One More Nail.

I decided that when I get to the mediation session - still an entire month away I had better have somewhere to go afterwards to decompress. I fully expect the SU to give me grief or do or say things that will make me completely crazy. Keeping that in check - volatile, emotional being that I am - will not be fun. So I asked a friend if she'd let me come over afterwards to vent and sit for a bit before heading home.

She not only agreed but she is insisting on a couple of coaching sessions before hand so I will know what to expect. She's been through this and knows how mediation works so we will role play. She is also going to walk me through her own separation agreement and explain to me what was what.

That's what friends are for. I believe this will be most beneficial so I will not only be well armed with information, I'll be well briefed and tutored into how to get through the first ordeal. The mediator says that sometimes when things are on a roll, the session can go for three to four hours to get through most of the issues. Having been involved in labour negotations I can just imagine how this will work.

I was a busy scrapbooking crafter this weekend. Thoroughly enjoyed my time with the 20 other women of all ages who were getting photo albums together. For me, it's therapy. Especially the part where I chop heads off pictures!

The younger daughter told me what her plans were for the weekend before I took off. She was going to a friend's over night and then to a soccer tournament at one of the universities on Sunday and then home. We got this nailed down before I left home Saturday afternoon.

When on Sunday afternoon around 3-ish I hadn't heard from her - I started phoning her cell. The cell I pay for her. She wasn't answering my calls or texts. I was not a pleased parent. So of course, I figure may as well ask the other parental unit what plans he made with her. I know, I know, WHY did I waste my time. Of course dear readers, you know how well that turned out.

He parroted back to me the same plan she told me.

"Yes, SU, I know the plan, however what are her time frames. What boundaries did you put in place as you dropped her off?"

" Boundaries" he says. " she'll call me when she's ready to come home! - Don't you trust her?"

"Of course I don't trust her, she's 15 years old and thinks she's smarter than I am in! She needs to understand that there are rules. SHe needs to know we have expectations that need to be met and she also needs to be very clear that I pay for the cell, I expect it to be picked up when I call. The cell is for MY convenience - not hers." As I speak I think in my head for the upteenthe time - Would you please act like a father and parent instead of a chauffer and banker!?!?!?

And so finally three hours later I get the phone call I've been wanting.
Said daughter ends up needing a ride home because she wasn't keeping track of the bus schedules. And none of the other kids' parents that she is with step up to pick these kids up either. She arrived home after 10 PM - and .... home work is incomplete. She started homework at 10:30 PM - Sunday night and the other parental unit ( PU - better ring to it than SU doncha think?) doesn't seem to have a problem with this.

Of course said daughter doesn't get to bed til after midnight, and it follows quite logically that she didn't get her self out of bed til 10 minutes before it was time to leave in the morning today. And who is she trying to rush out of the bathroom because of her own bad time management skills?

In my next house I will have my own private bathroom. I am pretty much done with sharing bathrooms with my girls. But that's a post for another day.

As for PU.... one more nail in the bad parenting coffin files.

And so it went.

The mediator called me at my office and we had our "pre-meeting" earlier this week.

Mediator - Have you looked at our website and do you have any questions for me about the process?

Me - No, I don't. I am good at doing research and I like to know things, so I have a bunch of stuff from the library on mediation, and I have read your website as well as the books I found.

Mediator - Do you need to know about me personally? Or do you want to know about my background?

Me - No - I've checked you out. You were not my first choice so I checked you out thoroughly when the SU rejected my first choice. I know enough. you'll do - even though you are more expensive and not as available as the guy I chose.

She asked some questions about the current state of affairs. I informed her. More about Rebel as well as Rebel Junior AND the SU.

NOTE - so we went through my history - I almost gave her the blog address as I figured it would be easier to let her read and learn it all. But then I remembered - oy yeah.. she's a lawyer mediator - she'll charge us as she reads. As the Rebel says *EFF that!*

Mediator - What can I do to support you through this process?

Me - hmmmm at this point. I really don't know. But when I do, I will tell you.

Mediator - Do either of you have family in town?

Me - No, but I do have good friends and expect to rely on them through this process. I will be fine.

Mediator - If at any time you are not *fine* you need to tell me and I will help you and SU figure out how best to make your moves.

Moving along - do you think SU will be interested in spousal support?

NOTE - at that point I spewed my coffee.

Me - Spousal Support??! AS IF!!!
We each have jobs with good salaries. There is no need.

NOTE - And so it went. From my end of it - she hadn't spoken to the SU as yet - she figures we're pretty straight forward and if we don't fight over custody child support and financial stuff too too much - she figures it shouldn't take too long to get to an agreement.

Thursday Thirteen.

13 things on the financial's
that need to be finished for the sworn statement.
all in December 2006.

1. RRSP statement
2. Credit card statements
3. Salary statements
4. My Aeroplan points?!?!
5. My Club Z points?!!
6. Camp costs
7. Dance programmes
8. Insurance programmes
9. Hair and nail expenses ( heh heh heh)
10.Value of the fur coat ( not enough)
11.Value of the good china
12.Clothing expenses ( see comment no. 9)
13. Any other investment

Barracuda{s}

The Barracuda asks for a meeting before I go in with the mediator next month - so of course I schedule a meeting and off I go. After spending far too much time asking about my daughter - on her nickel - I finally say, "okay - where do we start, why am I here?"

