Moving On to the Restructuring Phase

As I am making changes physically to the house, I believe it's also time to make changes mentally and away from spousal ennuie - which should not define me any longer - I need to move it along to something else. A new adventure and conversation on what it's like to start over again. Me and the millions of other bloggers who are doing the same thing for whatever reason.

So no doubt XSU will continue to play a hapless role in the writings of Marie, but they won't be structuring the what and the how. It's up to me now.

So I am ennuied no longer and am restructuring my life and ergo.... I have decided to move along and start to do a whole lotta restructuring
a how to guide or not, for the next phase of my life. Feel free to join in and read along and see what's going on as I move through to the next exciting page of the book of my life. I thank you for reading and hope you will continue along with me.

Wordless Part 2

yes... check here to see how I am starting to do some  Restructuring   for myself and for my surroundings.  More on this soon.  Yeah me Blondie I figured it out!  wink wink baby!

Wordless Wednesday

A short note from the road.

A short note from the road. Norway is a beautiful country. I had planned on uploading at least a couple of images but the hotel connection I am using in the business centre has blocked the ports I need to upload from my card. So annoying. For now, you'll have to accept my word that fjords, countryside and city are spectacular.

The work goes well too. I have a new appreciation for men dressed in the European style. The cut of the suits look very very good. I don't know what it is but I find it very attractive. Warning - Mrs Robinson comments coming next -

I have been enjoying the young men at the meeting. One in particular - a very gorgeous Danish specimen with a Don Johnson day old kind of beard thing and the most amazing blue eyes has me day dreaming when the speeches and presentations start to wane. Oh my... I could just eat this man up! He's my favourite suited specimen. Today he showed up in - swoon - jeans and a lovely dress shirt which now has me thinking that the suited look was merely an appetizer to the main event. NOTE - drop cougar image in here!

The above paragraph demonstrates my need I believe for um... something a little more substantial in the man department, but I will need to do something about this predilection for men under 35. But as we girls say... "Nothing wrong with looking at the dessert menu. You don't have to pick to enjoy."

On the road.... AGAIN

Well... really in the air.  I'm heading out for my annual international conference, starting again with a meeting in London and then heading to Oslo, Norway.   I had hoped to spend the weekend in Denmark with friends but the travel gods who control schedules are working against me.  Oh well... Denmark, Norway... either works for me.

Rebel Junior and Frenchy the exchange student will be at XSU's place.  I am told by Rebel that he doesn't even have any beds yet.  Should be fun for the girls.  And not my problem.

I have to say I am looking forward to the break.  This single parenting thing is exhausting.  I finally had it one evening and told RJ if she wanted to go out she'd have to get her dad to bring her home.  And he did.

Renos are going well.  I am more than half way done.  The before and after pictures will probably go on my new blog, once I get a minute to get that all organized. 

If I don't get a chance to post from Europe I'll be back on the 19th of September.

Back to reality

Back in town. Still on vacation. Two days left. I have lots of pictures. See me on Facebook for the full or most of the story.

I have prepared the tally to share the cost of this one with XSU because it involved the exchange student. He was over here yesterday to pick up RJ's laptop. I think she's overloaded it and it has run out of memory - cuz it's not working at all. Doesn't XSU come into the house - after knocking on the door at least- and come make himself comfortable at the kitchen table. WTF? My lovely red DELL was out and XSU had computer envy. heh heh heh. I believe he was rather surprised. whatEV!

I had signed over a drug plan cheque to him as he had paid for some of Rebel's meds. Well, as I knew, but he wouldn't listen, his bank wouldn't accept the cheque from him because I am no longer "known" to his accounts. "Very inconvenient," he said, "very inconvenient." Again I say whatEV!

The trip was pretty good. The girls enjoyed themselves though I am concerned about RJ's growing selfishness and "all about me" atttitude. I just don't know what the right way is to handle her on this. I am not at all impressed. We had a couple of "moments" that had me wanting a scotch or seven. I will mention them to the father and see if can have some kind of chat with her, but he too has his shelfish moments and I am not sure he'll be much help. However it must be duly noted.

