Having a Little Fun.

I finally got around to cleaning the fridge yesterday. It took me forever. AND I also cleaned the oven. UGH what a job.

I decided to have a little fun with it and switched things around in the fridge just to see if anyone noticed. After it was cleaned I changed the shelves and moved the large stuff from the left to right side and switched the bottom drawers around too. RebelJr didn't seem to care. Rebel, as usual, was not home And the SU said nothing.... until this morning as he went looking for his usual morning glass of carrot juice and whatever else he makes for his mid life concoctions.
"Did you change this?"
"Yes, I did"
"why- I can't find what I need and this side of the fridge is smaller."
"It looks the same to me, and I just wanted to do something different."
"You're not the only one in the house. I can't get my juice."
"It's still at the back - except it's back right instead of back left."
And the RebelJr pipes up - "Dad - it's just a fridge. You're being grumpy and too much like an old man. I don't care where the stuff is as long as it's in the fridge and it's Rebel who thought mom needed to clean it - so if you don't like it - YOU clean things next time instead of whining. It's not dignified for a dad of your age to be so grumpy!"

The SU took his breakfast drink concoction and left the kitchen. I said nothing. What was there to say?

Today - I shred again and deal with old clothes. Sort for the Diabetes Association and the consignment store.

Bushwhacked!

Thankfully I don't have too much to say about Rebel any longer. Health wise she is doing so well. As for everything else.... well... I am not much in the mood to continue ranting or whining about her behaviour with the BF and what she is thinking on that front. He is truly a jackass without a brain that does much and for some reason she is smitten by him. I have to be patient and hope she figures out that he is not all she thinks he is - not by a long shot.

Rebel Tweeny - soon to be rechristened Rebel Jr or Little Rebel ( should there be a vote?) had her dance recital this weekend. She was great. The theme of the show was The Mall and her section was the Hair Salon and they danced to a song from Hairspray. The first show she was chewing gum. It was so evident. But the dance was great. The SU felt that because he watched her during dress rehearsal he didn't have to attend the real show. Rebel came with me and we cheered the kid on.

Rebel Tweeny has been "cleaning up" her bedroom. She had three garbage bags full of crap in her room. I heard clunking in one of the bags and opened it up to find a whack of CLOTHES in the bag along with real garbage. I was appalled. The kid's idea of cleaning up is just that. Throw it in a garbage bag and put it at the side of the curb. I've finished sorting through the three bags, found more clothes, CDs to full an entire cd rack, socks, and lots of other stuff that had no business being in the garbage. That plus cans and bottles that should be recycled. When she gets home this evening we will have a lesson on cleaning, sorting. To my mind it speaks of a child who has too much and no respect for what she does have. I am not pleased. The problem of course, is that the SU never gets involved on the discipline side of things but is always ready to buy her whatever she wants. This has to change. I've told him no more clothes or other consumables until she starts to respect what she does have. The sad thing is I don't expect any support for my position from the father of my daughter.

So I expect at some point the spousal separation process is going to kick in again. I am still so bushwhacked from the whole heart transplant stuff that to gear up again has me wanting to run for the scotch bottle. So I am just going to quietly work on a few things and start to make plans again and see how things progress through the summer. I am almost at the stage where I will take over rather than letting the SU run the show. I need my life back. If I am the only one of the two of us who has learned from the Rebel's experience that life is short, precarious and precious then I need to really get out there and live. And now. Not later. And to start doing it without the SU and his lack of enthusiasm for anything and everything in spite of what we have been through.

One of the first things I have been mulling over is a road trip to head west to visit the family and friends. I am thinking it could be fun. If someone comes with me - great! If not - I'll go it alone. I expect at this point, it's going to be cheaper than trying to fly AND rent a car when I get home. I am going to think about it a little more before making a final decision.

Life is Fine!

Well.. as we move further away from hospital life we move forward into Rebel's strength. She is becoming her stubborn self again. It's not easy. She is making a few not too smart decisions and the BF is going along for the ride. I realize now he is whipped! Totally. I am wondering how long Rebel enjoys the position she has over him before it gets boring for her. The man has no mind of his own. None at all!

RT is playing tricks- and SU has yet again enabled her behaviour. We are back on track. sigh.