" So.. Marie, have you any questions for me about the process?" and she proceeds to tell me what I should expect in mediation.
" OKAY.. Barracuda? I've done the research I know what to expect. I've read three different books on mediation - they all say the same thing. I've read one book on how to be smart about divorce and I've even read a book on divorce for men. I am getting into this. ( see Wordless from last week) I have my negotiation points all written down here. I am ready to go, except for the finances, and the other barracuda is getting that ready for me. "

"Oh.. you seem well prepared. Other barracuda? There is more than one fish in your pond?" and she sounded more than a little miffed by this.
"Yes, Barracuda, indeed there are more than a few fish and yes.. I am ready. I like to do my research. So to stop me from having to pay you much and to know what I am in for. So rather than pay you for a full hour - are we done?"
"uh.. yeah.. I guess we are. Your strategy is fine. Call me any time during this process if you're not sure about what to do how to do it, or if there is a problem you need to work through."
I am in and out of her meeting room in 15 minutes. I expect the meeting with my other barracuda the financial one to last a tad longer. That's the tough one.
Barracuda $250 per hour. Financial shark ( other barracuda) $75 per hour. And she's an investment manager, financial planner specialising in divorces. Who do you think I will talk to first?

Lawyers! Can't live without them. can't rent them at COSTCO either! Stay tuned. More to come for sure.

Thursday Thirteen.

13 Things that must be considered
when dealing with children and separation.

1. Day to day decisions about- education, religion, health, emergency stuff.
2. Where are they going to live and when?
3. Communication with the "other" parent.
4. Holiday decisions about - Christmas, Easter, birthdays - theirs and ours - Father's Day, Mother's Day, traditional family gatherings.
5. Seeing extended families on both sides.
6. Changing schedules and flexibility.
7. Travel - business without kids, traveling with kids, permission to travel - out of country travel.
8. Make up time.
9. Moving - neighbourhoods, cities.
10. Attending kids functions - dance recitals, sports events, school stuff.
11. Changing names.
12. Death of one or both parents - guardianship.
13. Dispute resolution.

UGH... at least one is already an adult and doesn't really fall into this and the other is 15 going on 27 and speaks her mind.

Wordless Wednesday.

Makes Sense.

As I was clearing out a ton of stuff from what is supposed to be my isle of tranquility - sometimes known as my bedroom, some times known as 'don't know where it goes? Give it to mom' spot - the eldest Rebel came in and asked me why I didn't help her dad with the Thanksgiving Dinner on Sunday. I turned around and looked at her and said, 'well... he didn't ask for help, and I know if I offer, he'd say no. If your dad needs help all he has to do is ask me, and of course I'll help. Why wouldn't I?'
'Makes sense,' she said and then proceeded to tell me that he whined in her ear about how I didn't do anything.

I've told her many times, and told her to ensure her sister knows the same, that if the SU starts in with 'tell your mother' or 'why doesn't your mother...' or anything that looks like he is asking them to be a messenger, that they need to tell him to speak with me directly. That way they are not in the middle of anything.

Again the daughter says 'makes sense.' And proceeded to ask me to go with her to pick up some milk from the one local store that was open yesterday.

She is now a driver in training. When she turned 16 she was a Rebel-and-a-half and I told her no license until she finished - completely - her grade 11. There were always boys with cars - so she couldn't be bothered, driving or finishing school. Now she's (finally) hellbent on both. And has turned into the most critical of back seat drivers too.



I swing widely between being pleased that she is driving, and covering my eyes when I am in the car with her.

Fall has arrived!

It's voting day on Tuesday and we don't have any voting cards in the house. How did that happen? When you don't have a voting card it's a mission to be able to vote. With today being the official Thanksgiving holiday nothing is open to be able to find out what ID we need to bring with us to be able to vote. Tomorrow morning I'll have to call our returning office and get the scoop. I predict another minority government.

Thanksgiving Dinner was all right. Rebel's boyfriend stayed with us, but he's an odd one. AS IF I didn't already know this. The two girls started on some rather rude table talk which sent the BF over the edge. Apparently he's got a weak stomach and the minute someone says something the least bit gross he goes green. Weak. very weak. Clearly he's never been to enough family meals anywhere. He wouldn't even stay put at the table NOT eating. He left. I was surprised at the lack of manners. We ended up having a fairly decent time though. Which was nice.

I had nothing to do with meal preparation. SU didn't ask me for help, and I didn't offer. If it had been me, I would have asked for help - I manage and I delegate. Why he wouldn't - who knows.. how cares. The girls enjoyed themselves - that's what matters.

I am walking again - thank goodness. We had a great walk the last few days. The weather has been fantastic. The last few days we've been walking right at dusk. We walk by this pond type pool of water where the Canada geese lay over for the night. Watching the geese all flying down and coming in for landings was so amazing. They land like airplanes.... or is it that the airplanes land like birds? They circle around to get the right down draft and lightly touch the water. Over and over and over again. We must have seen over a hundred of them coming in for the night. I didn't have my camera that evening but against the orange and yellow setting sun the silhouette of the V shape of their flying formation was just lovely. It was quite a sight.

So instead. Here are the geese on Thanksgiving weekend. The noise from the pond was something. I am thinking it sounded something like "HEY! anyone going south to North Carolina? I don't wanna go to South America this year!" "Florida! Anyone going to Florida? Can I hitch a ride with your formation?"

Yeah.. Fall has arrived!

Thursday Thirteen.

13 things done to you at a check up by the doctor

(in this case the nurse practitioner
whose schedule wasn't booked til New Years.)

