A New State of Affairs

OR
Hey SU!
Wake UP, It's a Whole NEW Ball Game!

We've had mostly a quiet weekend around here. Trying to get into a new state of affairs. The spousal unit is STILL planning his departure to visit his family out east. He'll be taking the TweenyRebel with him. This is good. It will keep her occupied. Might help change the aura in the house too. I am thinking of having my priest come and do some woo hoo stuff to get the house cleared of bad karma.

It's got to help.

I am still off work. I went to see my doc on Friday - I've started having small panic attacks and he gave me a prescription for ativan - very small amount for a emergency use only.... and I am to be reassessed in two weeks. I am using deep breathing techniques and meditations to get through them, and I know it's in my head... so I am working through this. Given all the crap going on here.. no small wonder.

Rebel is now going through some anger and denial stuff we think. She has a new guy in her life, and I am just not quite sure about him. He shakes hands like a girl, and he doesn't really talk to me. I don't like that in a lad. The Spouse hasn't even bothered being around to meet the guy. Up he goes to his hidey hole and his presence is not being felt. Rebel needs this presence whether she cares or not.

Dad needs to do his macho thing and ensures this lad knows that neither Rebel nor us are to be played with. He kept Rebel out far too late two nights in a row and does not seem to *get* her condition. No doubt Rebel isn't saying much even thought this lad did visit her in the hospital. And of course... she thinks I am *controlling* and *babying* her. Perhaps I am. The reality though is if she doesn't follow her new regime, she is going to land herself back in the hospital.

I am not going to get too worried or excited as yet. She "loves them & leaves them" with a great regularity. This one.... is a little different thought. He will bear watching.

I don't know if spouse has been told that I put separation matters on hold. AS IF I have time or inclination to deal with that right now. As I mentioned in the 13 this week, I did see a letter from his suit indicating what my intentions were a month ago.

It's a whole new ball game now, and things have changed. I hope he has some brains in his head to recognize this factor.

13 on Thursday

Thirteen things the spousal unit has said to me in the last week.

1. Where's the RebelTween? She didn't say where she was going. - to being asked if the kidlet had gone out.
2. Well, am I supposed to pay for this too? - on being handed Rebel's prescription for heart med when the local pharmacy didn't have the pills and I was tired and didn't want to go out a second time.
3. yes - to - are you getting groceries?
4. no -to did my dad call?
5. I will call him later... - on being told his brother called and wanted a call back about vacation plans. No call returned.
6. I will talk to her. On Rebel Tween missing curfew yet again.
7. any mail for me? - On waiting for letter from his lawyer... I found it... and read it before saying... mail? I haven't checked yet today.
8. When is dryer going to be fixed?
9. Why haven't you called to deal with the phone jack problem? AS IF!
10. I would appreciate it if you didn't put the new glasses in the dishwasher. They should be washed by hand. See my response at
11. When does the Rebel go to the cardiologist specialist?
12. Do you want any steak?
13. Could you put some money into the line of credit so I can fix my car? - again.. see my response... #9.

A New Normal

7:16am Today

Rebel seems to be adjusting. She doesn't like it, but she gets it. Water retention is playing havoc with the wardrobe choices and is very frustrating. We'll figure this out.

Meals continue to be an issue. Because her body isn't pumping very well, digestion doesn't always work the way it is supposed to. She worries about eating after 6 PM as it seems the upchuck factor seems to increase. So.. smaller meals - the *big* meal at lunch time rather than dinner, and she doesn't want to eat much or snack much in the evenings.

Might also have to do with upchucking around the *boys* in her life. (another whole note entry...but ... as the mother... I can't go there!) I tell her vomiting in front of boys who manage... equals true love. She in turn, rolls her eyes.

We are starting on the path to the new normal.

Sprung!

Rebel has been sprung from the hospital and is at home. Visiting hours will end for EVERY BODEE!! and I mean every body by 10 PM in the evenings. Same with the phone calls. Rebel may be home... but it's not quite business as usual.

I am grateful for drug plans even more now that Rebel is on a beta blocker, a heart and blood pressure pill and a diuretic... at a cost of $200 for a two month supply. We have two plans so all will be returned to us.

I had to go out and by a scale so Rebel can weigh herself every morning. I have never had one in the house so it was a new shopping experience. Do I go digital or analog. Digital required batteries... so.. no.

The appointment at the Heart Institute isn't until June 29th . The cardiologist felt they had stabilized her and she was okay for now. She'll be at the Heart Function Clinic. I have tried reading the information on the web site, but... it's rather overwhelming. I could do a ton of research, or have my friends the medical librarians provide me with info too.... but... not yet.

Rebel and I also have to figure out how we are going to find food she likes that has no fast food qualities about it. Yesterday's chicken divan was the first test... low sodium canned soup and seriously low fat low sodium mayonnaise...not quite the right texture, but it seemed okay.

Prayer and Mediums.

I had a phone call from my cousin in Alberta yesterday. We've come to know each other as adults, have shared our life experiences and she knows the Rebel quite well. Cuz told me some really freaky, and *out there* things last night while I was at the hospital visiting Rebel. The Spouse of course, scoffed it all off. He would. He must. he refuses to try and find a truth that doesn't reflect what he believes could be possible.

She has been studying spiritual awakening type stuff... clairvoyance type things- in a church - meditating, and learning how to cope and use this gift. From what she said it is something you have and the discernment of you handle this gift must be taught in the right surroundings, with the right people as the one with the gifts can be hurt or can administer hurt. She is training herself in the art of healing. Of course, upon learning about our Rebel she started putting training into practice. And this is where things make me get the shivers.

It would seem that the prayer circles I have invoked are very loudly and clearly being heard beyond our scope. They do make a difference. If one believes in these sorts of things or not, it would seem that creating a focused message and prayers and thoughts send an energy force.

