wants to push-HARD!
As this is going on, one of my favourite "young ones" at the office is newly engaged. She's a sweetie, and I was the one who first hired her. She's nearly 28 years old, was given bling of monumental proportions... and the man she is planning to marry has been married twice before and has had two cohabitation failures. She has had her own challenges with this man, never mind the fact they are keeping up a long distance thing. She caught me on a bad day, when she asked about the spousal ennuie, and I gave her a simplified version of the latest truth.
I suggested to her a pre nuptial contract. And ya know... give this young one a whole lotta credit.
"Marie," she said, "I may be madly in love, and he gives good bling, but stupid I am NOT! We are working on a legal piece of paper as you and I speak!"
In a way it's really too bad that this is what the young ones are thinking about . However, if I had known and if had been the thing that was done 24 years ago I might have done the same.
So much really for happily ever after.
7 comments:
I agree. "As if!" Where does he get off wanting all that??
They all want what they want. Its part of that whole "entitled" mentality.
Find your shark, sweetie. Its ALL business now. Keep your emotions out of it as much as you can. Vent here, not at him. But you know this. Basic DB techniques. They still apply even at this stage.
we love ya, doll and are here for ya.
*hugs*
~ blondie
hmmm, I didn't want it. But then, I am above average, and all that crap.
But you are right - you need to lawyer up, to protect your interests
T.I.M.
Well put Blondie, it is all about business. Marie, get off the pot and find the shark. Who cares where he found his. As for going after what is "yours" he is goading you...anything can be said to one another, it's what the sharks say that counts. I know, I didn't want it all either T.I.M. but it cost ME, so here I am 90K later.
Unless you want to continue with this ulcer that is growing in your castle, get moving, take ownership and move on.
sorry to be so blunt Marie, but you know me!
wishing you all the very best,
Lily
My goodness! So THIS is what it takes to get the comments coming forward.
*Lawyering up* that's a good turn of phrase TIM-ster.
You are ALL correct. sigh.. Phone call to the one who wrote my will and shall find a shark. Preferably one in pointy toed shoes and spiky heels and who knows how to use them!
Lily.. it's been ages. Must chat about your Easter weekend and your next running challenge.
I am off to a workshop this weekend on relationships and our internal behaviors ... not a la Dr Phil, but a la Patricia Wall, who've mentioned here before.
I'll report back on it before the end of the weekend I expect.
Thanks all for your pushes!
M
Interesting that 28 year olds, "Gen Xer's" or whatever are thinking this way... Kind of an extension of the idea of a test marriage, or whatever the correct term is.
Sorry you are facing the stuff with the "Evil Bastard". When I was facing lawyers and stuff, I went to the best I could fine. Not cheap, even costing for a preliminary consult, then huge retainers. When it starts to get ugly, it can get really expensive. And, they rarely talk the way you think. The real sharks have earned that title.
Sounds like you have things to protect, sounds like he is looking to take a piece of them. Maybe it's time to talk to the spousal unit in terms that factor in the cost of fighting versus the economy of negotiating. Put it to him that if he thinks he can get his hooks into you assets, then he should consider that you could spend those assets to keep him away. It all sucks, but it might wake him up.
Sorry you are where you are, Marie. I pray for you.
zebra
As so it goes.....you've been through much, M....time for paybacks.
Annie
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