1. ears poked
2. eyes blinded
3. boobs smushed
4. knees cracked
5. toes tickled
6. back thumped
7. no I don't do street drugs
8. tongue twisted
9. blood drawn
10. stomach pushed
11. pelvis prodded
12. only one glass a night.. seriously!
13. speculum... up there poke poke Yes I know I have a tipped cervix

Wordless Wednesday.

Opinions from the galleries...

I am sharing the news about the upcoming mediation sessions with friends and family. It's good to get support and interest from those who are there beside me.

The sibling said....

Good luck with the separation. I'm no expert in this field but it's probably best to not get caught up in all of the property details and just get out and end it.

And I wouldn't spend too much time prepping the house for sale either, unless you want to add another year or two to the process. Stick a sign out front and start packing.

Easy for me to say but you're healthy, you have a career - get out and move on - Life is Good (especially if you have a good lawyer).

A good friend down east said....

as if there weren't enough misery in the world, mes condoléances, vraiment, ma chère -- think of me cheering you on from the sidelines - hoping you will be hanging tough on RSPs, pension, and house, since you have been the conscientious party in all this

The sister-in-law - the SU's sister said-
At least you can divorce him. I'm stuck with him for all the good he does! Oh and the favourite aunt says to keep the house keep the pension and not give him a penny! He wouldn't have any of it if weren't for you.

The walking partner says.
Get rid of the house and get something newer. You won't regret it.

the good friend from church said..
You won't regret giving up the house. Start fresh.

I am thinking about all of it and not making any decisions just yet.

The shredding and organizing didn't go as well as it could have this past weekend. I still have a lot to do. Perhaps while watching Chuck and Live tonight- the two must-see tv shows I enjoy - I'll get a few things shuffled around.

I have dates!

No... not THOSE kind of dates. I am in marital purgatory so THOSE dates are not on - YET.
I have a date to see the financial shark specialist, I have a date with the barracuda and the date for the mediator. Mediation begins exactly one month before Christmas. By then I'll be sorted out and ready to rock this out.

The lawyer wanted me to see her before I saw the Shark, but it didn't work out that way. The Shark is going to crunch numbers plus evaluate the stuff I have on the SU. this in turn will help me with a strategy for moving forward on what I want and what I can afford. Equally important as the rest of the legal stuff.

As I reviewed SU's financial documents I had to laugh at some of it. He clearly exaggerated some of his numbers, and I guess that is the game. This is a man who buys his clothes at Zellers and maybe The Bay. I would hazard a guess that his annual spend on clothes is in the $200 range and yet his statement says he spends that in a month. AS IF.

I now see why this stuff gets tense. However until a few months ago he had no clue what any thing cost and now all of a sudden he's Mr.-I-Am-On-Top-Of-The-Bills guy. ok.

For once I have no plans for the weekend. Though I am thinking I have to be a whole more productive than I was last weekend. The paper is out of control and no matter how much I shred, it turns up exponentially in piles everywhere.

Happy weekend!

Wordless Wednesday.

{click it}

Let the Games Begin!

Good afternoon Ms. Marie,

There are two steps we need to arrange to proceed with mediation:

STEP 1 We need to set up a mutually agreeable time for the first joint mediation session. Joint mediation sessions are generally 2.5 to 3 hours in length. Looking at the mediator's calendar she is currently booking mediations in November. She could meet with you and Mr. SU on:

- November 10th

- Tuesday, November 11th or

- Tuesday, November 25th

STEP 2 Once a mediation meeting has been agreed to by yourself and Mr. SU we can arrange your individual pre-mediation sessions. The pre-mediation session is approximately one hour and may be conducted by the mediator in person or by phone. The individual pre-mediation session provides an opportunity for the client to talk with the mediator in a relaxed and confidential environment before the first joint mediation session. Your Mediator is currently available for an individual pre-mediation session on:

- October 22nd , or

- October 30th

Please let me know if any of these dates and times work with your schedule.

I'll be meeting with the mediator but not before I have the strategy meetings with my two experts - the Barracuda and the Financial Shark. No going in unprepared and unarmed!

Yeah...that will work.

In the entire time we've been married the SU could never bother with the finances. Ever. If I suggested how we might do things differently or create some strategies for vacations or big ticket items, I was pretty much ignored.

Both the SU and I have health plans from work. The way they work is whoever has the earliest birthday claims the kids first and pays 80% and the second plan covers the rest. For whatever stupid stubborn reason, I've not asked the SU for the rest of the money I've been spending on Rebel's drugs. Foolish, I know, asking him for money is not something I like to do. Well, due to some stupidity on the part of my corporate credit card while I was away last week, I ended up having to pay my hotel bill on my personal card. ( do you have any idea how expensive euros are?!?!?) and my credit card is maxed as I wait for the health plan to reimburse me a few thousand as well. Well, SU had to pay one for one of Rebel's anti rejection meds at the cost of nearly $700.00 AND he had to take Rebel Junior to the orthodontist to have a new retainer made - another $250 - while I was away. He's never paid these bills before. He is on my case to hurry up and fill out the forms and get him reimbursed. What EvEr!

My initial thought was to tell him I would take as long to reimburse him as it has taken him to finish the work in the two bathrooms, bedrooms and living room. I know have leverage. In the short term. I doubt he'd comply though and with mediation coming up I am sure he'd find a way to be a bastard and use this against me somehow. He's that vindictive. But it was tempting.

So all weekend long I've heard about this money that needs to be reimbursed. Twice this morning I was reminded to take the papers in and mail them. He practically "ordered" me to get the paperwork done. yeah... that will work.

I Guess We'll Get On With It.