Cuz is still in training so to speak, but she clearly felt and saw the presence of my grandparents and mother while she was focusing her meditations of healing on Rebel and learning how to practice her gift. My mother spoke to Anna very clearly - *in my face as only Auntie M can* Cuz described. I know exactly what she means. Mom told her to tell me that she and her parents were with me... watching and looking out for us. This unnerved me completely, yet... it was reassuring.

Prayers work.
In ways we can't fathom.
They work.

Prayer, spirituality, and the sound of people sending their thoughts in a specific direction makes a difference. I believe it. Whether one can truly communicate with those who've passed, well... many religions speak against it, including my own. However Cuz has some kind of gift, (or curse) and by sharing what she believes with me, is one more positive power that may make the difference in how I too need to keep my faith positive and my prayers powerful. This is not a gift that one takes lightly. If my mom and grandparents are watching over us and can help us help the Rebel, than thanks be to the Lord for this terrifying gift that Cuz has to share.

Sick of Being Sick and in the Hospital

5:13am Today:
If you know Rebel you know she doesn't handle confinement very well. Being constantly out of breath and having to sloooooooooow down has been a challenge.

Being attached to a heart monitor - even a portable one on radio signals - is no fun. The IV in her hand... a pain. BOTH were removed yesterday and were cause for celebration.

It's the small things.

Hospital food - major turn off. Junk food and most fast foods - NOT allowed so as the mom, I am looking for food she likes to eat. It's not easy. I still don't understand how my kids became such picky eaters Her dad and I are NOT!

Her cardiologist is saying that she will probably be an outpatient at the Heart Institute rather than having to stay there. This is making her happy. I believe we'll know when we have our appointment with the specialist there today - Tuesday or Wednesday.

Rebel is enjoying the phone calls and visits. Keep them coming. Keep them on a positive note. Drama is not her best interest right now as she isn't going to be the "fixer," now that she has to be "fixed!"

Praying and Waiting.

The spousal unit finally informed his family on Sunday about our Rebel. Both girls also gave him cards they made for Father's day. I asked him about the card made by RebelTween but he didn't show it to me. what ever. He left this morning without even asking me how or what we would do about the expected move of Rebel to the heart institute. I guess I really can't worry about it, but when he crashes.... I am expecting it to be spectacular. He has no one to lean on from what I can see. I don't think he is in denial, but his internalizing this stuff... can't be good for his own well being. And I am not going to get into it with him.

The following are the entries I wrote on another site for my daughter's friends.

Sunday
As far as I know here are the circles and networks sending prayers, positive vibes and energy for Rebel. . Thanks to them all. Please remember not just the Rebel , but the health care professionals who are making serious decisions about her care. These dedicated, hard working people are making a difference. I want them to be making the right decisions.

My friend's husband's family prayer network in southern Ontario
Another friend included Rebel in the weekly prayer for healing called the Mi-sheberakh on Saturday at her synagogue.
Then there are the cousins in Calgary - along with her Bible Study Group,and the rest of the family.
There are the high school girls in Winnipeg and family there too.
And I can't forget my dear friend Blondie in the middle of the desert -she has her Prayer Warriors.. ( I love that!) on the "case"
And of course, my own "Ukrainian church ladies."
And Rudy calling on his community to remember and pray all the waaaaaaay up north...
I hope I haven't forgotten anyone. The power of positive thought, of belief in a force bigger than life has got to be for the good.

Monday's note.
UP and down is what they said Rebel would feel - and indeed that was the weekend. Saturday was a day spent sleeping. She had a few palpitations that made her heart pound for a few seconds, but she says she knows what to do when that happens. More blood tests and blood pressure monitoring meant that taking off her heart monitor to take a shower were quashed. Not that she could manage the effort for it anyway.
Sunday - was a whole new day. Shower taken late in the after noon. Hair was fluffed up. Food eaten and a craving for fried rice was indulged. The DVD player dropped off by the boyfriend seemed to be heavily used on Sunday. The priest from our church paid her a visit as did a few of my friends. The phone calls seemed to be endless. All good.

The nurses found a bag of dollar store craft stuff and paper so Rebel spent an hour or so creating a Father's Day card for her dad. It was cute what she managed to create out of almost nothing.

We are waiting on Monday to learn when Rebel is being transferred to the heart institute.

Annus Horribilis

Thank you for your prayers and thoughts. I have read about the power of prayer circles and how effective they can be. I never thought I would be the one to have to test it out. sigh...
What was it the Queen called it? Annus Horribilis? yeah... one of those...

Rebel has an enlarged heart that is not pumping well. Old people's heard condition. Not something seen often in a young woman of 19 years. The cardiologist figure it must have been brought on by a virus and who knows how long ago. Some people will get a cold, and Rebel was unlucky to get a serious attack of the heart. We are hearing everything from regeneration of the muscle and recovery to heart transplant. Not sure where things will go so far. She is doing all right and has an amazingly positive spirit.

The spousal part is being set aside as I deal with this latest in our lives. The spousal unit has been, as expected, keeping things close to his chest. So much so... he has not even talked to his own family. My entire network everywhere is being mobilized. He didn't even call his sister. So I did so in covert mode and have even spoken with the favourite aunt who has been in the know for some time. These things happen for a reason. I don't know what it is yet... but I do know, that this man, won't even help pull the family together in this time of need. He can't; he doesn't know how.

I feel sorry for him.
He needs prayers as well.
I do not understand this at all.

Not at all.