I saw the doc again yesterday and the infection is not an infection but a cyst - most of which was drawn out with a syringe. NOT fun, but done. The resident (my doctor works in a teaching environment and there are always residents poking around!) brought in a breast health practitioner and she told me it was a "classic" cyst - no need for a biopsy or anything else. All is fine now. She said the fluid could gather again and that if it does, I only needed to make another appointment and she'd come in and use her syringe again and get me all cleared up! It's more of that middle age sucks thing.

So gentlemen you may wish to leave
at this point as it only gets a little more
intense as you read down.
seriously.
you do not need to read any further.

So - between slight menopausal boob malfunction - yes the specialist doc says it's all menopause related,
'grey hair "down there" - I mean really - I know there is dye job stuff available and I may have to seek it out!
Periodic periods again!
Iron supplements reign supreme for the lack of stores.
Never MIND the cranky craziness!
An addled spouse - the reason for the blog in the first place.

The getting back to "NORMAL" - less and less I hope about the Rebel except in the usual rebel formats and the RT nonsense and more and more again about moving forward with processes and my life in general. And know that.....

Life is Fine!

I will find my way out to a scrap booking event this evening, and relax with the girls.

As my neighbour - the Haitian Sensation Mother told me - I am looking after myself and might even run away except have you SEEN the price of so called seat sale airplane tickets? A rant for the blog another time.

In the meantime, I am off to walk and take in the day.

Happy Weekend.

Congratulations and Happy Birthday Lily the Marathoner! From your non running friend!

They will KEEL you!

I have a lovely next door neighbour. A Haitian French speaking very devoutly Catholic woman and her family. Her son, mostly a quiet young man - very creative, doesn't drive or party much from what I have learned. And her daughter - another version of Rebel - took off after college headed to the wilds and rural parts of New Brunswick - took up with a "whiteboy" got pregnant - had a baby and lives far from home out of wedlock. Haitian mama is not happy with her youngest offspring. She is also a nurse and has been keeping tabs as well as saying the Rosary for our Rebel.

A few days ago she came over and we chatted about our kids. By now I had told her how Rebel has been mostly having "sleep overs" at the BF's place - where he lives with his mother and her significant other. We usually speak French together but once I get going I can't rant in French the way I can in English or Ukrainian so we end up in "franglais" mode. And what she said to me about our kids in her heavy Haitian French accented English: - " KEEDS! Marrrrrie - dees keeds. Dey gonna KEEL us! yes dey arrrre! So you what I do Marrrrrie? I say... pray pray pray and den just geeve it a rest. You and me? We don't want dees keeds to keel us. So.. we breathe and we pray and we LEAVE DEM ALONE to do what they want since they don't wanna LEESEN! "

"You HAVE TO look after yourself," Haitian Mama continued, "because deee keeds of ours - they gonna need us ALORS they gonna need us and we have to be strong."

Point well taken. I seem to still be going through some kind of after shock and stress reduction. Based on Haitian Mama's words, I do indeed have to look after myself. It seems I have a breast infection. WTF?!? An abscess similar to what I had when breast feeding oh those 20 years ago! Let me tell you I first felt that little hard mass in the there and I just about jumped out of my skin and thought " no, this can't be happening. NO WAY!" I called my doctor's office first thing this morning and was in there by 10:30 AM. I have the anti biotics and need to drain this thing (not pleasant at all.) She is right on top of it and already I feel better. But indeed... I have to keep taking care of myself. And dang! I have a lunch date and two dinner dates this week and because of anti biotics... have to be off alcohol. If it doesn't KEEL me - it WILL make me stronger. I think I have enough strength now thank you very much!

Thursday Thirteen.

Marie's 13 musts today!

1. Driver's license expired - deal with that today.
2. Why is my mortgage account overdrawn by $500? This doesn't make sense. Visit the nice woman at the bank.
3. Where the hell is the piece of paper that has the energy saving thermostat programme.
4. Why won't the gas company fix the thermostat. They installed it? Call energy company AGAIN!
5. Oven cleaner - who said the only way to clean an oven is to do it while *stoned?*
6. Refrigerator cleaner get a gas mask! Or see #5.
7. Keep shredding. Paper is threatening to take over the house. Oh! See #3.
8. Towels. Laundry.
9. Rebel's bedroom - even though she is rarely in it... organize it - Be prepared to deal with wrath of Rebel in her private space.
10. Pick up beverages for the friend's 40th for tomorrow. (if your name starts with L-S you're responsible for beverages)
11. Leave Diner Dash Flo on the Go alone for a day or two. Level 35 is tough! RSI is setting in.
12. Buy a DS for me! - get my own Cooking Mama, Brain Age and Diner Dash.
13. It's mojito season. Have a few at cocktail hour See #10 Try before you take?