I had an email from the mediator asking if I was back from my business trip and was I ready to start the mediation process. I replied, yes I am back from the trip and is in any one really '"ready" for the process? However since I have no choice, I guess we'll get on with it. Believe me, there will be a blow by blow account as we get going. Given that when she first contacted me she was booking two months out, I don't expect much to happen til November. I'll continue to read until then and get a handle on what I want and the strategies I may need to get there.
of course the Barracuda told me to come in for coaching before hand.

I am still more than mildly irked that the SU wouldn't go for the mediator I had chosen, and I expect he didn't even do his homework to find out about the guy. I am mostly past that irkiness but find it annoying.

I am still a tad jet lagged and need energy to do some severe tidying up around the house this weekend. My own room looks like a tornado blew through it. I have a ton of papers in there that need to be managed or pitched STILL! Plus some general cleaning. BoRING!

Rebel is back at school and has found herself a part time job. Her cardiologist says it's okay as long as it doesn't stress her or cause her worry. She's had some issues with the girls who have claimed to be her friends. She has pretty much written off most them. Their lack of maturity is stunning. There were several things that happened that hurt the Rebel and she is pretty tired of drama and games that are usually the realm of 13 year olds and not 20 and 21 yr old girls. As much as it does leave Rebel without a lot of friends, she is moving forward. She changed her cell phone number, de-activated her facebook page, and pretty much shut them all down. I feel sad for her on the one hand and am so surprised by how much she has changed and developed through this ordeal on the other.

The weekend has arrived.
No doubt there is a bar open somewhere!

Wordless Wednesday

Back to Reality!

I arrived home to a clean house. That's a first. SU has taken it upon himself to keep the kitchen clean these days. Since I've boycotted that responsibility he sighs, shrugs, and mutters as he cleans up after his two daughters.

I feel no sympathy and have no desire to pitch in. He caused this. Instead of reinforcing me when I wanted the girls to help tidy up, he was part of the problem leaving his mess right along theirs. It's payback time!

He's kind of weird too. I have a dishwasher and he refuses to use it. So he stands at the sink sighing and muttering and washing and drying by hand. He gets upset because the glassware gets that etched dishwasher marks and they are ruined. No matter what I use - rinse agent different detergent the glasses get etched. I just go to the dollar store and buy cheapies and not worry about it. I save the good stuff for company and then I will wash by hand. But will SU? NOOOOo he insists even the dollar store glasses get done by hand. Go ahead, do the dishes and do your own thing. I can't be bothered.

I am waiting to hear from the mediator. Nothing yet. No doubt we'll have something set up soon. I've been doing my research.

How to pass the time in the sky

Iron Man 2008 USA
Robert Downey Jr was great as the playboy-geek-brilliant industrialist weapons manufacturer who develops a conscious and beats the bad boys. It was fun. Get ready for the sequels. Oh there will be more than one.

An Empress and the Warriors: Kwong saan mei yan 2008 Hong Kong
A lovely tale of a young woman who takes over her father's kingdom after his tragic and violent death. She too is a warrior lord and has two very different men vie for her affections. No happy ending here but certainly many lessons about loyalty, integrity and life. I really liked this film.

Notre univers impitoyable What If...? Switzerland 2008
A little alternate reality movie romp that takes the story of a couple both competing for the same promotion at the law firm where they work and provides a couple of different scenarios. What if I got it what if he got it. What would our lives be like? It was a little tough to follow at first but it kept me interested. I was on an airplane - what ELSE was there to do.
I'd recommend this one.

Caramel Sukkar Banat Lebanon, 2007
The story of five women in Lebanon who gather at a local hair salon. They are all looking for or dealing with love in their lives. For a couple of hours I was transported to a way of life that is so completely foreign to me. This was a really wonderful story for and about women. The tension for these women was between modern 21st century ideals and traditional paths. Do find this one if you can. It's a great story.

Made of Honour USA 2008
Pure Hollywood chick flick escapism. It was another Patrick Dempsey goofy movie not quite as good as When Harry Met Sally, but trying for that level. Hannah asks Tom, her best friend, to be her maid of honour. Tom realizes he is in love with Hannah and has to "get the bride!" Good fun with popcorn wine and the inevtiable happy ending. Light, fluffy, fun.

Wordless {not quite}Thirteen.

Brilliant idea that didn't work!

I had a plan. But frankly, I need the Blonde because no matter what I tried to do.... it didn't work.

Since I didn't do a Wordless this week and I couldn't think of a 13 I was going to combine the two and get them up together as a Wordless 13. 13 images telling a story using this piece of jewelry I have that would have been kind of cool. So I have the images but I can't get blogger to cooperate.

So no story, no images no 13.
I will be just as happy as the Blonde when her move is done and she can get back to work! (-:

SU being as jackass-ified as usual, but more so.
He has his lawyer talking to my barracuda about mediation. WhatEV!
He's pretty much done in my opinion. I have my own plans for him that my barracuda is checking on for me.

I have to get packed and run a million errands before I leave for my first business trip since before Rebel got sick. And a good one it is too. I am off to Europe and the UK again. No time for any fun stuff really, but I imagine I can squeeze in a few things.
perhaps next week while I am away and Blondie is up and running again, you might see my Wordless 13. Don't count on me to figure out the secret world of blogger.

She rolls eyes, gets her Sleepy Time tea, powers down the computer, turns the lights off, and goes to bed with her Linda Barnes novel.

Agitation - not mine

Another weekend.

SU was in a highly agitated state of passive aggresive-ness this weekend. Don't know what was eating his shorts.

