Thirteen on Thursday

I guess I am still angry.
Why?

1. Because he is forcing me to make changes that even though I KNOW I have to .... I don't want to.
2. The Rebel and Tweeny are being forced to make changes that they should not have to make.
3. He believes this is the "natural order" of things... "I am weird, I can't think of what else to do so this must be the path."
4. "I'm fine... I don't need therapy - there is NOTHING wrong with me."
5. "This is the way it has to be because there is no other way."
6. The fact that he never once asked me what I wanted and really - never respected any of my choices.
7. The damn house... the unfinished nature of every project he has started since 2001 is the indicator of his state of mind.
8. And if I keep the damn house - which I wish to do - for the Rebel and Tweeny - I will get stuck fixing his messes.
9. His complete lack of faith in ANYTHING - including himself.
10. The stories he spins to prove his point.
11. His revision of our history - THIS one really frosts my nose!
12. The fact that he wants my money when I supported him when he couldn't be bothered taking a job as waited for the perfect offer.*
13. His alcoholic, dismissive, condescending selfishness that make him believe - this is *right & just*

It isn't.
But HE isn't going to change his mind. He has checked out. LONG ago.

So... I breathe.... low & slow, I'll earn to reprogramme my reactions, change my subliminal messages and move on so I don't make the same freakin mistake again. Until I get to that point I need a punching bag and very big bat. It sure beats smashing dishes on the ceramic floor.