Wordless Wednesday

Today's Your Birthday!

We love you, Marie!

Outlandish.

The Rebel is doing very well health wise but as for how she is conducting her life - we are back to two years ago when she decided to wander off to another city and any attempt to reason, talk or met with foul language and complete stubbornness. The difference this time, is I see the SU getting a little more involved with this situation. And I swear I will NOT do what her BF has already done and that is use her illness and the time spent at the hospital with her as my leverage. He does this in spades "who was there for you? Who came and kept you company?" This won't carry weight if I say it, so I don't. BUt my baby is seriously messing up with this 29 yr old ( 30 this summer) man who has a child and the child's older brother from another father. He lives with his mother because he can't afford - he says - an apartment.

She has decided because we don't like him to not ever be at home. If it weren't for the fact that a visiting nurse comes daily at 8 AM to inject the IV anti biotics, I doubt she would be here.

The BF in his immaturity has decided to NOT fix the SU's car now. He's giving him the parts that SU paid for and plans to tell him to find someone else to fix the car. The BF, says the Rebel, doesn't want to be in our house. So I asked the daughter if this was my problem? I told her he won't come in because he must be feeling bad about something. If if he felt all was right with the world, coming into our home shouldn't be a problem for him. He needs to be able to gain our respect and he isn't willing to play ball. A very immature I believe.

When he does come in, he weasels right by us, and runs (seriously!) upstairs to the daughter's bedroom and hides. He doesn't say hello, he doesn't hang around and try nor does he want to talk to us about how to proceed. He is following Rebel's rather immature lead on her feelings. Then he has the nerve to eat our food and take showers in the middle of the afternoon in my home. This man has no shame. At one point, Rebel told me that none of his former girlfriends' parents ever liked this man when he dated their daughters. I reminded her of this as her anger at me and her father spilt over. I gently asked her if all these parents didn't like him, perhaps he needed to think about his own behaviour, because it clearly can't be all the parents. He must be doing things that rub parents the wrong way as it happens to him over and over again. So I suggested that she ask him to think about his previous relationships and wonder what it could be or might be about him that causes the same reactions over and over. Rebel didn't like this at all.

None of her friends like this guy either, except for her best friend, who is probably lying. However she is very immature herself. She's 20 and dating a 16 year old. ( the happiest 16 yr old on the face of the earth who is getting sex regularly ... but that's story for another blog!) The friends have tried to say something, but if they do, she cuts them off and stops talking to them. This will hurt her eventually as she is a social person who LOVES and NEEDS to have her many friends around her. In spite of their lack of visits at the hospital. And the BF is using this. He doesn't like a single one of her friends. Not one. WE are not impressed with how he has chosen to allow their relationship to play itself out here. I pray she rebels against this in short time.

SU has told me that we need to use reverse psychology on this man as he won't realize what we're doing. He has never known a healthy independent do whatever the hell I want Rebel. Her experience seems to be telling her to the get married now rather than do something huge with this experience of her. I would settle for her getting her high school equivalence and starting college before thinking marriage. SU believes we need to appear as if we are working with the BF - rather than pushing him out. What do you need from us for Rebel?

Our Rebel is smart. She can leave this guy in the dust. She is also someone who will only learn by experiencing. NOTHING we have ever said to her has sunk in until after she has had her experience. This is one experience I believe that could break her new heart in spite of her convictions that there will be a marriage and partnership for her lifetime. Sometimes real life is more outlandish than anything that goes on during day time tv soap dramas.

My Rebel has returned.

While I am sort of glad to see the feistiness I am stymied as the mom. It's the damn BF. A day after being at home, she slept at his house. This is because we told her he would NOT be sleeping with her at our house. She had a problem with this, and he, at the advanced age of 29, wouldn't see our point of view. Instead he has decided we don't "respect" him and he doesn't talk to either the SU or me, and kind of slinks in and and out of the house with the girl. I have to give the SU credit for knocking on the girl's door one evening and telling the BF it was time to go home, not to fall asleep and "forget" to go home. The Rebel is back. She was spitting nails about this.