-------------------------------


Additional update info:

9:25am Thursday, Jun 14
Thanks for the notes on the wall and the messages.
Rebel has a serious heart problem. Her heart is not pumping blood the way it should. Most hearts pump blood at a 60% capacity, and Rebel's is only pumping at 15%. This isn't really good. The docs don't know what caused it. Their best guess is a random viral infection that she probably didn't even know she had that instead of giving her a cold, got into the muscles of her heart and the lining around it causing her heart to enlarge.
She is at the Hospital. She has a phone . She is allowed visitors... only two at a time. She is in the new wing of the hospital... in a semi private room.
Rebel will be seeing the wonderful specialists at the Heart Institute.
She is comfortable - no pain.. They have her on a regime of drug therapies and we shall see how it goes.
Please keep Rebel in your thoughts and prayers. She has a looooooooog road to go.

8:10am June 15
Rebel has a very positive attitude and is doing everything she is told to do.
She has this needle shunt stuck in her hand that the nurses use to inject meds once a day. The thing is driving her crazy. I think she asks every nurse and doctor who comes by if it can be removed. They kind of look at her and say ....whatever..

The meds seems to be helping already. Rebel is breathing a whole lot easier. Her heart is not pounding rapidly either. She is noticing the changes. Anytime there is a change in her heart rhythm though the blood pressure cuff is on her. 21 century medicine is a good place to be. She is monitored by the Intensive Care Station heart monitors but is not in the ICU. She is on a device that works with radio monitoring. If you have a cell phone - it has be turned off when you're visiting cuz the phone throws the device off kilter.

With this small improvement, Rebel has found even hospital food tasting good. Getting her appetite back seems to be the biggest thing for Rebel. Never mind her friends who are bringing her fast food. (ahem... the nutritionist is not impressed!) Though those will be few and far between now. Reading labels and sodium and fat content on labels and in restaurants is her new reality.

The Heart Institute is expecting to see Rebel on Monday. She will be spending the weekend at the hospital

Please continue
to remember Rebel
and her family in your prayers.

Pray for Miss Rebel

For where two or three are gathered together
in my name,
there am I in the midst of them.

Matthew 18:20

Thy Will Be Done.

WHAT ELSE??

As I said in my little comment to Blondie yesterday... what else???
I am off for another round of tests with the Rebel, and hanging around waiting for doctors today so we can figure out what the deal will be.

And the idiot who is the father of this child..... I will only give him half a point for calming he down sufficiently when I called him to say she had to go the hospital and for telling me what he knows about her medical condition. BUT! Did he go visit her? Did he even think to go say hello?
NOTHING!
NOT at all.
I can't even BEGIN to think what might be in his head. How does a Dad not go , give his daughter a hug, tell her he loves her at the very least. Or see for himself that she is okay?? NOTHING. This time, I didn't even bother to mention it.

Saving it up. Saving it ALL up.

Last year, right around this time, when I had a fainting spell and ended up with a concussion at the hospital for observation, there was no spousal unit around at all. He dropped me off at the entrance of the hospital and went home. The doc asked me why he wasn't there. AS IF I would have a logical answer like, "he's in jail and couldn't come," or, "he's on African safari and isn't in the city" no.. no ... none of that. He just couldn't be bothered. And once again, different day, same story.

I don't get it.

Shame on him.

Whiskey-A-GO-GO

When I returned from taking Rebel for her doctor appointment, RebelTween had three boys in the house. NONE of whom were the ones she claims were involved in lifting my liquor. I took her aside and asked her what part of NO ONE is allowed in the house after school? "I called Dad" she said. And the point would be...... "dad said it was okay. OH... and I *found* your scotch. It's beside your bedroom door." And indeed... whiskey returned... seal not even broken on the bottle.

When I once again asked WHO had it and HOW she got it back, I got a very, very lame response. Apparently, she knew who had it. Hmmmm I am thinking the little RebelTween had it herself for some future event??? I told RebelTween I WOULD know who stole my booze. I WOULD tell the parents. As it was ... three dorky boys had an earful from me as I walked into the house. Perhaps a tad whacko... however, RebelTween deserves to share my pain.

As I mentioned this to spousal unit he didn't seem to get too concerned at all.
NOT. at. all.
The man needs a HUGE wake up call. I do NOT understand this complacency at all.
NOT. at. all.
Oh there will be counselling. The Teacher at school has been spoken to AND I have insisted that SU get on board to deal with RebelTween's change in attitude and behavior. He locked himself into his room and chose to not discuss it.

I am NOT done with this.

The SU thinks he did me a big favour by changing the broken lock on my bedroom door. Kind of like closing the barn door after the horse has run off. Stealing alcohol is a symptom... not a problem.

SU now knows how I stand on the separation issues. Ball is in his court and I've seen and heard nothing. There is no progress here. NOTHING at all.

No doubt as usual, I in my usual management role, am expected to take over the process.

Enough already!!!!

I am not sure how best to convey what it's like living in my home these days. I will provide the drama and see if it gets my thoughts and feelings across as well as possible.

On Saturday evening I was heading to a friend's for dinner and was told "please don't bring anything... not even wine. I have a rack full." Of course I planned to take one of the two bottles of Bellini I had in my fridge. It's a nice dessert and fewer calories than chocolate! As I was leaving - I went to the basement fridge to pick up the bottle. It was gone! AND not just the one bottle of Bellini... but BOTH bottles of Bellini and a new bottle of Ciclon that had not yet been opened.
I went ballistic...

and I mean ball-IS-tic!

Crazy, screaming, Fucking Ball-IS-tic!

I thought at first it was Rebel who took ALL my booze, but would you believe... indeed... Tweeny - now rechristened RebelTween had "friends" over who helped themselves while I was out of town.

It gets better. I had most of the gifts I received from my birthday up in my bedroom. This included all the wine and other assorted booze. My precious bottle of GlenMorangie - a very lovely, smoky single malt... GONE! This is not cheap whiskey. This is quality stuff. THAT and a bottle of Baileys DISAPPEARED!!!! Right out of my bedroom! I hope to goodness the little "fecking brats" who took my quality stuff and NOT even recognizing it as such - got good and sick on it... and I mean throwing up, alcohol poisoning kind of sick. it would serve them fecking right!