I am back into the basement to get a bunch of stuff moved as I am having insulation sprayed into the "headers" tomorrow R24 here we come.

Road Trip

Meez didn't have a Niagara Falls image so road trip is as good as it will get. Taking Rebel Junior and her exchange student, already nicknamed "Frenchy" by RJ's friends, to the Falls. She wants to see the Falls by night and through the Maid of the Mist of course. I expect to be back on the weekend.
I don't post my whereabouts on Facebook - too easy to be a target there so if you read here you'll know where I am. I am taking the laptop with because teenage girls can't survive on texting alone apparently. If I am lucky I may even get access to it while we are away.

Renos going well. I am now the proud owner of lots of studs (-; and sheetrock.

Gotta love it all

Stay tuned. This blogger has been just a tad occupied with things around the home front.
I'll be back shortly with a little of this and a little of that.

The XSU moved out over three weeks ago - he has no phone and no computer so the girls can't reach him and he has to find a way to talk to them. Apparently he's been hitting up phone booths.
"It's very frustrating not having a phone and the phone company has not been good about the service" he says. And I have been having great pleasure in saying "no - he doesn't leave here any more. His phone number? Sorry I don't have that."
The daughter tells him - get a cell phone it would be hooked up in a minute. But he hasn't and probably won't.

Our exchange student has arrived. Her English is very good. We went to the lake today - she has only ever been in the ocean so this was very different for her! A bunch of my friends were there - it was a mother daughter good time. Even the dog came. He can do the dog paddle, but wasn't happy in the water at all.

I went out and bought a whole new living room. New love seat, chair, lamp nesting tables and area rug. Now THAT was fun. I think I will have to create a whole series of before and after photos. Except the before doesn't show the ugly furniture I had that XSU took. I am really gonna be happy with the new stuff. I am so not good on choosing colours and designs so I used the designer at the store where I liked the couches and chairs. She came to the house and gave me some good ideas on how to spruce up the kitchen as well. But that's on hold til EVERything else is done.

I have started getting the main floor ready to paint - my colours - my way. The basement is being demolished. The fecking eejits who did the original rec room put the vapour barrier against the cement wall THEN put in the insulation and then wall board. So I now have to take that all down and start from the studs and work up the insulation and new vapour barrier. Never mind the plastic they used was about as thick as Saran Wrap.

Gotta love the renos.

13 on Thursday

13 Things I have purchased since XSU vacated the premises

1. 1 new lamp
2. 1 new coffee pot - an old fahioned on the stove Corning percolator - consignment store find
3. 2 new doors steel with windows to let in the light - new locks too of course
4. 3 sets of glasses all different styles - consignment store find
5. two dresses; 2 pairs of shoes- new not 2nd hand
6. 5 batteries - remote died; my tv is effed up the channels have disappeared ARGH
7. 7 new windows including two basement windows
8. 1 package smoked salmon Atlantic - had a craving
9. 1 refrigerator
10. 1 stove -electric unfortunately but flat cook top!
11.1 range hood needs to be ducted to outside rather than re circulating into the house
12.1 microwave oven - it *should* pop popcorn
13. 1 bottle Pol Roger champagne.. because I wanted it!

Weepy moments and figuring it out

I've been completely alone in the house for the first time in a few years now. Probably since the last time both girls and the XSU went to visit his family in Nova Scotia. It's a little weird, but it's also okay.

I have chatted a few times with Rebel. XSU keeps trying to make his case with her. It's kind of pathetic really. He started telling her how for six years he would be the one to pick up the girls from day care, bring them home, make supper and I'd be late blah blah blah.

I told her that first of all her father's issues were his - not hers. That really, it was not any of her business. However I did feel I had to defend my side this one time. I told her the following
1 your dad is a teacher - he's out of school at 3:30 in the afternoon and done by 4 PM at the latest.
2 We only had one car and he REFUSED to take the bus even though his school is right on the transit way.
3 I worked across the river and took a bus.

