Wordless Wednesday.

Opinions from the galleries...

I am sharing the news about the upcoming mediation sessions with friends and family. It's good to get support and interest from those who are there beside me.

The sibling said....

Good luck with the separation. I'm no expert in this field but it's probably best to not get caught up in all of the property details and just get out and end it.

And I wouldn't spend too much time prepping the house for sale either, unless you want to add another year or two to the process. Stick a sign out front and start packing.

Easy for me to say but you're healthy, you have a career - get out and move on - Life is Good (especially if you have a good lawyer).

A good friend down east said....

as if there weren't enough misery in the world, mes condoléances, vraiment, ma chère -- think of me cheering you on from the sidelines - hoping you will be hanging tough on RSPs, pension, and house, since you have been the conscientious party in all this

The sister-in-law - the SU's sister said-
At least you can divorce him. I'm stuck with him for all the good he does! Oh and the favourite aunt says to keep the house keep the pension and not give him a penny! He wouldn't have any of it if weren't for you.

The walking partner says.
Get rid of the house and get something newer. You won't regret it.

the good friend from church said..
You won't regret giving up the house. Start fresh.

I am thinking about all of it and not making any decisions just yet.

The shredding and organizing didn't go as well as it could have this past weekend. I still have a lot to do. Perhaps while watching Chuck and Live tonight- the two must-see tv shows I enjoy - I'll get a few things shuffled around.

I have dates!

No... not THOSE kind of dates. I am in marital purgatory so THOSE dates are not on - YET.
I have a date to see the financial shark specialist, I have a date with the barracuda and the date for the mediator. Mediation begins exactly one month before Christmas. By then I'll be sorted out and ready to rock this out.

The lawyer wanted me to see her before I saw the Shark, but it didn't work out that way. The Shark is going to crunch numbers plus evaluate the stuff I have on the SU. this in turn will help me with a strategy for moving forward on what I want and what I can afford. Equally important as the rest of the legal stuff.

As I reviewed SU's financial documents I had to laugh at some of it. He clearly exaggerated some of his numbers, and I guess that is the game. This is a man who buys his clothes at Zellers and maybe The Bay. I would hazard a guess that his annual spend on clothes is in the $200 range and yet his statement says he spends that in a month. AS IF.

I now see why this stuff gets tense. However until a few months ago he had no clue what any thing cost and now all of a sudden he's Mr.-I-Am-On-Top-Of-The-Bills guy. ok.

For once I have no plans for the weekend. Though I am thinking I have to be a whole more productive than I was last weekend. The paper is out of control and no matter how much I shred, it turns up exponentially in piles everywhere.

Happy weekend!

Wordless Wednesday.

{click it}

Let the Games Begin!

Good afternoon Ms. Marie,

There are two steps we need to arrange to proceed with mediation:

STEP 1 We need to set up a mutually agreeable time for the first joint mediation session. Joint mediation sessions are generally 2.5 to 3 hours in length. Looking at the mediator's calendar she is currently booking mediations in November. She could meet with you and Mr. SU on:

- November 10th

- Tuesday, November 11th or

- Tuesday, November 25th

STEP 2 Once a mediation meeting has been agreed to by yourself and Mr. SU we can arrange your individual pre-mediation sessions. The pre-mediation session is approximately one hour and may be conducted by the mediator in person or by phone. The individual pre-mediation session provides an opportunity for the client to talk with the mediator in a relaxed and confidential environment before the first joint mediation session. Your Mediator is currently available for an individual pre-mediation session on:

- October 22nd , or

- October 30th

Please let me know if any of these dates and times work with your schedule.

I'll be meeting with the mediator but not before I have the strategy meetings with my two experts - the Barracuda and the Financial Shark. No going in unprepared and unarmed!

Yeah...that will work.

In the entire time we've been married the SU could never bother with the finances. Ever. If I suggested how we might do things differently or create some strategies for vacations or big ticket items, I was pretty much ignored.

Both the SU and I have health plans from work. The way they work is whoever has the earliest birthday claims the kids first and pays 80% and the second plan covers the rest. For whatever stupid stubborn reason, I've not asked the SU for the rest of the money I've been spending on Rebel's drugs. Foolish, I know, asking him for money is not something I like to do. Well, due to some stupidity on the part of my corporate credit card while I was away last week, I ended up having to pay my hotel bill on my personal card. ( do you have any idea how expensive euros are?!?!?) and my credit card is maxed as I wait for the health plan to reimburse me a few thousand as well. Well, SU had to pay one for one of Rebel's anti rejection meds at the cost of nearly $700.00 AND he had to take Rebel Junior to the orthodontist to have a new retainer made - another $250 - while I was away. He's never paid these bills before. He is on my case to hurry up and fill out the forms and get him reimbursed. What EvEr!