I went mental crazy nuts AGAIN!!! RebelTween was fortunate she was not in the house at the time. SpousalUnit... not so fortunate. He apparently was at home at the time of the booze snatch. Of course, in his lair with the door shut tight... didn't have a clue what was going on. The concept of "supervision" not entering his head. I pretty much slammed every door, and created a path of destruction as I headed out the door trying to calm down enough to drive. I really didn't care what the SU thought. Not a whit! he deserved anything I had to deliver! HOW does this happen when there are adults in the house??!

Those Bold Little Buggers!

I told RebelTween I want full names, addresses and phone numbers and I intend to visit each and every kid's parent who was part of the crime. I want my booze back. I don't care how it gets here. I want these boys she hangs out with to never show their precious little faces any where near my house again, and I want RebelTween to reflect and think hard while GROUNDED ( as if - with Disneyland Dad backing her) and thinking about the company she keeps. The parents of these feckless lads need to know what there precious offspring are up to.

As for the Dad?? ... total denial. he says she couldn't "control " what they were doing. hello? your 14 yr old RebelTween was drinking!!!! and I don't mean a grape knee-hi either! We have heard that RebelTween was drinking and partying while mom was out of town. And Disneyland dad wants custody? This will need to be thought out.... discussed..... and dealt with in family counselling. Can you see the big man, the disneyland dad quavering already? The thought of therapy clears a room faster than anything else I can say. And the worst of it... RebeTween.... very much like him in makeup. It scares me and worries me that her formation is coming along with him at the help these days. it has to stop.

Rebel, meanwhile, is not well. Her pneumonia is NOT improving at all. We are heading to the doctor today and I have told her no more working, no more going anywhere. She has to stay put and get better. We have a wedding out west in three weeks and she will not be going if we don't see dramatic improvement.

I leave town for four days to do what I need to do and THIS is what I have come home to.

It's enough already!

Life Blood.

I am back after a busy few days with my dad emptying his house as he moves into an apartment after nearly 50 years in this house. I worked my butt off. My brother has been amazing in trying to keep dad together and organized. I feel like the life blood forces are being sucked outta me. What's with that?

Tweeny Trials!

I had a lovely day yesterday. UNTIL! I was scrap booking with friends all evening. The Tweeny grilled me several times about where I was going, what time was I leaving, when would I be back. HMMM something is up, I thought!

Spouse received an invitation for a party - addressed to *Mr and Mrs. Spousal Unit*. AS IF I would attend with him, but nevertheless I thought he would be going.

I asked him because it would affect how long I would be out to ensure that Tweeny was home on time. He claimed he never saw the invitation. I told him it had been sitting on the counter where the mail sits for the past week. My best guess is he must have thought it was one of *my* friends and didn't bother giving it his attention. I asked him if he was going to go and he said no it was too late. He went up to his little room, shut and locked himself in! (WTF??)

I yelled through the door (can you see the eye rolling?) that I was headed out and he should talk to Tweeny about her home time deadline.


Fast forward to midnight.
I return home and guess what???
No Tweeny.
Midnight.
The 14 yr old kid is not home.

I tried very hard to be calm and to ask him if he'd called anyone of her friends. NO, he doesn't know where to find the phone numbers, he doesn't know the code to the voice mail, and on and on.

Well.... I lost it - I have to admit. So, I suggested to him that both of us were being played like fools. That didn't he understand what she was doing. She knows exactly what is going on with *us*
His response...."What did you tell her? We should tell her together!"
I rolled my eyes and blasted him,

"Do you think these kids of ours are idiots? You sleep in the spare room, you don't talk to me. You don't talk to either of them for that matter, do you not THINK they know what the hell is going on here? OF COURSE they know! And they talk. Rebel is just waiting; she and Tweeny have talked about it, because one close friend of mine has already told me that her daughter and Rebel have discussed outcomes. SO WAKE UP and smell the GD coffee!!!"

His response was to leave and start driving around the neighbourhood looking for the kid as I made phone calls. Did I mention it was pouring rain for the past 3 hours too?

I finally reach the mom of kid she was out with. He's not home either.
Fast forward to 2 AM! yes..... 2 AM... spouse is upstairs. Phone rings... turns out Tweeny fell asleep at friend's place and mom didn't realize she didn't go out when the others disappeared at 10:30 PM. They left her sleeping on the couch. I sent spouse to go get her.

Clearly, if she is falling asleep at friends while watching tv - a 10 PM curfew is too late. I decide NOT to get into it with her. I am stupid with fatigue and need sleep, but of course the pounding heart takes at least another hour to calm down.

So... by 3 AM I finally feel like sleeping. I am up by 9 AM... a tad bagged out. Spouse made his appearance at 1:30 PM. Tweeny has yet to hear anything from her dad about the entire mess.

Once again, for some reason, I appear to be "at fault" as Tweeny uses the standard adolescent defense of *it's not my fault I fell asleep!"

I am heading out west to visit the parental unit who needs a lot of help packing up 50 years of living. My sibling can't be expected to take it all on.

A bit of a break for me. Blog readers out there are promising to fill me full of alcoholic beverages. A much needed break. Though my dad is wringing his hands over my impending separation.

WhatEvEr...

Girls.. A couple of bottles of the *white* pinot grigio from Italy will do. And nephew is back working at the best bakery in town.... I will inform him of my need for Russian torts right outta the oven!

Physical labour at the home of my childhood, gorging on confections swilled down with any kind of plonk from a bottle will be the motto for the next 5 days.

TGIF!!!