So.... what did she think of her dad's resentments now? And finally I told her, that her dad should not be venting his issues and how feels about me to her. He needs to talk to a professional who can help him work through these things. A trained therapist is the sole person who can deal with this stuff and I told her she must tell her dad to back off. Seriously, I mean REALLY!

I've been furniture shopping and now have an interior designer and colour specialist coming over on Saturday to help me decide what to do with the main floor. I am pretty useless at that kind of thing and really don't have a clue. I know I really like modern edgy kind of looks but have no idea how to put it together. I know I want comfy couches that are meant to be sat in and not looked at. My closest friend is in the decor business and has promised to come for a visit and "chachka -ize " my house for me with finishing touches once I get a few things done. I am busy taping edges and doorframes and will prime up this week and then buy paint on the weekend and get that done before Rebel Junior gets home I think.

Rebel's BF has said he'll do the rec room demolition with his buddies so what the heck. I'll pay him some thing and then that will mean I don't have to pay the Hunky Handyman to do this stuff.

I've been having a few weepy moments... not sure why, but they happen. I think it's still the futility of the whole mess. That andXSU walking out with a few things that will have to be returned - my wine and art books, and a few other books that should hever have left, Christmas decorations that to me are treasures his mom made for both of us. I realized today he took one of my best knives, but I decided it was all right since the point is broken off -probably when he decided to use the knife as a tool. My good ole Heinkle knife is still a good knife that I can keep very sharp and I have the rest of the CUTCO collection for back up. But really - he should have asked or at the very least told me he was taking this stuff.

I also think some of my best towels are gone . The thing is - I know he took "towels" without consideration for colour or anything. I want them back and will give him others. My bathroom is painted a chinese red and the only towels I can use in there are the black, grey and white ones. The pink and burgundy towels from back in the day just hurt the eyes in there.

Spousal Ennuie no longer

And XSU left today mid afternoon after finishing up in the garage. He took apart his not so secret grow op box where he had a little nursery. He then proceeded to walk me through what he left behind and where it was. We got to a pile of door casings, cord around for baseboards and other trim from the stairs.

" If your guys are looking for the trim here it is all ready to go." And he proceeded to point out what was what. I was so ANGRY at this point. I had just done a look-see in Rebel's old room where he finished the baseboards and sure enough, little holes every 2 inches - bad matching of cuts and wrong colour of boards. The matching boards were actually left in the spare bedroom where he was sleeping. He didn't even know they were there.

As he finished explaining I couldn't help myself. "This should have been finished." I really wanted to HURT him. A LOT!

"I didn't have time," he whined.

BIG deeeeeeep breath.. "umm five years this stuff has sat here.. five years! WHAT have you done in five years?!"

I had to walk away in disgust.

At this point Rebel Junior asked me to take her to a friend's place so I told XSU he had to leave since I was going out.

"I need to use the phone because I don't have one hooked up yet. I haven't had time."

Why be bitchy particularly when your offspring is sitting right there. I guess he expected me to leave the room. AS IF. He took the phone to another room and I told RJ we'd leave once her dad was done.

I needed to make the point that he was now a visitor and had no right of access. RJ was a little frustrated with me because I wasn't hurrying hurrying on her behalf.

And then he left. In typical fashion without saying anything.

A Deal is a Deal is a Deal.

I arrived home after work yesterday and XSU was madly emptying the garage. He had the young one friend help him as well as a guy from work - also separated from his wife.

I had a momentary upset when I thought he might have taken the quilt wall hanging off the wall. His sister made it, but she did make it for me and I am happy it was still on the wall when I got home. Originally he was to take the couch and chair from the living room along with the coffee table and dining room table. He left the couch and chair behind - probably because Rebel's puppy chewed through a couple of the cushions. I told him that a deal was a deal he had to take them. He was going on and on about it being chewed but I said a deal is a deal. He had to take them.