The girl believes she is in love with him and "needs" to be with him. I countered "need" is close to obsession so be careful. She wants to live with him. Right now, he lives with his mother and her boyfriend in the province next door. She can't live outside of the province because her health care costs would be seriously compromised. Both the SU and I have health plans that cover her drug costs until she is 25 at least given her extra ordinary status. She sees this as a problem not a gift. The BF has no health plan and of course if he doesn't work, he doesn't get paid. This is the same BF who told his fiancee that he couldn't come visit her at the hospital one evening after promising to be there because he didn't have money for gas. yet somehow he managed to buy the girl a $1000 engagement ring. I worry about this man and his effect on my girl.

Many have told us to wait it out. Her own friends have no use for this man of hers. Nor did the nurses at the hospital - those who ventured an opinion now and again. The man does remind me a lot of the SU - his problems with his father, his need for recognition, his running away from confrontations. Very much like the SU. SU was living at home when I met him however he did have income potential as his education was completed. This lad, no ambition, no education or training in a trade, no plans. ARGH.

She is doing very well health wise. I am hoping to get through this mess and hope that as the separation kicks in again, Rebel won't use it as an excuse to live somewhere on welfare benefits with the BF rather than stay home, get educated and then have her fantasy wedding. I am working hard to bite my tongue and not be rude about it all.

Wordless Wednesday.

Happy Mother's Day.

Normalizing.

Rudy since you're asking... I am writing...

Since Rebel has been home, she's had a hair appointment, gone out for lunch with the girls, visited her school, gone to the boyfriends' parents' homes, helped me buy her sister a cell phone ( another story for another time - Let's just say it's way nicer than what I use okay?!) and is learning how to disconnect her IV anti-biotic pump when the meds are done.

The home care nurse comes at the crack of dawn - 7:30 AM to get the pump going. It takes about an hour to run and then she goes back to sleep for a couple of hours or not. SU of course, sleeps through all this. WhatEv!

RebelTweeny and I both have colds. NOT a great way to start her life at home again. I have lysol wipes, anti bacterial soap and moisturizer, anti bacterial spray. Everything gets wiped down before Rebel uses it - keyboard, mouse, telephones, light switches and the hand washing... often and every time we touch anything.. whether we need it or not.

She still gets blood drawn once a week, a biopsy and follow up with her cardiologist once a week to ensure her anti rejection meds are balancing. She is currently taking about 14 meds in the morning, a couple at lunch and about 5 or 6 in the evenings.

But she is looking good and feeling good. We are planning a belated birthday party - probably on the 22nd of May or June as the number 22 has played significantly in her life lately. She went into the hospital on Dec 22 we celebrated Christmas on Jan 22nd, she got the infection on Mar 22 and her new heart on April 22nd.

If you didn't know she had been so sick, by looking at her you'd think yes Rebel has lost weight and looks great. Her life is normalizing.

In the back of my mind I am wondering how long it will be before the SU decdies to kick things back with the whole separation thing.

I need a rest before that starts up again.

Thursday Thirteen.

13 things not to forget at the hospital

1. pajamas
2. Wicked- the book
3. DVDs 30 of them
4. speakers for the laptop
5. laptop
6. journal
7. business course material from school
8 pencil/pen case
9. Tinkerbell pillow
10. Tinkerbell blanket
11. Tinkerbell doll
12. Tinkerbell poster
13. New heart new life..... sprinkled with fairy dust!

Wordless Wednesday

You're not sick anymore. Get up!

That's what her surgeon told the Rebel a few days after surgery when she was still feeling sore and tender. But of course, our girl did get up!

On Friday I took her out for lunch. To a restaurant. Outside of the hospital. When she went to tell the nurses that she was on her way out, they too couldn't believe how great she looked. it was a smile-fest all 'way 'round! So off we went with a bottle of Purel in hand into the big wide world!

She was a bit nervous leaving her hospital bubble, but once we got there it was a good time. She still has a PICC line in for IV anti biotics and felt people staring at her- but once we started reading the menu and deciding what to eat, she was good.

This has been followed up with day passes over the weekend.
Saturday was spent shopping with dad - the SU. I told her don't worry about the money. He's got bags full! Spend away and don't look at prices. She followed through. They went first thing in the morning before the germy crowds were out for the day and then she spent the rest of the day with the bf.

Today, was the day to see a few friends. She called her best friend who turned up very quickly at the house. Rebel said it took her a bit of time to psych herself up to go upstairs to her room. She was concerned she might remember the paramedics and all that happened the evening we had to take her to the hospital. When she got up stairs all was well.