I don't know about you.... but whatta week!
Anyone else up for something PINK?
hmm note to self...
pink martinis.....
what and how?

Legalities

I saw the she-barracuda lawyer yesterday and had to give her "our history." Even now... I still get tears talking about it. Someone told me tears are more about anger than sadness. Perhaps that's true. So even now... I still think... "it's come to this?" It isn't stopping me, but it does still make me angry. And the counsellor would ask "why?" "Why do you feel this way?" I think it's because I still feel a sense of failure... I realize I shouldn't intellectually, but I do. interestingly, when the best friend was here she said her spouse told her... "I have always found that Marie's spouse is a bit a of a condescending bastard." So... it all comes out now. WHO knew right?

Off I go now, to get the documents I need to have my pension and investments appraised. Valuation date is set as the spouse has determined. No point in arguing that one, given the advice from the she barracuda who I know is extremely well versed in the law on these issues. It would have been nice to make him pay twice but she-barracuda said well he could make you pay for his share if you dispute it. Save the fighting for the good stuff. Indeed... and what would the good stuff be. Stay tuned and we'll find out together.

AS IF I have a clue where my tax returns are from three years ago. I am not good at keeping this stuff in an organized fashion. My desk was removed from the house when I left the private sector and the stuff was put in boxes. I found all kinds of cool stuff in a couple of boxes... none of them related to the current millennium. Pay stubs are sitting in the office at work where I don't plan to be for at least another week.

She-barracuda did say that interestingly because the "only" thing we seem to talk about is the kids... her experience is we should be able to get to some kind of agreement on shared care of the the Tweeny. Even if we don't talk about anything else. Perhaps I will remain positive on this one.

Rebel... seeing the doctor today about her pneumonia. She's on drugs.

I think a few drugs at the right time can solve a lot of life's challenges.

But I will settle for a wee dram of Dalwhinnie instead.

13 on Thursday

13 things on the floor in the spare room where the spouse sleeps.

Rebel says it clearly speaks to his state of mind. "He needs serious counselling .... I mean serious!" Out of the mouths of the babes... even the adult ones...

1. Empty energy bar boxes & wrappers
2. Books
3. Empty bottles of sparkling water
4. Half full bottles of sparkling water
5. Glasses
6. Cups half full of stale coffee
7. Several old editions of tv guides
8. Current edition of tv guide
9. Pencils
10. Pens
11. Shirts
and of course the classics:
12. Socks
13. Underwear

Wordless Wednesday

Parental Guidance Gone Wild.

Having been through one teenager and her wild and crazy behaviour , I figured I'd be able to cope a little better with the next one. Alas, with a soon to be ex spousal unit creating havoc on the other side I have a whole new set of challenges.

Tweeny just turned 14 has decided that checking in after school, or ever isn't a necessity.

"I don't have a cell phone so how am I supposed to call you?"

The problem is of course, where the hell are you that there aren't any land lines from which you can make a call. We've had the discussions about cell phones... I don't think a 14 yr old should need one -

"but all my friends have one"

I told her if she wanted a phone she'd have to show a little more maturity and responsibility before I started paying for a phone. Two nights in a row she didn't turn up at home until 11 PM. I was beside myself after the first time. I said to her father - the RAMB Spousal unit, 'so, what's to be done here... what kind of consequences need to be laid out here so she understands that checking in is important - one doesn't leave school at 2:30 PM and NOT check and just show up at home at 11 PM - and how do "we" insure she gets thd emessage. The best he could do was "I'll talk to her." I rolled the eyes and slammed a few doors and left him to the talk. I'd like to see him pay for the cell phone because I flat out refuse at this stage.

Clearly the NEXT evening, "the talk" didn't do anything because again she was out until 11 PM. She showed up at home with her best friend in tow asking if she could sleep over. I immediately said NO...Tweeny says the girl's parents were staying somewhere else overnight and friend didn't want to stay home alone. I still said NO. Friend needed to be at home in case her parents called. She had a dog that needed attention and no sleep over reward. This is one of the two girls involved in previous Great Escape at 1 AM episode. And I should have her sleep over. I don't think so. Said Friend went into theatrical mode and of course, Spousal Unit caved and over ruled me. AND no phone call to Friend's mom to say where the kid was sleeping.

And you know the next morning... 9 AM friend's mom calls me and is NOT happy that her kid is not at home in her own bed. I told her what had transpired. She was even less happy. Of course, it's not as if I could to tell mom what was going on between me and spouse and the stupid game spouse is playing to stay on his Tweeny's good side. I rousted Tweeny's friend, she got on the phone was blasted and immediately RAN home - no breakfast, no back to sleep.

Several hours later, once the Spousal Unit got himself out of bed (he rarely is out of bed before 1 PM on weekends) I informed him of what had happened four hours earlier and that I didn't enjoy being put into that kind of position.
He has never bothered to get to know our kids' friends parents, either by phone or in person. That has always been left to me. He's above that sort of thing, thinking they're not his kind of people so why does he need to bother. Frankly relationship building of ANY kind of ANY sort is not of interest to him. I told him there would be NO more sleep overs or arranging of anything UNLESS he or I had spoken to parents, because I was not going to put myself into any kind of situation between a kid and parent again.

So Tweeny is IMing with said friend and said friend claims that her mom isn't upset with her, that it was okay for her to sleep over and all's well. I find this hard to believe but the spouse does claim this as a winning ticket - and that I 'over reacted." AS IF I am going to believe the words of another tweeny over her mother??! And I told spouse the same.

There were several other incidences this weekend involving Tweeny. In the end I am really NOT sure what kind of discipline and consequences were handed down from Disneyland Dad for her outrageous evening wanderings, and assorted other disrespectful acts. I did tell her that her disrespect was not earning her any mommy points and I was not really interested in putting myself out for her during the weekend. I do know that when I sanctioned her for a couple of things, spouse went and took her shopping. So I punish and he took her out for rewards. Nice!

