Relating to Rebels.

Rebel is starting to have a serious problem with her dad. Her dad, AKA the SU, talks to her in the same tone he uses with me. It's rather unsettling. He used to nag her about her weight - she was too soft, not eating properly, not enough exercise. For a father to talk to a daughter in this way I think is not good for her self image. I would tell him this, but of course, I got no respect and he discounted everything I said. Now, he's telling her she is too thin. He goes on and on in his "you should" tone that I now know how to handle - by ignoring it - but Rebel doesn't know how to do this yet.

I believe either consciously or unconsciously he can tell that Rebel and I are aligned somehow in our feelings about him, while he works on the Rebel Tweeny. It's to the point where Rebel really doesn't want to talk to her father about anything, because his style with her is to lecture rather than to be empathetic. He doesn't know how to do that at all. I've tried staying out of it, and have told Rebel she needs to deal with her father on her own terms. I have told him however that he needs to take his lecturing down a notch or two... he claims that I don't know what I am talking about.

On the other hand, RebelTweeny had a friend sleep over this past weekend. We were all in the kitchen having breakfast when the SU walked in. He didn't so much as say good morning, how is everyone .... nothing. You'd think I'd be used to this by now, but when he is so rude when there is a houseful of people - including kids' friends, there is no politeness factor whatsoever. It shouldn't surprise me any longer, but it still does.

RT was babysitting on Saturday evening and as the SU walked into the kitchen that morning, we were working out the logistics of who was doing what. The couple RT was babysitting were in from out of town for a family wedding. They had suggested that they would pay for a cab for RT to come to their hotel downtown. I vetoed that for a couple of reasons. I didn't want a 14 yr old in a cab and the cost is quite prohibitive - at least a $50-$60 ride from where we are one way. Well... SU for some reason decided to dispute this with me in a very rude fashion. This is a guy who has never taken a cab anywhere. I use them a lot when I travel on business, going to meetings. I know of what I speak. So I told him what cab fares were and why it made more sense for us to chauffeur our daughter to and from downtown. He went on about people who stay in hotels obviously have a ton of money... blah blah blah.

I also said, they'd told RT she could order from room service and order a movie. I told her that I would provide her with snacks rather than ordering room service because that was a lot of money for a family with a new baby to be paying and wouldn't she rather get more money for babysitting than spending the couple's money on expensive hotel stuff. My kids know about room service. They know what stuff costs. And RT agreed with me. AGAIN the SU goes on. And he's doing it with RT's new friend from school in the house. Never mind this is kid is a student at his school where he teaches. I told him that really, hotel food was expensive. He really had been in a hotel for some time and should just trust me on this one.

It was all I could do to tell him to shut up!

In the end, I had to ask him to come speak to me in the other room. I needed him to know that he was being rude to me in front of NOT only our children, but their friends as well. I told him that the Bambi rule applied. He looked at me as if I had three heads. "You know," I said, "If you can't say anything nice then please.... just shut the fuck up instead of treating me like shit in front of our children and their friends. It only makes you look like an ass. " He muttered something behind my back and as per his usual MO... ran away to another room. His passive aggressive nature hurts him more than it hurts the rest of us and in the end, he only hurts himself.

In the end, I drove her to the job, met the couple and their adorable baby girl, and SU picked her up. Rebel and I went out for a fabulous church supper! SU was home alone ... probably wallowing into the TV watching a hockey game.

RT sat for 5 hours with a 9 month old who slept most of the time she was there. The couple were grateful we drove her. It was their first *holiday* in a few years. Because it was a family wedding there were a whack of expenses. RT had asked for $40 they gave her $60.

My point was made.