My initial thought was to tell him I would take as long to reimburse him as it has taken him to finish the work in the two bathrooms, bedrooms and living room. I know have leverage. In the short term. I doubt he'd comply though and with mediation coming up I am sure he'd find a way to be a bastard and use this against me somehow. He's that vindictive. But it was tempting.

So all weekend long I've heard about this money that needs to be reimbursed. Twice this morning I was reminded to take the papers in and mail them. He practically "ordered" me to get the paperwork done. yeah... that will work.

I Guess We'll Get On With It.

I had an email from the mediator asking if I was back from my business trip and was I ready to start the mediation process. I replied, yes I am back from the trip and is in any one really '"ready" for the process? However since I have no choice, I guess we'll get on with it. Believe me, there will be a blow by blow account as we get going. Given that when she first contacted me she was booking two months out, I don't expect much to happen til November. I'll continue to read until then and get a handle on what I want and the strategies I may need to get there.
of course the Barracuda told me to come in for coaching before hand.

I am still more than mildly irked that the SU wouldn't go for the mediator I had chosen, and I expect he didn't even do his homework to find out about the guy. I am mostly past that irkiness but find it annoying.

I am still a tad jet lagged and need energy to do some severe tidying up around the house this weekend. My own room looks like a tornado blew through it. I have a ton of papers in there that need to be managed or pitched STILL! Plus some general cleaning. BoRING!

Rebel is back at school and has found herself a part time job. Her cardiologist says it's okay as long as it doesn't stress her or cause her worry. She's had some issues with the girls who have claimed to be her friends. She has pretty much written off most them. Their lack of maturity is stunning. There were several things that happened that hurt the Rebel and she is pretty tired of drama and games that are usually the realm of 13 year olds and not 20 and 21 yr old girls. As much as it does leave Rebel without a lot of friends, she is moving forward. She changed her cell phone number, de-activated her facebook page, and pretty much shut them all down. I feel sad for her on the one hand and am so surprised by how much she has changed and developed through this ordeal on the other.

The weekend has arrived.
No doubt there is a bar open somewhere!

Wordless Wednesday

Back to Reality!

I arrived home to a clean house. That's a first. SU has taken it upon himself to keep the kitchen clean these days. Since I've boycotted that responsibility he sighs, shrugs, and mutters as he cleans up after his two daughters.

I feel no sympathy and have no desire to pitch in. He caused this. Instead of reinforcing me when I wanted the girls to help tidy up, he was part of the problem leaving his mess right along theirs. It's payback time!

He's kind of weird too. I have a dishwasher and he refuses to use it. So he stands at the sink sighing and muttering and washing and drying by hand. He gets upset because the glassware gets that etched dishwasher marks and they are ruined. No matter what I use - rinse agent different detergent the glasses get etched. I just go to the dollar store and buy cheapies and not worry about it. I save the good stuff for company and then I will wash by hand. But will SU? NOOOOo he insists even the dollar store glasses get done by hand. Go ahead, do the dishes and do your own thing. I can't be bothered.

I am waiting to hear from the mediator. Nothing yet. No doubt we'll have something set up soon. I've been doing my research.

How to pass the time in the sky

Iron Man 2008 USA
Robert Downey Jr was great as the playboy-geek-brilliant industrialist weapons manufacturer who develops a conscious and beats the bad boys. It was fun. Get ready for the sequels. Oh there will be more than one.

An Empress and the Warriors: Kwong saan mei yan 2008 Hong Kong
A lovely tale of a young woman who takes over her father's kingdom after his tragic and violent death. She too is a warrior lord and has two very different men vie for her affections. No happy ending here but certainly many lessons about loyalty, integrity and life. I really liked this film.

Notre univers impitoyable What If...? Switzerland 2008
A little alternate reality movie romp that takes the story of a couple both competing for the same promotion at the law firm where they work and provides a couple of different scenarios. What if I got it what if he got it. What would our lives be like? It was a little tough to follow at first but it kept me interested. I was on an airplane - what ELSE was there to do.
I'd recommend this one.

Caramel Sukkar Banat Lebanon, 2007
The story of five women in Lebanon who gather at a local hair salon. They are all looking for or dealing with love in their lives. For a couple of hours I was transported to a way of life that is so completely foreign to me. This was a really wonderful story for and about women. The tension for these women was between modern 21st century ideals and traditional paths. Do find this one if you can. It's a great story.

Made of Honour USA 2008
Pure Hollywood chick flick escapism. It was another Patrick Dempsey goofy movie not quite as good as When Harry Met Sally, but trying for that level. Hannah asks Tom, her best friend, to be her maid of honour. Tom realizes he is in love with Hannah and has to "get the bride!" Good fun with popcorn wine and the inevtiable happy ending. Light, fluffy, fun.

Wordless {not quite}Thirteen.