I did tell spousal unit that we WERE going to family counselling with her and he would attend. Separation or not - we had to co-parent and she was extremely angry and pitting us against each other. If he couldn't see that.... then he was plainly - an idiot. Counselling to figure out how to deal with her anger and to find out why she felt she didn't have to stay within the boundaries we set for her, was not negotiable.

Given the spousal unit's allergy towards counselling - we shall see how well this one turns out during the mediation sessions.

Duck Season!

Go SENS Go!

Exile

I am on a self imposed exile from work - loooong story but suffice to say when the she-manager snapped off a couple of nasty gram emails to me and one member of my staff - an idealistic newbie who didn't need to hear the uninformed opinion of a someone who doesn't get it - I too snapped and decided I needed a break. The emails were reminiscent of notes and comments from the spousal unit and I decided that I don't need that coming at me through my life so I checked out.
For three weeks.

Around the home front things are kind of in a holding pattern until I get to see the She-barracuda. I am pretty well ready for it, but I anticipate a rather difficult time of it when things get going. I am thinking enough already! I just want to move now.

The Rebel seems to have some sort of pain - clinic doc diagnosed it as something wrong with her liver. He put her on meds and she has to get blood tests. I told the spousal unit, who seems less than concerned. Doesn't help that Rebel chooses to sleep elsewhere but home. I suspect that is a result of feeling the tension at home. A 19 year old shouldn't be having these sorts of medical complaints and I have told her to swear off booze and cigarettes too. I have to roust her out and get her to the lab for blood tests. The doc is also thinking mono.... which wouldn't surprise me.

My belief is that once things change around here she may be around more often. The sooner we get a new attitude in this home of mine the sooner Rebel may be feeling comfortable about being around the house.

I should not be bored... but I am . I really truly hate anything to do with housekeeping... HOWEVER I have been shredding and there is some satisfaction in watching all the piles and boxes of useless files disappear.

It's hot here.... over 90F/31C while in Calgary.... they had snow! And in Newfoundland where I was supposed to be it's chillin at 32F/0C brrrrr. We got this programmable thermostat that drives me mad... I can't figure out how to turn the thing off and on. But the fan that I had installed is on and the heat isn't that penetrating the house much.

Good weekend all.

Lily.... RUN ON marathon woman!

RUN ON!!!

13 on Thursday.

Thursday 13 - Random thoughts.

1. When the going gets tough, the tough take stress leave. I am supposed to be elsewhere this week. It didn't work out. So stress leave is my answer. The new she manager is ..... going to be an on going challenge. Even knowing what she knows about the spousal unit and those challenges. The last straw were the emails written in what I call "spousal-speak" Enough was enough.
2. The spousal unit was not impressed again when I suggested that he put me into a legal situation. I reiterated that I would not sign *any* legal document including car swap documents until discussing with counsel. Legal is legal and there are implications. No deal baby. "It's not the same thing," he said. Oh really?!
3. I don't want to be in spouse's car going to kid events any longer. I have lost any interest or desire to be in any close or enclosed space with him. We have to attend Tweeny's theatrical presentations ( she acts... theatre and theatre of real life... but I digress) and dances. Dance recital is this weekend. Spouse asked if I was going to go with him... I am hoping that my giving him the are you an EFFING idiot???? look matched with the WTF in my eyes was answer enough.
4. Time off , means I can clear out a whole whack of junk from the house. Spring cleaning times three. Shredder is working over time. Doctor asked me how I will manage the stress... shredding docs by hand before putting them through the machine seems to work. yeah yeah... he meant exercise I know I know.
5. Seeing the counsellor next week, and need to change strategies for dealing with spouse and kids and then... there is the she-manager. (rolls eyes)
6. I am constantly amazed that the two ladies who lived across the street with their adopted daughter don't seem to have jobs - they don't go anywhere during the day that I can tell, yet they drive new cars every two years, and seem to go on vacations every three months. It's odd.
7. More French classes if I am going to reach the required management French levels... I don't get the jokes... and I can't talk fluent IT yet Needs to happen if I expect to change things where I am at.
8. Thank you cards written for the 50th gifts. Need to get addresses for everyone. Electronic thank yous won't do.
9. I handed over the draft financial information to the expert on finance and divorce. I managed to find the spousal version of same. He's delusional. I expect to see revisions based on what I have provided the expert. She has already advised me to get a line of credit, which I have done. I got enough in a line of credit to go to Hawaii and back... twice! And stay in Maui for two weeks at a time! All meals included. Plus more... I am thinking a trip to Maui might be good for stress relief... even if no Canadian in their right mind goes to Maui in June!
10. Keep reviewing housing lists to review prices and what's out there. Things seem to be heating up.
11. Hmmm how many of the girls have birthdays coming up that I can go and have some fun in the next few days... be afraid girls... be very afraid....
12. I need to go shopping today to find handcuffs somewhere. Two pairs. it's a cute story... i may tell it.
13. Time to try the five new sangria recipes I found and see which one works best for stress relief.

Wordless Wednesday

Party Post Mortem

Well, the party was a smash. The boys in the band... 4 guitars and a drum kit were a tad crowded into my tiny dining room, while the 40 or so women took over the rest of the house. It was a good thing I kept the rented patio tables beause I had no where else to put food! So while it was chilly, it was sunny, and people did go out for fresh air and room to move!

I was overwhelmed with how generous my friends are. I specifically said "just yourself" I don't want or need gifts, but my goodness, lots of wine, scotch ( single malt even) and a lovely bottle of Pol Roger champagne along with Godiva chocolates - which I am told should only be shared with a best girlfriend.