He also left behind the dead deep freezer that we never used. This thing was old when he picked up from someone's house at least 12-15 years ago. He plugged it in and two days later it died. I wanted him to get rid of it and instead XSU filled it with stuff and used it as a storage trunk. Every now and again I told him it was time to get rid ofit and I'd start taking out all the crap. Like everything else around here, it never happened. So now he's all ticked because I want it out of the house. And of course he's so disorganized that the only thing he has on his mind is his trip to Nova Scotia. I told him as long as anything of his is in my house he has to pay me rent on the space. He is so pissed off. WhatEv!!

My family lawyer, the pretty suited one handling my real estate transaction threw me an interesting tidbit she said that she found him very uncommunicative in the simple dealing she had just handing over the cheque for the house. She also told me that his lawyer didn't have much nice to say about him either. Okay... that just made my day. It really did.

Another friend of mine said about XSU not telling his kids - turn around is fair play. AS the girls strap him into a wheel chair and bring him to an old folks facility - it will be a similar scenario... "oh dad... by the way... we're not taking you back to your house, from now on you'll be living here with the other geezers. " I had to laugh at that one.

Stealth Moves.

I woke up in the middle of the night last night .I left the bedroom and noticed every light was still on downstairs.I went down to turn them off and saw the doors were wide open too. I shook my head. I locked all the doors, turned all the lights out and thought XSU - you're an idiot. What are you doing? But this has been typical behavior. He hasn't done the "man of the house" duties for some time. As I rolled back into bed with the dog beside me thinking he was going out for a walk, the clock said 2:55 AM. I was just falling asleep and I heard the front door open - it would seem that XSU had been packing stuff or something into his station wagon. 3 AM and he is doing stealth packing.

This morning the phone rang at 7:15 -
"Is Mr XSU there please"
EFF this I think - " no he doesn't live here any longer sorry."
" OH! He gave this number and he forgot to sign something for the rental truck."

Oh great... so now I am going to have a truck in my yard and the father of my children has told them nothing. sigh.....

I tried playing a waiting game and got no where and left for work. I was on the road and realized I had forgotten my purse behind. Funny how the unconscious mind works. No purse no money no locker key no work id card - nothing. I turned around, drove home and lo and behold a big ass moving truck is parked across the street from my house. XSU saw me pull up and attempted to weasel away.

I stopped him - and blasted him in the middle of the street - low tones of course no banshee yelling. " What kind of insensitive, unemotional selfish bastard are you? You park a big ass moving truck in your yard and you don't even have the guts to tell your children you're breaking up their family?! You should be ashamed of yourself. Do NOT expect my help on this one. You're wearing this. What is your plan?"

He of course had none. He told me to go to work and he would "take care of it."

As it happened I had to pick up Rebel today so she could borrow my car for some running of errands. We are driving along and she received a text message from her sister " dad and mom are separating - dad bought a house and is moving today. no surprise eh? "

nice - well done you idiot RAMB - ratassmoronbastard!
really really nice.

I stopped the car called Rebel Junior - she "sounded fine" but who knows. Both girls as I figured - had found XSU's papers about the real estate transaction and the mediation docs he had left lying around and put 2 and 2 together- but didn't expect him to leave til before school started.

I asked Rebel how she was doing. We both had a little cry - me for them and their insensitive boor of a father - who was so much into his own agenda he didn't even what he was doing.

Whatever. Rebel is worried about me living alone in my house. I told her not to be - that I was starting to get things done and it would be a great place to be living. She still believes that Rebel Junior and her exchange student will be living with XSU. I find that rather hard to take, but we'll see.

Stay tuned. Shall see what else transpires during the day. I'll leave the tale of the dead deep freezer for another time.

ChequeMate.