Brilliant idea that didn't work!

I had a plan. But frankly, I need the Blonde because no matter what I tried to do.... it didn't work.

Since I didn't do a Wordless this week and I couldn't think of a 13 I was going to combine the two and get them up together as a Wordless 13. 13 images telling a story using this piece of jewelry I have that would have been kind of cool. So I have the images but I can't get blogger to cooperate.

So no story, no images no 13.
I will be just as happy as the Blonde when her move is done and she can get back to work! (-:

SU being as jackass-ified as usual, but more so.
He has his lawyer talking to my barracuda about mediation. WhatEV!
He's pretty much done in my opinion. I have my own plans for him that my barracuda is checking on for me.

I have to get packed and run a million errands before I leave for my first business trip since before Rebel got sick. And a good one it is too. I am off to Europe and the UK again. No time for any fun stuff really, but I imagine I can squeeze in a few things.
perhaps next week while I am away and Blondie is up and running again, you might see my Wordless 13. Don't count on me to figure out the secret world of blogger.

She rolls eyes, gets her Sleepy Time tea, powers down the computer, turns the lights off, and goes to bed with her Linda Barnes novel.

Agitation - not mine

Another weekend.

SU was in a highly agitated state of passive aggresive-ness this weekend. Don't know what was eating his shorts.

I learned he really is angry about cleaning the kitchen all the time. AS IF I am caring. I did say that after my 22 years of cleaning up HIS messes all the time, I really wasn't feeling to bad about his dislike of the chores. That plus NOT working with me in getting our daughters to clean up after them. yeah... it gets a little messy in there... but I am not too concerned. SU does a great huff and puff sighing act as he washes and dries the dishes by hand to add to his inconvenienced self. WE have a brand new dishwasher..... he won't use it. WhatEvEr.

I thought my washing machine was broken. We bought it in 1992. Rebel's BF checked it out.. ran it twice.. no leaks all worked.. I have a reprieve I guess. Too bad... I really like those front end loader ones.

A friend was in town this weekend before the start of business meetings on Monday. We went out for dinner to the only Thai vegetarian place in town... and then instead of dessert we saw the new Woody Allen movie.. Vicky Christina Barcelona. Classis Woody for change... after the murder movie Match Point, I think? I was not sure what I'd see. I am waiting for the new Coen Brothers movie which opens next week. I LOVE anything created by the Coens.

Dear SU,

You are a jackass of the first order.

Please be advised that mediation should begin upon my return from my business trip to Europe. This is not, as you decided to tell our daughters, a jaunt for fun. It's a business trip.
And it's going to be more business when I return.

Meeting times - preferably after work hours. Saturday would be ideal.

Your passive aggressive behaviour towards your daughter - who can't go out and get a job - was appalling. WHAT is your issue? Yeah Yeah Yeah.. the loser boyfriend. So let's drive her right into his arms by giving her a hard time every time she asks you for money. She shouldn't have to do this. I suggested an allowance of $200 a week for her. She needs to have some form of independence and having to ask for $10 every time she wants to get her eyebrows waxed or $20 to go out for dinner with the girls is NOT an appropriate way to treat a 20 year old daughter.

This is especially not on when your younger daughter comes home with $200 worth of overpriced LuLuLemon status clothes one day and $60 worth of overpriced school binders the next.

I am done.

Bring it on baby! Bring it on!

You will pay and pay equally. ENOUGH of the jackassery!

And while we're at it..... Get the HELL out of MY house!

For Better or For Worse... with Grace and Flair!

August 30, 2008 by Lynn Johnston.







click it to big it


And so it ended. One more day of Lynn's famous strip and it was done on the weekend. I couldn't believe I had tears in my eyes as I read it. Well... actually I could. I cry over baby powder ads on tv so this wasn't a surprise.

Lynn Johnston told some great stories in her comic strip. Millions followed the story of the Patterson family and laughed and cried along with them.
For me, what makes this particular strip so poignant is the fact that Lynn herself went through a divorce not too long ago after a long marriage. Rather than re create those trials in her fiction family she let it all end so beautifully.

I mean, seriously.... given the issues she dealt in her stories, having John go through a serious mid life crisis, drink til he got drunk every night and hide in the garage with his trains could have been an option for her to really vent.
But she didn't.

Who knows what went on in her private life. How awful or well managed her separation and divorce really went. Did she break dishes? probably pens. Did she go out and get smashed with the girls? maybe more than once? Did she go to the Divorce Busting website or Royce's Relationship Rescue and use a tag name and go on and on and on for weeks? probably not.

What she did do was finish her fiction stories with grace and flair. That's something to be very proud of.

She still believes. Or lets the rest of us believe that in spite of it all... for better of for worse can still mean something. Grace and Flair. ...... I might be on to something... two good names for the doggies I'll have to get to replace one done with SU!