The best friend from my home town flew in for the do. She didn's know a soul but by the end of the eveing was embraced by all the girls here. I have some good photos, and great memories of wonderful evening. The band was awesome, I had plenty of food, and not a lot of leftovers, and it seemd that even though we were crowded people enjoyed themselves.

Rebel was stunned as people kept coming in and hanging around. Tweeny couldn't handle all the women being LOUD and dancing. She took off with friends and only came home after the band was done.

I am blessed with wonderful wonderful friends. The rest... really doesn't matter. I recommend every woman should throw her own party and let loose.

Happy Birthday to Me... a very *happy* blessed, 50 year old babe who can belt out a few numbers with the lads in the band.

PARTY!!

Wordless Wednesday

T - 24 {+ - }

count down to party time - T-24 hours...
40+ women 4 guys in a band...
lots of ciclon punch
Bathroom duty Wednesday AM
appetizer duty Wednesday PM
Manicure and Pedicure... Thursday AM.
Flowers for the table... Thursday post pedicure
Weather.... apparently crappy!
What EvEr!!!
the 'real" date though isn't for another 4 days.

Musings....

Time to get rid of the Ciclon bottle on the side bar. No more free advertising for booze that can not be bought by those who care! Gene Simmons is the man these days. I don't find him in the least bit attractive, (I mean... LOOK at the man - face lift or not!) but I LOVE the show. His son has a killer sense of humour and Shannon Tweed rocks. Can she make that man dance. Listening to her yell GENEIEEEEEE! it's like watching a weird version of I Dream of Jeannie! So Gene Simmons will decorate this space for a bit.

Mother's Day is done. Like my friend over at Annie's Attitude I have a tough time with the whole concept. My spouse never taught his children how to honour their mother, because I suspect he didn't learn this growing up either. Tweeny was her usual Tweeny self, but The Rebel gave me a nice card. It was a little mooshy. She and I are starting to get along... on good days. She is becoming a mature young woman.... sort of... if I could just get her out of the Nike's and into "real girl" shoes.

sigh...

I had asked the spouse for the paint for the bathroom and the hall way as well as the wall repair kits. I told him I was prepared to do the patchwork. I mean how hard can it be? He informed me that I wouldn't do it right. Can you see the eye rolling from where you sit? He proceeded to get the stuff done himself. Man.... if I had realized that all I had to do was say I would do it myself and make as if I was getting ready - things would have been done weeks, no months ago.

My dearest friend is flying up from the home town to come to my party! I had to tell her she had to stay at a hotel what with the spouse taking over the spare room, and frankly, I don't want him back in my bed anyway! The joint line of credit will pay for it I believe. And I will probably have a PJ party and sleep over involving a lot of wine one of those evenings too!

Only 3 days til party time, and I have a TON of stuff to do. Tonight is COSTCO and dessert making night. Cheesecake inside little chocolate cups with saskatoon berry garnish, bread pudding made with my Easter bread leftovers and a bourbon whisky custard sauce. I'll also get the caesar salad dressing made. Tomrrow will be appetizer preparation and clean the bathrooms night. There will be about 35 women in my house. Tweeny is freaked! Rebel has negotiated a pay rate to be my server/slave!

Hockey game tonight. OY! It's gonna be a nail biter. Sens and Sabres. Please no OT tonight! It's too hard to take!

3 days to party time.
How come none of you are coming???!!!

And don't tell me it's cuz I don't have a spare room anymore!

Thirteen on Thursday

13 things I am worrying about

when it comes time to mediate:

1. Spouse will fight about who gets the house.
2. Spouse will fight about where the girls, particularly Tweeny, will spend the majority of their time.
3. Spouse will fight about getting access to my investments.
4. Spouse won't leave when asked.
5. Spouse WILL leave when asked but will leave all his crap behind for me to clean up.
6. Spouse will want to move faster than I am ready to move.
7. Spouse will impose himself on my party even if I ask him not to.
8. Spouse's family will hate my guts.
9. Spouse's family will blame me 100%.
10. Spouse will start drinking again.
11. Spouse will behave like a RAMB during mediation but still refuse counselling.
12. Spouse will behave very well during mediation and that will cause me to wonder what he really wants.
13. Spouse will walk away from everything as if the past 24 years never happened.

AS IF I do ANYTHING about the above? Of course not. It is out of my control. I need to clear out the worries and get this fixed in my brain so I feel safe. (Limbic brain conditioning)

Regardless of what the Spouse does or says, I WILL be fine. I can control what I can control. I need to change my thought patterns and create a positive vibe rather than this worrying vibe.

Besides, I have a party to get ready for. It's in exactly

ONE WEEK!

I have the dress, the shoes and most of the food!
30 people have said they are coming!

Party like it's 1999!!

And So It Goes.

Tweeny had her birthday yesterday. It wasn't a big deal because she wants to have a party at the end of the week, which was fine by me. She didn't want a birthday cake on her day. She only wanted her present. I met her and a good friend and the spouse at a local favourite restaurant. I could see the spouse watching me from the restaurant window as I parked my car. ( his car really - see two posts above) All I could think of as I got out of the car in my high heels and suit was don't effing trip girl. Walk with your head high and a swing in your hips. Let me see what he is giving away! Why bother? I don't know. But it makes me feel better.

I was late arriving home from work - no mother of the year award here - I was speaking at a conference and the schedule was changed at the last minutes. Truth be told as well, dear friends from grad school were at this conference and we had to have a chat and a glass of wine before I left. One of the friends is a devout Catholic. She has met the spouse. She is a very frank woman. Always has been. When she asked.. so Marie.. how's the spouse? I told her.

It continues to surprise me what people tell me now that these wheels are in motion.

"Marie, I always wondered why you married him. You're so "different" You love to be out and about, and he loves to stay home and watch hockey games. He's not a very social type. Ah well, if you tried everything you could and he won't try anything, you really don't have much choice do you?"