I've been finishing up the real estate stuff for the house. Unlike in the US - nothing sits in escrow accounts. The deal is done the transaction gets cleared through the bank's mortgage centres and the money is put into my lawyer's account. She writes me a cheque and we're done. She asked me if I wanted XSU's cheque and I told her to call him and he could go downtown and pick up his own damn cheque. AS IF I should do that. Of course being my pretty suit - and long time acquaintance she laughed and agreed. The challenge will be for her to actually get XSU at the end of the telephone. She did email him, copied me and his shark, telling him all the above. His Shark also called the house and left a very cute coded voice mail message. I just deleted it as XSU has never been known to pick up voice mail.

XSU has moved nothing. He was been gathering bills and paid statements for utilities and leaving them for me to review I suspect. I believe he thinks this will entitle him to not pay me rent until he moves out. This is not likely to happen.

The next few days should prove interesting.

De-Nile is not a river in Egypt

XSU has managed to put all the baseboards in Rebel's old room and the cord around too. No doubt I'll have to plug the nail holes, sand and paint the trim becausethat won't be done before he is out. It is close to midnight as I write this and that man is on his hands and knees fixing the spots the Rebel's puppy chewed up, That damn dog took a fair sized chunk out of the stairs....and here it is midnight and he is scraping, sanding and doing who knows what.

He has known that he was leaving for months now, and he picks three days before he goes to start messing around.

And I continue to be astounded with XSU and his complete lack of sensitivity to the deed that has to be done - telling his daughters that he is moving out. We had the prime opportunity on Saturday afternoon and he stopped me Completely stopped me. This man is so far up the Denial River that he is barely afloat.

He called his sister and told her he bought a house. Trouble was he had never told her he was looking for a divorce so she got to ask a lot of questions. She was in the loop because I put her there, but she had some fun with him any way. I'd like to be a fly on the wall during the conversation with his mother.

In the meantime, I think I will have to take matters into my own hands and deal with the girls myself since XSU is avoiding dealing with the biggest decision he has ever made in his life.

As the Worm Squirms.

Here's what the Barracuda told me yesterday in response to my question to her about XSU's behavior and demands.

Marie you are not being unreasonable at all. In fact, imho, you've been more than reasonable. once you have paid him and his house deal is closed, you own the house and you can change the locks if you want to. He has no right to continue to live there.

The agreement also says that you will reimburse him for Rebel Junior's expenses within one week of being requested to pay, but if he is in breach of part the agreement, it will be difficult for him to take any action to enforce another part of the agreement.

I expect his Shark will tell him to move out before he tries to enforce the payment of RJ's expenses.

And that's where it sits. XSU did not utter a word to me last night or this morning. Who knows what he plans. I still see no sign of boxes or move to move.

I heard from my family lawyer yesterday who only received the banking and financial documents on Thursday. She is really going to have to push it to get things done by next Tuesday. I told her not to sweat as this was not my problem. if XSU has to get short term bridge financing because the banks are slow - again - NOT my problem. I want to watch him squirm. It's about time he started to feel some kind of consequence for all his actions. The good thing is - it's all out of my control and I am sitting back and observing it all.

Stayed tuned.

No doubt there will be more on this one.

I am NOT having it.

This morning, the XSU presented me with a hand written account of expenses he has incurred for which he wants reimbursement: half of Rebel Junior's exchange programme fee, the car insurance, and something else I think. All legitimate things. And yes I do understand I have to reimburse for these things.

HOWEVER I see no sign that he is moving out, so I told him that yes I will reimburse him AFTER he is moved - everything he plans on taking including all the crap in the garage that he calls his workshop. He assumed that meant the cash for his house as well. I told him that my family lawyer was processing the transaction and would have things done Friday or Monday so the bank can release the monies. Given that he didn't start house hunting til the end of June I am not inclined to be going out of my way telling the family lawyer suit to "hurry it up."

From what I have been hearing him tell his people he was planning on staying in my house past the 28th - his close date - go to Nova Scotia to visit his family on the 30th July til mid August and then return and move his stuff out. I am not on with this. Stuff gone first. Then, any reimbursement money over and above the equalization payment which is forthcoming.