I learned he really is angry about cleaning the kitchen all the time. AS IF I am caring. I did say that after my 22 years of cleaning up HIS messes all the time, I really wasn't feeling to bad about his dislike of the chores. That plus NOT working with me in getting our daughters to clean up after them. yeah... it gets a little messy in there... but I am not too concerned. SU does a great huff and puff sighing act as he washes and dries the dishes by hand to add to his inconvenienced self. WE have a brand new dishwasher..... he won't use it. WhatEvEr.

I thought my washing machine was broken. We bought it in 1992. Rebel's BF checked it out.. ran it twice.. no leaks all worked.. I have a reprieve I guess. Too bad... I really like those front end loader ones.

A friend was in town this weekend before the start of business meetings on Monday. We went out for dinner to the only Thai vegetarian place in town... and then instead of dessert we saw the new Woody Allen movie.. Vicky Christina Barcelona. Classis Woody for change... after the murder movie Match Point, I think? I was not sure what I'd see. I am waiting for the new Coen Brothers movie which opens next week. I LOVE anything created by the Coens.

Dear SU,

You are a jackass of the first order.

Please be advised that mediation should begin upon my return from my business trip to Europe. This is not, as you decided to tell our daughters, a jaunt for fun. It's a business trip.
And it's going to be more business when I return.

Meeting times - preferably after work hours. Saturday would be ideal.

Your passive aggressive behaviour towards your daughter - who can't go out and get a job - was appalling. WHAT is your issue? Yeah Yeah Yeah.. the loser boyfriend. So let's drive her right into his arms by giving her a hard time every time she asks you for money. She shouldn't have to do this. I suggested an allowance of $200 a week for her. She needs to have some form of independence and having to ask for $10 every time she wants to get her eyebrows waxed or $20 to go out for dinner with the girls is NOT an appropriate way to treat a 20 year old daughter.

This is especially not on when your younger daughter comes home with $200 worth of overpriced LuLuLemon status clothes one day and $60 worth of overpriced school binders the next.

I am done.

Bring it on baby! Bring it on!

You will pay and pay equally. ENOUGH of the jackassery!

And while we're at it..... Get the HELL out of MY house!

For Better or For Worse... with Grace and Flair!

August 30, 2008 by Lynn Johnston.







click it to big it


And so it ended. One more day of Lynn's famous strip and it was done on the weekend. I couldn't believe I had tears in my eyes as I read it. Well... actually I could. I cry over baby powder ads on tv so this wasn't a surprise.

Lynn Johnston told some great stories in her comic strip. Millions followed the story of the Patterson family and laughed and cried along with them.
For me, what makes this particular strip so poignant is the fact that Lynn herself went through a divorce not too long ago after a long marriage. Rather than re create those trials in her fiction family she let it all end so beautifully.

I mean, seriously.... given the issues she dealt in her stories, having John go through a serious mid life crisis, drink til he got drunk every night and hide in the garage with his trains could have been an option for her to really vent.
But she didn't.

Who knows what went on in her private life. How awful or well managed her separation and divorce really went. Did she break dishes? probably pens. Did she go out and get smashed with the girls? maybe more than once? Did she go to the Divorce Busting website or Royce's Relationship Rescue and use a tag name and go on and on and on for weeks? probably not.

What she did do was finish her fiction stories with grace and flair. That's something to be very proud of.

She still believes. Or lets the rest of us believe that in spite of it all... for better of for worse can still mean something. Grace and Flair. ...... I might be on to something... two good names for the doggies I'll have to get to replace one done with SU!

Tipping things....

It's a lazy bright and clear Labour Day Monday. The place is still pretty quiet and it's 10 AM. The dog had us all up at 4 AM as he decided he needed to go out. Rebel Jr was still up as her and older one had a conversation and woke me up as well.

The weekend was pretty uneventful. I picked up a bunch of books about mediation at the library but haven't been able to sit and go through them to provide a short review of what I found. It's coming! really!

Rebel and I went to see the final show of Wicked! last night with friends. I enjoyed it as much the second time as I did the first. Rebel had read the book while in the hospital so she knew the story. We had a good time. Interesting thing with Rebel, regardless of where we go - she will run into someone she knows. It happens all the time. In fact, I wait for it. We ran into someone she used to work with at the mall when I took her shopping for clothes and we ran into old friends from high school at the theatre. She has quite a network.

S-I joint is still a little sore. I still have to be very careful how I move. I am going out of town on business for a week in two weeks and hope I am much improved. I'm already thinking how I need to pack light - and not because of the airlines but because of my own issues. Carrying my library books home from the library became an issue so a suitcase is beyond belief!

SU is doin not much as usual. I notice the garage is a whole lot cleaner than it has been in years. The girls tell me he keeps resurrecting his idea of turning the garage into a family room and knocking out a few walls. WhatEvEr.

I still go to and fro on the stay in the house leave the house I figure I'll wait til I do the pros and cons with the financial specialist. I've also applied for two jobs, both of which pay more than I currently earn, one substantially more. That might tip things too.

Thursday Thirteen.

13 phrases and words of wisdom.

1. We get too soon old, and too late smart! Quoted by my friend Arlene when we were Tweenies from something she saw as we lauighed. Now we get it!

2. Hitch your wagon to star and maybe you'll hit the moon.Ralph Waldo Emerson but I heard it was Mary Kay Ash. and yes.... I used to sell lipstick.

3. If you don't know something ask someone who does. There is never any shame in asking the question. My dad. He's right.

4. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.Davison, Potential Rhapsody

5. Out of sight. Out of mind. - never did find out who said this.... perhaps Davidson's wife?

6. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. -Margaret Wolfe Hungerford, in Molly Bawn

7. Deciding whom you'll marry is the most important decision you'll make. -Unknown NOW you tell me!

8. Everyone is allowed an occasional failure --except the skydiver, of course. -Unknown seriously!

9. Find one thing you do extremely well. -Unknown Scrapbook? talk a lot?

10.Loosen your girdle and let'er fly! Babe Didrikson Zaharias oh yeah... that feels good!

11.You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life Winston Churchill they're not enemies really, but they sure get annoyed when I show up! LOL

12.That which does not kill you makes you stronger.Neitzsche Neitzsche said that? no way!

13.You have to sit by the river a very long time before a roast duck will fly in your mouth. Guy Kawasaki. 'nuff said.

There's nothing left to say.

August 27,2007

August 27, 2006

Wordless Wednesday.

Pain you can't fix.

Haven't accomplished much this weekend. I had wanted to have a list of mediation books up for Friday, but the library didn't get them together for me. They're coming. AND Blondie needs a break today! It's up to me to get the blog running for the next few days or so! IF things don't look right - it's because my technical blogger person is dealing with her own life!

RJ seems to be asking for permission rather than just taking off these days - don't know what this all about. I'm happy she's thinking before acting..... but I am suspicious. Poor kid can't win.

Rebel Adult left her dog here with us. She and the BF took off Friday afternoon to buy a birthday present for some child and never returned. I called her and let her know we were not responsible for her dog - even if we love it!

I had plans to try and head out with friends on Saturday evening but the pain in my hip makes going out and doing stuff a pain frankly! I ended up back in the hot tub at another friend's instead. The hot tub helped in the short term but created an usual pain in another way.

This one - she is a drunken mess. She is a wino of the first order. She knows it. Her husband knows it. She is as kind as kind could be, but she hasn't bottomed out - yet! She is a talented smart woman - except for the drinking part.


Her husband has cried on my shoulder but hasn't done much to deal with his own issues. I read him the riot act last night and told him he had to get his butt down to a local Al-Anon meeting - and sooner rather than later because I wasn't going to listen to him tell me any longer how he

1. hasn't had a physical relationship with his wife in ten years
2. he can't make her eat food
3 he can't get her to go out with friends or have company at the house
4 have a relationship with their daughters


Same old same old. It's sad. She knows she's a drunk, but she's afraid to not be a drunk. He enable her by making wine - He says if he stopped and she bought her wine they'd be broke.

This is a woman who is at least 5 years younger than me. She smokes, she is diabetic, and she drinks. She weighs in at maybe 104 pounds and looks 10 years older than me. And the thing is.... she knows she's slowly killing herself and won't do a thing about it.

Thursday Thirteen.

13 things as bad or worse
than back pain-
in the style of Olympics -
degree of difficulty -
1-7 where one 1 is low and 7 is off the charts

1. migraine 7
2. other type of back pain besides SI inflammation 7
3. tooth pain 6
4. chewing glass 5
5. car being driven with hardly any oil in it thus the sounding of the tap tap tap would be explained pain - 3.5
6. kitchen in a mess pain 1
7. idiot boss pain - 1.5 - 7 depending on the day and the conversations.
8. daughter wanting to marry a man 10 years older than her who is earning less than 30K a year and has no education or training kind of pain - 1
9. hair needs colouring and can't get an appointment til Sept 2nd kind of pain - 0001 pain
10. no wine in the house kind of pain - 6.5
11. pic a minor irritant in life pain - anything - 2
12.teen age daugter pain 6.5
13. SU pain in the ass pain - 5

Wordless Wednesday.

A little pain a little love

I am in pain. I have inflammation of the sacro -iliac joint. It's not fun. it's not the first time either.

So I am taking prescription anti inflammatories, add in pain killers, use a tiger balm patch where it pains me, physio therapy and I am STILL in pain. Sleeping on my pillow top bed - terribly painful as I can't roll over. Was NOT impressed when I am sure about 20 minutes after I fell asleep last night, RebelTeen - the younger - woke me up with her shriek. Ordinarily I would get out of bed, take the stairs to the kitchen and tell her to take it down a thousand... however I was in a comfortable position - the only comfortable position- so I stayed put and calmed myself down and counted sheep instead.

Rebel Senior's dog stayed with us for the weekend. RebelTeen wanted to have her around, and I - who have never been a dog person - certainly enjoyed having this cute little critter around. He even slept on the floor of my room. My girls let the dog sleep on their beds. I draw the line. Even if he is cute. He doesn't even try that with me. When I got up both days - he went over to the RT's room and cuddled with her on her bed til he was ready for his morning walk. And me, being mom went back up and told RT to get out of bed as the dog needed a walk and to get outside. I figure not my dog- RT wanted him at the house she had to take him out. It was fun to watch!

SU has his brother staying with us. B-I-L had a cup of coffee at the dining room table. He left it there. Two days it sat. I finally went and handed it to the SU and suggested that if he could tidy up behind his daughter instead of teaching her to do it herself he'd better be doing the same with his older brother. The two of them have done nothing but play endless games of scrabble.
Oh! yes they did go to SU's young friend's for yet another party on the weekend. Even B-I-L noticed how young they were and how they all seemed to end up drunk by midnight! They didn't land up at home til nearly 5 AM. B-I-L didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with this either. I roll my eyes.