She continued,

"Yes Marie, I know you know I am seriously tied to the church, but forever is just too long. People change and we have to take this into account."

She did tell me that after the divorce I should get the annulment. I expect to do that. She cracks me up this woman. I'll see her again for a much longer chat when I fly out to Newfoundland for meetings after the long weekend.

And so it goes. Is there anyone out there beside the spouse's mother who has a little higher regard for him?

If they're there... they're not saying much.

Friday File

The She-barracuda sent off a "yeah yeah yeah" letter to the spouse's suit. It was when I read our names - Marie and Spouse - Matrimonial - and the phrase "marriage breakdown" in the letter I thought ok... it's really real now. This is it. The matrimonial part is like seeing the marriage all in reverse. From a future filled with hope and excitement to today. I can re-run our wedding day almost minute by minute from the time I woke up, no... from the time we got engaged, to the end of that day. Almost twenty four years. While I mostly have accepted this, there are times that it all washes over me and I want to either keep crying over the futility or - smack the spouse.
Really hard!

Tweeny had her school play yesterday. The spousal unit seemed to think I would go with him in his car. Now WHY on earth would he think I would even entertain that thought I have no clue.
He is in such a rush to get the separation going and he thinks I should pretend? It was probably the letter my She-Barracuda wrote that had an effect on me. AS IF I was going to get into his car, or have him in mine. I told the spouse I would see him at the school. I would go on my own. He was rather surprised but he took off out the door and drove away.

I saw him sitting in the audience and I chose to take a seat elsewhere closer to the front of the stage so I could attempt to take pictures. I was planning on using my new digital cam (another whole blog on that!) as well as my (the spouse's actually) SLR manual analog film eating camera.

I was still feeling pretty angry, and I wanted the spouse to know what it will feel like to be alone - to not have me sitting beside him at the children's events bringing him into conversations with people around us. Tweeny expects to see me up front and she was not disappointed. Rebel was with me using her camera as the back up.

Even during intermission, the spouse sat in his chair, didn't talk to anyone and stayed put while I socialized with other parents and Tweeny's friends. At the end of the show, spouse took Tweeny for her usual post performance meal to McDonalds - a tradition for as long as she has been acting, and Rebel asked me to if she could buy me a beer at her favourite local haunt - the pool hall.
So off we split. Neither girl too surprised with the two vehicles. Tweeny with her dad to go to McD's and me with Rebel going for beers. A new way of life is starting to take shape.

Ribs & Ciclon Night - in 13 days. Grocery list all made. 24 YES RSVPs and 4 maybes. Weather count down not for another week yet.

Under Control

I don't have a list today because the party is under control. the She-Barracuda is on the job and I've been kind of occupied trying to get back into the zone on my job. But I had an interesting thing come up and I believe the spousal unit is now realizing what he's done may not be working for him the way he expected.

Many years back when he bought our first Taurus, I had never owned my own car, so the spouse said,

"let's put this one in your name and register it for you and you'll now 'own' the car."

Fast forward about five years when I needed a car for work, because the public transportation system just sucked badly at my then, new work location. So we bought another Taurus, and even though it is mine and I drive it, the ownership and registration are in the spouse's name because I already had a vehicle registered in my name.

Yesterday, spouse asked me for the registration papers for my car. Damned if I know where they are. I am told I should keep them next to the driver's license because if I get pulled over or get into an accident I have to produce them.

MEH!
yeah ,yeah.
whatEvEr.

Spouse then goes on to tell me he has "the paperwork" to change the ownership and registrations for our cars. I had thought about this too, but figured I wasn't going to worry about it. No doubt I will have to sign something in order for our registrations and ownerships to be re-matched. Now, I could play nice and go ahead and do this. But I am thinking I'd like to be a bit bitchy and whacko about this.

My response to signing the exchange papers (aside from EFF that!)

Spouse dear, we have lawyers now. Please take your papers to your lawyer, who will then take them to my lawyer who will keep them until I see her. Once I see her and am advised, only then will I sign or not sign. Oh? the registration is due BEFORE I see my lawyer. OH well. That's the process that has been started and as you have always said, " Let any system and process take care of things, when you don't have control. I lost my control and am in a system and a process. The process will take care of the paperwork at the right time. "

I would almost rather have his car, even though mine is nicer, cleaner and newer by one year. I would trade it in and get the Mustang GT convertible.

In a heartbeat.

'Scopes, Sharks & Shoes.

This was my horoscope today.:

Events that would halt another person in his tracks simply whet your appetite for more. What gives? Are you some kind of superhero or something? Other people are in awe of your abilities, as well they should be.

And this was for the next sign. Because I am at the end of one sign and the cusp of another, I usually follow two signs. Just to keep life interesting.

Surrender the wheel to the universe and you might find that your destination is a lot more fun. Funnily enough, the ride there becomes a lot smoother too. Trust in the process and you'll soon see results.

I really don't believe much in horoscopes, but there is something to be said for these things sometimes isn't there? I have put up with a lot, and I do keep moving. Interestingly, the spouse is a great one for always having told me to "trust in the process" because sometimes - it's all you CAN do.

I am no super hero. I do what I need to get done. I do have to surrender myself and go with the flow.

The shark in a suit rings in at $400 per hour and wants a 5K retainer for starters. OR I could use his Law Clerks for $100 per hour. I think not. In any case he wasn't available at a much earlier date than the She-Barracuda. So the barracuda it will be.

I have started the process. And I have to trust in it.

Only 16 days til Ribs & Ciclon Night.

The RSVPs are starting to roll in. I am getting through the checklist of things to do! I have new shoes too! It's gonna be slammin!

Can a nearly "significantly serious" birthday girl say "slammin?"