He left the house rather ticked off and had what I call his "legal portfolio" with him so I expect he will call his lawyer. I have sent the Barracuda a note with this same information. Stay tuned - I imagine things are going to be interesting.

He has had time to buy a new car, and to talk about how he is going to "finish" the bedroom and the bathrooms, but to actually get his crap out the door - not even close to getting done. I am NOT having it.

Wordless Wednesday.

T- 7 days til XSU exits.

How is it that I have the Hunky handyman on stand by and XSU decides - a week before he is to leave the house - to start doing long standing repairs on the house. What gives?
Numbers 1-10 on my list have made it to his to do list. seriously? WTF?!?

I got home from a meeting Monday evening evening and XSU proceeded to tell me that he went car shopping and on and on he went about what he decided to buy how much of a savings he got... blah blah blah. My lack of interest didn't seem to penetrate his brain - what else is new. I asked about a car for Rebel and heard his thoughts on that which led I believe to his *real* question- "so... when will I see some money from you?" Ah ha... there it is - never mind about the car. It's the money.

I have Rebel Junior's exchange student coming in a few weeks, and for some reason, XSU has decided to "take care" of a few of the outstanding fix it things on the list. I roll my eyes. Okay the moldings will finally be put back on in one bedroom, some trim was finished on the patio door. He also wants to finish the trim around both bathroom sinks. sigh.... and NOT how I want it done. He had some lame idea of adding wood trim around the sinks or building a shelf around the sink - which when he tried it before was a pain rather than a unique design feature. The amusing part is that as he said, "I want to do this" and I'd say no, he grew more and more frustrated. I told him not to fret over it, since he hadn't bother doing anything for the last 7 years and I would take care of it myself with the guy I've hired to finish things up around the house. " Let's not bo back to the past," he said, "let's go forward and see what we can do."

Umm.. first of all there is no longer a "we" and second of all don't feel you need to finish this now one week before you are out of the house. Focus on getting your stuff out the door instead and finish the easy stuff. I have the hunky handyman, AKA HH, coming over in a day or two so you are officially superfluous. "

He left the room and didn't bother responding.

Living With It.

I see that XSU has started bringing home bins - but there is nothing in them yet. I've also seen that he's left his papers lying around the house - either in his room or down in the basement on his work bench. I don't think he realizes that our daughters snoop almost as much as I do. He has left the separation paperwork,the financial stuff, his house stuff out openly as if he wants it to be found.

I've told him I need an itemized list of everything he plans to take from the house. I told him I wanted it in writing sent to me by email. Once again he gave me his * I am offended* look. WhatEV!

The one decent thing he's decided is to buy Rebel a car. He is really freaked about germs and her immuno suppressed state and decided for her to be travelling on the bus during the winter to go to school wasn't a good idea. Also, her BF doesn't run a car - just his work truck - and we've already had a few incidents where he leaves her on Saturday to work extra shifts and she can't get out anywhere - the bus where they live has lousy service too.
In the XSU's eyes - her having a car will allow independence and she won't be stuck in the house like a prisoner. It will allow her to do what she wants when. Because he is so much older than her and totally insecure he does not like it when she goes of on her own. ( and isn't this a critical sign and she knows it) XSU has his eye on her and him on this one - so that is good.

Give these two arguments - I had to say I was in agreement. Buses are breeding grounds for horrible germs - and people are not always respectful about sneezing, coughing, and using their hands. Germs sit on these surfaces for ages, and I don't believe these buses are ever wiped down to any great degree. It's a good idea - but even better is a car for her - and apparently he can afford it. My contribution he said would be equal to half a month's bus pass - about $45 a month. I can live with this.

I am going to plan a champagne brunch I think after XSU is gone. He's planning on taking Rebel Junior with him to visit his parents in Nova Scotia so I will be able to shout and do what I need to do without offspring in the house. It would be a good time to celebrate new beginnings and perhaps shed a tear or two if need be.

Window order is in. Hottie the Handyman to start the estimate process for redone rec room on Tuesday. I will have to do before and after pics here and/or on Facebook.