Must go find drugs. I feel a twinge.

A Lot of General Information.

Here are a couple of good sites. These are American. I'll do my Canadianization soon enough. I like these sites because they have a lot of general information that is critical and good for starting out if you're thinking about, or going through the separation or divorce process.

Womans Divorce - a thorough smattering of most EVERYTHING you might need to know about separation, divorce, trying to get back together, your emotions, finances, THE WORKS. Great place to start - whether you're in the US or Canada.
Womans Divorce

Divorce the Jerk. Pretty self explanatory - it's a commercial for a book but for those who are dealing with jerks the owner of the site and author of the companion book has done a ton of work to help those women who are dealing with jerks, chicken shits and RAMBS! Chrstine Rowe has done a great job. Not sure I'd want to spend the $50 or so for her book. I'm investigating whether or not libraries have it and whether you can get it in hard rather than soft copy. If you read it. Let me know.
Divorce the Jerk

The Modern Woman's Divorce Guide Similar to the first one. LOTS and LOTS of great information and helpful if you're overwhelmed and don't know where to start.
Modern Womans Divorce Guide

The Sassy Pink Peppers. For those women who are on the road to recovery from divorce and separation. This is a "club" that does require a $25 annual fee. I like this group though because they make it VERY clear - it's NOT about man bashing, or husband hating - it's about women moving on and forward and learning how to be happy and comfortable with who they are and having some support getting there. I haven't paid the fee, but I am considering it because I like the idea of traveling with a bunch of girls and having a great time. Just one of their many offerings. More about this bunch when I finally get around to shelling out the money to join.
Sassy Pink Peppers

Know a great site? Let me know and I'll get it up here.
yeah... I'm talkin as if there really are people out there who might actually read this blog! LOL Hey! maybe all those runners know people who might be interested.

Thursday Thirteen.

13 things in my purse.

1. an out of date investment statement belonging to SU
2. an out of date bank statement belonging to SU - found in RJ's bedroom ???
3. receipt from the consignment store to remind me to go get my money or buy some clothes
4. wallet
5. change purse
6. mini bottle of purel
7. two pens
8. little notebook
9. lip balm
10. two lip pencils - neutral and pink
11. two lipsticks - raisinberry and suede
12. lip gloss
13 combo- lipgloss/perfume stick

Wordless Wednesday.

The More Information I Have.

As much as I went on and on about not wanting to be labeled as divorced or hanging out with the other divorced people I have to admit, support is support. And the more information I have going into this process - the better I believe.

I started doing some research using my favourite search engine - Clusty- and found oodles of sites - most American - for support, information and assorted other bits including electronic books written by lawyers telling me that if I buy their specific book - my divorce will just go a whole lot easier.

They call these things vanity presses for reason - e-book or not. The professional information person and evaluator of all things reference - tells me to NOT pay for anything unless I see it first. AS IF I am going to down load a book or $30US before checking out the contents.

I have found a couple of interesting sites and will have to get them to my side bar when I have some time to play, given that Blonde is have more fun packing and moving these days! (-;

We have
divorce - women support- health, kids money and get better sex
divorce- men support including fathers
divorce - humour
divorce - financial - LOTS here
divorce - laws and legislation- endless
divorce - do it yourself - most in Texas! (what's that all about)
divorce - effect on children

Most of these sites are in a couple of categories only -

Lawyers and related types like mediators, collaborative law types - looking for clients
Women who like to gather, talk and look for support
Men /fathers - mostly angry and looking for fairness
Those who hate lawyers promoting *do it yourself and screw the lawyers* content.
And the smattering of miscellaneous others - Divorce Magazine- for example - trying to figure out how to make a buck from the misery.

So perhaps over the next while I will try and kick up who reads my blog (AS IF I could compete with those runners who seem to be ALL reading and commenting on each other's blogs) by reviewing, or at least providing Canadian context to the myriad of content in this field. May as well be constructive instead of whining, continuing to be angry, or going on and on about the SU.

And today - the paperwork went to the pension valuator. A mere cost of nearly $600 so I can find out how much of my pension the law believes I should share with the SU.

I Hit on a Dud.

I started filling out the various forms for the mediation sessions to start. I love the part where she asks - what do you anticipate the challenges to be during your mediation sessions? How about "an SU who believes he is always right and prefers to debate rather than mediate." And " SU is rude, condescending, and believes he is always right. I apparently don't have an informed opinion on most matters he believes are of interest." And I left it at that.

She sent a form that we are both to sign - and I decided I didn't like it - so I re wrote the form from all We and Us and changed to me and my and took out references to us all over the place and sent it back to her telling her - I have responded and agree and did it my way - he can do same. I don't feel the need to sign with him on this piece of paper as there is no longer a "we." Bitchy perhaps - and no lawyer likes a lay person amending their little forms but it's not a legal form it's an agreement and I agree just not in a we kind of way.

I have noticed that I seem to be hanging around with a lot of women who are divorced or separated. I can remember a friend from the Divorce Busting site who's walk away wife WAW- was part of a similar club. He had a name form them but I don't remember it. This concerns me a little as I really don't want to think of myself as a member of this particularly group. I really do want to keep seeing and hanging out with some of my married friends. I think it's a lot healthier and - I don't know - I am a tad uncomfortable being a part of this club. I have noted that the one friend I told doesn't have a right to a divorce - she has to do the work to end the marriage - hasn't called me lately. I don't think she expected to hear what I told her and figured we were both part of the club. What I am going to have to make clear is - this isn't a club of my choosing - but whatEvEr I am there. I did what I needed to do to not be in it, but it didn't go that way.

