Attachment and Separation.

The Saturday retreat with the church ladies was a lovely intimate affair. We were at a friend's house - there were ten of us including two wives of priests. One had mother in law issues , the other - like the rest of us - a wild child.... We started with our facilitator giving us a talk about children and mothers... from the very start she said there are attachment separation issues from even before birth. IN order for a fetus to grow - it must attach itself to the mother's womb and placenta. If it doesn't do this, there will be no baby. IN order for a baby to be born - it must separate from the placenta and womb and decide to come into the world. In neither case does the mother have any control on these processes. And there it starts. Attachment and separation - and mothers without control. And so went our day. A fascinating look at how we relate to our children - what we have to do to create attachment and yet... separate many times over through the years as they grow. It was a very good day.

And it led me to make the decision to not meet with the mediator again today to discuss the family parenting issues. No point. I told the mediator in an email copying the SU and the partner mediator who was to do the session the following:

I've decided that a one hour mediation session isn't the way I want to go. I don't have the confidence that a lawyer - notwithstanding his expertise as a mediator or his four children - is what is needed to deal with the issues I've identified - instilling responsibility, creating boundaries, a set of family values. Nothing has worked for the last 20 years so I have no expectations that 1 hour with a lawyer is going to change anything. I also believe that for the price of a lawyer/mediator we could have and should have almost three one hour sessions with a family therapist who works with family breakdown and dysfunctional situations. Family therapy is covered by health insurance thereby the money spent is returned through the plans." I included the necessary apology for wasting their time, but really, is the SU going to change because we go to a one hour session?

How many times has the leopard
changed his spots?