Tipping things....

It's a lazy bright and clear Labour Day Monday. The place is still pretty quiet and it's 10 AM. The dog had us all up at 4 AM as he decided he needed to go out. Rebel Jr was still up as her and older one had a conversation and woke me up as well.

The weekend was pretty uneventful. I picked up a bunch of books about mediation at the library but haven't been able to sit and go through them to provide a short review of what I found. It's coming! really!

Rebel and I went to see the final show of Wicked! last night with friends. I enjoyed it as much the second time as I did the first. Rebel had read the book while in the hospital so she knew the story. We had a good time. Interesting thing with Rebel, regardless of where we go - she will run into someone she knows. It happens all the time. In fact, I wait for it. We ran into someone she used to work with at the mall when I took her shopping for clothes and we ran into old friends from high school at the theatre. She has quite a network.

S-I joint is still a little sore. I still have to be very careful how I move. I am going out of town on business for a week in two weeks and hope I am much improved. I'm already thinking how I need to pack light - and not because of the airlines but because of my own issues. Carrying my library books home from the library became an issue so a suitcase is beyond belief!

SU is doin not much as usual. I notice the garage is a whole lot cleaner than it has been in years. The girls tell me he keeps resurrecting his idea of turning the garage into a family room and knocking out a few walls. WhatEvEr.

I still go to and fro on the stay in the house leave the house I figure I'll wait til I do the pros and cons with the financial specialist. I've also applied for two jobs, both of which pay more than I currently earn, one substantially more. That might tip things too.

Thursday Thirteen.

13 phrases and words of wisdom.

1. We get too soon old, and too late smart! Quoted by my friend Arlene when we were Tweenies from something she saw as we lauighed. Now we get it!

2. Hitch your wagon to star and maybe you'll hit the moon.Ralph Waldo Emerson but I heard it was Mary Kay Ash. and yes.... I used to sell lipstick.

3. If you don't know something ask someone who does. There is never any shame in asking the question. My dad. He's right.

4. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.Davison, Potential Rhapsody

5. Out of sight. Out of mind. - never did find out who said this.... perhaps Davidson's wife?

6. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. -Margaret Wolfe Hungerford, in Molly Bawn

7. Deciding whom you'll marry is the most important decision you'll make. -Unknown NOW you tell me!

8. Everyone is allowed an occasional failure --except the skydiver, of course. -Unknown seriously!

9. Find one thing you do extremely well. -Unknown Scrapbook? talk a lot?

10.Loosen your girdle and let'er fly! Babe Didrikson Zaharias oh yeah... that feels good!

11.You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life Winston Churchill they're not enemies really, but they sure get annoyed when I show up! LOL

12.That which does not kill you makes you stronger.Neitzsche Neitzsche said that? no way!

13.You have to sit by the river a very long time before a roast duck will fly in your mouth. Guy Kawasaki. 'nuff said.

There's nothing left to say.

August 27,2007

August 27, 2006

Wordless Wednesday.

Pain you can't fix.

Haven't accomplished much this weekend. I had wanted to have a list of mediation books up for Friday, but the library didn't get them together for me. They're coming. AND Blondie needs a break today! It's up to me to get the blog running for the next few days or so! IF things don't look right - it's because my technical blogger person is dealing with her own life!

RJ seems to be asking for permission rather than just taking off these days - don't know what this all about. I'm happy she's thinking before acting..... but I am suspicious. Poor kid can't win.

Rebel Adult left her dog here with us. She and the BF took off Friday afternoon to buy a birthday present for some child and never returned. I called her and let her know we were not responsible for her dog - even if we love it!

I had plans to try and head out with friends on Saturday evening but the pain in my hip makes going out and doing stuff a pain frankly! I ended up back in the hot tub at another friend's instead. The hot tub helped in the short term but created an usual pain in another way.

This one - she is a drunken mess. She is a wino of the first order. She knows it. Her husband knows it. She is as kind as kind could be, but she hasn't bottomed out - yet! She is a talented smart woman - except for the drinking part.


Her husband has cried on my shoulder but hasn't done much to deal with his own issues. I read him the riot act last night and told him he had to get his butt down to a local Al-Anon meeting - and sooner rather than later because I wasn't going to listen to him tell me any longer how he

1. hasn't had a physical relationship with his wife in ten years
2. he can't make her eat food
3 he can't get her to go out with friends or have company at the house
4 have a relationship with their daughters


Same old same old. It's sad. She knows she's a drunk, but she's afraid to not be a drunk. He enable her by making wine - He says if he stopped and she bought her wine they'd be broke.

This is a woman who is at least 5 years younger than me. She smokes, she is diabetic, and she drinks. She weighs in at maybe 104 pounds and looks 10 years older than me. And the thing is.... she knows she's slowly killing herself and won't do a thing about it.