The Process Starts

As I notify "the local girls network" of all that is commencing the referrals for suited up sharks is making it's way in. I have an appointment to see my personal counsel next week. She's the one who takes care of my personal business - the will and stuff. I have my list in hand and will see what she has to say about the various suits - all men - on my list.

The specialist I have engaged for divorce financial planning - woman - has me geared to get the pension stuff going, (actuary assessments). HOWEVER, we can't do that unless I have an "official" date of separation, because the law says - even when you're co-habiting if a spouse has "checked out" mentally you can be considered separated. So first thing my personal counsel will do is check on spouse's separation date.

Now here's the thing - which check out date is the most relevant in my circumstance? Frankly - I believe it's November 13th 2000 when he hit me with the "I love you but I am not in love with you" bullshit and the "it's not you it's me" crap. Or should it be October 19, 2005 when I said "no" to sex at 1:00 AM in the morning and he turned his back on me like a petulant adolescent and wouldn't ever discuss why MY needs ( sleep on a week day night) were as important as his needs for sex. For spouse I believe his date will be December 2006 since he's quoted it at me at least three times. The night Rebel yelled get a divorce already!

That's the first question for my not as yet hired shark.

Spouse is apparently interested in mediation. The real answer here is NO he isn't but his lawyer is wisely telling him to do so. So... I will consider this as it is far less costly, HOWEVER I will be sufficiently coached by my not as yet hired shark to ensure I get what I can. AND we will hire the mediator I choose NOT the one his suit recommends.

Now for the
SHE IS TOTALLY ONE WHACKED CRAZY LADY
paragraph.

I took the lawyer's letter very carefully out of its envelope by steaming it open. I replaced the lawyer's letter with a couple of old notes from my stack of papers in an old file to make it look full. I then re sealed the envelope by using some of my scrap booking double sided tape and put the envelope back on the kitchen counter AS IF I hadn't opened yet. It's a sick game but I am enjoying myself as the spouse keeps re positioning the letter AS IF to get my attention, because of course, he is too much of a coward to hand it to me like a real man. As he keeps repositioning the envelope, so do I keep keep hiding it on the table or moving it to other spots "inadvertently"

Sick and sad... but mostly - from an observer's point of view I keep wondering..
"what's he gonna do next?"

So why am I doing this?
What is my motivation?
I suspect anger mostly. Just to piss him off. I am hoping, that in the end he'll call his suit, the suit will up the ante and then I can have my not yet hired shark tell the spouse's suit that he's full of shit - we dealt with this a week ago, so take it down a thousand and we'll get back to you!

It's control I want to be back in control, even if I am raging against what is being "done" to me. Even though I know intellectually it's for the best. But my brain is telling me to stay safe. It's gonna take work.

Back to low and slow breathing.