I took her to surprise another good friend their family. It's clear that these people just love Rebel. Friend's dad just kept smiling the entire time we there. It was a great surprise. We then popped by to seethe counsellor from the Youth Centre where Rebel has been active before making a quick stop at the mall where we ran into MORE friends and then home. The BF picked her up to have a little visit with his dad and step mom before getting her back to the hospital for her appointment with the 6 PM anti biotic IV.

The docs are thinking she'll be discharged this week sometime if all goes well.

A Mission and a Purpose.

Rebel had a visit from a researcher in the Pathology Lab. He brought up her failed heart, in a bucket, to show it to her -- by her request. He showed her how the VAD was connected to her heart, where the wire was that attached to the defibrillator and told her a little more about how the heart works. It had already been some what sliced and sectioned. She said it smelled bad.

The minute the nurses heard that Rebel's heart was in the house they all gathered in her room to see it and hear what the pathologist had to say. They were as excited as she was! The heart will be studied to see if they can determine what might have caused her heart failure to being with, or at the least some sort of research to glean more about her heart failure in general. What ever they can learn from the forensics. She loved it!

And of course, she took pictures. At least 10! No doubt they will turn up on her Facebook profile at some point.

The nurses are starting the education process with Rebel. She has a chart of all her meds and when she has to take them. They are starting to prepare her for discharge. Being responsible for her own meds is one of the steps. It's a lot to remember. Some pills twice a day, some three, and even some four! She's pretty good with it and knows what is what and why. All very important.

Her anti rejection meds must be taken punctually. No messing around with them at all. There may be a little leeway with the others, but it's all a balancing act and as the charge nurse told me, it's not an exact science so keeping track is important to maintaining good health.

Rebel is putting together a power point presentation to go and talk to high school kids about her experiences. She is going to go to her high school as her first "gig." The staff there are thrilled to have her come back to school and talk to students.

It should be a lot of fun for her. She is starting to develop her new purpose and mission.

She gets a day pass on the weekend. The SU is going to take her shopping. She wants the whole family to come. For some reason, SU doesn't see this as a good idea. Thinks it might be too much for her. WTF? The younger sister is well aware that this excursion is an "all about Rebel" day and won't be a problem, but the SU seems to think it will be "too much" for her. Too much for her to be with the people who love her most and want to be with her? I don't follow the logic. We will go to the mall tomorrow first thing in the morning before the masses infect the place with germs. She figures she'll be okay for about an hour or so and then she'll have had enough.

It's a big day for all of us.

Thursday Thirteen

13 - You say it like it's a bad thing!?
blink blink. smile.

1. Bitch!
2. I'd tell you but I'd have to kill you
3. AS IF!
4. no way. WAY!
5. fecking eejit! sounds good after 2-3 whiskey glasses of fine single malt
6. RAMB - much nicer than calling it what it is - Rat-ass-moron-bastard
7. Get the hell outta my way!
8. Bloody eejit! nicer than #5 after 2 Kilkenny pints
9. Dumb Ass
10. Jackass a smarter version than #9 but still close to #5
11. Are you KIDDING me? I mean seriously!
12. FREAK!
13. Aw sheeee-ite man!

Wordless Wednesday

Taxes. Changes. Determination.

It's tax time. Deadline is Wednesday. The e-filing system I use doesn't store passwords and as usual, I have no clue what mine is and it's not a variation of the standard I use for most websites and my so-called *hint* is of no use either! So I have to start all over again and get that basic stuff in before I can plug in all the numbers.

I checked in with the Barracuda to ask if I am supposed to file jointly with the SU. I assume I do as we are in marital purgatory rather than in any real legal state, and as far as any one knows we are *together* so status quo I figure. Shall wait and see what she tells me.

RT is busy changing rooms with Rebel. Rebel doesn't want to go back to her room. She's afraid all the bad stuff from going to the hospital in December will come back to her and just prefers to get out of that room. Surprisingly, RT agreed and has slowly been moving things about. SU hasn't helped her a bit and I've been away every day, so this weekend, she and I will finish up the move and get things finished. I have to hire a handyman type to come in and perhaps paint and put up the trim that has never gone up because SU just can't be bothered. It will be done my way on my time and at least I know it will be taken care of.

Rebel is doing well. She gets stronger every day and is coming around with determination - of course. She is eager to come home she says, but also a little wary after living in the hospital bubble for the last four and some months. I'll be off with her for a couple of months til SU is done school for the year.

Then we shall see how useful he proves himself to be around her.