So perhaps I'll take out associate rather than full membership because the reality is - I hit on a dud of a partner and I don't hate all husbands and men, just the RAMBs who are not getting the role they took on. The club does provide me with a supportive place as I need it and I know I can be and do the same for others. But there are times when the men are nice to have around and other women's, and friends' husbands are nice guys who I do enjoy spending time with too.

Thursday Thirteen.

13 things I paid for yesterday!

1. gas- $1.18 a litre - avoided the $1.16 line ups!
2. dinner with the daughters and niece.
3. Sugar Mountain for the daughters and niece
4. topped up niece's purse purchase - she ran $5 short!
5. topped up Rebel's t-shirt purchase - she ran $4 short!
6. AM & 7 Noon Coffee - Tim's decaf large hazelnut shot double milk.
8. parking downtown.
9. glasses cleaning stuff.
10. scrapbook paper.
11. professional membership dues.
12. One Bootle BOONES Sangria.
13. One bottle - Santa Margarita Pinot Grigio.

Wordless Wednesday

Not my usual style - ever!

We were up at the crack of dawn today as it was Rebel's first speaking gig. She was giving her talk at a Rotary Club in the town next to ours. I was seriously impressed with her speaking and delivery skills. I am an advanced Toastmaster and I love giving presentations and speeches so watching this child of mine in action I couldn't help but revert to evaluation techniques that I've learned and use at TM meetings.

She talked about how she got sick, about what her life used to be like and what it is like now. She had a great message about organ donation for parents. Apparently - many many teens sign their donor cards on their driver's permits but if something happens, too many parents override these wishes. She had a great power point with pictures - and a great over all message. I did have the tears in my eyes when she talked about how her family stood by her. It was very well done. She has a few more gigs lined up over the Fall so will be interesting to watch as she polishes it up even more.

SU was at the gig this morning. Hard to tell what he thought. I hope he keeps it positive for the girl. Now that I think of it I may need to call her something other than *Rebel.*

I need a nap because getting up before 6 AM is

not my usual style - ever!

The girls were at the Back Street Boy concert with their cousin and a couple of good friends. Apparently the RebelJunior was texting through the entire concert and drove Rebel crazy.

RJ and her cousin left my kitchen in a mess last night before the concert. SU came in and started to clean up. I asked him '*what do you expect the girl to learn when you clean up after her all the time? Why do you do it?* It wasn't a rhetorical question, but he chose not to respond.

I roll my eyes.

coffee...

I need cofffee...

A few random thoughts today.

Took the day off work Friday to get into long weekend mode early. Monday is a holiday - though it is getting away from us. The holiday used to mean EVERYTHING was closed up tight. Now the poor folks in retail have to work. It's just wrong in the summer. We can live without groceries and stores being open for a day. Let every one who can enjoy a long weekend in the short summer time! Seriously!

Took Rebel's dog to the vet to get him checked out. The vet thinks he's between 5-10 years old. And Rudy - you called it. His teeth are a horrible mess. That could be the killer for us to have these cleaned, pulled and taken care of. BIG BUCKS! He also needs to be neutered but at his age, it will cost us. And how ironic - the Rebel's dog has a heart murmur! The vet started to explain about enlarged hearts and Rebel started to laugh - and said "ya know Doc- I got this one " and told him her story. The vet said his temperament is good but he has most definitely been neglected, and beaten by the way he initially behaved when we arrived. We took the little guy to PetSmart and he has a grooming appointment next week, a new leash and I am now $175.00 poorer and in over draft at the bank after that little mission.

RJ has gone into hurricane mode and my kitchen has the look of a Type 4 weather system going through. I have a green garbage bag at hand and once done breakfast - at the dining room table because there is no space at the kitchen table - am cutting a swath through here and pitching everything! I HAVE HAD IT with her lack of participation. Rebel walked in here yesterday and read her the riot act on her inability to do her share of at least not dumping where she walks. And the SU is no prize either. If it's not her mess - it's his. It's all gonna be pitched! I have no mercy! grrrrrrr

Went with a friend to see The Dark Knight last night. One of my favourite movies is A Knight's Tale - also starring Heath Ledger. The Dark Knight has similar themes. Such a talent was Heath Ledger. May he rest in peace- the poor guy. Fabulous movie. Long movie! What a story.

The friend I was with is also battling marital woes. I told her counselling is important. Both marital and individual. She's not sure it will matter at the point. My take is - you never know - you've been with this man over 25 years - they were together 7 years before marrying - they have four children from age of 15 to 8 - they owe it to their kids to work at it a bit. I explained the difference between "marriage" counsellors and "divorce" marriage counsellors. You really must work with a true marriage counsellor. And in the end you will either make it or break it. But you can tell your kids that you tried everything. The whole I just want to be "happy" bothers me. I challenged her and ask if she could be "happy" in her marriage and really - was she going to be guaranteed "happiness" if she divorced? It's not something any of her friends had asked her. (somewhere on the blog is the huge rant I did on "happiness.")

But here's the thing - People assume you have to leave. We had a lengthy discussion over margarita and corona cocktails- which I highly recommend. I expect this is another marriage that is done - but her spouse is at least willing to try counselling as she is as well. But I always say - do the work first. Children are owed this. And a good counsellor who forces you to really work at it - will tell you how you will fare.

In the meantime, I've sent my paperwork for the actuarial assessment of my pension, and having the analysis review with my financial divorce expert, and girding myself up for the battle.